Hiro Tanaka still hadn't gotten used to it. One stupid statue-grope later, he was living with six amnesiac Titaness goddesses who turned from legendary gear into stunning women the moment he stopped fighting or traveling. They always clung to the exact body parts their item forms occupied—and this morning, the cuddle pile was a sticky, chaotic disaster zone.

  Haruto groaned, peeling a lock of golden hair off his face. His head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton wool.

  What happened?

  He looked at his hands. They were stained a deep, indelible indigo. He looked at his clothes. His school uniform—once a pristine black—was now tie-dyed in shades of mysterious dungeon goo.

  "Ugh..."

  A moan came from the pile of limbs next to him.

  Rhea sat up. Her golden hair was matted with sticky blue residue. Her face looked like she had lost a fight with a jelly monster.

  "My head," she whispered, holding her temples. "Why does my head feel like it's vibrating?"

  "Dungeon fatigue," Haruto croaked. "We fought... way too many slimes yesterday."

  He looked around. The campsite was a disaster zone. Themis was sleeping face-down in a bush, her uniform stained. Theia was curled up in a ball, muttering about "too many colors."

  "We live like animals," Haruto sighed, adjusting his sticky glasses.

  "I feel... stiff," Themis said, stumbling out of the bush. She looked horrified. She plucked at her stained sleeve. "My joints... they are grinding. I am violated."

  "My light!" Theia wailed, looking at her reflection in a puddle. "I'm hideous! Look at me! I'm dull! I don't shine! I'm matte!"

  Tethys was scrubbing her legs with a leaf. "It's drying... the goo is crusting on my skin. It burns."

  "Dungeon residue," Haruto deduced. "The acidic residue from the slimes is causing a chemical reaction. It's essentially... rusting you."

  "Rust?!" Rhea shrieked, clutching her chest. "I cannot rust! I am divine gold!"

  "Calm down!" Haruto shouted. "I have a maintenance kit!"

  He remembered seeing a "Standard Care Kit" in the armory's supply bin. He had grabbed it before leaving.

  He dug through the tent and pulled out a wooden box. Inside were rags, a bottle of polishing oil, a whetstone, and a wire brush.

  "Okay," Haruto said, rolling up his sleeves. "Everyone, revert to item form. It's laundry day."

  The Titanesses vanished, turning into a pile of sad, dirty equipment on the grass.

  Haruto sat on a log, the maintenance kit open next to him.

  He looked at the pile. It was a disaster. The breastplate (Rhea) had patches of orange rust forming on the gold. The greaves (Tethys) were caked in dried mud.

  {Itches,} Rhea's voice whined in his head through their telepathic link. {Hiro-kun... I itch everywhere. It burns.}

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  {Disgusting,} Tethys hissed faintly. {Get it off. Get it off me!}

  He picked up the sword (Themis) and tried to draw it. SHING-CRUNCH. The blade was stuck in the scabbard, spotted with corrosion.

  {My structural integrity... my finish...} Themis projected, her mental voice laced with horror. {I am violated.}

  "Okay. Let's start with the basics."

  He picked up the helmet (Theia). It was sticky and dull.

  "Just a little oil and a rag," Haruto muttered.

  He poured some oil onto the cloth. It smelled like pine and lemon. He started to rub the visor gently.

  Rub. Rub. Rub.

  "Mmm~"

  Haruto froze.

  The sound hadn't come from the helmet. It had come from inside his head.

  {Oh... yes...} Theia's voice purred, sounding way too breathy. {Right there... harder... make me shine...}

  Haruto's hand slipped. "What the hell?"

  {Don't stop!} Theia demanded. {The friction... it warms my core... oh, it feels so good to be polished...}

  Haruto's face turned bright red. "Can you... can you not sound like that? I'm just cleaning you!"

  {It is a sensory link, Haruto-kun,} Mnemosyne's voice (the gauntlets) explained helpfully. {When we are in item form, our physical sensation is transmitted directly to our consciousness. You are essentially... caressing her face.}

  "I am not caressing anything! I am removing oxidation!"

  He scrubbed harder, trying to be purely clinical.

  {Ah! Ah! Yes! deeper!} Theia moaned.

  "I can't do this," Haruto dropped the helmet. "This is perverted. This is basically non-consensual... something."

  {It is maintenance,} Themis (the sword) stated sternly. {Proceed. Dirt is the enemy. Do not let embarrassment compromise our efficiency. Clean me next.}

  Haruto looked at the sword. It was filthy.

  "Okay," Haruto swallowed. "Themis. You're the serious one. You won't make this weird, right?"

  {I possess superior discipline,} Themis replied.

  Haruto picked up the sword. He poured oil on the blade. He took the rag.

  He started to stroke the blade from the hilt to the tip. Long, firm strokes.

  Slide.

  {Hngh!}

  Haruto jumped.

  {I... I apologize,} Themis's voice sounded strained. {That was... unexpected. The oil is... cold.}

  "I'm stopping," Haruto said.

  {Negative!} Themis commanded. {Finish the task! I cannot remain in this filthy state! Scrub me! Use the wire brush if you must!}

  "The wire brush?!" Haruto horrified. "That sounds painful!"

  {It is exfoliating! Do it!}

  Haruto squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

  He started scrubbing.

  {Oh God... yes... correct... remove the impurity... punish the rust...} Themis was panting now. {More pressure! On the fuller! Yes!}

  Haruto was sweating. He felt like he was committing a crime. He grabbed Tethys (the greaves).

  "You!" he yelled. "You like water! I'm just going to dunk you in the bucket!"

  He plunged the greaves into a bucket of soapy water.

  {GLUBLUBLUB!} Tethys bubbled happily. {Wet! Yes! I love being wet! Make me slippery, Handsome!}

  "Why is everyone like this?!" Haruto screamed at the sky.

  Two hours later.

  The gear was gleaming. The rust was gone. The oil had done its work.

  Haruto sat on the grass, traumatized. He looked like he had run a marathon. His hands were trembling.

  "Finished," he whispered. "Never again."

  {Equip us,} Rhea commanded softly.

  Haruto sighed. CLICK.

  The armor snapped onto him. It felt better now—smoother, lighter. The "itch" was gone.

  Then, the armor dissolved into a swirl of light, and the six women materialized around him.

  They were sparkling. Literally.

  Theia's skin was glowing with a pearlescent sheen. Her hair was perfect. Themis looked flushed, her cheeks pink, her breath catching slightly as she adjusted her uniform. Tethys was dripping wet (as usual) but looked blissfully relaxed.

  "See?" Rhea purred, wrapping her arms around Haruto from behind. She rested her chin on his head. "That wasn't so bad, was it, Hiro-kun?"

  "I feel... violated," Haruto mumbled.

  "You did a thorough job," Themis said, avoiding eye contact. She smoothed her skirt. "My edge is... satisfied."

  "I demand a second round next week," Theia declared, posing so the sun hit her good side. "I've never been so shiny."

  Haruto buried his face in his hands.

  "I'm buying a grinding wheel," he muttered. "A machine can do it next time."

  "And miss our bonding time?" Tethys giggled, poking his cheek. "No way, Handsome."

  Haruto groaned. He looked at the horizon. The sun was setting on another exhausting day.

  He was clean. His gear was legendary. And he was absolutely terrified of the next time he got dirty.

  "I need a drink," Haruto said.

  "We have no money," Mnemosyne reminded him.

  "Right," Haruto stood up. "Tomorrow... we go to the Guild. And I am not polishing anyone before then."