Of every person who Yoshika respected as a teacher or mentor, Lee Jung was by far the youngest, but she’d always had a maturity that belied her actual age. She’d needed to. Growing up, Jia remembered her always being the ‘big sister’ to the other children who went through Lee’s thinly veiled human trafficking ring disguised as an orphanage. She was always the one knocking heads together and stopping fights, and if one of the kids did something stupid it was Jung who would cover it up, even if that meant taking the fall herself.
The entire orphanage wept when she was taken away to the brothels, and Jia still regretted leaving baby Narae behind when she’d fled. Not fleeing—leaving Lee’s gang was the best decision she’d ever made, even if it had nearly killed her. But Jung and Narae deserved better, and Yoshika was eternally grateful that she’d been given the chance to make up for it later.
As young as she was, Jung had been through enough to match anyone Yoshika knew except for the longest-lived immortals. It often surprised people just how young she really was. Younger than Ja Yun, almost the same age as Pan Jiaying, yet she fit in perfectly with people twice her age or older.
Yoshika would never tell her that, of course. Jung got a bit self-conscious about her age for whatever reason, but it was her who’d taught Yoshika that age did not always beget wisdom, and wisdom did not always require a long life.
Jung had always been sharp. She had a keen intuition that was different from the latent senses of a talented cultivator, and she was fearless in the face of power and authority. In so many ways, Jung was what Jia had always aspired to be, even if she hadn’t realized it.
She was also the foremost expert Yoshika knew in a subject that had always been a bit touchy for Jia—and as her recent meditation had revealed, the rest of Yoshika’s aspects as well.
Jung gave her an arch look as they gathered for tea in the courtyard to enjoy the pleasant weather.
“You know, some might consider it offensive to ask a retired prostitute for relationship advice. They’d say that I am, at best, an expert in sex, but no better than anyone else on the subject of love—or worse.”
Jia bowed her head.
“I would say that such a person had never met one—or at least, never bothered to know them.”
Jung covered her mouth and giggled.
“Well said! Though, hm, I suppose not all courtesans take themselves so seriously. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you deserve the scorn society gives you—as if they aren’t the ones creating the demand for your profession in the first place, the hypocrites. How can I help?”
Yoshika tried to explain the issue she was facing, but it was difficult to find the words.
“I think I...can’t tell when people love me. Or I pretend not to notice, but not on purpose. Or I do notice, and I think I don’t deserve it. I either never realized it or didn’t think it was a problem, but now I’m worried that I’m hurting the people I love—or, the people who love me.”
Her sister blinked at that, tilting her head from side to side as she tried to puzzle out what Yoshika was saying.
“Hmm, confusing, but I suppose you’re confused. What do you think, dear?”
That last part was directed at Master Yumi, who had joined them but kept silent for most of the conversation, apart from greeting Jia.
“Yoshika has always been humble, though not all of her. Hayakawa Kaede and Seong Eunae were both rather arrogant, in their own ways. Eui too, despite her self-loathing.”
“And what does that have to do with it?”
Yumi frowned, speaking slowly as though sounding it out as she said it.
“Yoshika’s humility is...more than just an affectation. She is not merely being polite, but honest, as she understands it. She has pride, but it’s broken. Her domain is like a great wheel with her at the center. She values every spoke, but forgets that she is the axle around which it spins, holding it all together.”
Jia blushed and waved off her master’s analysis.
“I’m not as special as all that. I’m good at bringing people together, but I’m nothing without them. Just lucky.”
Jung raised her eyebrows and nodded slowly.
“Yes, I see. Well, that’s a very cultivatorish way to look at it, and I’d certainly like to remind you, Jia, that it goes both ways. You bringing people together empowers them as much as it does you—perhaps even more. This city is proof enough of that, but I think there is a much more human element to your problem as well.”
Jia frowned, already a bit uncomfortable, but she’d come to her most trusted mentors for help and she was committed to listening seriously to their advice.
“What’s that?”
“Do you love Hyeong Daesung? Yan Yue?”
“Yes—well, I don’t know. Love can mean different things, can’t it?”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Jung nodded.
“Absolutely. And it’s not a simple matter of degrees, either. Relationships are at least as complicated as the elements themselves, and the ways that they can intersect and shift are countless. I’ve seen hated foes meeting in secret to vent their passions physically in ways that violence could never satisfy, and I’ve seen life-long partners with chilly relationships ready to lay down their lives for each other.
“Love doesn’t always have to be physical, or romantic, or familial. Sometimes it’s just a close friend, or an admired figure, and it’s rarely ever just one thing. Love isn’t static, it shifts and changes. People can fall out of love, or even sublimate that love into hatred and vice versa. When you imagine yourself with them, how do you feel?”
Jia shook her head.
“I don’t know.”
“Aha! Stop right there and think about what you just did.”
Jung crossed her arms and gave Jia a smug look, but she didn’t get it.
“What do you mean?”
“You answered without thinking. You don’t know because you haven’t tried to know. Yumi jumped to the reasons, but you don’t even truly understand what the problem is. You don’t know how to begin a romance.”
“We’re in relationships!”
Yoshika’s protest fell on deaf ears as Jung snorted.
“Oh yes. You and Eui came together so organically with your fused souls, or Meili rescuing Jiaying from an entire lifetime of repression, or Rika boldly smashing through Eunae’s barriers and showing her what it meant to be loved. Yes, sweetheart, you know how to have a relationship, but you do not know how to properly start one. You think love is something that just happens, rather than something to be cultivated.”
