"What the duck shit is that thing?" asked Marley, staring at a very vividly white ship with a strange logo on the side.

  "It's a Gigolo bus!" beamed Lawg.

  "Like a man-whore transportation device?" he asked.

  "No, that's something totally different. A Gigolo is a groupie that follows this ancient Earth band, Clown Posey."

  "That can't be accurate, Lawg. I'm no historian, but that has to be one of your mistakes. You'd have to be touched in the head to name your band after both clowns and flowers. And the logo is so badly worn it could say practically anything. All I can make out is FAMILY VAN. Lamest name ever. Regardless of the history, why are we looking at a tour bus?"

  "Because it's a piece of history." Lawg smiled.

  "Oh it's a piece of something, I'll give you that. You didn’t pay money for this did you?" asked Marley.

  "Practically nothing, the scrap yard almost gave it away…now the labor cost on the other hand, was a little high." he said hesitantly.

  "Labor…good grief you are not fixing it up to fly. Please tell me you didn’t sell the Taste-E-Chill to fix up this tour bus." Marley said looking alarmed.

  "Of course not. Sell the Taste-E? That's Hennessey!" he scoffed.

  "No that would be Heresy, and where did you get the money, and where is the Taste-E?" Marley asked.

  "So remember the bobble heads? They sold for 9,600 Credz."

  "Holy crap, Lawg. So we have 2 ships now? I mean that's a great sale, especially for someone like you…so special. But we can't crew 2 ships."

  "And that's the best part. We don’t have to. Introducing…The Sneaky Bastard" he said whipping around and holding out his arms to reveal the same ship that Marley was already looking at.

  "You already showed me the bus, dipshit…what's the surprise?"

  "Oh right, follow me." he corrected, leading him to the rear entrance. They stepped inside and Marley rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

  "You moved all the crap from the Taste-E into the…we seriously calling it the Sneaky Bastard?" he asked. "Family Van" was almost better."

  "Yes we are…and no I didn’t, and no it's not! The bus was basically garbage."

  "Hence the whole 'you bought it' part." Marley sighed.

  "Exactly. I couldn’t part with the Taste-E, but it was on its last leg. Needed new plating, structural supports were termite infested."

  "You gotta use Vacuum rated lumber, dude. I know it's 3 bucks more a board but you save money in time when you don’t have to repair it as often… or die." Marley noted, looking around at the familiarity.

  "I know, I know. Irregardlessly, the ship was unsound and about to burst open at the slightest thump, but the internal systems worked and it felt like home." Lawg said.

  "I see where this is going. You just gutted the tour bus and parked the Taste-E inside. Used the hull and the boosters and pretty much used the bus as a body kit. My question is why…why a bus? Why not spend that money and the labor cost jamming it in there when you could have just had the Taste-E rebuilt?" he asked Lawg.

  "Glad you asked. Not only is this a priceless piece of-"

  "Garbage." Marley finished.

  "No." Lawg corrected.

  "Excrement?"

  "History…but it's also armored like crazy." Lawg bragged.

  "Armored?" Marley asked dumbfounded. "Who armors a tour bus? Where they that famous?" he asked.

  "No, but apparently they just really annoyed people. Just truly horrible music. Every single one of them was murdered one by one, so they just kept reinforcing the tour busses. It's basically an impenetrable car garage for a ship…except it's propelled by the ship." he smiled happily.

  "Still can't believe you got it welded up and stable…who did the work?"

  "Mechanic on Beta Theta Phi."

  "The Frat planet with the telepaths?"

  "Yep." he said handing him the tablet with the work receipts.

  "Connie Spartan. Woof, that is one ugly woman. How did you convince her to give you that good of a price?" Marley asked. Log blinked silently.

  "I have seen things, we won't speak of these things. Anyway here is the new cargo bay." He diverted.

  "You cut the top off to fit in the bus…at least we don’t have a canvas sunroof anymore.

  "Oh it's still there, it's just has an outer hull over it now. Nice thick polymer window glass." he said admiring the old umbrella roof.

  "Pretty convenient that it just happens to be the same size as the ship and just enough larger to slip over it like a glove." Marley noted.

  "Super convenient, unbelievable odds, really. It's highly unrealistic how well it fits, but here it is." Lawg said scrolling through the repairs.

  "We are going to do a new paint job though, right?" he asked.

