The rest of the night was retively quiet, Azuriel was still clearly upset and so Carmil and I spent time with her while Henna and Dekarru told everyone else about the new Saints. The three inscribers all stayed with us, though Liru was the only one that joined the nudity. The naked goth woman was something I would have paid more attention to had I not been so concerned with the angel’s well being. But honestly, I even found myself mostly ignoring Tendri. That worry in the back of my mind over what was happening was strong. Strong enough that I sent a prayer to Vei’Ryn, though I only received a simir feeling of worry and uncertainty from her.
Interestingly, Azuriel actually found comfort in the group that night. Her shoulders rexing as she settled in between my elemental love and I at the center of the table, surrounded by the tribe and our friends. After dinner, Azuriel, Carmil, and I went fishing. Something Dani had done a few times as a child but not enjoyed, mostly because it was a ‘bonding experience’ with an uncle that she found creepy. Simple catch and release was all we did that night and I found the time spent with them far more enjoyable than I would have imagined. The celestial also finally fully rexing from whatever had spiked her anxiety and fear so badly.
I knew it had something to do with change, Mary had said that celestials don’t like it. The Hierophant, the celestial’s apparent leader, had been saying I would destroy the world. Whether they actually believed that or it was just a means to encourage their forces against me, I had no way of knowing. But I got the feeling there was something real they were afraid of, something they were justifiably terrified of. I could only hope it was something that either wasn’t going to affect me and mine, or it was something I could face. But either way, focusing on it with so little information was just going to drive me crazy.
That night, I dreamed. A true dream, something I thought I’d lost once I really came into my power.
Dani dug through the old junkyard looking for something to repce a broken leg from the table she and Tendri had found the day before.
Lietri sang a hymn she hated, surrounded by pious assholes that would all start talking about how horrible those queers were the second services ended, all loud and close enough for her to hear.
Dani crawled under barbed wire with a rifle in hand, mud covering her body as a drill instructor yelled at her and several others to move faster. She was already bleeding and would bleed more before the day ended, but it didn’t bother her.
Lietri clung tight to a duffle bag with her entire life in it, staring out the window of a bus as it made it’s way from her hick town to a city with an actual train station. From there, one ticked to the Big Apple and her life would change. She would be free. She would be happy.
Dani, Lietri, and a shadowed figure all sat in the dirt next to a river, pying board games and ughing. Then the two women’s hands reached out and grabbed the same piece. A single hand lifted it, Esme holding it up and sighing softly.
I found myself in that moment, realizing I was dreaming and looking up to see Charon smiling at me. “So… this is-, it’s finished?”
He nodded. “For good or for ill, you are whole.”
“They’re…” I shuddered and pulled my knees up to my chest. “I don’t know how to feel about this. Shouldn’t I know how to feel? It’s been a while since I found out, this isn’t like its a surprise or anything.”
He shrugged. “People are complex, even just one regur person is and you have several more levels of bullshit to deal with than most. But I can say that many, many people come to me not knowing how to feel. Death is something that you can’t really prepare for, no matter what you think you know.”
“This is death, isn’t it? They may not be crossing the river, but their story is ended. Even if I accept that they are part of me, that they’re not just erased, they reached their ends.”
He nodded again. “I wouldn’t say that is the only way to see this, but I will say that it is a valid one. It’s how I’m here after all. A death has occurred, or at least something close enough that my domain is affected. Dani and Lietri will have no more stories to tell. But you, Esme, will have many, many, many more.”
I moved next to him, leaning against my friend. “They gave everything they were to me, they never got a choice in the matter but it’s still the truth. I have so many twisted and conflicting feelings about them both. Gods they were both so stupid, but amazing, and foolish, and brilliant, and arrogant, and blind, and caring. I want to spit on their graves and honor their lives at the same time.” I ughed bitterly, Charon’s arm wrapping around my shoulder to hold me.
