52-F is for Trauma Family

  6/3/5/4353 M.A.C - Niwut- Late Morning

  "I'm glad you are feeling better, but take it easy for now."

  Khetep was worried by his son's attitude. Even when Doro had been stuck in bed, his eyes wrapped up, he had not let up with his training. If that had just been because his son was driven, that would have been fine, but Khetep suspected otherwise.

  Yeah...Blessed or not, he really takes after me.

  Khetep thought back to the darkest moment of his life and sighed. Old emotional scars still ached after all these years, his encounter with one of the Crows rubbing them raw and threatening to reopen them.

  Back then, throwing myself into work was the only way I could cope. It wasn't until a while after I met Suyum that the silence didn't fill itself with the screams of the dying...

  Khetep wasn't sure what the exact cause of his son's distress was, but the franticness with which Doro was working and his inability to sit still for more than a moment for fear of dark thoughts creeping in were things that Khetep readily recognized.

  Still, why is he making so many random coils, tubes, and rods?

  Khetep stepped away from his workspace to have a closer look at what Doro was doing.

  "I think you could use a break. Let's go to the kitchen and have a snack."

  Khetep put a hand on Doro's shoulder as he spoke, trying to get his son's attention.

  "Give me a couple more minutes, Dad. One more coil and my energy reserves should be tapped out. Please?"

  "Alright, but then you take a proper break. If not for yourself, for my paper reserves; if you keep going at this pace, you are going to empty my entire stock. What are all those calculations for anyway?"

  Doro looked up at his father and grinned.

  "Those? Don't worry; you'll become intimately acquainted with them in our next lesson. Simply put, I'm calculating the tensile strength, elasticity, and other properties of different alloys I made while in bed. I need to find the right ratios for the different components of what I'm building."

  Khetep looked down at the component Doro had manufactured with a puzzled expression.

  "I get the tubes and the rods, but why the coils? You made some out of steel, right? Those will quickly deform under stress with how thin you made them."

  "Don't worry, I made those with steel I alloyed with a metal I extracted from the black crystals I brought back last time. Here, pick one up and try pressing down on it."

  Khetep did as his son suggested and picked up one of the smallest coils. As he pressed on both ends with his thumb and index fingers, the coil offered a bit of resistance but ended up flattened between them.

  "See, I told you. It is much too thin to bear any significant load. I think this alloy might be a failure; it offered less resistance than a regular steel wire."

  "If you say so. Put it back down on the table, then, and don't worry about it."

  His tone and the little curve at the corner of his lips make me think I'm about to get played...

  As Khetep let off some of the pressure from between his fingers, expecting a crumpled piece of steel wire to drop, he was met with a surprise. Nothing dropped. As he looked at the space between his fingers, the coil had loosened, and both ends exerted enough pressure onto his fingers that it remained in place. Doro's smile grew wider as he noticed his father was on the right track.

  Khetep increased the space between his fingers, thinking that the coil would fall any moment, but to his surprise, his fingers were nearly as far apart as when he'd initially picked it up before it fell.

  "Yeah, this one was kind of a failure. It deformed a bit too much under load and didn't fully return to its original shape."

  Doro picked the coil back up and invested some energy into it, putting one of his newer Abilities to work. As if the coil remembered what shape it was supposed to be, it consumed a bit of the energy inside and slowly expanded back to its original shape.

  "That last bit with the energy is because of one of my Abilities, but the rest is its natural properties. This one seemed the right mix for this particular configuration. I call it Springsteel."

  Doro gave his father another spring and smiled with satisfaction as it bounced back into its original shape no matter how hard Khetep pressed down on it.

  Ok...but what if I do this?

  Khetep started pulling instead of pushing, increasing the distance between both ends and loosening the spring's coil until the tension made it look like a straight line, then let go. An evil grin appeared on his face as he looked down at the now much longer piece strip of steel.

  "Well, good job on finding one of its limitations so quickly. Ahh....I guess that's me stumped then-"

  Darn it! He's got another ace up his sleeve, doesn't he?

  Doro handed Khetep the coil he had just completed, but the metal felt different to Khetep this time.

  "Different Alloy?"

  "Yes, but no steel this time. This one is albium-based."

  Khetep pressed down on the new spring, and it bounced back to its shape as the previous one had. When he pulled on it, it again performed in a similar manner to the previous one and remained partially stretched out even after the tension was removed.

  "Uh...If it does better than the previous one, I am not seeing it."

  Doro laughed, grabbed the deformed spring from his father's hands, and walked up to his workspace.

  "Dad, could you light a candle for me?"

