The pit in my stomach got heavier with each step I took down the shadowed sidewalk. It was one of the more unexpected things I had to get used to after I moved here; the streets got darker while the sun was still up. Then, at a gap in the buildings, a warm swath of sunshine would appear. As someone used to using the run to give a rough estimate of the time, it always confused the heck out of me. So, I checked my phone again, knowing I was running behind. I’d already rescheduled this date once, and being late now didn’t look good.

  Not that I didn’t have a good reason. After the intense first morning of my new job, I told Alex that I needed some time to myself and couldn’t make it to lunch with him. Seeing Meg like that? A shell of the person I’d first seen? I’d spent the majority of my lunch hour crying quietly in a bathroom stall and had been in no mood to eat or see anyone. I’d managed to pull it together before starting my afternoon, but barely.

  Our schedules hadn’t aligned again for a few days, and tonight was the first time I’d be seeing him since he’d rejected my offer to stay over. The time had been good for me though. After lots of reflecting—possibly overthinking and obsessing—I’d realized that there was good chance I’d honestly taken him by surprise with my offer, caught him off guard where his knee-jerk reaction would be to decline it. We’d never officially hashed out what our relationship was, and maybe that needed to be the first step.

  And I wanted a relationship with Alex. I’d harbored a crush on Leo for a long while until I put myself out there and realized that yes, there were some good people out there and no, they weren’t all like my shitty ex-friends who dropped me like a hot potato. Alex was one of the good ones, and I wanted to keep him and give this a real try.

  That determination to convince him to give us a chance had me putting in more effort into my appearance that I ever did. I wanted to look the part and show him I wanted this without having to say a word. So down a rabbit hole I fell, looking into the latest fashions and figuring out where I could find copycats.

  I’d spent the early afternoon running around the city until I’d found just the right dress for the occasion. It was fitted through the waist with a flirtatious flowing skirt and open back. Was it out of my comfort zone? Absolutely. But in trying it on in the dressing room, it had almost felt like armor, the kind that bolstered my confidence and made me feel pretty. Even if I was rejected, I’d look good enough for some hot, muscled passerby to swoop in and offer to take Alex’s place, whisking me away for a whirlwind romance.

  Okay, maybe that was the rom-com books I liked to read talking. But I felt like I had more main character energy, and…it was addicting. Was this what other people felt like all the time? Like life was theirs for the taking? How did they deal with all that?

  And how could I get there?

  Standing in the mirror, my hair done and make-up feeling like war-paint, I had stared at myself. This girl wasn’t…me. I didn’t recognize her. She’d let herself become a shell, losing herself to a diagnosis and shrinking to fit an expectation instead of living her life for however long she had.

  I’d conditioned myself to wait for things to happen to me instead of choosing to do things for me. It was well past time to change all that, to take charge of my life unapologetically and go after what I wanted.

  Starting with Alex.

  The nerves were still there as I made another right onto the block, mixing with the determination to ask him, tonight, where we stood. I took deep breaths, trying to slow my heart, and recited what gave me strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. If things aren’t meant to work out between us, it’ll either hurt now from bringing it up or later if I wait for him to decide we’re through.

  As I approached the corner of the block, the restaurant Alex had picked coming into view, I found him standing outside waiting for me.

  He didn’t notice me at first. But when he did, he did a double-take and fumbled his phone before shoving it into a pocket. Oblivious, this man was not. He noticed the hair, the makeup, the heels, eyes lingering on each for a moment before darting to the next to take it in.

  “Hey, handsome,” I greeted casually. And he did look incredible wearing gray slacks and button down shirt with the top to left open. It was a new look on him, one that was a far cry from the tan scrub-jumpsuit uniform he wore or the casual jeans and tee.

  “I, um, how are you?”

  “Good.”

  “Yeah,” he answered. He cleared his throat and pulled open the door, gesturing for me to enter first. As we walked inside, Alex’s hand strayed to the small of my back and stayed there as we were shown to our table.

  “So, you survived working six ten-hour shifts in a row between two jobs,” Alex said.

  “Barely,” I answered truthfully, brushing my curled hair behind my shoulder. “At least it’s over and I won’t have to do that again.”

  It was a law that any overtime was three times the normal rate, and illegal for a company to schedule more than five tens in a row. But because I’d worked two separate jobs, that law didn’t apply. Anyone was welcome to work themselves to an early grave, but companies couldn’t force it.

  “Thanks for meeting me for dinner anyways.”

  I smiled. “Of course. It’s the least I could do after cancelling on you. And you picked a really lovely spot.”

  Already, I knew this was going to be a new favorite, even if it was a bit pricier than I was normally comfortable with. It had a classy, jazzy vibe to it and an undercurrent of energy buzzing around the place.

  Once our dinner was brought out, I decided now was as good a time as any to ask my burning question.

