{Gentlemen, we do not stop ‘til nightfall.}

  The four raccoons in forest-green cloaks pause their movements, midway through unloading the heavy packs bound to their horse.

  {What about breakfast?}

  {We’ve already had it.}

  {We’ve had one, yes. What about second breakfast?}

  Three raccoons in a trench coat turn and walk away.

  {I don’t think he knows about second breakfast, Chip.}

  {What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn’t he?}

  {I wouldn’t cou-}

  Three racoons in a trench coat pause, their coat squirming with motion before a flood of apples tumbles to the floor as they turn back to address their charges.

  {Well, a little snack break couldn’t hurt.}

  --A scene from Lord of the Raccoons: The Fellowship of the Buckle, P.A.W: channel #02.

  I jab the two syringes that Cyon spawns in front of me into my chest. One passes through a hole Sim creates, letting me get a does of regenerative goodness, and the other sinks into them, dumping out a thick black goop that adds to their mass.

  The extra material gathers around my forearms, forming raised bracers, so I point one up towards the central trunk of the hive. Without any input on my behalf, a flood of goop shoots out, thinning down to the width of a few fingers and sticking to the pillar of plant matter.

  I tug on the whip and kick off the root below my feet, shooting up into the air. I switch my R.A.B.I.E.S back to producing the new strain of DogEater and fill my claws before slinging the whip from my other hand towards the Model Thirteen spawn pods.

  It sticks and starts to retract as I disconnect the other, landing against the tree trunk where the whip was stuck and running up it vertically. I arrive between the pods as one of them splits, letting out a tentacle coated in sticky green sludge that wraps itself around the trunk.

  My free hand lashes out, raking my claws against the exposed flesh, and I kick sideways at the same time, punching a small hole in the prior-unbroken spawn point.

  ‘Grenade!’ I soundlessly request from Cyon, catching the orb with vertical lines splitting it into segments that pops out of an illusory black portal and tossing it through the hole I made.

  I disconnect the whip holding me up and start to fall with my back towards the ground, watching one oversized squid angrily rip its pod to shreds while trying to find me. Unfortunately, my falling vantage point gives me a clear view of my grenade flying back out of the second pod before it bursts, shooting thin, spinning blades of bacteria-coated metal at both of the eldritch plants.

  My grin only widens as the two enraged squids block most of the damage with their many limbs before turning their beady eyes down towards me.

  ‘Can they see through my invisibility?’

  I ask Cyon while reaching into my pockets and throwing out several knives that the plants easily deflect, moving fast enough that their tentacles are hard to follow even with my Zoomies.

  Your current stealth technology is only Class I, so it’s not a surprise. Each Model Thirteen has several viewpoints to compare against, making it easier for them to spot the imperfections in Sim’s organic camouflage.

  “Huh.”

  They immediately launch themselves off the tree to follow my voice, separating to form a net of writhing tentacles between their six bodies.

  Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

  Man, that’s gotta be confusing.

  I disable my stealth to conserve energy and sling one of my whips onto the tree before I hit the ground, using my momentum to swing and fling myself towards one of the far walls. I sail through the air, glancing back over my shoulder and seeing the tentacled mass hit the ground before shooting after me, using their long limbs like springs.

  They knock several of their own allies aside as they chase me, turning some of them to pulp in the process of closing the gap between us quickly.

  “Grenade please!” I shout with a giggle, mixing some coating compound and DogEater in my R.A.B.I.E.S before letting it leak from my fangs.

  I hit the wall and spit on the head-sized cylinder of metal that Cyon teleports in, sticking it to the wall and scrambling up a few metres before one of the squids lands against it.

  Instantly, the tentacles that cushion its landing burst into flames.

  “Hahaha!” I laugh with glee, shooting one of my whips towards the roof of the infected chamber and pulling myself away quickly.

  Despite my focus on my toys, I head in the opposite direction of my siblings to keep them away from the big beasties as I swing across the roof.

  This is my fu- I mean, this is too dangerous for them. Yep!

