Intern’s Log: “Wait, You Mean You Only Have One at a Time?!”

  Date: [I Should Not Have Overheard This Conversation]

  Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I have seen war, death, and reality itself unravel, but nothing prepared me for this.)

  So.

  My wife is pregnant.

  That was already a lot to process.

  But today?

  Today, I learned something that shattered my worldview.

  Because I overheard Evelyn, Goldie, and Vicky comparing pregnancy between humans and the uplifted.

  And now I am terrified.

  Phase One: The Moment I Realized I Should Not Be Listening

  I was walking past our quarters.

  Carrying some notes on the reality stabilizer project.

  Thinking about things like war, diplomacy, and the survival of existence itself.

  And then—

  I heard Goldie’s deep rumbling voice say—

  "Wait. You mean you only have one at a time?"

  I froze.

  Stood there.

  My entire brain just... stopped.

  Because what?

  Phase Two: The Conversation That Broke Me

  Evelyn sighed.

  "Yes, Goldie. Most of the time, humans only have one baby per pregnancy."

  Goldie sounded deeply disturbed.

  "That is… that is terribly inefficient."

  Vicky chimed in, sounding amused.

  "Well, of course it is. That’s why they have to do it so many times."

  Evelyn groaned.

  "I swear to God, if one more person talks about human reproduction like it’s some kind of industrial failure, I’m going to lose my mind."

  Goldie huffed.

  "I am just saying. My people produce entire litters. Three to five cubs per pregnancy. Some as many as seven. It ensures that even in harsh conditions, at least some will survive."

  Vicky nodded.

  "Oh yes. Felinids are the same. It would be ridiculous to expect only one child at a time. How do humans function with such a slow reproductive rate?"

  Evelyn sighed again, but this time with the exhaustion of someone trying to explain basic biology to people who refuse to accept it.

  "We don’t just function. We thrive. We compensate by having longer childhoods, better parental investment, and higher intelligence."

  Goldie grunted.

  "That seems like an incredibly risky evolutionary strategy."

  Vicky clicked her tongue.

  "And so inefficient. Even Bandit’s people have twins more often than not."

  I felt my heart stop.

  Because of course Bandit has multiple offspring at once. Of course raccoons are born in litters. Of course I hadn’t considered this before now.

  And then—

  Then Evelyn dropped the bombshell.

  Phase Three: The Moment My Soul Left My Body

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  "Oh, I know it’s slow compared to you two. But at least I know what to expect. I mean, it’s not like I have to worry about a litter."

  Goldie and Vicky both fell silent.

  For too long.

  And then—

  Goldie, in the most concerned tone I’ve ever heard from a ten-foot-tall war bear, said—

  "Are you sure?"

  I nearly dropped my notes.

  Evelyn paused.

  "...What do you mean, am I sure?"

  Vicky cleared her throat.

  "Well, your mate has been exposed to more cosmic anomalies than any other living human. You are currently carrying the first recorded child of someone who has directly fought an Architect and won. There are multiple alien factions interested in your offspring, and, well…"

  Goldie finished for her.

  "You are stabilizing something that may never have existed before."

  Evelyn was silent for a long time.

  Then, very, very flatly, she said—

  "Oh no."

  And that’s when I knew.

  I had to walk in.

  I had to say something.

  Because if my wife was about to tell me I had somehow created a litter of human children by accident, I needed to prepare myself.

  Phase Four: My Entrance, My Doom

  I opened the door.

  Three pairs of eyes snapped to me.

  I cleared my throat.

  "I feel like I need to be involved in this conversation."

  Evelyn rubbed her temples.

  "Reynolds. I love you. But I swear to everything holy, if you have somehow contaminated our genetics with your reality-breaking nonsense and I end up pregnant with multiples, I will kill you."

  Goldie rumbled.

  "It would be quite the turn of events."

  Vicky grinned.

  "Imagine! A human litter! Oh, the scientific significance! And the chaos!"

  Bandit chose that moment to pop his head into the room.

  "Wait, wait, wait. Are we sure it's just one? Because if it isn’t, I got side bets to make."

  Evelyn grabbed a pillow and threw it at his head.

  "BANDIT, GET OUT."

  I collapsed into a chair, holding my head in my hands.

  "How. How is this my life?"

  Evelyn sighed.

  "That’s your problem, dear. I am the one who has to deal with the consequences."

  Goldie looked thoughtful.

  "Well. At least we know one thing for certain."

  Evelyn narrowed her eyes.

  "And what’s that?"

  Goldie shrugged.

  "If your children are like their father, then they will be very, very hard to erase."

  And, somehow—

  Somehow, that made me feel a little better.

  Final Thoughts (Please Let It Just Be One Baby, Please Let It Just Be One Baby, Please—)

  ? My wife is pregnant.

  ? Goldie and Vicky think human reproduction is wildly inefficient.

  ? There is now real concern that I may have accidentally created more than one baby.

  ? Bandit is taking bets. Of course he is.

  ? At least one galactic power is watching this situation with scientific horror.

  ? I am not emotionally prepared for this.

  I don’t know if I should schedule another scan.

  I don’t know if I should be worried.

  But I do know this—

  If my wife finds out I somehow gave her a litter,

  I will not survive.

  End Log.