  "I almost finished the paint job." Lawg said looking confused.

  "What paint did you use?" Marley asked, almost scolding.

  "The right kind. Lawg insisted.

  "Quadrutanium?" Marley asked crossing his arms with skepticism.

  "Y…yea." Lawg bluffed.

  "You didn’t use that shaker can stuff, did you?"

  "Of course not. These cans were already here." he lied.

  "Alright, it's not my problem." he shrugged.

  "But just out of curiosity, because I love learning new things and whatnot…why is Quadrutanium paint so important?" Lawg asked.

  "It's more durable. Regular shaker can enamel doesn’t handle the rigors of space very well. Just gonna be re-painting a lot to cover the scuffs and burns is all. But you used the right stuff apparently so it should hold up forever." he said slightly smirking.

  "Exactly…" he bluffed as they boarded the ship to start take-off procedures and go get Duffy from her 3 day vacation on Horizon 4.

  The bay door opened and Duffy strolled to the docking clamps, stopping and looking around for the Taste-E. She walked right past the Sneaky Bastard and paused for a moment.

  "Late as usual, should have guessed." she shrugged as she continued looking for the old pink ship. Her com phone bleeped.

  "Welcome back Duffy, climb aboard the ship." chuckled Lawg.

  "Please tell me the surprise is that the Taste-E-Chill now has functional invisibility cloaking and bedrooms?" she asked feeling skeptical. "And a hot, shirtless skinny robot butler."

  "Even better." he giggled like a schoolgirl, honking the horn. Some kind of horrible rap-like noise echoed from the subwoofers of the nearby shiny silver ship.

  "We got a new ship?" she asked excitedly. She rushed to the doors and passed through an airlock that was new and polished on outside, Taste-E pink on the inside and transitioned with sheet metal and tape. She stepped into the normal looking Taste-E-Chill B-deck and stood lost and confused. She even felt the slight sag of the cardboard floors under her feet where the water damage had accumulated.

  "It finally happened." she said looking terrified. "All that radiation gave me a brain tumor and it's started pressing against something important." she said rubbing her eyes.

  "All aboard the Sneaky Bastard!" Lawg hollered excitedly.

  "Lawg, what have you done?" she asked in disbelief.

  "I heard you liked ships, so I put a ship in a ship!" he grinned.

  "We already had a shuttle pod inside another larger shuttle pod welded to the old ship. So you put 2 ships in a ship, one that already contains a ship. This is madness" she said as Lawg's brain started to hurt. She rubbed her eyes again.

  "It's like that old Earth show where that Pimp Mechanic finds out people like things so they put things in things for them and make their ride better!" he smiled.

  "How is this better? It's just more things in things. Adding more things inside the same thing does make it inherently better!" she argued.

  "Sure it does…a ship in a ship has twice the air seals, twice the hull armor, twice as many thrusters and fuel tanks." he listed

  "Twice the weight, twice the fuses to replace, half the mileage and half the top speed." she listed.

  "You mathed wrong Duffalo, we're doubleing everything so that's twice the weight and fuses, but also twice the speed and double the mileage. Its two ships, Duffy.

  "That's not how math works. Are you seriously claiming you understand math better than me…or literally anyone?" she asked.

  "No." he admitted like a sad child, looking sad.

  "This is a mess. It would take at least 1 extra crewman just to clean it and keep track of the spliced systems."

  "Then we just got lucky, because we have also doubled the crew."

  "Lawg, you hired 3 extra people? We can't even afford to get the robot out of pawn, let alone hire new people."

  "Firstly I hired 2 extra people. Double the crew is 4. Captain doesn’t count. You can't double the Captain, that's just mayhem. You can't even follow orders from one of me. Gotta draw the line somewhere Duff."

  "That's still a reduction in payment if we divide it among more people."

  "Twice the ships means twice the cargo, so it evens out. How do you think huge ships can afford to have more crew, Duffy?"

  "Because they have more cargo space and better systems. We have the same cargo bay as before it's just covered by another hull. It's better protected now but it's not actually bigger." she explained.

  "We can cram stuff between the hulls." he shrugged

  "You can't access the space to fill it. The crawlspace doors are barely big enough for Marley. If the cargo was sand or liquid then we may have an extra 20 percent cargo space. Who the hell did you even hire that would want to go with us losers?" she asked.

