My waterpark ride through the depths of the world, for lack of a more Shakespearian quote, sucked balls. I’m talking grande donkey balls. Orientation? I don’t know the meaning of the word and neither did my lightless world. The twists and turns scraped me along the rough walls of the passage. My clothes are so ruined, I just got these too, least I have a change in my... Wait where’s my bag? Damn. It was sitting beside the catterpie pile before the river made a house call. It is long since swept away or still in the cave caught on something. Either way I don’t have it.

  My trip ended suddenly as I was shot from the ceiling into grand cavern, the space lighted by luminescent moss, all the colours of the rainbow pulsating in and out. Except yellow, hang on let me check while I get a quick look around and suck in a lungful of air to scream.

  “AAAAH!” Yup definitely no yellow.

  “Venonaaaaaa!” Oh, there you are furball.

  The cavern was built like a natural amphitheatre, one side was a curved wall encompassing a solid rock stage with stalagmites jutting up from the ground. I found myself in freefall on the other side of the cavern, I could see the rippling of an underground river. It was flowing beneath us, an aquatic audience in front of the stage. It looked like it fell away off another cliff to the left of the stage, the sounds of water crashing against rock coming from below.

  Venonat was falling below me out of reach wildly thrashing around in panic. As they turned in their fall to face upwards and the moss lanterns above pulsed out their glow, Venonat caught sight of me for just a moment. Panic forgotten, time stopping, we were held frozen in the rainbow tinted air as we stared at one another. Then splash, Venonat was plunged into the water. Soon to follow I took a deep breath as I was submerged. Fortunately, this time it only lasted a moment as I was able to kick my way to the surface.

  I brushed a hand across my belt to confirm I hadn’t lost my precious Pokémon cargo. Looks like they made these magnetic belts to work in extreme conditions. I should leave a review if I ever find myself with signal, above ground and hopefully alive. I’m not picky, I’d take just the alive part right about now.

  We both hit the water close to stage right, however if you have ever been to a concert, you may have noticed beachballs go where the crowd dictates. Venonat was no exception as they struggled to stay above water being carried towards the cliff. Those paws aren’t built for doggy paddling. I swam towards them and had to dive under to wrap my hands around their bulk as they went under. Struggling to get us both above water with my drenched clothes weighing us down, I managed to break the surface long enough to quickly grab and toss Ekans pokéball toward dry land. With a flash of red, Ekans took centre stage.

  “Ekans?” Looking around confused, Ekans tried to get his bearings.

  “EKANS!” I frantically pointed toward a stalagmite on to the left side of the stage.

  That was enough for our boy as he shot across to his marker like a professional showman and coiled the end of his tail around the stalagmite, reaching his head out towards us as we passed. With only one shot at this, I used the last of my strength to keep us treading water, gripped a Venonat paw in my left hand and reached out with my right. My palm met scales and I tried to get some form of grip around Ekans neck with my arm, but it was too slippery with all the water. The current began to pull us out of his reach.

  “Ekans!” Ekans struck out further with his neck, the stalagmite behind cracking as his muscles tightened around it. His fangs snapped shut onto my arm, the pain burned into me as the only warm spot on my body, the rest freezing in the cold of the river. With him latched on, the current swung us like a pendulum, his tail anchoring us. We were pushed up against the stage. Venonat was able to scramble up with me pushing from below one handed. As soon as they where up I grabbed at the rock to hold myself steady, Venonat ran over to Ekan side and together they hauled me up.

  Ekans detached from my arm and squirmed back as blood began to seep into what was left of my shirt sleeve. He had bit into the meat above my elbow, it hurt to move the arm, and I had to get Venonat to tear off the sleave so I could use it as a temporary tourniquet. Definitely going to need to get that looked at but the bandaging was holding, and I wasn’t getting lightheaded. While I am no doctor, I am going to assume that is a good sign.

  The three of us collapsed to our backs and stared up at the hypnotic moss as we gratefully took in great big lungsful of air and let our exhaustion take hold. We didn’t fall asleep. All the adrenaline making my heart beat a mile a minute prevented that. I could hear it in my ears pounding away. No, the exhaustion just made my body become heavy and limp. I could hear the other two next to me panting away.

  “Nice catch Ekans.” I said rolling my head over to look at him. He flinched looking nervously at my arm. “No, I mean it Ekans. I’ll take a few puncture holes over whatever is over that cliff any day.”

  “Venonat nat.” Going to assume that means seconded. Ekans relaxed then, after a while he slithered away to come back with his pokéball.

  “Thanks, don’t want to lose that.” I took it and put it back on my belt. I don’t miss the longing look Venonat gives the ball as I sit up to do so. On a hunch I grab one of my two spares and press the button to enlarge it. It grows from being held between two fingers to fitting in the palm of my hand. I know, cool right. “What do you say Venonat, I can only imagine it’s a lot comfier to rest in one of these than on this stone floor?”

  “Venonat?”. Venonat gives a questioning call of their name as they roll onto their feet, to give me their full attention pointing at themselves.

  “Yes you, don’t see any other venonats around here.”

  “Ven, venonat ven.”

  “Yeah I got none of that sorry.” I say tilting my head.

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  “Ekans, ek ek sans ek.” Ekans chimes in helpfully. Oh, why didn’t they just say so.

