Intern’s Log: Stubby Comes to Visit and See My Wife

  Date: [Unexpected Guest, Expected Chaos]

  Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (Currently Processing Yet Another Insane Day)

  So.

  I have had a long few weeks.

  ? The Architects tried to erase us. We didn’t let them.

  ? Reality has stabilized, but only because we broke it in just the right ways.

  ? I just found out I’m having twins. I’m still recovering from that.

  ? Aliens, world leaders, and the Pope are all watching my unborn children like they’re some kind of cosmic prophecy.

  And now?

  Now Stubby has shown up.

  Because of course he has.

  Because my life is never allowed to be normal.

  Phase One: Who Is Stubby, and Why Is He Here?

  Stubby is one of the Good Boys.

  ? Battle-scarred.

  ? Loyal to a fault.

  ? Built like a truck.

  ? Missing half an ear and a portion of his tail.

  ? Still capable of making grown men cry with a single look.

  Stubby does not visit casually.

  Stubby does not make small talk.

  Stubby is the kind of visitor that means Something Important is happening.

  So when I opened my door and saw him standing there, massive and unmoving, watching me like I was some kind of half-grown pup that needed to be reminded of my place in the universe—

  I knew something was about to go down.

  "Reynolds," he greeted.

  "Stubby."

  "I have come to see your mate."

  I blinked.

  "Uh. Why?"

  He tilted his head.

  "She carries your offspring."

  "…Yes?"

  "Then I must assess her."

  And I just stood there.

  Processing that sentence.

  Before finally sighing and stepping aside.

  "Yeah, okay, fine. Come in. Try not to traumatize her."

  Phase Two: Evelyn Meets Stubby

  Evelyn was lounging on the couch, drinking water, scrolling through something on her datapad.

  She looked up, saw me, then saw the absolute unit of a war dog behind me.

  And, without missing a beat, she said—

  "Oh good. Another one."

  Stubby strode into the room like a war general inspecting a battlefield.

  He sat down in front of her, staring.

  Evelyn stared back.

  A long silence.

  I slowly backed away.

  Because this?

  This was not my moment to interfere.

  Phase Three: The Staring Contest That Could Break a Planet

  Stubby narrowed his eyes.

  "You are the mate of Reynolds."

  If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

  Evelyn sipped her water.

  "I sure hope so, or this pregnancy is a real mystery."

  Stubby ignored that.

  "You carry his offspring."

  "Yep. That’s how this works."

  "Twins."

  "Uh-huh."

  Another pause.

  Then Stubby, in the gravest tone imaginable:

  "That is a very inefficient reproductive strategy."

  I choked on air.

  Evelyn set her glass down very slowly.

  "Oh, for fuck’s sake, not you too."

  Stubby tilted his head.

  "You are small. You are fragile. Yet you carry two. Why?"

  "BECAUSE THAT’S HOW HUMAN BIOLOGY WORKS."

  "It is… flawed."

  I took another step back.

  Because this was about to get good.

  Phase Four: Evelyn Defends Her Honor (and Humanity’s Reproductive System)

  "Alright, listen, Stubby," Evelyn said, leaning forward.

  "I get it. You’re from a species that pops out multiple pups at a time. Great. Fantastic. You guys are built for it. We are not."

  Stubby huffed.

  "You should not be carrying more than one. It is unnatural."

  "Well, guess what? Nature decided to surprise me. So here we are."

  "You are certain Reynolds did not cause this?"

  I threw my hands up.

  "WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING THAT?!"

  Evelyn glared at me.

  "Because it is exactly the kind of thing you would do."

  Stubby gave a slow nod.

  "It is."

  I was going to lose my mind.

  Phase Five: The Verdict of the War Dog

  Stubby studied Evelyn again.

  Then he stood up, towering over her.

  And then—

  Then he lowered his massive head and gently pressed his forehead against her stomach.

  Evelyn froze.

  I froze.

  The room went dead silent.

  Stubby closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and rumbled.

  "They are strong," he said. "I approve."

  And just like that, he turned and left.

  Phase Six: Processing What Just Happened

  Silence.

  Then Evelyn looked at me.

  "Did I just get judged and approved by a giant dog-man?"

  "Yes."

  "Should I be concerned?"

  "Honestly? No. That’s probably the highest honor they can give you."

  "…Huh."

  She leaned back, hand on her stomach.

  "Well. Guess that’s settled then."

  And me?

  I just sat down, rubbed my face, and sighed.

  Because this is my life now.

  Final Thoughts (I Am Never Going to Have a Normal Moment Again, Am I?)

  ? Stubby came all the way here just to evaluate my wife.

  ? She passed.

  ? Human pregnancy continues to be judged as biologically inefficient by war creatures.

  ? I am apparently still suspected of accidentally manifesting extra children.

  ? There is nothing normal about my existence.

  I don’t know if this was some kind of official ritual or just Stubby being Stubby.

  But I do know this—

  If another uplifted shows up to “approve” my children, I am going to start charging admission.

  End Log.