  A candle? The vent windows are not shuttered, and it's mid-morning... Damn it! Did he end up with some permanent eye damage after all?

  As Kheteps face began showing signs of worry, Doro appeared to pick up on his father's thought process and decided to reassure him.

  "Don't worry, my eyes are fine. I need a bit of heat, not the light."

  Khetep brought his firestriker to the candle's wick and squeezed down on the handle, causing a flint to come into contact with a steel edge, sending large sparks flying out and up as it scraped down.

  "Watch this! Again, no trickery. This is all just the natural properties of this alloy."

  Doro brought the end of the loosened spring closer to the flame as Khetep looked closely.

  What the...?

  Doro's hand kept moving forward, but the end of the coil didn't; its end remained less than an inch away from the flame and grew no closer. As he focused on the middle part of the spring rather than its end, Khetep noticed that as the strip approached the flame and the heat spread through it, it began to coil itself back into its previous shape.

  "This is called a shape memory alloy. If you heat it up, it will naturally return to its original shape."

  Khetep was impressed but could not come up with an application for this new property. In the case of spring steel, his mind was already coming up with potential uses, but the special feature of this titanium alloy left him mostly bemused.

  "Impressive trick, but what is the use? What are you going to make with it?"

  "With this? Just a set of tires for now."

  Doro stood up again and walked out of the room.

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  "You coming, Dad? You look like you need a break."

  Khetep stood in place, his mouth agape, as he stared at his son's back.

  Making tires out of bouncy metal coils!? What kind of vehicle is he making those for? Are we sure he didn't suffer any brain damage?

  ***

  "No, I'm fine, really. Well, ok, maybe not fine-fine, but I'll get along. Better worry about Sarima for now."

  "Are you sure? If you want to talk it out, I'm here."

  I don't want to saddle him with the baggage from my previous life. I wish Gallius had done a better job of sealing the memories of my last moments, I'd rather not remember how uselessly I struggled and failed at saving Meg.

  "It'll be alright, Dad; I'll work through it myself, at some point. I get that we arrived too late to have a chance of saving Sarima's father, but I went and got myself injured for nothing."

  Khetep straightened up, and his expression hardened.

  "You didn't do it for nothing. If you hadn't gone in, all Sarima would have left is a pile of ashes. Her father might never wake up, but at least you bought her time to process things and accept whatever happens. You garnered yourself quite the reputation in the area too. We had to turn away a few of the neighbors asking to see our 'heroic son' while you were still recovering. Most of those who visited have daughters not too far from you in age, now that I think about it."

  Khetep smiled at Doro and gave him a cheeky wink.

  "Don't joke like that; if Mom overhears you, she might start striking up a plan. I get what you are saying, but you misunderstood me somewhat. I don't regret going into the danger and helping out like I did. The issue is that I panicked and made a series of stupid decisions that nearly got me killed."

  Khetep raised an eyebrow but remained silent, waiting for his son to continue in his own time.

  "I panicked. I'm not sure if it was the heat, the smoke, the clock running down, or that a life was on the line, but I ran in like an idiot with my brain fixated on nothing else than getting Sarima's dad out of the building."

  "It was foolhardy, but you did make it, if not unscathed. No one would have expected more from you. What you did was already more than anyone would expect from someone your age."

  "You don't get it. In my previous life, or this one for that matter, I was never really strong. I always relied on information and logic to get me through challenges. When I came across a real life-threatening challenge, it was like my brain shut down partially and I started acting based on instinct. Why did I try to get him out in the first place? Because the room was on fire. Fire is a fucking chemical reaction!"

  Khetep's eyes widened as he finally understood what had been weighing on his son's mind.

  "You could have used your [Matter Isolation Field] and stopped the fire instead..."

  "Exactly! Instead of rushing in like a dumbass and putting my life in danger, if I had stopped to think for a moment, I could have gotten Sarima's father out of danger sooner and saved her home while I was at it, all without risking you losing your only son! I'm-I'm-I-m so sorry! I took his place and then-"

  Large tears started forming at the bottom of Doro's eyes before he could finish his last sentence. Going through the explanation had brought back the dark thoughts he had been trying to keep at bay with all his busy work, and the unprocessed guilt he still carried over his reincarnation had peeked its head again.

  Khetep stood up and walked over to his son, grabbing him in the tightest of hugs while reassuringly rubbing his back.