  “Ah, no Venonat I don’t think your weak. You where sandbagging in our fight before, weren’t you?”

  “Venonat…” Venonat gives a, who me, tone while twisting the toes of one foot in the ground and stairs up and into the distance. I see they don’t give acting classes in this forest.

  “Ekans!?” Poor Ekans, he looks shocked and a little affronted.

  “Sorry Ekans, but they got up and ran off too quickly after our fight. Not to mention Venonat knows the psychic move confusion which they didn’t use in our fight.” That would have turned the tables easily.

  “Ekansssss.” He whines pitifully.

  “Yeah I’m sure, they used it in the cave on me.” Venonat has the decency to look a little guilty at that.

  I turn back to the bug in question and ask. “You wanted me to catch you, didn’t you?”

  Venonat shuffles uncomfortable but gives a slow nod.

  “Can I ask why?”

  “Venonat, veno veno veno nat nat. Venonat.” Venonat rambles on while rubbing their belly then pointing at me then ekans. One meowth that’s all I need; we can feed it poison till it changes type. That will still count as being a specialist right.

  “You want to eat me and Ekans?” I get simultaneous facepalms from the pair, one with claw and the other a tail.

  “Ekans, ekans ek sans ekans.” He translates, leaving me to wonder when I learnt parseltongue. No doubt about it, I pretty much understand what he is putting down. I wonder if all trainers can understand their partners. Will need to look into it later.

  “So, you liked the smell of the kibble and came to investigate.” With nods of encouragement, I continue. “It tasted good, and you saw me consoling Ekans and it made you feel lonely.”

  “Ven.” That was the saddest little acknowledgement. Would break my heart if I had one. What are you talking about that’s water from the river under my eye.

  “Think I get the picture. You fought hoping we would catch you. You wanted to join us, but instead I said some dumb things and hurt your feelings.” Ekans reaches up and lightly smacks the back of my head with his tail. Yep, that was deserved.

  “Sorry, Venonat. What I said wasn’t about you specifically, just some thoughts I had about my knowledge of your species.” I let out a sigh. “Or lack they’re of. I’m new to the whole Pokémon trainer thing and given I’m trapped underground with no idea where I am, with more cuts than I can count and an arm down. I think I would be the weak link in our partnership.”

  “Ekans!”

  “Venonat!”

  The two burst to my defence, at the same time. Wildly gesturing to me, my wounds the hole in the ceiling where we came from. I swear it must be a magic raining cave. I don’t know why my eyes feel so wet.

  “Alright, no pity parties.” I hold out the ball to Venonat. Who stands taller than me while I’m in my seated position. “You want to join this circus of a team bud?”

  Venonat stumbles while walking over to me, their turn to look affronted it would seem.

  “Ekan.” Whoops.

  “Sorry, love.” Venonat is a girl, good to know.

  She gives a me a satisfied look, then gives the ball a poke, her bulk disappearing in a blinding flash. It wobbles in my hand as it warbles out a tune, the button flashing. After a few short shakes it chimes, and the light goes solid. I hold up my prize in the rainbow glow to appreciate it, a joyful warmth spreading up my body. Or a fever, it could definitely be a fever now I think about it.

  “I really hope my second catch has a lot less bloodshed involved.”

  “Ekans.” Ekans nods sagely by my side in agreement.

  ***

  While I rested on the floor, and Venonat started putting up curtains and moving the furnishings around, or whatever Pokémon do inside their balls, Ekans patrolled around the cavern looking for an exit. He found an alcove with a few odd-looking stones clustered together at one side and a passageway on the opposite side of the stage. Other than that, there was just a crack in the wall that could maybe be squeezed through if one was determined enough near the alcove.

  After much deliberation, we decided to go with the crack in the wall. I know surprising right. Don’t give me that look it was the logical and clear choice. Oh, right I left something out. We first started down the passageway, but after the ground started to shake and a roar was bellowed down from the other end, followed by a charging rhydon… We reconsidered.

  The rhino Pokémon was massive and nearly speared Ekans and me. We had to run back into the cave and dive to opposite sides of the passageway opening to avoid it. It clipped the wall of the tunnel on Ekans side causing rocks to fall in blocking our exit. Suddenly the crack in the wall seemed like a great idea, and determination? Oh boy was I determined now.

  The rhydon seethed in anger as we had clearly invaded its den, those odd-looking rocks, not so odd-looking if I assume them to be a clutch of rock-type eggs.

  “Easy now, we don’t want… Fuck!” I yelled as I was forced to move again as a rock the size of my torso was hurled at me. It shattered against the wall as I took cover between some stalagmites. Okay so they don’t want to talk this out like our friendly neighbourhood heracross. “You’re not even supposed to be on this route!”

  Rhydon moved to block us from their nest, unknowingly cutting off our escape at the same time. Another roar sent shivers down my spine as it echoed around the cavern. Stalactite’s crashing from above. Well, when flight is off the table. I got to my feet and moved so I still had some cover between me and Rhydon but could see Ekans. He was clearly ready for a fight, watching Rhydon closely. No way, he can take that thing on one-on-one. Fortunately, I am a member of Team Rocket and Team Rocket cheats.

  I pulled Venonats ball from my belt and released her onto the battlefield.

  “Alright, time for a boss battle.”