  "I made an online dating profile. Apparently there are lots of starship-groupers. People will sign up for anything given enough propaganda. It’s a big universe and sadistically speaking, there had to be at least 5. Obviously I eliminated the guys and chose based on profile pics." he deduced.

  "So you hired eye-candy." she sighed.

  "That's Offensive, Duffy. They are people…I mean they're aliens so maybe they aren't people, I don’t know the political correctness. And no I didn’t just pick the cutest ones…I narrowed it down to 2 positions we needed and who was best qualified…and then I picked 1 of those based on cuteness, the other for better reasons. Cuteness was secondary, Duff, I thought you'd be proud of me. See this one?" he said holding up a tablet with a gorgeous blonde. "I eliminated her because she has no experience in space and she has no job skills. And this one has a criminal record for murder, still super hot, I didn’t pick her either."

  "Okay I get it, you put function before horniness…just barely, but it's an improvement. So what did we get?"

  "I decided we needed a tactical advisor or security to make sure I don’t get the ship stolen, someone who could fly a ship and interface, someone who knew more languages than just English and Spanish, and obviously desperation was a plus. I narrowed it to these two."

  Lawg strutted back and forth as the two new chicks stood for examination and introductions.

  "Alright ladies, Congratulations, you are the new recruits and this is the new ship. I am your Captain, Commodor or Admiral Captain William T Lawg of the SS Tast-E-Chill inside of the new SS Sneaky Bastard. You are here because you are the best of the best of the only two remotely descent enough chicks who replied to the job listing that I could stand looking at…mostly you. For the first 2 weeks you will be considered probational interns." A green hand raised as the 5 foot nothing olive-drab chick smiled. She bared her oddly silver teeth like a person who had never smiled before and was overcompensating after a few hours practice in a mirror. "Green chick, you have a question?" he asked.

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  "Bellybutton!" she yelled. The other filled in the explanation.

  "Exploration and tactical specialist Defiant Ohmarez Menace of Left Circle." Said her friend as green chick smiled the same eerily serial-killer smile.

  "The what now?" He blinked. Duffy sighed and discreetly stepped in.

  "That's a Fogrey name. She graduated from Fogrey academy. The Fogrey have a very complicated system of naming based on their mother's full name, a given title, an earned nickname and a chosen descriptive additive. She would go my "Menace" for short unless you chose a new nickname for her." Duffy explained "Please don’t." she added.

  "They let the Captain choose their name?" he asked.

  "If you wish to, as the highest ranking elder of the home…in this case the ship and crew, you have the right to change its name to a chosen one.

  "Fogrey arent green, are they?" Lawg asked Duffy.

  "Well obviously she's not native, but she has a diploma from there. I admit it's slightly sketchy, but it checks out."

  "And I get to name her." He nodded.

  "Please just use Menace, that was it's Academy nickname. They take their names very emotionally and you suck at naming anything." she pleaded.

  "Do not. I came up with the Sneaky Bastard." he argued.

  "That's exactly my point. Any name you choose, it will have to use from this point on until leaving this crew and they regard names with a very sentimental value."

  "You keep saying IT instead of HER…" He whispered.

  "That's because they have 5 genders on Fogrey and I have no idea how touchy they are about the details or which one it, or she is. The medical paper is marked with a question mark. So even they don’t know."

  "You mean she's not a chick?" Lawg whispered discreetly.

  "I don’t know, I didn’t lift the tail!" Duffy snipped sarcastically.

  "She looks like a chick…or is that just me?" he muttered, now unsure. The green crewman just stood there still smiling that toothy grin with eyes as wide they could go.

  "Well it's a woman's wig on its head and the petite figure probably just triggered your lady-radar. It could be female, or something close, I don’t know." Duffy muttered.

  "Is she on something? Drugs?" he added. "Or just angry and hungry?"

  "Wait a second…" Duffy said looking at the profile pic. "Lawg…tell me you didn’t hire Menace for the reason I think you did." she scolded.

  "What? I thought she, hopefully a she, had good qualifications." he shrugged looking guilty.

  "Dropped out of academy, hit and miss scores and behavioral misconduct. Only scored high in flight-school where it got a GED. Oh my, what flying colors she seems to have not passed with. So with terrible credentials and the fact that you can't even definitively tell if it’s a female, your motives seem to be rather vague…explain." Duffy said crossing her arms. Lawg blinked rapidly. Menace crossed her arms too.

