I placed the glowing piece of shrapnel that was what remained of sword Steve on a velvet cushion in a glass case in the middle of the control room. I hoped someday I would come back to a whole Steve rather than just a piece, but this felt like a good way to honor him either way.

  I had let Ziz and Behemoth go free, as long as they promised not to harm any humans. They would be my guardians. My spies keeping tabs on Earth. I tracked down Leviathan and asked him to do the same. He surprisingly agreed to the arrangement, despite the fact that I had nothing to offer him other than friendship.

  I made sure to grab the Mark of Cain and reattach it to my body. Agent Drew texted me that he needed to speak to me urgently, but I told him I would get back to him once everything on my end had been settled.

  He totally understood and didn't bother me further. Just kidding! That is the second time I used that joke, but I think it's important to emphasize how important the events that took place were. I wanted to help him sort it out, I really did, but I had my own shit to handle, and now that the main threat was gone, I had some personal things to deal with.

  ---

  I visited Chef Demi's house. Samael had gotten rid of him somehow and replaced him recently. I was afraid of what I would find, but Demi was fine.

  I found him in his backyard throwing a BBQ for some friends and family. I got to meet a lot of people. Even his wife. I didn't even know he was married. Shows what kind of boss I was. I resolved to amend that.

  Apparently, Samael, disguised as me, had given him the last couple months off. Paid. I explained what had actually happened, but I agreed to pay him for his time off, since it wasn't his fault he hadn't been at work.

  I was just relieved that Samael hadn't killed him. I missed the amazing food Demi cooked for the office. I was happy he was ok too. I'm not a monster.

  I did cut his vacation short. With Samael, who had been posing as Demi, dead, I needed my head chef back. I did pay him for the remaining time he was supposed to get off. I just made him promise not to tell anyone in the office, for fear of potential backlash.

  ---

  I walked down the hall of the Red Valley hospital, dreading the coming meeting, but also wanting to make sure she was ok. Sarah had been in the hospital since her ordeal with Cain where he stripped her naked and tried to kill her. I felt guilty for not visiting her sooner, but there had been so much going on that I forgot.

  When I walked in Sarah was in a hospital gown pacing back and forth. She looked at me with venom. "You bastard!" She walked up to me and punched me in the face.

  I put my hand up to my face instinctively even though it didn't hurt. "That's not very ladylike."

  "Oh shut up! You're not sexist," she said.

  "I was saying it ironically. Ironic sexism," I said.

  "That's dumb," she said.

  "You're dumb," I said. She didn't respond. "So, I'm sorry I left you in a hospital for days."

  "You better be! It's not like I can leave. We're in Hell. Where would I go? They were going to discharge me three days ago but they kept me because I had nowhere to go," she said.

  "Was the hospital food that bad?" I asked, scratching the back of my head.

  "You have no idea! Or maybe you do. Why is everything spicy? Even the fucking pudding was spicy!" She yelled.

  "Yeah, sorry about that. Demons have different taste buds than we do. Spicy to them is like umami is to us. You could've asked them to hold the spice though," I said.

  "That's what I always do. I like spicy as much as the next guy, but some of the peppers they grow down here make ghost peppers seem mild."

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  "Well, I'm glad I had you with me to tell me that. Oh wait. I didn't. You fuck!" She said.

  "It really was that bad huh?" I asked, wincing.

  "I haven't eaten in days!" She yelled.

  "Oh, ouch. Yeah, I really am sorry. I just had to save the world again. It was kind of urgent," I said.

  "You're always saving the world. What makes this one any different?" said Sarah.

  "Every world leader has been replaced by fallen angels, including the President of the United States, and the leader was planning to start a thermonuclear war with every country on the planet," I said.

  "Oh. Yeah that is serious. Ok, I forgive you, but can you get me some real food? I'm about to pass out," she said, wobbling on her feet.

  "Sure," I said, hitting the buzzer on her hospital bed. A nurse came into the room. "Could you get Sarah non spicy food? She's human. She can't handle it like demons can."

  "We already accounted for that. We reduced—" she said.

  "Don't reduce. Eliminate. No spice. No capsaicin. None. Nada. Zilch. Zero." I said

  "Yes, sir," she said, nodding at me. She left the room.

  "Thanks, Dave," she said.

  "No problem," I said. "So, do you want me to teleport you back to your house?"

  "Yes, and no. I'm not super jazzed about dealing with my mom's death. Funeral, ashes, talking to the police. The whole thing," she said, wiping her eye.

  "What? What do you mean? Your mom is dead? How did that happen?" I asked. I did not see that coming.

  "Cain killed her. She tried to resist, and he killed her. It happened when you were getting Margaret to the hospital," she said, a tear dripping from her eye.

  "Oh, Sarah," I said, pulling her into a hug. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cause that."

  "You didn't," she said, hugging me back. "But someone with as much power as you has to make choices, and sometimes people die because of those choices."

  "It shouldn't be that way," I said, tears welling up in my own eyes.