“Honoring them is honoring yourself. Admitting their mistakes is learning from your own. Whatever you decide, do not let yourself be stuck in the past. Something that I admit will be harder for you than most as you have twice as much of it as you should.” I looked up and he was smirking.
I snorted out a ugh. “That was a terrible joke.”
“You ughed.”
I turned and hugged the Ferryman tight, he responded in kind. “I know what I have to do, even if it’s technically wrong.”
“I knew you’d figure something out, and it’s only wrong if it doesn’t help.” He patted my back and just held me for a few long moments. I was gd for this gift from Dani, this friendship with Charon. Every time we spoke I felt myself comforted and filled so deeply with life. He was the best friend I had ever had, would ever have, and we had precious little time together. I would find a way to change that, but first, I had need of the living nds.
I opened my eyes to Tendri leaning over me, worry written on her face. It was still dark out and none of the sounds of morning reached my ears, so it was still quite early. “Are you okay?” she whispered. “You were crying and shaking in your sleep.”
I pulled her into a sudden hug, making her squeak loudly and wake half the tent. Dekarru groaned and sat up, demanding to know why she was being woken by something other than Wen’s cooking. Once untangled with Tendri I turned to Carmil, who looked at me with a gaze saying she saw something different in me. At my request, she entered me again and confirmed my dream. Soul Containment and Mind Shatter were both gone.
The yurt turned silent as my tribe understood and our guests gathered that this was a time to not get involved. As we sat in the pre-dawn quiet, I spoke and made my request to Dekarru. She paused, understanding slowly spreading through her before she nodded.
It took under an hour, the sun still a bit off from bring the dawn. I stood with my tribe, my friends, my lovers, on the edge of the ke. I held a paper ntern in my hands, Carmil another in hers as she stood next to me. Dekarru stood before us in her ritual robe, a somber look on her face.
My tribe and our guests were gathered, along with a few other early risers from other tribes. Everyone but Tendri and Luvetra stood back from us, some privacy for final words was granted for the mourning.
The oracle stepped forward and pced her hands on my shoulders. “Tonight, we bid farewell to those who once touched our hearts but now are lost. We honor them with our words and our deeds, but in this moment we mark their passing on our souls forever more.”
She stood back and stepped aside. Carmil and I stepped forward until our feet were submerged, she turned her head to me and gave a small nod. I took a breath.
“Lietri Dawnlight, Danielle Carpenter, I cannot see you off properly or bid the gods guide you to the Ferryman, though I wish I could. You are gone in a way that none should have to face. You cannot carry your stories across the river, so I will carry them for you. I will always be grateful for what you have given me, and I swear you will not be forgotten. Farewell and thank you both, for everything.”
Tendri and Luvetra stepped forward to light the candles within the nterns and waited. When they rose into the air my chest heaved and a sob pulled itself free. I was immediately surrounded by my loved ones, arms holding me as grief for people I once was and who would never be again poured from my heart.
Tendri and I wept for the better part of an hour, saying nothing and just letting the hurt out, while we were held by those who lived in my heart now. The sun spilled over the mountains shortly after our tears finally dried, bathing the world in a new beginning. It was so perfectly timed that I had to wonder if my Goddess was somehow involved. Not that I knew a way she could be, but the thought made me smile.
Mahrk and Divh joined us briefly as we sat for breakfast, giving us a pte of some small, soft cookie like things that reminded me a bit of cinnamon buns from earth. They were called life-cakes and were a funerary tradition in Divh’s hometown. The first thing you eat after sending away a ntern would be the warm, sweet, soft, pastries, filled with a wonderful cream bursting with the fvor of juicy oranges. The idea was that you would remind yourself of joy, and promise to smile for the sake of who you lost. Remind yourself that you still live on, and that those who have passed on would want you to live happily. Remind yourself that as much as things hurt now, the world is not all dark and pain. A very difficult thing to keep in mind when grieving.