  "… I believe in second chances?" he said softly. She raised her hand to hit him and he winced, spilling the real motives. "Okay, I believe in second hot-tubs." he admitted.

  "What does that mean?" she said retracting her wallop.

  "As part of an unidentified species, questionables have federally observed rights, namely amphibious personal quarters. By officially hiring one, the Federal Empire not only provides but pays for an emergency floatation pod." he said scrolling his tablet to what appeared to be a really fancy hot-tub. "but also this Digital temperature control, gravity buffer, self cleaning filtration system." he smiled.

  "So you hired a second government paid hot-tub that comes with an extra crewman?" she sighed rubbing her temples to remove the urge to hit him again.

  "I believe in equality and redundancy, and also equality."

  "Shut up. So why did you hire the bug? Does she come with a federally funded massage chair?" Duffy asked.

  "Bug…what do you mean bug?" he asked. "And when you said SHE, you were literal, right?"

  "She is half Vaath. All Vaath are female."

  "Nice." he smiled.

  "And also giant bugs." she added.

  "Gross." he sighed. "She doesn’t look very bug-like though, maybe she took after her father." he said scoping her out.

  "They genetically engineer them to look more human, or technically whatever species they are integrating in with." Duffy informed.

  "Bummer. So how buggy do you think she is? Does she have a Thor-ass?" he cringed.

  "It's Thorax…a thor-ass is what you're gonna have after I'm done kicking it." she groaned.

  "I'm just being fair. I don’t want her first experience on a Chafee vessel to be one where she is treated unfairly as an outsider. She deserves the right to be treated like an equal and exactly as I would treat another Chafee or human or whatever."

  "So you're going to inappropriately flirt with her hoping for a score?" she said dryly.

  "Exactly. It's called equality, Duffy." he whispered as he approached the Vaath female. "And what is your name, madam?" he said suavely.

  "Vaath Hybrid Pilot Vs2-33." she replied robotically.

  "You don’t have a name?" he asked.

  "I was not assigned a name. Names are inefficient and pointless. As the pilot of this ship I suggest shortening to Pilot" she said still looking forward with her red eyes and green pupils remaining laser-focused forward.

  "Can't just call our pilot, Pilot…that's lazy even for me. What if we encounter another pilot? That's just confusing. What if we rotate shift duties? It could happen, it's not like you are biologically bound to the ship or anything. Menace can fly too, so we can't trade names. Would we just call you Janitor if we needed you to clean a coolant spill?"

  "If it is necessary." she said emotionlessly.

  "Awe, hell no. Everyone needs a name. What about chick-Buddha?" he asked.

  "If you wish, Captain." she nodded.

  "NO, NO NO NO." Duffy butted in. "No way is that even close to politically correct, and why would that even come to mind? She's slim, alien and probably atheist." Duffy noted.

  "Cuz of her Asian vibe and really big earlobes." he shrugged.

  "Damnit, Lawg you cant just generalize that kind of crap. Just call her Vee or something for short."

  "Hey, I kinda like that, pretty name, also the first letter of Vaath. She's crewman number 5 so the Ramen Numerals thing works." he grinned.

  "I'm frankly shocked you know any numerals or understand how to spell." Duffy said sitting down as Marley scanned them both for abnormalities or hidden weapons. His scanner beeped.

  "We got weapon alarms, Lawg." he said scanning Menace.

  "She got a nail file in her purse?" Lawg said as Duffy shook her head and gave up. "Well, we have to pick some kind of pronoun, kinda insulting to call her an IT like she's some kind of robot. We definitely arent having a crewman we call IT when we just bought a clown-themed body kit. That's just asking for murders. If she prefers to be called a boy then we'll go with that, otherwise I'm rounding up to chick. Any objection?" he asked "her". Menace shook her head no and kept smiling.

  "See, she's fine with it. No harm. I just thought she had a more feminine quality to her is all. So about that weapon scan, what does she have…eyebrow tweezers?"

  "Three daggers, a stun baton, brass knuckles and a grenade." Marley listed. Lawg stood still as a tree. He paused, mouth open and a little intimidated.

  "Hu…" he huffed, purely to break the silence. "Might be where the Menace name originated. You realize you can't wear all that in the hot-tubs?" he joked.

