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584. Renewal

  Though the conversation with Jung had been enlightening, Yoshika’s next steps were hardly easy. For a start, Jia replaced Kaede in Qin. She was going to start things over with Dae. He was one of Yoshika’s best friends—her oldest. Along with Rika, he was one of the few who’d been her friend before Jia had even awakened as a cultivator. It was his advice that had led Jia to her first awakening, when he had no obligation to help some nameless mortal girl who’d entered the academy by dubious means.

  They had a long and colorful history. A mutual crush that hadn’t worked out, studying together as he taught Jia how to read and write, helping her develop one of her most enduring and useful signature techniques—Absolute Awareness. They’d had their low points, such as when Dae advocated for Tae In-Su—the mage that Jia had stolen her entry token from when he’d had her ejected from his city and beaten—or when he’d nearly destabilized Yoshika’s bond by trapping them in a barrier that isolated Jia from Eui. But through it all, he’d been a true friend—one of their closest, even after a long separation.

  That was his relationship with Yoshika. With Jia, mainly. Not so much for Kaede. To her, Dae had at first been little more than a rival. True, Eunae had been her only true peer among the Goryeon students, but Dae was the best of them, and Yamato respected strength more than peerage. He’d proven it when he developed a spell that countered the ultimate technique of her Weightless Fist style.

  Kaede wondered why she’d never asked him about that. She wanted to now, even though she understood the principles—a field of gravity that forcibly pulled her out of that weightless state and rendered her vulnerable. Yet she wanted to know what had led him to think of it. Few understood how her technique worked, and fewer still would think to use the element of Gravity to counter a technique of the same kind.

  She respected that sort of strategic thinking and cleverness, and she knew that Dae would be more than happy to gush about it if she only asked. Why hadn’t she?

  Because she didn’t know him. When they met again later, it was as allies and co-conspirators. They united under Yoshika’s cause, and worked together to prepare themselves to aid her with what came after recovering the artifact that every nation in the world coveted. They had both independently come to the conclusion that she would need the resources of a nation to withstand the envy of nations, and thus had prepared to give her one.

  Kaede had originally planned on it being Yamato, but Hyeong Daesung had come up with a better plan. She’d enjoyed working with Dae, but that was as pleasant business partners with a shared goal. It hadn’t been long after Kaede resolved to better herself, and she still struggled to think of him as a friend at the time.

  As Yoshika, Kaede did inherit Yoshika’s history with Dae, but that didn’t mean that he could just look at her and see Lee Jia—nor should he. So she resolved to start over—as Kaede—and do it properly this time. Slowly—one step at a time, and without any expectations. She’d messed up by stepping over the line before, because she didn’t realize what she was doing.

  No, worse—she had been wilfully ignorant of what she was doing. Yoshika’s compliment had been at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong words, from the wrong face, and she’d known it. She just lied to herself that it didn’t matter—that it was fine as long as she was being honest and he could understand her meaning.

  Except she didn’t understand her meaning. And she’d gone too far and hurt him as a result.

  So it would be slow. In the proper order, for once. Kaede would arrange to spend more time with Dae and get to actually know him better. Not the Hyeong Daesung of Yoshika’s memories—the awkward young boy who chuckled nervously too much and rambled about magic—but the respected Grand Magus he’d grown into. Perhaps nothing more would come of it except that she’d give one of her best friends the respect he deserved—long overdue. Or maybe, one day, it could blossom into something more, and Aecha would forever be obnoxiously smug about it.

  Either way, just as Jung had made her envision it, Kaede would try. She would give that uncertain relationship a chance to cement itself into something more real, one way or another. Maybe that was unfair, with the future so uncertain and the fate of the world hanging in the balance, but it felt right.

  In a way, it was the uncertainty of their relationship that made the correct course so clear. On the other hand, Yue’s relationship with Yoshika was as clear as Dae’s wasn’t.

  Yue was her closest friend—her most trusted confidant. It hadn’t always been that way, of course. They’d met as enemies, and Yue had hurt Yoshika in a terrible betrayal of trust. Yoshika had only begrudgingly given Yue a second chance, and only because she hadn’t been given much of a choice. Yet, whether it was out of desperation or true contrition, Yue had seized upon that second chance with unmatched fervor to become Yoshika’s strongest advocate, even among her closest friends.