  “So, I wanted to ask,” I started while cutting my vegetables. “Just to make sure we’re both on the same page. Are we…you know. Just dating, or…”

  I wanted to slap my hands over my face.

  Alex looked to me with a bewildered expression.

  “What brought that on?”

  “Um.” I hesitated. Surely he remembered turning me down? Had he already forgotten? Best to get right to the point. I’d already dove in head-first, anyways. “I thought it was obvious the other night that we both had a different idea of where things might be headed,” I said as casually as I could, adding in a one-shouldered shrug. My voice sounded a bit strained to my own ears, but hopefully Alex didn’t notice.

  “Oh.” He blinked, looking at some spot above my head as he thought about that night. “Yeah, that makes sense,” he said, rubbing a hand over the lower half of his face.

  “I’m not going to try to force you into something you don’t want,” I promised. “And it isn’t a dealbreaker or anything. I’m not bothered by it.” A lie, but he didn’t need to know that.

  Alex sat back in his chair, a conflicted expression crossing his face. I just waited for his answer, not wanting to accidentally stick my foot in my mouth or make it suddenly awkward. Well, more awkward than it already was.

  Finally, he sighed and leaned forward, bracing his forearms on the table. “I’d…really rather not have this conversation here.”

  I nodded, having thought it might go this way. “Sure. Another time, then.” I leaned back in my seat, taking a bite of vegetables that I didn’t taste.

  We continued eating, the silence between us stretching to an uncomfortable tension. I didn’t know how to break it, nor did I want to. If Alex didn’t want to talk about something I deemed important, he could come up with the next conversation topic. And when he did finally speak, it was the opposite of what I was expecting.

  “Do you want to come over to my place?” A flush graced his cheeks above the slight dark blond stubble starting to grow in. It made him look older, and paired with the suit, distinguished. Really, I must have a thing for well-dressed guys.

  “Oh.”

  “You don’t have to,” he added quickly.

  I shook my head. “No, it’s just…that was the last thing I expected you to say right now.”

  He offered a wry smile. “Yeah, fair. I think we should talk about things, but it’s…” He stared down at his plate, trying to find the words. “I’d feel more comfortable talking about it in a less public place. It’s…not what you think. But has to do with, um, our common talents.”

  Understanding dawned, and I nodded. “I see. Want to grab dessert on the way?”

  Alex’s apartment was small, but it had a separate bedroom and enough space for a three-seater couch and small kitchen table. His furniture was old, worn, loved, such a sharp contrast to Leo’s apartment that suddenly felt cold and almost sterile. Maybe I’d add some throw pillows or blankets, get new rugs, anything to make that place feel more like a home. It could be my way of thanking him for everything he’d done for me.

  We dumped our dessert onto the small butcher block island. As I settled on one of the two metal bar stools, the island rolled a few inches. I grabbed it with both hands, glancing down in alarm and carefully tugging it back into position. When I looked closer, I saw wheels were mount on the bottom, no locking mechanism visible.

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  “Your island is on wheels,” I stated.

  Alex nodded as he grabbed plates, forks, and a couple of glasses, setting them in front of me.

  “Yeah, it’s nice. I can move it out of the way if I have more people over. That table can expand if I want.” He pointed to his kitchen table pushed up against the wall.

  “Clever.”

  He grinned at me. “I thought so.”

  I glanced around as I plated dessert, noting the white cabinets and farmhouse feel of the kitchen which contrasted with the dark stain of the kitchen table and gray walls. The entire apartment had a slightly eclectic feel to it; none of the pieces matched, but together gave a sense of Alex I hadn’t known about. The blanket on the back of the couch, the hand-made blue ceramic bowl on the island to catch random things, the pictures hanging on one wall. It all told me this was his home.

  Alex poured two glasses of water, the bubbles catching the light from overhead and sparkling. I took a hearty swig of mine, my throat suddenly dry. Alex dragged his bar stool to the other side of the island to face me fully.

  “So,” Alex started. He rubbed the back of his neck, not quite meeting my eyes. “This is really…uncomfortable for me.”

  That was the last thing I wanted. “We don’t have to—”

  “No, we should,” he interrupted. “I just…” He sighed, putting his water down and running his hands through his hair, mussing it. “Why is this so difficult?” I hoped that was rhetorical, because I didn’t have an answer.

  “Did…something happen?” I prompted. Maybe asking the right questions would help get him started.

  He sighed, picking up his fork and stabbing at his chocolate cake. “You could say that, I guess.”

  I leaned forward. “You don’t owe me an explanation if you don’t want to, Alex. Clearly this is something personal. If it’s too sensitive, we’ll leave it.”

  Alex was silent, staring past me. I waited, swirling my glass idly, watching the remaining bubbles float to the top and pop. Eventually, he started talking.