  "TWEEZERS!" she shouted, sending him back in alarm.

  "Yea she doesn’t speak English either, that's in the file." Marley informed, checking the tablet. "She understands some of it, but she doesn’t speak anything but random shouts and the occasional whisper, all in random words and phrases she learns along the way."

  "HANDS!" she smiled, booping Lawg on the nose and running away like a game.

  "Okay so we got a hot tub that comes with a free mandatory child-frog. I'm considering it." Lawg nodded. "For now."

  Marley sat beside Vee as she stared blankly at the console.

  "Pretty confusing stuff isnt it?" he said striking conversation.

  "No." she replied coldly.

  "Just looked kinda glazed over. figured you were a little unfamiliar with the old crappy style manual controls." he smiled.

  "The layout has been scanned and analyzed. Course trajectory is accurately vectored. No additional movement is required." she noted.

  "Sometimes I like to do barrel rolls, people expect that kinda thing when you are space-bunny piloting a ship. I don’t know why, but everyone keeps yelling DO A BARREL ROLL!! So I oblige. Breaks up the monotony."

  "Aileron Roll." she corrected.

  "Alrighty then, so no fun flying. So what do you do for fun other than doing super rigid flying."

  "I do not require fun." she replied.

  "What?! Cool looking chick like you? You can't tell me you have no personality or fun of any kind. You got cool tats and badass gauged out ears. You can't tell me there is no story behind those." he insisted.

  "The epidermal markings are external indicators of bio-molecular stability to indicate chemical imbalances. The ear enhancements are acoustic sensory augmentations to allow low-light echolocation." she informed.

  "Fairly short story I guess. You just went with flowers because you liked them?" he pried.

  "The artwork to camouflage the display lighting bands were selected at random from a database. The functional modifications are merely decorated to blend in socially within an Eridani populated quadrant."

  "Exciting stuff. So what sort of cool stuff did you bring with you?" he asked. She handed him a hefty pack as if to allow him to just rummage. He hesitantly removed one of numerous small red rocks, dull blood-red and chalky like sandstone, all uniform and perfect squares.

  "Iron Oxide." he scanned "Something to remind you of home or are they some kind of religious thing you use to decorate your quarters?" he asked trying to stay intrigued. She turned to him slowly and without emotion, taking one of the rocks and placing it in her mouth. She took a swig of water from her bottle and began chewing as she turned her head forward again.

  "Ya eat them, of course you do. You eat wet, mushy dirt-rocks and don’t believe in fun or barrel rolls."

  "Aileron Rolls." she corrected.

  "Kinda thinking I should have hung out with the other one…probably more exciting than sitting here silently with Pebbles." he muttered to himself.

  The Cargo bay filled with a high pitch scream. A very girly cry of anguish rattled the polycarbonate view ports as the sound of discomfort shifted higher in pitch.

  "It's so friggin cold!" screamed Lawg trying to claw his way up the side of the new hot tub. Menace looked partially alarmed and partially entertained.

  "Pants? Menace insisted playfully, jabbing him with her foot as he frantically scaled the enclosure wall and dropped to the floor, scampering desperately for a towel.

  "Having fun in the new tub?" asked Duffy, trying not to laugh as Lawg violently shivered and grabbed a nearby rug, rotating himself into a shaking Lawg roll.

  "The hot-tub is broken, it's super cold. We need a new heating coil." he chattered.

  "Lawg, she's obviously a cold blooded amphibian. This isn't a hot-tub, it's a hydration chamber for sleeping. It's kept at 2 Degrees Celsius."

  "Why?" he shivered.

  "Because it's designed to keep an alien, who's species lives in water under a crust of frozen ice, comfortable enough to hydrate and sleep. It's not designed to keep a dimwit Captain water-Lawged and toasty…ya ass." she scoffed.

  "FUN!" yelled Menace, splashing and twirling.

  "It's horrible. There was a fish in the tank." he insisted, looking back to confirm and seeing Menace submerged in the tank, frozen like a deer in the headlights with a dead fish between her teeth like she had been caught in the cookie jar. She smiled and waved at him.

  "You hired a bug and a fish in an attempt to get laid and a new hot tub." she pointed out. What made you think this would be a good idea?"

  "And neither of those worked and now I wish I had gone with the dumb hot ones. See what being a good guy and believing in second chances got me, Duffy?"

