I looked toward the accosteur. An average looking woman probably in her forties. 5′ 7″. Blonde hair that came out of a bottle and was due for another dose, sensibly but not unfemininely short. Slightly overweight. Mouth set in a self important line. “Are you deaf? You need to leave” she snapped. At Leah. I went back to washing my hands. This was not my immediate problem and would be an excellent learning experience for her and Rose. “We can always tell” indeed! Sure, Alice was cheating with shapeshifting and I was cheating by preventing her from seeing any part of me she’d suspect of being unfeminine but like… Leah was not so well endowed as Alice pound for pound but you’d have to be a paranoid lunatic to suspect her of being a man. If only there weren’t one born every minute…

  “I’m sorry?” yelped Leah, completely taken aback. The dy was only emboldened by her confusion and nervousness. “I can’t BELIEVE the nerve of you people. I bet you were taking pictures under the stall doors, weren’t you!” she screeched. “I wasn’t? I don’t even have a camera!” Leah excimed angrily. “I have a right mind to call security on you you disgusting pervert! Then they’ll lock you up in prison where all you disgusting creeps belong!”. She was practically screaming now, and had crossed the boundary into Leah’s personal space. Leah of course had nowhere to retreat to and was practically sitting on the sinks. She jabbed a finger into Leah’s left breast. “You’re not fooling anyone with those, SIR!” she shrieked.

  That was a mistake. Suddenly her hands went to her throat and she was lifted bodily into the air by nothing. “Don’t you DARE talk to her like that. Don’t you EVER talk to her that way” Rose screamed back, holding her in a quite literal death gre. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand now its my problem. “Rose, put the transvestigator down” I chided, with the half hearted urgency of a bad pet owner. “Where have you been?” she snapped back, never breaking eye contact with her mark. “I’ve been here literally the whole time. Rose, you need to put her down. Her face is turning blue” I lilted. “Why didn’t you make her go away?” yelled Rose. “Because like our wonderful friends from earlier she’s not actually doing something illegal and retaliating would be an abuse of magic. Please put her down before I have to raze her corpse. I’ve already used my power a lot today, I’m very tired. Please, just put her down” I groaned.

  The dy dropped to the floor unconscious. I checked she was breathing and then rearranged her into the recovery position. Now how was I going to spin this. She accosted a butch in a bathroom and got strangled into unconsciousness by her comparatively tiny girlfriend. Plus or minus some floating that’s close enough to the truth. I put my hand on the woman’s face and recreated the same scene in her mind with a few subtle adjustments. With any luck when she woke up she’d believe the memory was a dream and the dream was a memory. Just in case I threw in a “NOBODY WILL BELIEVE YOU ANYWAY” for luck. “Right, that takes care of that” I said and turned on my heel. There was a person with purple hair almost as short as Leah’s standing with her mouth agape in one of the stalls. OH COME ON!

  “What did you see” I asked levelly. “Nothing!” they squeaked. “TELL THE TRUTH” I thought. “Really?” I asked aloud. “Just your friend force choking her like Darth Vadar. Eeep!” she replied. I let out a sigh. Well whatever, one more mind adjustment wouldn’t kill me. Victoria waltzed out of her stall at that moment. “Okay, I dropped the stuff back at my pce. Where to now?” she said like a comically timed “we are definitely witches sign”.

  I didn’t have the energy for any more mind control shenanigans right this moment, so I instead invited them to lunch promising to expin everything if they didn’t immediately make a tumblr post about this. “What makes you think I’m a tumblr user” they protested. I pointed to the mirror over my shoulder. “Well I’m not allowed on tumblr anymore so HA!” she responded.

  I took us to a Pizza pce on the first floor. I bought two 16“ pizzas for 40 bucks out of my own allotment of the budget (which I sofar hadn’t touched) and then we sat down to wait on our food. “Okay, the short version is we’re a bunch of witches from secret coven hiding in the mountains (no I’m not telling you which mountains) just trying to have a fun day out, and we got accosted by a nosey asshole and Rose lost her temper” I expined. “Are you sure you should be telling her that?” asked Victoria. I didn’t have the energy to shut her up again so I just made an angry gesture with my hand in front of my throat.

  “I’m Vanessa, this is Rose, Leah, Alice and Victoria. What’s your name?” I asked. “I’m Charlie and I use xe/xir pronouns unless you’re around my parents in which case use he/him because they actually take that seriously and I’d rather annoy them than listen to their condescending crap” xe replied. “Wait, what are pronouns?” asked Victoria. “Seriously? A coven of witches in the mountains and you’re all cis?” asked Charlie incredulously. “Witch is a gender neutral term. The town is no less ignorant of the depths of human experience as any other podunk American town” I stated. “Laaaaaaame!” groaned Charlie. “Tell me about it” I agreed.

