“Shhh, quiet…”, I warned as the doorway glowed. A clown shoe stepped through, followed by that hideous three-color jester hat. “It’s showtime!”, Jingle Jack wore his usual idiotic grin.

  Taking me and a few other jars off the shelf, we exited the portal. “[Spooky Maze]”. As soon as we caught a glimpse of light, Jack thrust us back into his dark circus world. Dabble flew off and immediately started painting a giant tent, the same as the one they’d used in Sugaria. So this was the prep room.

  “Time to practice your acts”, Jack leaned over us. “Of course, you’ll go first, Count Boogula. Why don’t you tell me the story of your adventures?”.

  The words came out of my mouth unbidden, pried from my soul. Jingle Jack nodded along and chuckled good-naturedly as I recounted my adventures.

  “…So then we go into the Catacombs, and meet this edgelord calling himself ‘Hex the First’”.

  “You met Hex?!”, his eyes widened. “In person?!”.

  “Yes. He was a truly ridiculous villain. We took him out of course, but not before he dared to plagiarize my spell”.

  Jack blinked. “Did he use your spell exactly? How do you know he didn’t invent it? …Anyways, tell the story of your fight”.

  “Right”, I replied, his order shutting off any opportunity for dissent. “So he basically deployed his own ‘Spooky Maze’, and in response I called him out and used mine. The fool was so shocked Phoebe just cut him down from behind. Easy peasy”.

  “Hmm”, Jingle Jack gave a rare frown in response. “Couldn’t you make it more dramatic?”.

  “‘Neither of you are leaving here alive’, Hex said menacingly. His wings vibrated, each shard of glass rotating like a buzz saw. With just a flick, one of the shards shot towards me, slicing open my face. Ectoplasm poured forth as we stared in horror. But then…”.

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  What the?! That wasn’t what happened at all! This was just blatant misrepresentation of our mundane exploits! We travelled to some crazy places, sure. But to pretend that Hex was some impressive, calculating villain was just laughable. I refused to be lionized because of some tall tale better suited to a seedy bar than a circus!

  “…He uttered a strange phrase, and the world peeled back to reveal a yawning abyss. Yes, for it turns out that Hex had in…”. I suddenly clamped my mouth shut. But even all of my willpower and academic integrity could not keep it closed for long!

  “…Hex had inven- *cough cough*!”. Yes! By pivoting to a hacking cough, I could prevent the lie from slipping out! Still, it was only a matter of time before my traitorous tongue won out…

  “Alright, that’s enough”, Jack waved his hand dismissively. I nearly collapsed, his torture having pushed me to the breaking point. Truly, he was more formidable than I thought! “We can skip that part. Just continue”.

  And I did, with a fable so shameless that even the most drunken blowhard would gasp in horror. It felt as if I was vandalizing history itself, mocking every adventurer that had come before me. But like all horrific experiences, it too received the wretched death it begged for eventually.

  “…And so the great Hex was sealed into the form of an unassuming slime, harmless… for now”.

  Jack blinked, uncomprehending. “…A slime?”. Then he suddenly seized me, shaking me around within the jar. “A SLIME?! THAT WAS HIM?! AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!”. He nearly threw me, but quickly thought better of it and started thrashing a random mirror nearby, stomping it and throwing wild punches.

  “I was so close! He was right in my grasp! And yet… and yet! Agh!”, he panted, finally letting go of his senseless rage. “…No matter. They’re coming. Yes, they’re coming right here! Hahaha!”.

  He threw his head back with no warning. “SOON I’LL HAVE ALL THE CARDS!”. I eyed him quizzically. Jack had never seemed well put together in the first place, but this was a little early for a crazy temper tantrum.

  He turned back to us, his smile returning. Except now it wasn’t forced. On the contrary, he was trying to rein it in, that sort of uneasy expression like he was trying to hide his giddiness at someone else’s funeral.

  A shiver crept up my nonexistent spine. I sure hoped Phoebe was prepared, because the show was about to begin.