  "Diversity, culture, a tremendously overqualified pilot and a free aquarium?" She smirked.

  "Yea that actually doesn’t sound too bad. Can we get a sushi bar and write it off on our taxes now?"

  "If there is a way to exploit the government for stupid accommodations, I'm sure you'll find a way to accomplish it through blind luck and half-assed determination." she assured.

  "Damn skippy."

  Lawg Yawned and violently smacked his police-box alarm clock, leaning up and clicking the overhead light on so he could adjust his eyes before opening the bunk door and encountering the normal brightness of the ship. He slid open his bunk and stepped out into his slippers as he stretched.

  "Awe, yea man. That new hull plating really makes for a quieter cruising speed." he yawned as he grabbed a bottle of breakfast and headed for the den. He staggered sleepishly onto the heavily worn salmon-colored carpet, and stopped short as he noticed the Den already occupied. Lawg cautiously circled the couch, where Menace was sitting and watching the TV, Marley sitting beside her with a look of frozen fear on his face as she proceeded to pet his furry ears and chuckle discreetly at the shows on the screen.

  "Please help me." Marley asked softly.

  "So…you made yourself at home, I see. And I guess you two are getting along well." Lawg said with a tone of confused alarm.

  "Tinydelmarian." She grinned, munching on some popcorn as she dipped it in a bowl of orange juice. Marley's eyes glazed over in desperation.

  "She just sat down and started petting me. I tried to leave but she snarled and I think she may eat me if I make her mad." Marley whispered.

  "Menace…I think the space-bunny needs to go now. How about I trade you for some nice tequila?" he said as if to a child who wouldn’t give up her toy. She let him go and took the bottle, taking a swig and spitting it out immediately. Her eyes widened and she climbed the couch, leaping at Lawg and rearing back with the bottle to whack him.

  "Menace, Calm down!" hollered Duffy. "It's not poison, he was just offering you some of his food. Drink the shitty tequila, Captain."

  "But I don’t have any fizzy lime-aide." he pouted.

  "Drink it or she will kill you." Duffy insisted. Lawg grabbed the bottle and chugged about a third of it, giving a big "AH" of refreshment. Menace went from psychopathic murder mode to cheerfully enthusiastic in zero seconds flat. Returning to her soggy popcorn.

  "What the hell?" he silently mouthed to Duffy.

  "You traded her something she liked for something that burns and tasted terrible. She probably thought you were tricking her." She explained.

  "She held me hostage." Marley insisted.

  "Did you try getting up and leaving?" Duffy asked.

  "Once…she snarled at me."

  "Snarling could be a mild insisting gesture in their culture. She basically just pouted and patted the seat for you to stay and you sat back down. She probably thinks you are a kid given your size." Duffy explained.

  "HEY!!" he said looking offended. "Okay yea, I am pretty adorable."

  "So how do we communicate to her that he's just a runt and she scared him half to death, without being offensive?" Lawg asked.

  "You could try just saying what you just said, given that she is an intelligent species who knows English, I assume, given her graduation." Duffy said crossing her arms. Lawg turned to see Menace hanging over the back of the couch, listening to the conversation. He locked eyes and she went from a wide-eyed stare to a cheesy and still fairly creepy smile, bearing her pointy, metallic grey teeth.

  "My bad." Marley nodded.

  "I think there is a lesson here we can agree on about cultures and assumptions." Duffy said looking to Lawg.

  "Aquariums are not worth the hassle?" he half asked. "Or never give a fish alcohol…I got confused." Lawg moped.

  "Don’t judge other species without trying to establish a dialogue." Duffy hinted.

  "She does kinda give off a murdery vibe." he whispered.

  "Her species could be apex-predators, like sharks or humming birds." Marley read off the tablet. Lawg squinted in ignorant fascination.

  He squinted further as he noticed them moving oddly fast. "Hey, what's that shiny stuff going past the viewports?"

  "Paint dust." Duffy informed. "Some idiot must have used regular paint on the hull. Light speed will eat that cheap paint up in a day." she scoffed.

  "Those cheap, sneaky bastards." he sighed to himself. "Someone get the touchup paint before the Bastard logo wears off and we have to introduce ourselves as the "Family Van."

  "PAINT!" yelled Menace, clapping to herself.