  "Hush now, none of that. You are my son, Doro, Ben, or whatever name you may end up going by in the future. I have an inkling of how you were in your previous life since you regained the memories, but 'you' are my son. You are the soul that Suyum and I brought into this world and cared for. You didn't take our son's place, you are and always have been our Son! And I don't care that you have memories of being a young man, in this life you are still a child. This was your first encounter with a life-or-death situation. Sure, with hindsight, you could have done things better, but you carried yourself honorably and never gave up. That is worth praise, not condemnation. Many others would have frozen, run away, or even soiled themselves on the spot. Just in case you need to hear it, I love you, and I am extremely proud of you, my son!"

  Doro let the words wash over him, a wave of fresh water carrying all the murk and scum away with it. He'd been putting on a brave face, but now he let himself heal as he sobbed in his father's embrace. The memories from the end of his first life were pushed away, the nightmarish fever dreams and grotesque oxygen deprivation hallucinations fading away like the bad dreams they were, and Doro felt at peace for the first time since he remembered his life as Ben over two decans prior.

  ***

  "At least he doesn't seem to be in pain, for what that is worth."

  Suyum and Sarima walked down the streets of the industrial district as they returned from a visit to the clinic. Sarima kept her head down as she followed behind Suyum, barely reacting to anything around her. Her head was so filled with jumbled thoughts and emotions that all she could do was put one foot in front of the other.

  I don't want Dad to die...but if he does...everything that I've lost so far...

  Sarima's emotions were in turmoil. Although she appeared a well-adjusted young lady, quick to give a smile and a joke, the last few years had really taken their toll on her mental health.

  First, the death of her mother. It had robbed her of more than just a maternal figure; it had turned her father into a shell of himself and caused a rift between him and her brother. The crack in Sarima's heart had formed then. Then, Addat ran away. Losing her brother, who had also been her closest friend, despite their differing personalities, overnight and without warning had caused the crack in her heart to grow more profound, smaller fissures spreading from it along its surface.

  Then along came Doro. Although the boy was awkward and took himself too seriously, his genuine offer of friendship and how wholeheartedly he had made a place for her in his life had truly touched her. In fewer than two decans, he and his family had acted like glue and started filling the cracks in her heart. She loved her father, even the shadow of himself he had become, but her time at Doro's house quickly became her emotional support and the highlight of her days.

  In truth, Sarima wasn't struggling with the sadness of potentially losing her father, as she had already mourned the man he used to be. This development felt more like a betrayal. She had stayed strong and done her best to take care of him, even after her brother had gone and left her to deal with him on her own, but instead of getting better, he'd drifted further away from being the man Sarima wanted to remember with each passing day. Despite her best efforts, he had let himself sink deeper into his depression and his bottles, forcing more responsibilities on the already overwhelmed and grief-stricken young girl.

  It was hard for her to reconcile her feelings. He was the last remnant of the happy family that lived in her memories, but his slow descent into alcohol-fueled depression threatened to carry her into the same waters; her love for him was a shackle that had forced her down beneath the surface alongside him; it was just a matter of time until both drowned.

  Her father's accident had released the shackles, and Doro's outstretched hand helped her back up to the surface to catch a breath. Now, she was wading in the cold and dark waters, Doro and his family calling out to her from the shore. As she approached the shore in search of safety and shelter, the faces of Doro and his family shifted into those of her mother, brother, and father. A wave hit her from behind, threatening to push her under, the guilt at leaving her father to sink to the depths by his lonesome.

  It was not her fault! It was not her responsibility! She had done all she could, but he hadn't! He'd been content to take her down with him. Now that the chain had been severed and safety was within her grasp, was it so wrong of her to seek it?

  Sarima's guilt worsened as, once again, a morbid thought entered her mind.

  Maybe it would be for the best if he didn't wake up.

  Sarima missed a step and stumbled forward, but Suyum grabbed her arm before she could fall all the way down to the ground.

  "Are you okay? You didn't hurt your foot, did you? We're nearly home, but I can carry you if you want."

  Suyum couched down and inspected Sarima's ankles.

  Don't! Stop being so nice! I don't deserve it! I'm a horrible person who wished her own father dead!

  "No, thank you. I can walk."

  If they find out how weak and selfish I am, they won't want to take me into their family anymore...

  Back when Doro had still been recovering, taking care of him had felt like salvation from her guilt, giving her an excuse to avoid visiting her father. But now that he was back in shape, the survivor's guilt still hadn't faded. The sad truth was that the only person who put any blame on her was herself. She had worked so hard to keep her family together, but she thought she had failed them. She hadn't managed to take her mother's place in the family. Although she had failed them, she was the one who got to start over in a happy new family. How was that fair?

  If only I was as strong and smart as Doro, maybe I would have been able to fix things...

  The pair arrived at their home and saw Khetep in the middle of comforting a crying Doro in the kitchen.