  Even Yoshika hadn’t realized just how important Yue had become to her until they’d been separated for three years. During that time, Yue had been constantly in her thoughts, and reuniting with her had been like recovering a missing piece of herself.

  There was nobody outside of her own aspects—not even family or lovers—who Yoshika was more comfortable with. An embarrassing thing to admit, especially after realizing she’d been flirting cluelessly the entire time.

  But that certainty only made it harder to find an answer. Yoshika loved what she had with Yue. The thought of it becoming something more was exciting, yes, and she’d even teased Yue about it when she was receiving suitors, but also frightening. Their relationship was already perfect, and any change to it felt like it would definitionally be for the worse—especially a political marriage.

  Not that it couldn’t work. Lin Xiulan had married for political reasons as much as for love. Yoshika had never questioned it because it felt so typical of Qin—which was insensitive of her, in hindsight. Now finding herself in a similar position, Yoshika didn’t know what to do.

  But of course, she at least had part of the answer right away. It wasn’t a decision she could make on her own.

  It had been a surprise to see Jia in the Flowing Purewater sect, but Yue supposed that she was done galavanting across the continent with that insane traveling technique of hers. That was at least preferable to the idea that she’d somehow chased Kaede off with her clumsy attempt at a proposal.

  Yue was further surprised when Jia immediately invited her to an important discussion in private. Extremely private, it turned out.

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  Yoshika’s soul realm was always a nostalgic sight. It wasn’t a perfect recreation of the dormitory Yue had shared with Jia and Eui in the academy, but rather an idealized one. It was more comfortable, despite the cramped living space, and the flowers in the courtyard garden were always in perfect bloom. The original building had been fairly spartan, even after Yue’s attempts to decorate it—a space made for utility, rather than comfort. In Yoshika’s soul realm, it was richly adorned with personal touches.

  Yue saw the hilariously audacious Claws of Heaven and Fist of Earth—the actual artifacts themselves rather than a simple representation of them. Yoshika’s first and last attempt at forging artifacts were of little use to them now they’d outgrown the magical pair of gloves. Perhaps one day it might help another pair of dual cultivators as much as it had Jia and Eui during their growth.

  She had to correct herself when she noticed a decorative scroll that Eunae had made around the same time, though it was not an artifact. As far as Yue could tell, it had no magical properties whatsoever—it was just a piece of artwork. Yet Eunae had poured her soul into it such that even the surly old blacksmith Murayoshi had accepted it as a suitable creation. The image itself was a subtle piece—at first glance, it looked like heroic figures hunting a demonic monstrosity, but closer inspection revealed that the furious snarl was tinged with an unmistakable fear, the ‘heroes’ smiles were cruel and sadistic, and there were smaller figures hidden in the whorls of the creature’s fur.

  Such tokens decorated the space liberally—not always from Yoshika herself, but always representing something or someone important to her. Normally, there would also be a cute kitten—now all grown up, alas—curled up near the fire of the heating stove, but this time Yue was alone with Yoshika’s true form.

  It was odd to see her like that. Yue was accustomed to her chimera form, which shifted subtly whenever a new aspect joined Yoshika, but since her transformation during the fight with Yan De, there was another element to it. Not just the Sovereign’s Tear, which had unmistakably merged with her core and attached itself to her body just above the collarbone, but also the way her aura had changed. When Yue looked at her, she could see a shadow of that living avatar of scintillating fire, as though she was looking at both forms at once and Yoshika chose which to show her.

  “Should I take it as a good sign that you’ve chosen the most intimate setting possible for this discussion? You’re either going to tell me something deeply personal or utterly world-shattering.”

  Yoshika offered her a tired smile as they took their seats across from each other.

  “Perhaps a bit of both.”

  “Oh! I was hoping it would be.”

  This was it, then. Yue’s second chance. She’d made a mess of it on the first attempt, but that was practically Yue’s signature. Yoshika always gave her another opportunity, and she was determined to get it right this time.