  The burning plant manages to put out the fire by beating its tentacles against the wall before joining the rest of its bodies in pursuing me, now down a few limbs that were too close to the bomb. I pull in my whips as I move, rising up towards the roof before activating my stealth again and throwing myself between a cluster of writhing plants.

  The idiots don’t learn and fly straight towards my landing point, so I scramble towards them instead of away, slipping between a few Fours to use their bodies as cover as another grenade goes off behind me. My movement doesn’t go unnoticed by the squishy fishies I brush past though, and several of them lash out with their smaller, slower tentacles.

  I absorb a few of the weaker hits, letting them knock me down toward the ground after the falling Thirteen torso that unluckily hit my little present. I break my fall with a roll and slide under the squirming plant trying to put out the fire clinging to its skin.

  I reach up and rip through my toy’s flesh, biting off a few large chunks before rolling away again as it tries to drop its weight on top of me.

  I leave two more grenades beneath it, without even needing to ask for them, before shooting a whip towards the closest wall to climb back up to the roof. As I hit the vertical surface though, the two bodies connected to the one I brutalised on the ground catch up to me, landing above and below me and trapping me between their linked limbs.

  “Something, something, you’re locked in here with me?” I mutter, keeping my stealth enabled to hinder their aim and tilting my head with a twitch of my ears, letting a lightning-fast tentacle slip past and brush against my cheek.

  My head turns and my teeth sink into the limb. As it’s pulled back, I’m thrown towards its owner, letting go and twisting midair to avoid two more attacks before sticking out my claws to drive through my target.

  Unfortunately, the other squid catches up and throws a wall of limbs between me and its brethren. I tear one of the exposed tentacles clean off and swing my tail at the others, scattering a sticky mist of bacteria and enzymes that clings to their flesh and slowly starts to eat through them.

  More limbs cut through the air towards me, drawing so many different trajectories I’d have trouble tracking them all if I weren’t relying purely on instinct. Every time one of the fast-moving limbs approaches, I feel the brush of the wind against my ears and wagging swaying tail and move to avoid them, letting a few of them land on non-vital spots and gaining me several bruises and even a few gashes across my arms and sides.

  I rip and tear at the chaotic tentacles, splattering green plant blood across myself and the wall until a gap appears in the formation of flesh. Sim stops sticking my feet to the wall, and I let two blunt tentacles strike my spine just above my tail, only grinning wider when something back there painfully cracks.

  The force of the blows knocks me down, straight into the unsuspecting squid’s body below me elbow first. I grab hold of the plant, sinking my claws deep into its eyes and peeling its face apart before its last remaining body can even react.

  We tumble to the ground together, pulling the body that was blocking my path to the ceiling with us, and land on a birthing pod with a thud. I scramble away before the linked body lands, shooting a whip towards the roof and scaling the wall as I go.

  The Model Thirteen with all its bodies intact immediately gives chase, but most of its tentacles are covered in gashes and blood, slowing its advance considerably. I reach the roof before it reaches me and swing out into the open again.

  The final body of the other Cthulhu spawn rips itself free from its fallen pieces and joins the chase as well, but neither of the beasties can catch me as I swing wildly across the roof with my stealth disabled, humming a tune.

  “Spider-Racc, Spider-Racc,” I drop several grenades in my wake, giggling with glee as the dumb plants follow me straight through them. “Does whatever a raccoon can.”

  I don’t think you should be singing that…

  I turn a completely deaf ear to Cyon’s warning.

  Who’s gonna complain about me breaching copyright down here?!

  It doesn’t take long for the big squids on my tail to succumb to their injuries and drop out of the chase, crushing dozens of weaker Models beneath them as they fall limp to the ground. I kill my momentum and dangle from one of my whips as the last body drops, gazing down at my dead toys with a touch of disappointment as my tail stills.

  Well then, Miss Spider-Racc, I suggest you swing over to the hole and make your purchases before you-

  She cuts off her playful quip as an incoming call from Gwen pings in the corner of my augs, barking with laughter when my tail kicks back into motion again.