  "Look at it this way. If you didn't have the power, everyone you wanted to save would die, rather than just some of them," she said.

  "That's a depressing thought. Damned if I do, fucked if I don't," I said.

  "Hey, at least you have power. Imagine what I feel like right now. I couldn't even save my own mother," she said.

  "You're right. I probably shouldn't be so 'woe is me' when you're dealing with something far worse," I said, placing my chin on her head.

  She was a head shorter than me. It was something I often did when we were together, and I probably shouldn't have done it, but it was comforting and my emotions were in overdrive.

  "It's ok. I understand. You've always struggled with wanting to be everything for everyone and not being able to live up to it," she said.

  "Yeah, but I guess I shouldn't feel that way. I should be able to accept my limitations," I said.

  "Everyone struggles with something, Dave. Accept you're human, and move on," she said.

  "Ok, Sarah. I will," I said. We sat in silence. "Since you don't want to go back, and Earth is incredibly dangerous right now, do you want to stay here?"

  "What, in hell?" she said.

  "Yeah. I'll make you a house and everything. You can even live on my street if you want. Or you can live really far away if you'd prefer that," I said.

  "Actually, I think I'd like that. Let's do that," Sarah said. "The living on the same street thing. Just make sure we're at least a few houses apart. I don't think I want to be next-door neighbors with you. Especially now that you have a new-born baby living with you," she said.

  "Hey, how did you hear about that?" I asked.

  "TV. Or demon TV. You're always on the news," she said. "Congratulations, by the way."

  "Thank you. I don't know how I feel about people constantly keeping tabs on me, but I guess I don't have a choice," I said.

  "No, you really don't. They even speculate about your sex life sometimes. They're weirdly obsessive," she said.

  "Yikes," I said.

  The nurse wheeled a cart full of non-spicy food into the room.

  "Well, I guess your dinner's here. I'll let you get to it. I'll get you a hell phone and some new clothes. Make sure you're ready for the party," I said.

  "Thanks, but party? For what?" she said.

  "For saving the world, of course," I said.

  Then I teleported away to get her stuff.

  ---

  "Why?" Agent Drew asked in the stark white interrogation room.

  "Do we always have to talk in interrogation rooms? It makes me feel like I'm being interrogated," I said.

  "You are being interrogated," he said, seriously.

  "Why? What did I do?" I asked, throwing my hands up defensively.

  "Nothing, while the entire world's leadership was assassinated," he said, leaning forward.

  "Hey! I showed up eventually. I stopped a horde of unspeakable horrors and a thermonuclear war," I said.

  "What took you so long?" he asked.

  "Let me list the reasons," I said, counting on my fingers. "I was mortally wounded, I had to check on my newborn and baby momma, and I had to gather forces. I had to prepare for the battle in order to win. What do you think I am? Super Guy? Able to defeat all my enemies with the flick of a finger?"

  Agent was a little taken aback. "You are the closest thing we have to a comparison. You're basically a real life superhero. Ok, it sounds like you have justifiable reasons for your tardiness, but you really put me in a tight spot." He scratched his face for a moment and then looked up. "You're a father now? Congratulations!"

  "Thanks," I said. "Don't judge me about the baby momma situation. Hell doesn't believe in marriage. Otherwise, I would have put a ring on it a long time ago."

  "I wasn't judging—" Agent Drew began.

  I pointed at him. "Yes, you were! Don't lie!" I said.

  "Ok, maybe I was, but it wasn't malicious," he said.

  "I know, but I don't like being judged," I said.

  "Duly noted," he said, nodding. "Well, where does that leave us now?"

  "I don't know. This whole situation is a shit show," I said.

  "You got that right," he said. "Can you believe I'm the assistant director of the FBI now?"

  "What the hell? That makes no sense," I said.

  "Well when half of the higher ups get assassinated and the other half has no idea what's going on, the people who do know what's going on tend to get promoted fast," he said, smiling grimly.

  "Right. I didn't know it was that bad," I said.

  "Let's just say I could write a book about the last three years and half of the book would be about the last three days. I really could've used your help in the trenches, but I won't begrudge you having your own problems," he said.

  "Thank you. And I get it. Shit went down. I do have good news though. I will be helping clean up the mess," I said.

  "Good. We really need it. Your help I mean," he said.

  "Of course. What are friends for?" I said.

  "We're friends?" Drew asked.

  "We aren't? I was under the distinct impression we were," I said.

  "I thought we were allies," he said.

  "Well, in that case, I guess you don't need an invitation to the after-party," I said, turning my nose up at him.

  "There's going to be an after-party?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  "For taking down the ringleader, Samael, yes. It would be a great networking opportunity for someone who is the liason to Hell, but it's a friends only gathering. So if we're not friends, I guess you can't come," I said.

  "We're friends okay? You happy now? Now can I come?" He said a little more urgently than I expected.

  "Yes. I am happy now," I said smiling. "You can come."

  "Ok, good," Drew sighed in relief.