I thanked them, deeply and honestly, then my tribe and companions all shared the treats. A few others came by in small groups or individually to offer condolences. No questions were asked, no advice given. Some offered small gifts simir in nature to the life-cakes, flowers wrapped in ivy, a small cloth strap with a tiny pocket to hold something in to remind me of who I lost, along with a few other, thoughtful and lovely things. I thanked my fellow Path members and gave a few hugs. But mostly we were given space.
Though there was one interesting visit. Olivia, Henna, Sellian, Avarin, Layanta, and Pellu all showed up in a group a bit more than an hour after we’d eaten. I was somewhat taken aback that all of them had chosen to adhere to the Path dress code, and Olivia and Sellian even seemed downright comfortable nude. But I wasn’t really in a frisky mood so I simply noted the sight of various beauties and stood to greet them.
As they drew close, Henna moved ahead of them and hugged me. Layanta stepped over next and pced a hand on my shoulder. “Someone saw nterns leaving the district, then we got reports it was from Dekarru’s tribe. Your fellow Saints contacted us quickly, letting us know you had simply received word that some friends had passed. Normally we would have left you to grieve in your own time, but they stated that you would rather have a few visitors.”
I smiled at the elder of Willow Creek. “They were expected passings.”
“But it’s still always a surprise when it finally happens.” Sellian stated, rolling her chair closer so she could reach out to take my hand.
“I have grieved for them already, long before they finally…” I squeezed the Mentor’s Saint’s hand and gave her a small nod. I took a long, deep breath and faced those that had come to visit me. “Thank you, I mean it. You didn’t have to come but I am gd that you did.”
Henna sat with Tendri and pulled the inscriber close against her. By her reactions, I think Henna knew exactly what happened, likely told by Olivia, who would have been told by the Warcry. Pellu gave me a gentle smirk. “Hey, you’ve been damned good to us, in both dutiful and personal ways. If you need us, we’re here for you.”
“That is good to hear, because I actually do need something today.” I turned my attention to Avarin. “I need to head out hunting again. Me and Azuriel at the minimum, it’s a bit of a st minute thing so I don’t know who else would be up to-”
“We all are.” Ephi’s sudden voice broke my train of thought and I turned to look at her. She blushed deeply at the realization she’s just taken all the attention of the gathered group. “Uh… r-right?” Luv, Red, Jaina, and Carmil all added their agreement, making Ephi smile and continue, “Yeah, we’re your tribe and your combat team. We know you wouldn’t drop this on us suddenly without good reason and we’ll be ready to go when you need us.”
I was extremely gd I popped in on her dream all those nights ago. She and Flyt were wonderful additions to our tribe. Avarin raised an eyebrow. “You sure you want to do this right away? If you need more time to grieve then you should take it.”
I smiled warmly. “I’m okay. Besides, I made a promise, one that those who are gone wouldn’t want me to break.”
With no more reason to dey, Avarin set to contacting Qwil and getting our escort ready. It would be an hour or so but that just gave us time to get suited up.
Azuriel was tense but radiated gratitude that I was keeping my promise. When we donned our combat gear, I watched as the angel’s hand wrapped around the hilt of her sword. The moment her fingers closed around the girp, her shoulders lowered in palpable relief. Though she was unquestionably still scared and anxious, her determination faltering as we stepped into the vehicle to take us north.
Qwil and her two soldiers were tense as we headed out, not that it was hard to figure out why. I spoke up after about ten minutes. “You know, I am still me. My duties to my goddess didn’t suddenly turn me into some huge asshole overnight. If they had, that would have happened weeks ago.”
Sergeant Ironeyes, cleared her throat. “Of course, Saint Dreamsinger. We’re just dedicated to doing our jobs properly.”
“Oh for-, Qwil,” I grumbled loudly. “Knock it off, seriously. I’m not doing anything in an official capacity right now and I’ll lose it if you act all professional with me from now on.”
The female soldier in the rear compartment with us cocked her head curiously at me. “Lose what, ma’am?”
