"I uh..." I squeaked out, desperately searching for an explanation. "Oh! I was just helping Lasory!"
She stared at me for a second, then giggled.
"Nothing wrong with picking up a new field of study," she reassured.
"I'm- I'm not studying anything."
"Just staring at the last page of Cassliamastro while sat next to every book in the library that even so much as magic for no reason in particular then?"
I scratched my head. "Ehe...."
"It's a difficult field, but you can do it."
She got back only a flustered stare from me.
"I mean hey, I know some magic."
The following dinner was a little on the awkward side. I made Sage swear not to tell anyone what I was doing. Which made me feel safe right up until she told everyone what I was doing.
Defor clapped and smiled, while Dasmo congratulated me. Fezege had a proud look, like she'd succeeded in roping me in to her teachings like she wanted.
Lasory, he was silent for quite some time.
Then he looked me in the eye, once the table was silent. "Princess, I just want to say..."
I gulped.
"I'm proud of you."
"Eh-" I stammered and dropped my fork. He said it with such a deep conviction, the way he used to say it to Myu when she overcame her fear of the storage closet. It took a second to set in, before I sank in my chair, covered my beet-red face with my hands, and forgot how to breathe as my whole body rocked with the pressure from my racing heart.
Everyone laughed. Once I regained my composure, it was my turn to try to put on a brave face and speak with the same conviction. "You know some, don't you? Teach me."
He chuckled quite loudly. "Why of course, Lady Lydia."
"Hey! Don't talk to me like that!"
"Why, my apologies, Your Highness."
My fists clenched themselves. "UUuuuurgghhh!" He knows I hate being talked to like that!
"Perhaps I might consider it... but only on one condition."
I looked at him questioningly.
Sage sat closer to me and put an arm around me like it was second nature to her. For a moment that actually felt natural to me, too, granted I'm far more concerned with the lack of respect for personal space here.
Lasory and Fezege whispered in each others' ears as they looked at the two of us, or more so, .
I couldn't help but dread that it might be about me. The last thing I want is attention.
Sage scooted over to join in on the whispering party and I was left with a rather terrified look. I heard her squeal in excitement, then she looked over at me and tried to conceal herself, giving me a blank look while the rest of her body betrayed happiness.
"Well, Lady Fezege," Lasory began, startling me at his bright tone despite all that happened. "Should we get started?"
He had a mischievous, excited look, one I'd never really seen on him before.
Fezege cleared her throat. "My lady, may you stand?"
Nobody stood, and all five of them stared directly at me.
"Me?" I asked shakily.
Fezege gave a small, firm nod.
"O-okay..." I stood from my chair, feeling my legs begin to shake.
What's happening? Why did she say "my lady"?
Everyone abandoned their plates and stood from their chairs, then each knelt on their left knee, bowing their heads as they did so.
"G-guys what's..." I felt like I was going to faint. My head throbbed and I was getting wobbly.
Lasory raised his head. "Lockwood is... no longer with us. Nor are his children. As such..."
He took a necklace from his pocket, one all too familiar to me, lowering his head and reaching it out before him like he was bestowing a great gift to someone important.
"W-what?" I stammered.
"He saw you as a child of his own, and that's why he gave you his last name."
Lasory rose and clipped the necklace around my neck with the same ease as when he put it on... her.
"The five of us crown you as the Queen of Sakari."
I...
What?
"W-wait, no surely you- surely you can be que- king instead-" I was stuttering up a storm as my heart pounded hard.
"I was born to serve, my lady," Lasory replied in a smug, determined tone.
"I wasn't... I wasn't born a leader." The floor was shaking, and I held out my hands, weary that I might fall.
The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
"Uh oh," Fezege said just as I lost my balance and fell over.
At what seemed to be the speed of light, Lasory jumped up and caught me, slowly bringing me down to my chair.
Sage handed me my tea with a smile and encouraged me to take a few sips, which I did. It helped to calm me some. My eyes were darting around the room frantically. Everyone seemed so close to me, and just the few people here felt like the world was staring at me.
"I'm not saying what you have to do with it or that we have to go public with it yet, but you're the queen of Sakari, Lydia Sakari, and nobody else can take that title better than you," Lasory reaffirmed.
I stared at my half-empty plate and tried to grasp what was happening.
I should have been happy. I should have been excited.
There wasn't anything left for me to do or say. I was wearing my dead sister's heirloom necklace, and expected to be a ruler, my least favorite kind of person.
As dinner drew on, my feelings were brewing up a meal of their own. Tonight's main course? Anger.
My nails were digging in to my fingers as my knuckles grew pale and white, my teeth beginning to hurt from the pressure my jaw was putting on them.
Later, he swore up and down on accompanying me to the library. I was dead silent, unsure how to tell him that all I wanted was for him to undo this deep, deep mess he made. My field of vision was , and the pressure in my skull rising as I raged myself into a nauseating headache.
I stomped my way there, walking ahead of Lasory with clenched fists and tight lips. Of course, in my state, I was more focused on making a statement than anything else, and on the last staircase, I tripped.