  “Okay, but you know what I’m talking about?” xe asked hopefully. “I’m somewhat of a recent immigrant” I admitted. “So you can join the coven even if you weren’t born into it” xe asked hopefully. I turned to Victoria with a questioning eyebrow. “Absolutely not” she snapped. Charlie’s face fell. “Why not! Why’s Vanessa get to join but not me” xe demanded. I sighed. “I had a power to begin with. And I didn’t so much join the coven as stumble across the town by accident while running away from my insane, transphobic, prepper father” I expined.

  “Oh” said Charlie small’ly. The pizza was served. I took a slice and a demonstrative bite. “Dig in!” I said. Leah grabbed a slice and ate about half of it in one bite. Rose gnced at it suspiciously. Alice dug in. “Its even better than the frozen one!” gasped Alice. “Well yeah, they made it on fresh dough. I bet the baker dy could also make it this nice if she only had access to tomatoes” I chuckled. Alice took another happy bite. “Are you two an item?” Charlie asked with a knowing smile. “I wish” said Alice and I in almost perfect synchrony. I let out a sigh. “Make that a yes” I said resignedly. Some thoughts about correct pacing of a retionship fshed through my head but I had more important matters on the mind right now.

  “So how long has the coven been in the mountains” asked Charlie. “The st outsider event we were involved in was the civil war” replied Rose. “Both sides wanted us to fight for them. We were already kinda isotionist at that point, but the war just drove home that we weren’t people until they wanted us for something. Our ancestors died to protect their neighbours and then the second the war was over they were right back on the to-burn list” she added bitterly.

  “Wait, they were on both sides of the civil war?” Charlie snarled. “Well yeah. Empowered soldiers from both sides were being hunted, they were hardly going get hung up on an outsider conflict in their new safe haven from the outsiders” replied Rose. “But the southern states were pro svery!” excimed Charlie. “Didn’t matter to them. They just wanted to protect their neighbours from the savage northerners who were coming to take their nd” said Rose with a shrug. “But that’s barbaric” snapped Charlie. “Shouldn’t people with special powers be more responsible with them?” xe ranted.

  “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but access to supernatural abilities doesn’t stop you being a product of your time” I chuckled. “And its probably for the best they’ve stayed out of every conflict since. Imagine what the nazis would have made of a magic gene. Wonder soldiers that no regur man could hope to defeat? They’d be CREAMING THEMSELVES” I noted.

  “Not that a witch can’t be killed. Alice and Leah have healing factors but me and Rose both bleed when we’re cut and I’ve literally killed Leah myself by stopping her heart. A well pced electric shock would probably have the same effect. I think if witches had participated in world war II, on either side, we’d either be hunted down like any other minority that threatens the status quo, or worse, conscripted into government supersoldier programs. Pawns in the cold war. Forced to murder Vietnamese children by the thousand. Because power cannot abide power that is not subservient to it” I added.

  “Anyone ever tell you you’re too cynical Vanessa?” asked Charlie. “Actually, most of the time I’m told I’m not cynical enough, though it is mostly my father saying that and he’s nuts so he’s probably wrong” I responded. “Uh, okay. So you can’t just go around being superheroes. What about small acts of kindness. Is there any way you could alter my body so it was like I was born a boy?” xe asked. “Not… presently. There was a witch a few decades back who could permanently change things about a person like their natural haircolour but there aren’t any cool stories about him so all we know about him comes from the towns archives.” mused Rose.

  “So nobody in your town that has existed since the civil war has ever been trans?” she asked with a confused scowl. “Well, Alice is trans” blurted Rose. “Wait, seriously? Girl why didn’t you say so” said Charlie with an excited smile. “Because she didn’t want to” I said with an angry scowl. “Oh”. She gave Rose the stink eye. “Rude” - “What, it seemed like relevant information” said Rose. “Yeah, but it wasn’t yours to tell” said Charlie. “Why?” asked Rose.

  “Outing someone as gay or trans can leave them in an extremely vulnerable position. You saw how that idiot in the bathroom reacted when she thought she saw a trans woman. Even if the person seems safe, things can go really badly” I noted. “Oh. Sorry” said Rose.

  “So wait, is Alice a trans guy or a trans girl? Am I using the wrong pronouns?” asked Charlie. “Seriously, what the fuck are pronouns?” interjected Victoria. “I’ll expin ter. Not important right now. Alice is a trans girl” I responded. “So how does she look so… good?” asked Charlie. “Shapeshifter” she said with an arrogant grin. “Shut up! Really?” asked Charlie. “Yup”.

  “So wait: You could choose to look like anyone at all and you look like that” said Charlie. “What’s that supposed to mean” I snapped. “Nothing! Its just… why not rainbow coloured hair? Why only 2 arms? Why no fur, or feathers, or scales? Why not fangs and dozens of eyes!” xe excimed, growing more fanatical with every breath. “Because we’re trying not to draw attention to ourselves” I stated bnkly. “Does that mean you look like that when you’re not walking among the normies?” asked Charlie. “No, but you’ve given me some ideas” said Alice with a smile.

