Hiro Tanaka still hadn't gotten used to it. One stupid statue-grope later, he was living with six amnesiac Titaness goddesses who turned from legendary gear into stunning women the moment he stopped fighting or traveling. They always clung to the exact body parts their item forms occupied—and this morning, the cuddle pile was a sticky, chaotic disaster zone.

  He woke up unable to breathe.

  It wasn't a nightmare. It was something far heavier, softer, and more dangerous.

  "Mmph..."

  A massive weight was pressing down on his chest. It felt like a warm, breathing mountain. That was Rhea.

  His legs were pinned by something damp and cool—Tethys, wrapped around his shins like a kelp forest.

  His right arm was numb, trapped in a vice-grip by Themis, who slept as stiffly as a board.

  "Heavy," Haruto wheezed. "Guys... I can't breathe."

  {Your heart rate is elevated,} Rhea's sleepy voice echoed in his head. {Are you having a bad dream, Hiro-kun?}

  The weight on his chest shifted. Rhea sat up, her golden hair cascading down like a curtain. She blinked, her amber eyes hazy with sleep, and the sheer chemise she had manifested for "pajamas" slipped off one shoulder.

  "Good morning," she yawned, stretching. The movement caused certain... assets... to bounce with physics-defying enthusiasm.

  Haruto squeezed his eyes shut. Don't look. Don't look. Buddhist chants. Heart Sutra. Colors are void. Void is form.

  {He is looking,} Phoebe's voice whispered from somewhere near his left ear. {He is looking at your cleavage and thinking about melons.}

  "I am not!" Haruto shouted—or tried to, but it came out as a squeak.

  "Melons?" Rhea looked down at her chest, then back at him. A slow, predatory smile spread across her face. "Is my little Hiro-kun hungry?"

  "Yes!" Haruto scrambled backward, extracting his legs from Tethys's death grip. "For food! Actual food! Breakfast!"

  He stumbled out of the tent, tripping over Theia (who was using Phoebe's lap as a pillow) and landing face-first in the grass outside.

  The sun was shining. The birds were singing. It was a beautiful fantasy morning.

  And his stomach let out a growl that sounded like an angry bear.

  Haruto checked his pocket. Number of Gold Coins: 0. Number of Silver Coins: 0. Number of edible items: 0.

  "Okay," Haruto adjusted his glasses, trying to look like a leader. "Status report. We have no money. We have no food. We are currently starving in a field somewhere outside the Royal Capital."

  The tent flap opened. Six goddesses shuffled out, looking various degrees of disheveled.

  Theia was glowing—literally—like a morning star. Tethys was wringing water out of her hair. Themis was already brushing imaginary lint off her uniform.

  "I require sustenance," Themis stated flatly. "Caloric intake is necessary for combat readiness."

  "I want pancakes," Tethys added. "With blueberry syrup. And whipped cream."

  "We don't have pancakes!" Haruto cried. "We don't even have flour! We have grass! And... that tree!"

  He pointed to a gnarled olive tree.

  "Olives," Mnemosyne murmured, squinting at it. "Bitter. Oily. Acquired taste."

  "Better than starving," Haruto said. "Rhea, I need... I need your strength. Arm up."

  Rhea brightened. "Transformation sequence? Yes! I can do that."

  She stepped forward, dissolved into golden motes of light, and reformed around Haruto's chest as the Lionheart Cuirass.

  "Okay," Haruto grunted, feeling the familiar weight. "Gentle. Just... hip-check it."

  He walked up to the ancient tree. He gave it a gentle bump with his chest.

  CRACK.

  With a sound like a thunderclap, the tree didn't just shake—it exploded. The trunk shattered. The canopy collapsed.

  This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  Haruto stared at the pile of splinters and pulverized leaves.

  {Oops,} Rhea's voice echoed in his head. {I forgot I was still putting my full weight into it.}

  Haruto dissolved the armor, and Rhea reformed next to him, looking sheepish. Useable olives were now olive paste mixed with bark.

  "Okay," Haruto sighed. "Plan B. Hunting."

  "Shh!" Haruto hissed. "Be quiet!"

  He was crouching in a bush, holding a crooked stick he had spent twenty minutes painstakingly sharpening with a rock.

  Technically, he had a sword. A legendary, divine blade capable of severing fate itself.

  But Themis had refused to transform for a "filthy rodent," and she had threatened to dull her own edge if he dared suggest using her to whittle a spear. ("I am an Arbiter of Justice, not a pocket knife," she had sniffed.)

  So, rock and stick it was.

  In the clearing ahead, a Horned Rabbit was nibbling on some clover. It was cute. It was fluffy. It was dinner.

  "Target acquired," Haruto whispered. "On my mark..."

  Since Themis had refused to be a sword, and the other five saw no dignity in becoming armor for a "low-level rodent," his entire party was currently creeping behind him in full human form.

  SQUELCH.

  "Ew!" Tethys shrieked, lifting her bare foot. "Mud! It's slimy! It's touching my toes!"

  The rabbit's ears perked up.

  "It's just dirt, Tethys!" Haruto hissed.

  "It is unhygienic," Themis added, sniffing disdainfully. "This environment is violating several sanitation codes."

  "My light!" Theia complained. "I'm dimming! Wear me! I need to polish myself!"

  "Fine, fine," Haruto muttered. Theia dissolved into light and formed the Sun-Gazer Helm over his head.