  “It was not quite two years ago. I’d just developed my abilities, and had almost no control over them. I’d crush the tiniest things sometimes, no matter how delicate I tried to be. Eating was a nightmare. I started buying those compostable cutlery sets because I kept bending my metal ones. I even stabbed through a plate with a fork, once. Shattered the whole thing. Things like that.

  “Anyway, I met a girl while I was out with friends one night, and we hit it off. Started with just talking almost every day, developed into more. We decided to date. Eventually we, ah…” He flushed pink, and it wasn’t hard to connect the dots.

  “A physical relationship,” I provided. He nodded once.

  “Yeah. Except, again, I didn’t have great control early on. Sometimes it would happen randomly. Eventually I learned, but…In that moment, with her…” His tortured eyes met mine. “I hurt her. Left bruises. I didn’t break anything, and she tried telling me she just bruised easily, it was nothing, but I knew better. I’d done that to her. And that was not okay. Because what if next time it wasn’t just bruises?

  “I ended the relationship a week later. I knew the truth about the LaShoul’s by then, but I told her I had it anyways and I didn’t want to burden her with it. She was mad, tried to fight, but she wasn’t safe. Not with me. I know I hurt her, but it was the best I could do.”

  I reached out across the island and placed my hand on his arm. “You’re worried about something like that happening again?”

  He didn’t answer, and his unsteady sigh told me enough. I set my own glass down next to his and wrapped my hands around his, offering what comfort I could. We sat in silence while I gently rubbed the back of his hands with my thumbs.

  “It’s not that I’m not interested,” he finally said. It was my turn to blush. “But, I can’t… and when you offered me to stay over, I panicked, thinking you’d expect the same. And it was so sudden, we haven’t even talked again about us actually being in a relationship, so—”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I cut him off. “Seriously. It’s off the table, unless you put it back on. Does that help?”

  He pulled his hands out of mine, letting them fall onto his lap. “Probably.”

  “But circling back to that whole relationship thing.” He looked up at me finally, and I raised a brow at him. “Can we come to an agreement on that? We are in a relationship. Right?”

  I stabbed my cake and shoveled the piece into my mouth so I wouldn’t start rambling. I’d said what I wanted. I got the clarity on the situation I didn’t know I needed.

  “I think we just had our first serious, grown-up conversation and neither of us ended up shouting or crying. I think that’s pretty telling, so obviously we’re in a committed relationship now.”

  He stood up, walking around the island, and spun me around on the chair to face him. He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, letting his hand linger, and tilted his head down to bring his mouth to mine. It was sweet, tasting of chocolate and sugar,

  “Can I be a teenager for a second?”

  I laughed. “Sure. What’s up?”

  He shifted to stand next to me, pulling me into his side with one arm while the other fished out his phone and held it out in front of us. “Take a picture with me?”

  I rolled my eyes but snuggled closer into his side. He took two of us looking at the camera before planting a kiss on my temple. I moved away slightly and glanced up at him, hearing the camera shutter audio a handful more times.

  “Send me those, yeah?” I asked.

  He fake-scoffed. “Obviously. How else will you hard-launch your new relationship if not with cute pictures of us?”

  “You’re ridiculous.”

  Instead of answering, he tilted his phone towards me to see a social media post loaded. “Can I tag you? Make it internet-official?” He wagged his eyebrows conspiratorially.

  I laughed again, feeling lighter than I’d been in a while. “Sure.”

  For a little while after, we watched the interactions roll in quickly; Alex apparently had a large number of friends across the accounts he posted on. I was grateful I’d put such effort into my appearance, because all of a sudden there were strangers looking at my face on the internet. It was the first picture of myself on social media in years; I only posted pictures of the books I was reading, or Lucie. Even old friends of mine from back home interacted, ones I hadn’t talked to in years but never deleted.

  Claiming exhaustion, I left shortly after. All I wanted was to take this damn bra off, put on my comfy pajamas, crawl into bed, and sleep for twelve hours straight.

  By the time I finally dragged myself home, I’d completely forgotten about the package Leo said was arriving. It sat on the floor outside of my bedroom, evidence that Leo was home or had been earlier. I grabbed it on my way in, kicking off my heels as soon as I crossed the threshold and sighing in relief as my toes splayed out and my ankles relaxed.

  After a quick inspection, I realized the package had been previously opened and re-taped shut. Suspicious, I opened it and tossed the shipping box aside. I flipped over the smaller rectangular box that was nestled inside and gasped.

  “Leo!” I shouted, turning right back around with my package and marching towards his hallway. “LEO!”

  He rushed out of his office, button-down untucked, sleeves rolled to just below his elbows, top two buttons open. He looked even more disheveled than he had earlier today when I’d seen him in passing on my way out the door. “What? What’s wrong?”

  “What the fuck is this?” I demanded, holding up the box to a brand new, high-tech, top-of-the-line, very expensive tablet. My free hand naturally fell to my hip.