  We ate in silence for a minute. “So you’re witches and have individual powers. Alice is a shapeshifter. What’s everyone else’s powers?” xe asked. “Telekenisis”. “Beastshifter”. “Teleporter”. “Mind control”. “Wait! Mind control? So you could make me forget everything I ever cared about and make me your submissive pet?” asked Charlie, a little too enthusiastically. “Theoretically yes, but also no, I’m not like that and that’s a really weird thing to ask someone you’ve barely known 20 minutes” I responded. Xe gave me an upset pout. “Oh come on! I’m literally 15, I’m literally too young for this shit” I said.

  Charlie let out a chuckle. “You’re so childish Vanessa. 15 is old enough to know what you like” xe ughed. “Wait WHAT?” I gasped. “I’m only 16, and I was in rolepy discords when I was your age” xe said. “That literally just sounds like you got groomed” I protested. “Nah, its fun” xe said with a smile. “Okay, that sounds like a problem for your future therapist but that’s not normal if you were raised by parents instead of the internet. Guys, tell them!” I choked out. “I had my first boyfriend when I was 12” Victoria interjected. “Okay, but you weren’t doing… y’know with him, right?” I asked. “Is that a big deal out here?” she asked bnkly. “Nah, Vanessa’s just being a prude” ughed Charlie.

  “I’m not being a prude, kids should be thinking about kid stuff like what dress to wear to the school dance not… this!” I gasped. “Well the answer is the sexy one obviously” ughed Charlie. I took a deep breath. “I’m not comfortable with this line of conversation. Please drop it” I said calmly. “Pah, what are you? Asexual” ughed Rose. I took a few seconds for my brain to reboot. “You didn’t even know what a lesbian was this morning. Where the hell did you even hear that word?” I asked incredulously. “Not sure. Must have been in a book or something” she mused. I let out a pained sigh. “I’m not asexual. I love girls! If I could be anywhere right now it would be sharing a 3 person couch with 4 lesbians. I’m the gayest bitch here” I protested.

  “But would you eat them out?” asked Charlie. “NO! I’m 15 for crying out loud” I responded angrily. Xe gave me an evil grin. “I’m not asexual! I’m probably just a te bloomer or something” I compined. “Sure whatever. So would any of the real lesbians like to go to hot topic” asked Charlie. “Too rich for our blood” I grunted. “What, can’t you just rob a bank or something?” xe said with the casualness of a discussion on meteorological phenomena. “I control minds, not security cameras” I said. “Why not make them turn the cameras off” she asked. “I have a range of like a football field on a good day” I said.

  “Why not make the clerk at hot topic just give you the stuff?” xe asked. “Cameras! Same problem. I’d have more luck just shoplifting” I said. “Why not shoplift?” - “Because its dangerous? We’re trying not to attract attention here!” - “You’re no fun!” - “You try living independently as a 15 year old hundreds of miles from civilisation and then see how much fun you are to be around” - “Sounds like more fun than another shouting match with my parents”.

  I let out a sigh. “You know what, as someone with a horrifically abusive father, it is a lot better. You have me there”. I conceded. I took a deep breath. I felt my energy levels return a bit. “Oh, my energy’s back. I’m afraid this is where we must part ways” I said. “Wait, what?” gasped Charlie. “I was tasked with keeping the town safe. That means I’ve either got to kill you or erase your memories and I like you so I’d rather the second one” I expined. “What? Come one! I can keep your secret. I promise! Please don’t make me forget” xe pleaded.

  I gave a sad headshake. “Its nothing personal. But I’d get in a lot of trouble if I didn’t take every single precaution” I expined apologetically. “But… I can’t go back! I’ve dreamed of meeting witches or werewolves or wraiths every day for as long as I can remember. You can’t take that away from me!” xe cried. “Is the fact we’re witches what made you like us, or is it the experience of meeting other queer folk?” I asked. “Because the former would be extremely shallow and sad. Having special powers doesn’t make someone a good person. There were witches on both sides of the civil war for the love of Zodd. People don’t need to be the special to be worth knowing” I said.

  Xe held back tears. “Please don’t make me forget”. I sighed. “Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be. Seriously, I could do some serious harm if you resist too hard. Like breaking an arm while trying to restrain you. Please don’t resist. I really don’t want to hurt you. Just rex” I said. I pced both hands on xir face. “We’ll meet again. I can feel it” xe said through tears. I chuckled. “Tell you what. If our paths cross again, I’ll take the hint from destiny and tell you all about witches again. But until that day: don’t wait for us. I promise you there are plenty of ordinary people who’d make for extraordinary friends if you just allow them to be.

  And then I reached down into my soul. “MAGIC ISN’T REAL. AT LEAST NOT THE SUPERNATURAL KIND. THAT DOESN’T MAKE THE WORLD ANY LESS BEAUTIFUL. SO DON’T WASTE YOUR LIFE WAITING FOR IT”

  thegingernut