Soda, Chunks, and Pucas were confronting an important crisis in their strange adventures, with possible death at their journey's end. With their sharpened petrified poo sticks the Buboes of Swollenlump poked and prodded them out of the town and towards the eastern edge of the skyland. They traversed through a forest of fleshtrees baring ranknuts, funknuts, and donkeynuts. The country was not so trim and neatly kept near the edge, for it was evident the people did not care to go too near to the dangerous place. There was a row of thick shrubberies around the edge, which concealed the void below.

  "Two of you seize the girl and throw her over," said Sist, in a calm, matter-of-fact way, "and two others must throw the puppet boy over. It may take four, perhaps, to lift the huge crazy-quilt one."

  "More than that," said Chunks, grimly while pushing up the sleeves of her turquoise jumpsuit. "I'm pretty sure it'll take all of you dork-butts, and the chances are you won't do it then. Cuz I’ll have pummeled you." Soda wondered where Chunks sudden thirst for violence had come from. They might need to have a talk later.

  Then suddenly it got dark and started raining. Within seconds it was a regular downpour of thick, yellow drops. All the Buboes gasped, threw down their poo sticks and dropped to the ground, prostrating themselves. Now there appeared through a rift in the clouds the source of the storm: Immense, furry brown buttocks were lowering themselves towards the island, the yellow liquid spraying from between the cheeks. The gargantuan bottom and cloaca belonged to a hirsute insuffilating viper. These creatures sailed through the skies of Sifillis, sucking in clouds and flatulenz mist and excreting rain. The furry serpents are generally two to three miles long, with a single eye bulging over a long narrow mouth full of teeth on one end, and a big bulbous butt on the other.

  This viper was named Serpantalon and he was infested. There were hundreds of families of parasitoids who had lived for generations on his back, forming a complex, multi-tiered community and a city that included apartment buildings, suburbs, a theater district, a factory district, and one huge mansion (surrounded by a massive croquet course) belonging to the town’s most powerful and influential family, the Kenchingtons.

  Steadily, yet with wonderful swiftness, the rear end of the great beast descended until it rested upon the magenta field- almost at the feet of the little party of observers. The yellow precipitation ceased squirting from his bottom hole. All the buboes wailed in terror or awe. The matted-fur-covered rump let out a brief, warm fart that made everyone close their eyes and gag for a moment. Then, rubbing their eyes, they saw, dancing gaily upon the creature’s butt, a score of beautiful mites, fleas, lice, ticks, and chiggers, ranging in size from six inch tall toddlers to eight foot tall giants.

  Just then one of the burnt umber chiggers skipped lightly down the crack of the H.I.V.’s butt. She was the most beautiful of the airborne beast’s parasites, with high cheek bones and sensuous clacking mandibles. Her black eyes, blonde hair, and elegant antennae glistened in the magenta sun and she wore a beautiful sleeveless rainbow colored frock that showed off her two slender segmented legs and four slender segmented arms. With one graceful leap she sprung off the fuzzy butt and landed in front of our heroes.

  "Its Edwige!" said Pucas. "Hello, Edwige!"

  "Squid-boy!" replied Edwige Kenchington in a sweet, tinkling voice."The last time I saw you, Pucas, was in Schmegma City! You haven’t gotten any taller since then." She grabbed the tiny puppety tween and hugged him in her four spindly arms.

  The Kenchingtons were the richest chiggers on Serpantalon, and Edwige, the youngest daughter of the family was the most popular and beloved celebrity on the viper’s back. Not only was she a generous philanthropist- funding many charitable foundations, art initiatives, film festivals, and a youth center- but she was also a hoo-hoo: One of the beings on Sifillis that were born with thaumaturgic powers that kicked in at puberty. The young Edwige was just starting to learn what her powers were and how to control them.

  Pucas introduced Edwige to Soda and Chunks. The Buboes, still all lying on the ground, all watched in awe. They worshipped all airborne vipers and had never been this close to one. And the fact that these visitors were friends with one of the inhabitants of the viper was incredibly impressive.

  "These Buboes want to kill us, Edwige!” said Pucas. “Can you help us?"

  "Tell me," she said gently to the felt-skinned boy, "why are you here, and why do these people of the sky wish to destroy you?"

