Chapter 087　 I'm formally giving you my reply: I agree.

  *

  Honda was running back and forth helping out, but she noticed the atmosphere between the two was abnormal. Once Li Chengshi left, she whispered to Su Xian, "Su-san, what happened? You two are acting a bit strange."

  Su Xian pulled her into the meeting room and closed the door. "We broke up."

  Honda was shocked. "Why?"

  Su Xian shook her head; she couldn't bring herself to talk about the messy details. "It’s my fault. Don’t ask Li; he’s in a bad mood right now."

  Honda nodded, not knowing how to comfort her.

  Looking at Honda’s concerned eyes, Su Xian felt deeply apologetic because she had previously encouraged Honda to seduce Zhao Nanfeng, yet she herself had kissed him.

  Oh, I really am trash.

  **

  On Friday night, Li Chengshi was driving, and Su Xian sat in the back. Near the house, he asked, "I’m going to the supermarket. If you're not going, I'll drop you home first."

  "I'll go too." Since they were now eating separately, she had to worry about her own three meals a day.

  At the store, they browsed separately. While checking out, Su Xian realized she had accidentally picked up two packs of the cheese that Li Chengshi liked.

  When Li Chengshi came out, Su Xian was already waiting in the car. He put the groceries down, got in, and started the car. Neither of them spoke.

  My god, how am I going to get through this weekend! Su Xian couldn't help but sigh.

  He mocked her flatly, "Feeling oppressed, are you? I didn't force you to stay at home. Go find him and have a blast."

  "He... and I..." she wanted to say "There's nothing between us," but would people with "nothing" between them kiss? It was too hard to explain, so she let it go.

  But he didn't let her off. "I just happened to arrive early that day. If I had gone a few minutes later, I would've seen the full show, wouldn't I?"

  "Li Chengshi, don't push me."

  "What, you think you’re in the right?" He refused to back down.

  Su Xian swallowed her frustration. She had indeed pushed Zhao Nanfeng away that day, but from where Li Chengshi stood, he probably didn't see that. He was convinced that everything else was about to happen, and you can't prove that something which didn't happen wasn't going to happen. "Fine, say whatever you want. I don't care."

  "Of course you don't care, because you're shameless."

  That sentence hit a nerve. Su Xian reached over the seatback to hit him on the head, but he caught her hand mid-air and gripped it tightly. She was shocked by how much strength he had; he squeezed so hard her finger bones began to ache.

  "Let go!" Her heart broke as she shouted. This was the first time she felt clear malice from him.

  "Sorry." Realizing he was losing control and being violent, he quickly let go.

  She pulled her hand back, and tears involuntarily surged up.

  The car started again. As they drove through a dimly lit stretch of road, Li Chengshi saw Su Xian in the back seat pretending to casually wipe her eyes. He regretted it. No matter what she had done or was going to do, he shouldn't use violence against her.

  Once inside the house, she went straight to the kitchen to stuff her things into the fridge and went upstairs without looking back. He stood at the entrance, wanting to call out and apologize, but the words wouldn't come.

  *

  After showering, Su Xian's eyes were still red. She sat by the window, mindlessly flipping through an architecture journal, her thoughts churning.

  The root of everything was the unplanned pregnancy—that was definitely not her fault alone, yet she was the one bearing the consequences. He not only failed to be understanding but left without a word, disappearing for two weeks. During that time, she had weighed her options over and over and decided to give up. When she was at her most vulnerable, Zhao Nanfeng stepped in. She admitted she had wavered, but since they were broken up, what business was it of who she kissed!

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  She slammed the magazine onto the floor and stormed into the first-floor guest room.

  Li Chengshi was lying down playing on his phone and was startled.

  She gave him no chance to argue. she climbed onto the bed, pinning the quilt down on both sides with her knees and grabbing his arms to lock him onto the bed.

  Li Chengshi had almost no time to react before he was subdued. "Su Xian, what are you doing!" He was truly terrified, his voice trembling.

  "Li Chengshi, try speaking insolently to me again," she sneered. "Think you can stay in my house and torture me? Hmph, you're still a bit too green for that."

  He opened his mouth but couldn't speak, his eyes filled with terror.

  She released one hand to pinch his chin and tilt it up, forcing his mouth shut. He made fearful whimpering noises through his nose.

  Su Xian smiled with satisfaction, let go, and slid off the bed. Seeing that he only tugged at his quilt and had no intention of fighting back, she turned and left, heading up to the second floor with the stride of a victor.

  *

  Li Chengshi lay dazed on the bed, his heart pounding wildly. Suddenly, he remembered when Liang Wenya asked him, "What do you like about her?" and he had said, "She has strength."

  Yeah, he had actually forgotten that.

  He started crying again, pathetically.

  Su Xian, you bastard. Cheating, getting pregnant, having an abortion... how can you still be so mean to others!

  He felt guilty just for squeezing her hand, yet she could use such force to intimidate him. His mother taught him to be kind since he was a child, but why could Su Xian be so unkind?

  Oh, she didn't have a mother or father to teach her.

  In that instant, he felt he had forgiven her.

  **

  Su Xian had worked for two weekends in a row. For the past two days, Zhao Nanfeng had been invited to an academic seminar in Hiroshima and asked her to come along, saying she could go sightseeing while he attended the meetings. She refused. His intention was obvious, and she knew she wasn't firm enough right now; she might not be able to resist his gentle enticements.

  She slept until 10:00 AM, got up to stretch, and had a simple breakfast. She lounged on the sofa and turned on the TV just for some background noise to make it feel like a home.

  It wasn't until past 11:00 that Li Chengshi came out of his room. He didn't look at her or greet her.

  Fine. Silence was better than saying nasty things to each other.

  After eating, he got dressed, grabbed his bag, and headed for the entrance. Su Xian asked, "Where are you going?"

  "I'm going to a real estate agency. If there's a suitable place, I'll move out."

  Su Xian's heart skipped a beat. She clearly realized she was a bit reluctant. She had been thinking of waiting for his anger to cool so they could have a heart-to-heart and a peaceful, formal breakup. But presumably, she had scared him last night, and he wanted to run away.

  Fine, let's talk now.

  *

  Su Xian went to her room and brought out the breakup card he had written. "Li Chengshi, breaking up like this isn't right. A breakup must be discussed in person. Getting together requires two people's consent; the same goes for parting. You already brought it up, so today I'm formally giving you my reply: I agree. From now on, we are just colleagues. We’ll certainly have a lot of contact at work—let’s make sure we aren't affected by this, okay?"

  He nodded. "I'll do my best."

  "Thank you."

  He got up and left.

  Watching the door close, Su Xian gave a bitter smile, tore up the card, and threw it in the trash.

  This was the closure she wanted. Why did it feel so meaningless? She didn't feel light or liberated; instead, she was submerged in an endless void.

  If only one proper closure could cut off all bad emotions.

  **