  “Yue—”

  “Yoshika—”

  They spoke at the same time, and Yue cursed internally. Off to a wretched start, but she refused to do anything so cliche as stumble over each other to offer the first word, so she just waited for Yoshika.

  “May I go first?”

  Yue was pleasantly surprised by that. Yoshika might learn to be a ruler yet. She smiled and bowed.

  “Of course.”

  Yoshika took a moment to compose herself before beginning.

  “Yue, I was beyond honored when you said you’d be willing to marry me. Even if it was just for the political advantages, I know how much it means for you to offer that.”

  Oh dear. Yue didn’t like where this was going, but she stayed silent and held her thumbs inside her fists, determined not to bite her thumbnail as she waited for Yoshika to continue.

  “Which is precisely why I can’t accept it immediately. I care about you and your happiness too much. I have fought by your side to earn you the freedom to choose, and I would never forgive myself if, in return, you threw that choice away for my sake.”

  Yue swallowed nervously. She was prepared for this, and it wasn’t a rejection outright. Yoshika was reasonable—sometimes—and it was her greatest strength and flaw that she would always hear her foes out. Not that Yue was a foe, but it was her own flaw to think of every human interaction as though it were a battle.

  A battle she never lost—not even to Yoshika. She may have stumbled on her first attempt, but Yue was done repeating her mistakes.

  She began to reach across the tea table for Yoshika’s hands, then thought better of it and stood up to circle the table and sit down right next to her first. Then she took Yoshika’s hands in her own and looked her firmly in the eyes.

  “I knew you’d say something like that. You’re far too predictable, dear.”

  “Yue...”

  “No—you had your moment, now give me mine. I suspect we have both been dishonest—not with each other, but with ourselves. I told myself that marrying you would make sense, that it would be politically expedient for any number of reasons. Then I kept doing so even as circumstances changed. One excuse would vanish, and I’d immediately find another. And they are excuses.”

  Her hands were shaking, but she tightened her grip on Yoshika’s, and felt a reassuring squeeze in return.

  “So of course, that’s what you heard. And because you have the romantic acumen of a literal stone—”

  “Hey!”

  “You believed it. That’s my fault. I should have said to you what I have always been afraid to admit to myself. So please, look me in the eye and listen with your heart because I’ll be speaking from mine.”

  Yoshika nodded slowly, and Yue mustered up everything she’d been keeping carefully boxed away under the layers of reason and obligation. The truth that even now struggled against everything she thought she knew about herself. Yet once she opened that door, it bubbled up and burst free, refusing to ever be contained again.

  “Yoshika, I love you. More than anything in the world. I love you so much it might be unhealthy, but I don’t care. I am not sacrificing the choice you helped me fight to earn, I am making it. I don’t care if it’s politically advantageous—or disadvantageous for that matter. It is what I want. You are what I want, and if you’ll have me, it would bring me endless happiness if you would join me in marriage. Yoshika, will you marry me?”

  “Wh—I—that’s—y-yes?!”

  Yue laughed, though she felt like she might cry at any moment. What would the world think about a goddess that was so easily flustered? If they were anything like Yue, they’d be endlessly endeared.

  “Why did you say it like a question?”

  “I’m sorry! I mean—yes! I will! I didn’t realize you felt that way—no, I did, I just wasn’t listening. I’m sorry.”

  “I will accept an apology in the form of your undying affection—though material gifts won’t go amiss. I’m quite vain, you know.”

  Yoshika giggled, and Yue was gratified that her moment of heartfelt honesty had so thoroughly wiped away any hesitation.

  “I’ll do my best! Yue, I—I know you don’t want um...physical intimacy, but can I kiss you?”

  Yue gave her an exasperated chuckle.

  “Oh, just this once, I suppose. It feels right for the moment.”

  They were still holding hands, so Yue just closed her eyes and leaned forward. It was far from her first kiss, but as Yoshika’s lips met hers, a spark ignited throughout her very soul. It was soft, gentle, and brief, but the intimate meaning behind the kiss fulfilled Yue in a way that no dalliance ever had.

  Yue didn’t think her sexual preferences were in danger of changing, but that? She could get used to that.

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