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  In a few hurried words Pucas related how they reached one end of the skyland and were now to be thrown off the other end. As they talked Serpantalon began to fade gradually, like mist, and the magenta sun broke through the magenta clouds and shot its cheering rays over Swollenlump until presently the H.I.V. had vanished altogether and the only reminder of it was the lovely Edwige standing among the wondering band of Buboes.

  Edwige listened to Pucas and then turned to the Buboes.

  "You may all get to your feet.” The Buboes did, many struggling due to their great plumpness. Edwige addressed Empress Sist:

  “Why have you decreed death to these innocent strangers?" she asked.

  "They do not harmonize with our color scheme," replied Empress Sist.

  "That is utter nonsense," declared Edwige, impatiently. "You're so dreadfully magenta here that your color, which in itself is beautiful, has become tame and insipid. What you really need is some sharp contrast to enhance the charm of your country, and to keep these three people with you would be a benefit rather than an injury to you."

  At this the Buboes looked downcast and ashamed, while only Excrescence laughed and seemed to enjoy the rebuke. Soda wondered why the viper had disappeared and thought that they could’ve easily escaped on it.

  "See," stammered Sist, "the great book of laws says our country shall harbor none but the Buboes."

  "Does it, indeed?" asked the chig chigger. "Come, let us return at once to your city and examine your book. I am quite sure I can find in them absolute protection for these poor wanderers."

  They dared not disobey the magnificent Edwige Kenchington's request, so at once they all turned and walked back to Empress Sist’s tiny shack, where the great book of laws lay upon a table.

  Edwige began turning the magenta pages, while the others all watched her anxiously and in silence.

  "Here," she said presently, "is a law which reads as follows: 'Everyone in Swollenlump is entitled to the protection of the ruler and to a house and a good living, except only the Viralvanians. If any of the natives of Viralvania should ever break through the flatulence mist bank they must be driven back with sharp sticks.' Have you read this law, Sist?"

  "Yes," said the empress; "but how does that apply to these strangers?"

  "Why, being in Swollenlump, as they surely are, and not being Viralvanians, they are by this law entitled to protection, to a home and good living. The law does not say 'Buboes,' it says any who are in Swollenlump."

  "True," agreed Toomar, greatly pleased, and all the other Buboes nodded their heads and repeated: "True- true! True-true!" Toomar farted.

  "I am indeed relieved to have you interpret the law in this way," declared Empress Sist. "I knew it was cruel to throw these poor people over the edge, but that seemed to us the only thing to be done."

  "It was cruel and unjust," answered Edwige, as sternly as her sweet voice could speak. "But here," she added, for she had still continued to turn the leaves of the great book, "is another law which you have also overlooked. It says: 'The person living in Swollenlump who has the lightest skin shall be the ruler as long as he or she lives, and this ruler's commands all the people must obey.' Do you know this law?"

  "Oh, yes," replied Sist. "That is why I am the empress. You will notice my complexion is of a lighter magenta than that of any other of my people."

  "Yes," remarked Edwige, looking at her critically. Edwige knew that power systems based on the color of people’s skin were antiquated nonsense. But she was willing to play along to teach them a lesson. "When you were made empress without doubt you had the lightest colored skin in all Swollenlump. But now you are no longer empress of the Buboes, Sist."

  Those assembled were so startled by this statement that they gazed at the Hirsute Insuffilating Viper's most famous citizen in astonishment for a time. Then Sist asked:

  "Why not?"

  "Because here is one lighter in color than yourself," pointing to Soda. "This girl is, by the law of the great book, the rightful empress of the Buboes, and as loyal citizens you are all obliged to obey her commands. Give me that circlet from your brow, Sist."

  Without hesitation Sist removed the magenta-gold circlet with its glittering magenta dusted diamond and handed it to Edwige, who turned and placed it upon Soda's brow. Then she called in a loud, imperative voice:

  "Greet your new empress, Buboes!"

  One by one they all advanced, knelt before Soda and pressed her hand to their lips. Soda felt very awkward.

  "Long live empress Soda!" called out Chunks, dancing around in great delight; "Vive la- vive la- ah, ah- Soda!"

  "Thank you, Edwige!" said Pucas gratefully.

  "Why, I have done nothing," returned Edwige, smiling upon him; "it is the law of the country. Isn't it surprising how little most people know of their laws? Are you all contented, Buboes?" she asked, turning to the people.

  "We are!" they cried. Then several of the lumpy people waddled out to spread the news throughout the city and country, so that a vast crowd soon began to gather in the court of the statues.