  {Cleanse!} Theia shouted inside his mind.

  She unleashed a blinding flash of light from the helm's amber forehead gem to "cleanse" the dust.

  The clearing was instantly drowned in searing amber light.

  The rabbit screamed and bolted at Mach 2.

  Haruto stood up, dropping his stick. "Great. Just great. We blinded our breakfast."

  {It was ugly anyway,} Theia sniffed inside his mind as Haruto unequipped the helm. She checked her reflection in a dewdrop the moment she reformed.

  Haruto groaned and slumped against a rock. "I'm going to die. I survived the summoning just to starve to death because Themis is a germaphobe and Theia is a disco ball."

  "There is movement," Phoebe whispered.

  Haruto looked up. "Don't tell me it's another rabbit you guys are going to scare away."

  "No. Slower. Wetter."

  Haruto peered into the tall grass.

  Something blue and jiggly was bouncing toward them.

  "A slime!" Haruto gasped. "Yes! Easy target! RPG staple! Gelatinous... nutrition?"

  It was a Blue Slime, about the size of a beach ball. It wobbled harmlessly, looking mindless and edible.

  "Okay," Haruto said, standing up. "I can do this. I don't need a sword. I just need to... squish it?"

  He approached the slime. The slime wobbled. It looked... friendly?

  "Sorry, little guy," Haruto said, raising a large rock. "It's you or us."

  The slime didn't run. Instead, it bounced forward and rubbed against Haruto's leg.

  Purr?

  "Did... did it just purr?" Haruto froze.

  "It likes you," Rhea cooed. "Aww. Can we keep it?"

  "We are eating it!" Haruto insisted. "It's food!"

  "It is naked," Themis observed, frowning.

  "It's a slime, Themis! They're always naked!"

  "Indecent," Themis ruled. "I cannot strike an unarmed, unclothed opponent. It is against the Laws of War."

  "I'm not asking you to strike it! I'm going to..." Haruto looked down. The slime rippled and formed two little pseudopods that looked like arms, hugging his ankle.

  Haruto's resolve crumbled. "Damn it. It's cute."

  "It looks... flavorful," Mnemosyne murmured, drooling slightly. "Like blue raspberry."

  "Don't lick it!" Haruto pulled her back.

  Suddenly, the slime stiffened. It turned a darker shade of blue. It vibrated.

  POP.

  It launched a glob of blue goo straight at Haruto's face.

  "Gah!" Haruto spluttered. It tasted... sweet?

  He licked his lips. "Wait. It's... sugar? It's syrup?"

  The Goddesses paused. Six pairs of eyes locked onto the slime.

  "Dessert?" Tethys whispered.

  Ten minutes later, they had the slime cornered.

  It wasn't a monster. It was a "Sugar Slime"—a rare, non-hostile variant that excreted high-fructose goo when threatened. Haruto had read about them in the Hero's Starter Guide pamphlet the King had shoved in his pocket. They were basically infinite jam dispensers.

  "Okay," Haruto instructed. "Rhea, arm up. I need to hold it down. Tethys, Leg Mode. Theia, Helm Mode."

  One by one, the goddesses sighed and transformed. Haruto felt the heavy weight of the cuirass, the cool clamp of the greaves, and the snug fit of the helm.

  {Roger,} Rhea said mentally as Haruto pinned the slime with his armored chest. It squeaked.

  "Cleanse!" Haruto shouted, and Theia blasted it with UV light from his visor.

  "Harvest!" Haruto squeezed the slime gently.

  A steady stream of blue jelly poured onto a flat rock.

  "It's beautiful," Mnemosyne whispered.

  They didn't have bread. They didn't have utensils. They just had fingers and desperation.

  "Dig in," Haruto commanded.

  It was a massacre.

  The jelly was sweet, cloying, and had the texture of slightly melted gummy bears. It was the best thing Haruto had ever tasted.

  "Delightful," Themis noted, licking her fingers with dignified precision.

  "More!" Tethys demanded, shaking the poor slime until it looked deflated.

  Haruto ate until he felt sick. He sat back, patting his stomach. "We survived. We actually survived."

  He looked at his hands. They were stained blue.

  He looked at Rhea. Her lips were blue.

  He looked at Tethys. Her entire face was blue.

  "Um," Haruto said.

  "What?" Rhea smiled. Her teeth were blue.

  "I think... I think the pamphlet said something about side effects."

  Hero's Starter Guide -> Page 4 -> Sugar Slime -> Warning: Consuming large quantities of raw slime jelly causes temporary pigmentation changes and mild hallucinogenic effects.

  "Oh no," Haruto whispered.

  "Haruto," Themis stood up. She swayed. "Why is the sky... vibrating?"

  "The trees are dancing," Phoebe giggled. "They know my secrets."

  "I can see sound!" Theia yelled, firing laser beams into the clouds. "The colors! They are so LOUD!"

  Haruto grabbed his head. The world was starting to spin. The grass looked like it was made of fur.

  "Okay," Haruto groaned, falling backward. "Note to self: Cook the slime next time."

  As his consciousness faded into a kaleidoscope of blue shapes, he felt Rhea pull him into a hug.

  "My little blueberry," she cooed, her voice echoing like a whale song.

  Haruto passed out, safe, full, and completely blue.

  The quest for breakfast was a success. The quest for dignity was, once again, a total failure.