After the "speech" disaster, I retreated to the Imperial Gardens. I needed to think. My siblings were closing in. They were already "interpreting" my babbles into law.

  Suddenly, a shadow fell over me. It was my father.

  He wasn't wearing his Imperial robes. He was in simple linen, looking like a common gardener. He sat down on the grass next to me.

  "Nice try with the 'ducky' line, Xian-er," he said, his voice quiet so the siblings wouldn't hear.

  I froze. I didn't look at him. Stay in character. Be a baby.

  "You know," the Emperor continued, looking at the sky, "I’m in the late stage of the True Immortal Realm. I’ve lived for centuries. I’ve seen every trick in the book. You’re the only one who actually succeeded in making the Prime Minister doubt his own sanity today."

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  He chuckled and poked my cheek. "Your brothers and sisters are already planning your 5th Birthday. They’ve commissioned an Ancient Grade weapon and a 100% Purity Dao Elixir for you. They’re going to 'accidentally' let you win the sparring match in front of the whole world."

  I looked at him, my eyes wide. I couldn't help it. "They... what?"

  The Emperor’s eyes twinkled. "Oh, so you can speak. Don't worry, I won't tell them. It’s more fun this way."

  He leaned in closer, his voice a whisper. "But listen, kid. In four years, I’m holding a 'Game.' I’m calling it the Throne-Trap Trial. I’m going to make all seven of you compete. Not for the crown, but to see who can avoid it the longest. The loser... becomes the Emperor."

  I stared at my father. He wasn't a majestic ruler right now; he was a fellow prisoner looking for a replacement.

  "Good luck, Xian-er," the Emperor said, standing up and dusting off his pants. "You’re going to need it. Your siblings are currently writing a 10-volume commentary on your 'Stinky Cloud' speech."

  He walked away, humming a tune.

  I lay back on the grass, defeated. I was one year old, and I was already the target of a continental-scale conspiracy.

  Fine, I thought, my modern "Shark" instincts finally sparking. If they want to play a game of 'Who is the Biggest Idiot,' I’ll show them. I’m not just a CEO; I’m a professional procrastinator.