  "What happened there? Let me in on it!"

  Suyum approached the pair and grabbed them in a wide hug.

  If only we'd supported each other like they do! Why did you have to give up on Dad, Addat. Why couldn't Dad pay more attention to us and less to his memories and drinks? Why was I the only one trying to pick up the pieces?

  The sadness and anger must have pierced through Sarima's mask as Suyum looked back at her with a frown. Suyum lifted one of her well-toned arms and motioned to Sarima.

  "Come in here, what are you waitin' for? You look like you could really use a hug, and there is a spot here just for you."

  Sarima's mask came off as tears and snot started pouring out of her as if a damn had burst. Sarima ran towards the welcoming spot and launched herself into the hug. Khetep flinched, no doubt memories of the "Sarima Punch" flashing through his mind, but he calmed himself and wrapped one of his arms around her as she settled in her spot.

  If even Doro can let himself go and get comforted like this, why shouldn't I?

  Khetep and Suyum kept the crying children in a calming hug until the sobs turned into occasional sniffles and then into a serene silence.

  GRWLHGRRRWGL

  Suyum's stomach let out a loud rumble, and she gave the others a guilty smile.

  "Not blamin' anyone, but if we keep huggin' then no one is makin' lunch."

  "Pfttt! Come on Suyum, really?"

  "Way to change the subject, Mom!"

  Doro wiped his last tear away with his sleeve as the group hug broke off, but Sarima's expression must have given away that she was still struggling because he approached her and gave her a pat on the head.

  "Take it from me; Don't try to act tough. We're here for you if you need to talk or if you just need to cry. It feels a lot better after."

  Doro turned around to go and help with the cooking, but Sarima grabbed him into a hug from behind.

  "Are you really okay with becoming my new brother and sharing your parents with me? Even if I failed at keeping my last family together?"

  "You failed? It wasn't your job. Also, your father is only alive because you brought me home with you. I may have been the one who went in, but you also did all you could to save his life. If you had given up on him as your brother did, he would have surely died by himself. As far as joining our family, my parents want more kids, and I already pretty much see you as my little sister and me as your replacement brother. My parents already like you enough that Mom tried to set us up, so as far as we are concerned, you are already part of our family. The adoption papers are really just a formality at this point. That is, unless you don't want to."

  "Well said, son! He is right, even if your father goes through a miraculous recovery, feel free to consider us your second family. I have one condition though."

  "Oy, that ain't what we discussed! What kind of condition are you plannin' on saddlin' the poor girl with? We agreed that if we took her in, we would treat her as if she were our own."

  "Yeah Dad, what gives?"

  Khetep visibly crumbled under his wife and son's angry glares, but Sarima's scared expression made him explain himself quickly.

  "Don't look at me like that. My condition was just sealing away the 'Sarima Punch'. I swear one went up when the punch landed, and it hasn't come back down yet."

  Doro and Suyum's anger made way to mirth as they they started teasing Khetep for his bad timing. Sarima, on the other hand, grew bright red and crouched behind Doro to hide her embarrassment.

  "See what you did, honey? She's gone nearly as red as the Captain. Ladies are delicate flowers, mentionin' these sorts of things in front of us is a little..."

  Khetep and Doro seemed impressed by Suyum's composure as she spouted words she would never live by.

  "Miss Suyum, if you are trying to be ladylike because you are my new mother, it is a bit too late. I've heard you shout the word 'bollocks' many times already."

  Suyum put on an exaggerated wince of pain at Sarima's words as Khetep and Doro giggled away.

  "Well, It's true. You are always using naughty words, Mom. You could out-swear a sailor."

  Suyum's eyes never left Sarima as she started scratching insider her ear with her little finger.

  "Nah that's fine. I just thought I heard somethin' that made me sad. I could have sworn Sarima called me Miss Suyum, but she wouldn't do that, would she?"

  Wait, that was the issue?

  "Sorry, you are right, if I'm going to join this family, I should call you mo-"

  The word got caught inside of Sarima's throat and wouldn't come out. As she tried to sound out the word "Mom", images of her deceased mother flashed at the forefront of Sarima's mind.

  "Actually, can I call you 'Mother'? Mom was what I called my first mother so it feels a bit..."

  Suyum pulled a face, and Sarima thought she had offended her, until she heard her response.

  "Mother? Oh lords please no, that brings back memories I'd rather keep supressin'. How about "Mommy" instead?"

  The dubious stare all three other family members shot Suyum's way made her reconsider

  "Alright, maybe not "Mommy". We'll come up with something we can both live with."