Oh man, it had been a while since that happened. Honestly the timing of it was kind of funny. “Lose it. It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three shrimps short of a seafood ptter, wacko!”
The dead silence in the armored car sted for about ten seconds before Qwil snorted out ughter she’d been holding in. “Sorry Saint-”
I cut her off. “Like I’ve been saying over and over already, call me Esme unless we’re in some sort of formal situation. Seriously. I’m just a person, I can’t handle everyone acting all stiff around me all the time. Rex, if only for my own sanity.”
“I can do that, Esme.” I saw a warm smile in Qwil’s reflection in the windshield.
The rest of the ride was more comfortable, even Azuriel seemed to appreciate the drop on tension and though she didn’t join in the conversation, she did pay attention. I got asked what being a Saint was like, the soldiers were disappointed to hear that I couldn’t wiggle my fingers and magic my every want and need into being. The fact that I was basically a priestess with better css options and a more direct line to my Goddess was more grounded than the ideas the soldiers had that I was some sort of divine powered super-being that could level mountains with a wave of my hand.
Red rolled her eyes, “If she could do that, why the fuck would we need to go training like this?”
I grinned. “Maybe I just like getting physically active with a bunch of sexy women.”
Laughter and blushes followed the statement, Azuriel in particur fighting a sudden burst of blue lights rushing through her skin. I was tempted to think she might be into me. But her attraction or ck thereof was unusually difficult to judge, as though there were some barrier that kept my skills from properly reading certain aspects of her. It was odd, but it did make some possible expnations of more things click into pce.
Celestials seemed like mortals in most ways. Far more so than the fae, though basing that entirely on the behavior of Mary was probably shortsighted at best. But still, Azuriel seemed far more like a mortal in the way she acted than I expected, especially considering the little bits of knowledge I had from Lietri having grown up in part of the Empire, where celestials were more commonly encountered and thus better understood.
But this failure to read parts of her, it felt like… like a Windows PC trying to read something made for a Mac. Sure they were simir at a completely ignorant gnce, but the underlying programming nguage was simply not compatible. This left me thinking there were likely two expnations. One, celestials felt some of their emotions in a completely different manner that did not transte to mortal means. Or two, they had some training, or skill, or something simir, that altered how those emotions worked, or simply blocked them. I had a gut feeling it was more likely the second one, some Vulcan emotion control stuff. But the question then became, ‘why?’.
I had a sinking fear that I would find out soon.
We were taken past the patrolled zone and into the hunting grounds nearer the mountains once again, and once again we got out and walked off of the road to find something to sharpen the edge of our metaphorical knives against. It didn’t take long before we had our first fight, another of the armored creatures I had faced just before the angel attack. Ephi managed to spear it from below with a spire of bck gss and the rest of us finished it quickly. The next few fights were even easier. Just a handful of monsters that were simple to herd and cut down with how well our group fought together.
Then the demon attacked.
Red and bck skin that looked like it was covered in blood and scabs with six legs on a long body like a twisted, nightmare parody of a horse. The head was a squat, vaguely mushroom shaped thing with small gleaming red eyes all around the widest part and a single mprey like mouth on top. It had no arms but instead several thin tentacles protruding from its back, all ending in barbed hooks. They shed out wildly as though it had little to no control of them, an idea reinforced by the fact that it would strike itself with the hooks as well as everything around it.
It screamed as it rushed out from behind a massive rock jutting from the ground, the whips on its body tearing apart the bushes it passed during it’s mad charge towards us. Towards Azuriel. Redagga dashed between the demon and angel, grunting in pain as it smmed into her shield with enough force that even she was pushed back.
Ephi tried to skewer the beast on a bck gss spire, but it simply shifted its body unnaturally around it, reacting too damned fast. The sorceress changed tactics and started sending shards through the air, they moved much faster and the gouges forming in the demon’s hide proved it was more effective.