Lasory was instant to catch me, and quickly set me right on my feet.
"That was fast... thank you."
"Anything for my Queen," he said with the proudest and most honest smile.
On the one hand, I thought it was wholesome and beautiful that that's the kind of loyalty and dedication he has, but on the other, it made me feel even . This whole time I've been learning from him, looking up to him, being taught things by him - it doesn't feel right to have that same man bowing to me.
Beyond that, I don't know if I can cope with the idea of being Sakari's "queen". There's no way for me to put right the countless people that died that night by being some makeshift royalty. It's wrong and it makes me queasy. This is all too sudden and it doesn't make any sense!
"Need me to carry you?" Lasory asked without a hint of a joke in his voice.
I wanted to puke. These are the kinds of things you do for Myu. The sort of treatment he gave Kino at the ball. My dinner was stirring around and my brain felt like it wanted to claw out of my skull, the way it throbbed so unforgivingly.
"N-no thanks," I barely mustered out.
I could tell he easily sensed my uneasiness - not that I was any good at hiding it.
"What troubles you, my Queen?"
"Th-that," I stammered, feeling the nausea coming back, but got up the courage to say what needed to be said anyway. "I just can't do this queen thing!"
Part of him understood and expected me to say that at some point or other, but another was still hurt.
At this point, I decided that I'd be better off telling him the truth rather than trying to suck it up and accept what he wants. Whatever he wants from me as the queen, he won't find in some sorry little Scarred who'll never have the grit and compassion it takes to run a country.
"Why's that?" He spoke like he had plenty of patience, like he was ready for this.
"Because it's not right."
"That's natural, I'm sure. It's been a rough couple of weeks for you, and it's a big title, but you're the best and only person to continue the legacy."
It just kept building and building, I stopped paying attention and started thinking about crowds of people in front of me, big and important people begging me for answers and to make choices and-
I was at my limit. I felt like I would burst from the pressure, and I started crying. My head, oh my head!
Of course, Lasory placed his hand on my back to try and help comfort me.
In my panic, I shoved his hand away. My vision was spinning. Nothing is right about this.
"Go!" I shouted. "Sakari is dead! I should be too! I'm not your Queen."
I shouldn't be here! I couldn't get my mind past it - that I'm alive and they're not. That someone as beautiful and pure as she was got chosen to die over me.
I hardly know what happened after that. I fell to the floor against the wall, laying my head back and sobbing myself senseless. Part of me still ached for Myu, was terrified that I'd always ache this way and never learn to get over it, and knew that no matter how many encouraging faces I have, they can't bring back my dead sister. Part of me knew what was coming next. With this headache, that is.
It bubbled and it popped, the pressure building and rising, and my whole body was enveloped in an unsavory off-orange glow, until I clutched at my scalp, curled up in the fetal position, and screamed out, my convulsing lungs putting so much pressure on my voice that it sounded like a fork being driven against a ceramic plate.
"Lydia!" A shout echoed as the overwhelming throbbing abruptly and dominantly snipped my consciousness off like an angry mother turning off the CRT after a few hours too many past bedtime - the picture warping and distorting until it shrunk and pulled into the center, leaving a disappointing blackness behind.
My memories at that point were unreliable. Like waking up from a dream you remember but when you try to tell it to someone, you have to guess at the missing details.
I know I was being carried. At another point rushed. Several faces surrounded me, and I felt the sense of running. Anxiety. Not mine. I was just too weak to feel any of that.
Then bursting through the doors, like a hospital scene in a movie. Only less bright, electric lights and more red chandelier light against coal-colored brick walls. A distant past and an unfamiliar future blended together in the same hallway as my consciousness struggled to sift between reality and fiction.
I looked up to see a face. It was familiar. Clammy with sweat, but had a bittersweet sense of comfort about it. Sage.
"Hold on, Vincent." Echoey, and hard to discern. As was other shouting and crashing.
It was that familiar voice, though perhaps it wasn't hers. I wasn't sure, as reality flickered and this endless hallway warped and distorted, a gateway between a soon-ending future and an already-ended past.
But in an instant, the rushing and flickering, the back and forth, came to an end, and rested on one reality. "Hold on, Vincent!" This voice was clear-cut.
Mom.
"...his ECG readings..."
"Then push ten more, damnit!"
Voices swirled around, even this reality a blur between past and present.
There was a long beeping sound, and only the past remained.
~
Okay guys I'm back I swear I promise!!! Unfortunately I had to drop effectively everything in my life to pursue some really huge certifications on top of being in school and all. This included writing, videogames, and work, all together. Then got stupidly sick twice, ran around the country, turned my sickbed of a room completely upside down and did spring cleaning in the middle of winter... all that jazz.
But a few bottles of Lysol, some plane tickets, a whole bunch of job applications, and, most thankfully, two certifications later, we are ready to write. Just y'all watch and see.
So excited to share with you the crazy stuff in store for this story, and another little something something I got cookin' up on the back burner for when this story's done.
See you soon.