She was starting to regret sharing so much of her private life with Jung. Yet, it was exactly that sort of merciless deconstruction of her flaws that Yoshika respected from her sister. It was part of why she liked Yue so much. There weren’t many people who would give her that level of honesty.
“Then what do you suggest I do?”
Jung gave her an exasperated sigh.
“I already told you the first step. Imagine yourself with them and see how you feel.”
“Right...”
In hindsight, that was something Jia had done once before, a long time ago. When she’d been uncertain whether she loved Eui or Dae or was even capable of loving at all. At the time, imagining herself with Dae had been awkward and uncomfortable, but as Jung said, relationships could change.
She entertained the idea. First with Jia, but right away that brought a grimace to her face. Jia was Eui’s, and while she could entertain the idea of a ‘tryst’ as Yue had once put it, Jia and Eui were an inseparable set without room for permanent additions. Also like Yue, Yoshika doubted that a merely physical relationship would work for either her or Dae.
Meili was likewise tied up with Jiaying, and she wouldn’t want to jeopardize her already fragile incognito status by associating with such influential figures. Eunae was the easiest of all—a flat no. She simply couldn’t see it at all.
Kaede, then. Aecha had been working hard to plant that seed, the busybody, and the ground wasn’t...entirely infertile. As part of Yoshika, Kaede inherited some of Jia’s affection for Dae, and they had worked quite closely together while scheming to create Jiaguo. Still, it was largely a business-like relationship. At length, she could see herself...trying. Nothing so concrete as marriage or even dating, but...flirting, as Yue would put it.
It occurred, belatedly, that not a single one of Yoshika’s aspects had ever done that. As Jung pointed out, in the relationships she had, they always skipped past those tentative exploratory phases and went straight into commitment.
She’d never had a relationship where she could just comfortably tease at possibilities, or let her guard down suggestively without pushing things further. Yoshika had never playfully joked with an intent behind it that wasn’t quite false, but not entirely real either. The only person she’d ever felt comfortable making such jokes with was Yue.
Yoshika froze at that thought, and something crystallized in her mind like an insight before a cultivation breakthrough. Nearly a decade of memories flashed through her head in a second, reframed by her sudden realization.
Yue commenting on Jia’s unguarded posture when they lived together, Eui intentionally making her food spicy to see if Yue would still eat it, meeting them in nightclothes as a show of vulnerability, expressing their friendship in deliberately provocative terms, Yue’s pet names for them, years of suggestive jokes that Yoshika only made with Yue—only allowed from Yue.
Yoshika had been flirting with Yue for years without even realizing it. She’d been so blind that it had never occurred to her to wonder why Yue’s flirting didn’t bother her but Sae’s did. She pretended that it was because only Sae had real intent behind the words, but was that true? Maybe rather than being unbothered because Yue’s flirting lacked intent, Yoshika failed to notice the intent because she wasn’t bothered.
She realized that she didn’t have to imagine being with Yue at all, because they’d already been together for years. Yoshika had crossed a continent through hostile territory for Yue, and Yue had gone with her across the ocean to brave Chou’s trials. They’d founded a nation together, and Yue had been right there with her for every moment of it.
For Yue, Yoshika would face Yan De. For Yoshika, Yue would face the God-Emperor of Qin himself.
“I feel like an idiot.”
Jung laughed long and loud at Jia’s sudden statement, clutching her stomach and wiping at her eyes as Jia blushed, before finally regaining some semblance of composure.
“Oh, my sweet girl—that’s how you know it’s love! It makes fools of us all. I take it you’ve come to a conclusion?”
“Maybe not a conclusion, no. But a realization, at least. It’s not a perfect answer, but another step on a path without end.”
Yumi nodded appreciatively.
“That’s how it should be. No matter how far you rise, or how old you get, there’s room for growth.”
Jung elbowed her.
“Don’t talk like it’s a cultivation thing, Yumi! It’s just love.”
“Love is no less profound than cultivation, Jung. That she recognizes this, and knows to humble herself before a true master, is a testament to our daughter’s inner strength and wisdom.”
“Oh, stop you flatterer!”
Jia flushed as she felt a swell of pride and joy from Yumi calling her ‘daughter.’ She bowed to hide it, though she knew she wasn’t fooling anybody.
“Thank you for helping me! I’ll continue to work on myself, and may consult you again in the future, master, and you as well, mother.”
Jung cocked her head and raised an eyebrow at her.
“Sorry, which of us is which in this context?”
Jia giggled and gave her mothers a wink, her eyes sparkling.
“I’ll let you decide!”
!
Selkie Myth for their incredible shoutouts.
RMullins
Etly
Emilin
Victor
Mine
Odunski
Naimah
DvorakQ
Thomas
Robin
Cog
Alexis Lionel
Attherisk
Kit
Vail
Arusalan
Saganatsu
Stephane
Celdur Ey'lin
Alexandra
IrateRapScallion
Fraxx
The Test Subject
Yandron
Berj
Sorcoro
Max C.
Solo
Mark
Ava
Auribia
VietDom
MeliMeliDH
Andrew C.
Seasparks
Joseph H.
ShadeByTheSea
Beryn
Ranzbart
Connor B.
Taylor W.
Lu
Rayaface
Zeodeicasia
Jess
j0ntsa
Jan
LarryParrish
6J0ker9
GiantOrange
K G
eagle0108
thkiw
FISHLAD
Tatsu D
The Human
Tarantism
Elisah
RuRo
bisque
Salmuna
Jake T.
Emanym
TAF
mrblue
Rhaid
Damian Z.
itbeme12321
Joseph C.
