Intern’s Log: The Babies, the Babies Are Here—And Did They Kidnap a British Midwife?!

  Date: [The Most Insane 24 Hours of My Life]

  Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (Currently Running on Pure Panic and Adrenaline)

  So.

  The babies are here.

  ? Two of them. At the same time.

  ? They are loud.

  ? They are tiny but extremely powerful.

  ? I have never been more terrified and overwhelmed in my entire existence.

  Also—

  Did someone kidnap a British midwife?

  Because I swear to God, there is a woman in the next room making tea and muttering about the “proper way” to deliver infants and I don’t know who she is.

  I have a lot of questions.

  Phase One: It Started with an “Oh Shit” Moment

  The day started normal.

  Which, in hindsight, should have been a warning sign.

  Evelyn was fine.

  ? A little cranky.

  ? A little tired.

  ? Threatening me with bodily harm if I kept hovering.

  The usual.

  Then—

  Then she grabbed my wrist.

  Hard.

  And stared me dead in the eye.

  "Reynolds."

  "Yes, dear?"

  "My water just broke."

  A long, horrifying silence.

  Then—

  Then I lost my goddamn mind.

  Phase Two: The “Organized” Chaos

  ? I grabbed the hospital bag.

  ? I grabbed the backup hospital bag.

  ? I checked the containment field. (Don’t ask.)

  ? I made sure I had my comm unit in case reality started breaking during labor.

  And then—

  Then I realized Evelyn was just sitting there.

  Completely calm.

  "Why aren’t you panicking?!" I demanded.

  She arched a brow.

  "Because one of us has to have a functioning brain right now, and clearly it’s not going to be you."

  Valid.

  Phase Three: The Escort Mission From Hell

  I radioed for transport.

  Which was a mistake.

  Because instead of a medical team showing up like normal people,

  half of our war council arrived.

  ? Goldie. (Looking far too excited for this.)

  ? Vicky. (Smirking like she was about to witness hilarious carnage.)

  ? Bandit. (Absolutely should not have been invited but came anyway.)

  ? Stubby. (Apparently part of security detail for the birth. Who made that call?)

  And I?

  I was already at maximum stress capacity.

  "WHY ARE YOU ALL HERE?!"

  "Support," Goldie said.

  "Moral encouragement," Vicky added.

  "I got money on whether or not Reynolds passes out," Bandit grinned.

  "Ensuring safe passage," Stubby rumbled.

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

  Meanwhile—

  Evelyn just sighed, rubbed her belly, and muttered, “I should have married a normal man.”

  Too late for that.

  Phase Four: The Hospital Situation Escalates

  We arrive.

  ? Medical teams are waiting.

  ? *Security is treating this like a diplomatic emergency.

  ? The Galactic Council sent an observer because of course they did.

  And somehow—

  Somehow—

  There is a British midwife in the delivery room.

  Who brought her own tea.

  And is currently scolding the doctors.

  "No, no, no, dear, you’re holding the forceps all wrong! Honestly, what do they teach you people in medical school these days?"

  I turn to one of the nurses.

  "Who is that?"

  The nurse shrugs helplessly.

  "We don’t know. She was already here when we arrived."

  Meanwhile—

  The midwife turns to me.

  "Ah! You must be the panicking father. Good! Keep panicking! It’s traditional!"

  And I have never been more confused in my life.

  Phase Five: The Babies Arrive, and I Am Unprepared

  Labor goes faster than expected.

  Which is terrifying.

  ? Evelyn is handling it like a soldier.

  ? I am sweating profusely.

  ? Bandit is trying to sneak into the delivery room with a camcorder.

  ? Stubby is standing guard like this is a military operation.

  ? The British midwife is actively sabotaging the hospital staff to do things her way.

  Then—

  Then the first cry.

  And everything stops.

  I turn.

  See my daughter.

  Tiny.

  Perfect.

  And I feel everything in my world shift.

  Then—

  Then the second cry.

  And I realize all over again that there are TWO OF THEM.

  And I pass out.

  Like a goddamn cliché.

  Phase Six: I Wake Up to Smugness and Babies

  I come to.

  I am in a chair.

  Evelyn is holding two tiny bundles.

  Bandit is cackling.

  Goldie is smiling in approval.

  The British midwife is drinking tea like she’s won a battle.

  And Vicky just leans over and says—

  "Welcome back, Dad. You survived."

  I sit up.

  Look at my wife.

  My kids.

  And I feel everything hit me all at once.

  They are mine.

  They are here.

  And for the first time in a long, long time—

  I feel like the universe makes sense.

  Evelyn smiles tiredly.

  "Reynolds?"

  "Yeah?"

  "You passed out."

  "…Yeah."

  "Bandit took pictures."

  "OF COURSE HE DID."

  Final Thoughts (I Am a Father. This is Real.)

  ? I have two babies.

  ? They are perfect.

  ? I am absolutely unqualified but I will figure it out.

  ? Bandit is already a bad influence.

  ? Stubby is now a self-appointed guardian.

  ? Vicky is having far too much fun with this.

  ? The British midwife is still here and I’m afraid to ask why.

  I don’t know what comes next.

  But I do know this—

  For once, I don’t need to fight. I don’t need to run. I just need to be here.

  And that?

  That’s enough.

  End Log.