My name was Kazuo. An ordinary man, hardworking (when I felt like it), and a devoted fan of cold beer, baseball on TV, and a good white tank top stained with sauce. On the glorious day of my death, I was sprawled out on the couch with a beer in one hand, the remote control in the other, and a cigarette dangling from the corner of my mouth.

  "Hey, woman! Make me something to eat, will ya?"

  That was my st sentence in this life. Charming, I know.

  A second ter, I felt my chest tighten. Not from regret, but from a sudden heart attack. The beer fell, the cigarette fell... and so did I. Everything went dark.

  "At least I died doing what I loved," I thought.

  But what came next wasn’t emptiness. It was light. A bright, gring, and irritatingly… fragrant light?

  When I regained consciousness, I was wrapped in fine cloth that smelled of flowers and expensive soap. And then I heard a weary voice, belonging to an old man who seemed closer to death than I had been.

  "Congratutions, Your Majesty. It’s a beautiful baby girl."

  ...Girl?

  Wait, Hold Up — I Have… What?

  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

  Yes, I cried. Loudly. Not out of emotion, but sheer despair. In my mind, I was screaming and cursing at everything and everyone. The old doctor, the world, the damn reincarnation system, and even my new mother, who smiled wearily.

  "She shall be named... Sophia Aldyn," said my new father with a pride that made me want to vomit milk.

  Sophia. SO-PHIA.

  The name echoed like a curse from the gods of political correctness.

  I cursed that couple with every word an old, crude dude like me knew. But all that came out of my mouth was:

  "Waaaaaahhh... Baaa!"

  The universe was truly cruel.