  Leo didn’t answer right away, his gaze darting between the box in my hand and me, probably checking to make sure there wasn’t actually an emergency. I watched him, waiting.

  “You’re okay?” His lingering gaze skimmed over me again, like he didn’t believe I was perfectly fine.

  “What the fuck is this?” I shook the box gently, drawing his attention back to it. “You can’t go buying me such expensive things, Leo!”

  He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall to his right. “Why not?”

  “This is too much. Don’t try telling me you’re not aware of how much these ones cost.” I pointed an accusing finger at him, knowing full well that he didn’t buy this specific tablet by mistake.

  “Are you telling me what I can and cannot do with my money?” He smirked.

  “That’s not…ugh!” I trailed off in a groan. “Are you enjoying this right now?”

  His smirk broadened. “Maybe.”

  I chose to ignore his answer for his own safety. “Return it.”

  “No can do. It’s a gift, Callie. I don’t return gifts.”

  I pinned him with a glare. Or, I at least tried. “I don’t need this brand, though! Why won’t you return it? Can you at least get me something cheaper? I’m going to drop it or forget it somewhere or something.”

  “It’s already customized. No return policy on that.”

  I shook my head and took several steps closer to him, stopping in his bubble. He stiffened and pushed off the wall, crossing his arms.

  I held the box out between us. “You take it, then.”

  “I have no need for it.”

  “If you’re so determined to get me a tablet, give me an old one of yours and you take this one.”

  Leo tapped his lips with one finger, pretending to think about it. I shoved the box at his chest, holding it there for him to take. He refused, saying nothing, and stared down at me. It made me want to stomp my foot in anger, but I was too mature for that. So I flipped him off instead. Like a lady.

  Just as I decided to deposit the tablet in his bedroom and retreat to mine, or better yet magic it there, Leo sighed and said, “Will you just open it first?”

  It was the tone, not the words, that made me consider. I held his stare for several more heartbeats before slowly unboxing the new device, too curious not to. His eyes were burning holes in me as I opened one end and pulled out the tablet.

  Not only had he purchased the tablet, but also all the accessories; case, keyboard, smart stylus with buttons.

  He plucked the device from my hands, powering it up and showing me Lucie’s picture on the screen. “I took the liberty of getting it set up for you. I did some research on your job, at least as much as was available, and made some guesses to what applications would be useful. All the programs you should need are already on it. And I also added another app just for you.”

  Leo pointed to an app with a stylized book as the icon and tapped. It pulled up a library full of different titles, some I recognized, some unfamiliar. “And I decided to add some books for you. Since you’ll be traveling, this will be a lot easier than taking physical copies with you.”

  Blinking hard, I willed the tears to disappear before I started crying like a baby in front of him. It was the sweetest, most thoughtful thing he’d ever done for me. My mouth opened and closed, words failing me. Once I was sure I wasn’t going to start bawling, I looked up at him.

  “Why?” It was the only question that I could form, even if it wasn’t the most important.

  “You make a decent roommate. I’m…not as lonely, which I didn’t realize I was. Your cooking is getting better, and you can use this to pull up new recipes. It’ll be useful for your new job. Or, maybe it’s because you’re my friend and I wanted to do something nice for you. Take your pick. Just promise me that you’ll enjoy it, okay? Don’t only use it for work stuff.”

  I nodded mutely, accepting the tablet from him. Then I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around his middle and squeezing. He staggered a half step back and made a surprised grunting sound.

  “I think this is the most thoughtful thing you’ve ever done for me,” I said into his shoulder as his arms returned my over the top hug.

  “Oh, I don’t know about that. Letting you live here rent-free is also pretty thoughtful,” he teased. I pulled back and half-heartedly smacked his shoulder with the back of my hand.

  “Hey, that was for both of us,” I reminded him. “So we wouldn’t, you know, die and all.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “But there’s no reason for that anymore, huh?”

  I just rolled my eyes, knowing Leo would never kick me out. “Just admit you like having Lucie around and I’ll accept this.”

  He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Eh, I don’t know if that’s quite the right—”

  Laughing, I shoved him once. Lucie had grown on him, I knew it, even if she could be a terror.

  “Well, anyways. Thank you.” I tapped the back of the tablet. “You just gave me an excuse to stay up all night.”

  “Have fun playing around with it. Let me know what you think of the books I picked out. I got them off your to-be-read list. You sure you have enough time to read all those books?”

  I stuck my tongue out at him. “Don’t underestimate me. I don’t need to sleep every night.”

  Leo didn’t answer, suddenly distracted my something on his phone. He was frowning, so it was probably a work thing. Typical.

  Turning away and walking to my room, I immediately counted how many books Leo had downloaded to the device. I grinned a little maniacally at the total.

  He’d gotten all fifty-seven of them. It would last me the whole year.