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Chapter 15: Terrific Turmoil in the Turquoise Twilight

  All the Viralvanians except a few iguanaboy sentries had gone to bed and were sound asleep. A turquoise gloom hung over the country, which was scarcely relieved by a few blue-greenish, wavering lights here and there, but Soda knew the general direction in which the presidential ranchion lay and she decided to go there first. She believed Scrumpox would surely keep so important a prisoner as Chunks locked up in his own fortress-like home.

  Once or twice the tween lost her way, for the streets were very puzzling to one not accustomed to them, but finally she sighted the wall that separated the president’s compound from the rest of the country. At the gate she found a double guard posted. They were sitting on a bench outside the doorway and both stood up as she approached.

  "We thought we heard footsteps," said one.

  "So did we," replied the other; "yet there is no one in sight."

  Soda then saw that the guards were the two spliced men, Splurgeslap Splatsplunge and Slapsplurge Splungesplat. It was the first time the girl had seen them together and she marveled at the queer splicing that had so strongly united them, yet so thoroughly separated them.

  "You see," remarked Splurgeslap, as they seated themselves again upon the bench, "The president has ordered the splicing to take place tomorrow morning after breakfast. Chunks is to be spliced to poor Dengue, instead of Zika Zoster, who has in some way managed to escape- no one knows how but Dengue, and Dengue won't tell. Also, he wet his pants."

  "We're sorry for anyone who has to be spliced," replied Slapsplurge in a reflective tone, "for although it didn't hurt us as much as we expected, it's a terrible mix-up to be in- until we become used to our strange combination. You and we are about alike now, Splurgeslap, although we were so different before."

  "Not so," said Splurgeslap; "we are really far more intelligent than you are, for the left side of our brain was always the keenest before we were spliced."

  "That may be," admitted Slapsplurge, "but we are much the strongest, because our right arm was by far the best before we were spliced."

  "We are not sure of that," responded Splurgeslap, "for we have a right arm, too, and it is pretty strong."

  "We will test it," suggested the other, "by punching each other in the groin. Whoever passes out first is the weakest.

  While they were punching each other in the crotch, Soda opened the door of the ranch house and walked in. It was pretty dark in the foyer and only a few dim turquoise lights showed at intervals down the long corridors. As the girl walked through these passages she could hear snores of various degrees coming from behind some of the closed doors. She mounted to the upper floor, and thinking she would be likely to find Chunks in the splicing chamber she went there and tried the door. It was locked, but the key had been left on the outside. She waited until the sentry who was pacing the corridor had his back toward her and then she turned the key and slipped within, softly closing the door behind her.

  It was black as a coal miner’s bottom in the splicing room and Soda didn't know how to make a light. After a moment's thought she began feeling her way to the window, stumbling over objects as she went. Every time she made a noise someone groaned, and that made the tween uneasy.

  At last she found a window and managed to open the shutters and let the moonlight in. It wasn't a very strong moonlight but it enabled her to examine the interior of the room. In the center stood the Splicer, and at one side was a dark form huddled upon the floor and securely bound.

  Soda hastened to this form and knelt beside it, but was disappointed to find it was only Dengue, the mediocre mixologist who had wet his pants. He stirred a little and rolled against Soda's knee, when she at once became visible to him.

  "Oh, it's the child of Pus," said he. "Are you condemned to be spliced, too, little one?"

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  "No," answered Soda. "Tell me where my friend Chunks is."

  "I can't," said Dengue. "The president has hidden her until tomorrow morning, when she's to be spliced to me. Zika Zoster was to have been my mate, but Zika escaped, being carried away by the six waspnosed sisters."

  "Why?" she asked.

  "One of them means to marry him," explained Dengue.

  "Oy, that's worse than being spliced!" cried Soda.

  "Much worse," agreed Dengue, with a groan.

  But now an idea occurred to the girl.

  "Would you like to escape?" she asked the captive.

  "Yes, very much so!" said he.

  "If I get you out of this crudhole, can you hide yourself so that you won't be found?"

  "Certainly!" he declared. "I know an outhouse in a corral where I can hide so snugly that all the president's iguanaboys cannot find me."

  "All right," said Soda; "I'll do it; for when you're gone the president will have no one to splice Chunks to."

  "He may find some one else," suggested the prisoner.

  "But it will take him time to do that, and time is all I want," answered the tween. Even while she spoke she was busy with the knots in the veiny vines restraining him, and presently she had unbound Dengue, who soon got upon his feet.

  "Now, I'll go to one end of the passage and make a noise," said she; "and when the guard runs to see what it is you must run the other way."

  "I'll do that, all right," promised the delighted Dengue. "You've made a friend of me, little girl, and if ever I can help you I'll do it with pleasure."

  Then Soda started for the door and Dengue could no longer see her because she was not now touching him. The Viralvanian was much surprised at her disappearance, but listened carefully and when he heard the Schlingian tween make a noise at one end of the corridor he opened the door and ran in the opposite direction, as he had been told to do.

  Of course the guard could not discover what made the noise and Soda ran little risk, as she was careful not to let him touch her. When Dengue had safely escaped, the tween wandered in search of Chunks. She stole softly up to a door and tried the knob. It was locked, but the key was outside. So she turned the key, opened the door, and walked in.

  Now, this was the chamber in which Zika Zoster had been confined by the sisters, his arms being bound tight to his body but his legs left free. President Scrumpox in his search had failed to discover what had become of Zika Zoster, but the poor man had been worried every minute for fear his retreat would be discovered or that the terrible sisters would come for him and beat the crap out of him. There was one window in his room and the prisoner had managed to push open the sash with his knees. Looking out, he found that a few feet below the window was the broad wall that ran all around the compound’s courtyard. A little way to the right the wall joined the wall of the country, being on the same level with it.

  Zika Zoster had been thinking deeply upon this discovery, and he decided that if anyone entered his room he would get through the window, leap down upon the wall and try in this way to escape. It would be a dangerous leap, for as his arms were bound he might topple off the wall; but he resolved to take this chance.

  Therefore, when Soda rattled at the door of his room Zika Zoster ran and seated himself upon the window-sill, dangling his long legs over the edge. When she finally opened the door he slipped off and let himself fall to the wall, where he doubled up in a heap. The next minute, however, he had scrambled to his feet and was running swiftly along the garden wall.

  Soda, finding the window open, came and looked out, and she saw the majordomo's tall form hastening along the top of the wall. The guards saw him, too, outlined against the sky in the moonlight, and they began yelling at him to stop; but Zika Zoster kept right on until he reached the country’s wall, when he began to follow that. More guards were yelling, now, running along the foot of the wall to keep the fugitive in sight, and people began to pour out of the houses and join in the chase.

  Poor Zika realized that if he kept on the wall he would merely circle the country and finally be caught. If he leaped down he would be seized at once. Just then he came opposite the camp of the Buboes and decided to trust himself to the mercies of his Bonertanian friends rather than be made a prisoner by his own people, who would obey the commands of their detested but greatly feared president. So, suddenly he gave a mighty leap and came down into the desert outside the country. Again he fell in a heap and rolled over and over, for it was a high wall and the jump a dangerous one; but finally he recovered and got upon his feet, delighted to find he had broken none of his bones.

  Some of the Viralvanians had by now opened a gate, and out rushed a crowd to capture the fugitive; but Zika Zoster made straight for the camp of the Buboes and his pursuers did not dare follow him far in that direction. They soon gave up the chase and returned home, while the runaway majordomo was captured by Rikugun-Taisho Toomar and marched away, a prisoner of the Buboes.

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