Jaina found herself constantly channeling healing into Redagga, the hooked whips frequently snapping around the shield to strike our orc defender. Luv tried sshing at the beast at first, but the constant whipping was an effective a deterrent, cutting through her light armor far too easily, forcing her to try and strike it with her arrows. The thick hide proved too strong for her to pierce, though the gouges that Ephi was causing gave her targets for her poisoned strikes. Unfortunately many of her shots were stopped by the filing tentacles or dodged by the horrifyingly agile creature. Few arrows found their mark, I could only hope that my love’s poisons were effective.
I fell back to brace myself against a tree and started sending rounds into it, or trying at least. For the first time in my life as Esme, I found most of my shots missing. Honestly I was fucking terrified at this point. Then I noticed the real problem. Azuriel was just standing still, staring at the beast. Almost like she was in a trance.
“AZURIEL!” I screamed out. “DO SOMETHING!”
She shook her head and looked at me, something in her eyes scared me almost as much as the demon. I watched as she walked over to Jaina and pulled something from the distracted nurse’s belt. Something we’d spent far too much money on but thought would be damned important for the healer to have in case of an emergency. A mana potion.
I considered that this would do little good for the angel as long as she wore the mana draining colr. But as the words entered my head, she reached to her neck and simply tore the thing off as though it were made of old, rotting string. She tossed it aside and immediately drank the potion, then moments ter blue fme erupted from her sword.
“FACE ME, FAILURE!” she yelled at the demon, her voice enhanced once more. It drove the beast into a frenzy and within second it pushed Redagga down, leaping over her falling form and shrieking as it hurtled towards the celestial. It leapt through the air too damned fast. My heart was in my throat as it’s teeth reached her. But the impact never came.
It fell through the illusion of Azuriel so strong that even I hadn’t realized it wasn’t real. As it hit the ground and tried to right itself, a sword appeared from nowhere and took the creature’s head off in a single stroke.
[Abyssal Purifier Demon lvl 107 defeated]
[Additional experience awarded for defeating an enemy more than twice your level]
[Experience Threshold reached. You are now level 36]
Jaina ran to Redagga and carefully straightened and healed the orc’s leg, which was bent in a way it really should not have been. But my attention was quickly drawn back to Azuriel. She stood over the twitching corpse, blood dripping down her arms. It seems that while the beast couldn’t attack her directly, it’s filing whips had scored hits as she struck it down. But I was more concerned with other matters.
“Azuriel. Are you okay?” I spoke without moving closer, my rifle still shouldered.
She tilted her head, shuddering slightly, then a moment ter her armor tore itself from her body, metal and cloth shredding and falling to the ground as a pair of massive bck wings erupted from her back. They were beautiful, but something was very wrong. Red fmes danced across her body, the blue in her internal light changing to match the bloody hue. As this happened, my Sixth Sense was going absolutely haywire, screaming at me to be afraid of her. I had never felt such a powerful sense of danger before and my hands were trembling in terror around my weapon.
Jaina, having healed Red enough that the shield maiden could stand and walk again, turned to go tend to the bleeding angel. “STAY BACK!” I screamed, raising my rifle. The healer jumped in surprise and quickly moved away, Red immediately rushing between the nurse and celestial. “Azuriel. Answer me. What’s wrong?”
Luvetra faded into the shadows, Ephi fell back and raised a wall of gss spikes to protect herself, I aimed at Azuriel’s chest and waited tensely for a reply.
“Wrong?” Came a voice that dripped with pain and restrained anger. “How could anything be wrong? We. Are. Perfect. How could anything be wrong with perfection? I have my wings, I have walked the path of gss and fire and been made pure. The very idea that-, that is was too te? That this means nothing now? How foolish a thought. I am perfect.” She turned her head to look at me, and my heart froze as I looked into her eyes. Small, gleaming red points of madness and hate. The eyes of a demon. “Bleed away failure. Burn away the fall. I am eternal.”
