I read books, draw, write, study and learn whatever catches my interest.

  I climb, play sports, engage in casual chess matches.

  I even drank, fucked and drugged myself to the point I felt like I couldn’t leave such stuff behind, that I had become dependent on them.

  Yet, none of those fill awesome anymore, none of it makes me feel alive anymore.

  I am not even brave enough to take my own life, how much bigger of a coward can I be? I don’t think I can reach at any lower point than how I currently feel.

  These hands that dirty others and disgust me.

  This face that will deceive anyone including itself.

  Why should I keep on living when all I do is breaking the humans that love me.

  Why should I stop lowering myself on the food chain so much?

  Am I victim? Of what? I am no victim, I never had bad stuff happen to me.

  I never had a shitty life, I was blessed with everything. Good parents, awesome siblings, decent life away from poverty. Such a hipocrite, ain’t I? Indulging in pleasures to later regret them, digging my own grave through my own will while deceiving to others as it being accidental, or me being childish.

  I am childish. A future that was meant to be great, a potential as if for a divinity, all wasted on a creature called “me”.

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  Whose future have I stolen?

  Whose body have I stolen?

  Was I even born from them? From such awesome parents, from such awesome humans?

  A monster like me?

  All I can do is to isolate myself from them, from their lives and their love.

  As long as I keep on waling my mind will keep falling down to the knees. Collapsing of an inexplicable feeling of protest and inferiority.

  Whose mind have I stolen to break it apart.

  Whose heart have I stolen to love beings above myself.

  Whose hands have I stolen to dirty them.

  Whose mouth have I stolen to sput out lies from it.

  Whose legs have I stolen to bring him to his knees.

  Whose dick have I stolen to pleasure myself without meaning.

  Whose eyes have I stolen to take away his view onto this world.

  And whose body have I stolen to destroy it at this moment?

  I will keep on running, I feel like I have to do it to push myself away from the very thoughts that poison me.

  The more I think the more I destroy.

  The more I touch the more I want to remove my very own tactile senses.

  I am not human and will never be.

  My mind is filled with thoughts and reasons that make me unworthy to be human.

  I can’t keep living like a human.

  I can’t keep staining them with my presence.

  I will rescue them.

  From myself.

  And such I grab essentials to run away from home, like a teenager mad on their family. The school backpack will do it’s job to carry my stuff. I have none to greet so I will just leave straight away. With my phone, a downloaded map on it, a charging block and cable.

  Besides that I brought in with me a few lighters, a flashlight and spare batteries, canned food and water. A knife and clothes, headphones at full battery with music downloaded and a train to catch. I bought a one way ticket to the furthest north station and keep it ready.

  I have a bunch of hours before I am deemed as missing. The more I look at my face the more I want to remove this identity of me. But for now, all I can do is move forwards as far as I can.

  I listen to my favorite songs as much as I can before my headphones die. Though, trains have plugs so I ended up charging both my headphones and my phone to 100%.

  I get off at the destined last station and cover myself with a cap and a mask. I want to avoid mirrors, windows, anything that will make me look at myself.

  Before I keep going I had one last thing to do, I need to change my face because what it is as it is now, all I can say is that I am deeply rotten, and this face, isn’t doing anything to show that.