Alolissimo Pomel! My name is Vlad Schlick and for decades I’ve lived here, alone, on the top floor of this sturdy commieblock.

  One day, I heard wails from a corridor. I was angry, and went outside. It was a little elf girl. Her parents were nowhere to be seen! So I had to took her with me. I named her Chysm.

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  Time passed, and I reclutantly raised Chysm by myself, secretly. I needed a pawn. The only people who knew about Chysm were myself and Elvira Slayer.

  And raising Chysm together, we fell in love and started dating. Eventually, the three of us moved out of the commieblock and into our home together, where we had a son named Seraph.

  What we didn’t know, though, was mi phough.

  Chysm spent hours at the computer chatting to a woman named Susan Wainwright who lived in Sunset Valley.

  We knew when she went to visit us, and took Chysm with her.