Zeddie's jingle played as his head appeared over the self-service checkout. I had to step around the blood to see him properly.

  "Good afternoon, shoppers! I'm pleased to announce that only twenty-four customers have failed to display the qualities we're looking for in ZETTAMALL? members. That's below average! But it's never good when a number goes down, so let's all have a moment of silence. Your thoughts and prayers will be doubled by this tutorial's sponsor, WARCRIMES."

  Zeddie paused. People around us exchanged "what the hell?" looks. Two seconds passed.

  In the distance, a scream echoed through the corridors.

  "Close enough," Zeddie said cheerfully. "It's noon TMT, which means it's time for the second round of OddBotz Selection! If you're eligible and interested, tap that app to get started! If you're not eligible or you'd like to wait, you'll have one last chance at eight PM!"

  Phones buzzed around the store. Troy tapped his and—

  VWORP!

  Lights flashed around the store and another breeze stirred the shelves as most of the survivors vanished. Soon only those of us who already had OddBotz remained.

  "That leaves the rest of you. If you've already got an OddBot, treat yourself to a pat on the back for being ahead of the pack," Zeddie said with a wink. "Remember, new content will arrive in one hour!"

  "Do we need to do anything else?" I asked cautiously.

  "Enjoy your lunch break, valued customer," Zeddie said. "Network with your fellow customers. Peruse those item shops that remain open. Live a little! The mall is your mall-usc! As for me, I'll be taking a little hiatus. I'll return in fourty-five minutes."

  Chaz raised his hand. "Thanks for all the help so far, man."

  "Thank you, valued customer," Zeddie said. "Until next time, remember: ZETTAMALL?: Save to Live!"

  Zeddie vanished.

  Chaz's title in the party window switched to Valued Customer.

  He punched the air. "Yatta! I knew it!"

  covid spreader Today at 12:04 AM

  Our guy made it, but I heard a lot of pops. West plaza might be cooked.

  How's everyone else doing?

  Mizza Today at 12:04 AM

  I stood too close when these people popped.

  I have SO MUCH blood on me.

  VKlerk87 Today at 12:05 PM

  That girl and her cousin made it. We'll look after them.

  burger haven wifi Today at 12:05 PM

  We had a guy blow up in the food court. He's been hiding in a toilet rambling about the mall being forever, or some crap like that. He had a bot so we couldn't force him out.

  This place sucks, man.

  SkullGirl33 Today at 12:06 PM

  Burger, please message me!

  maxbasedvapegod Today at 12:07 PM

  ANY HOTTIES SURVIVED?

  covid spreader Today at 12:07 PM

  Good to see you survived, Max. I was worried for the hotties.

  Hang on, you had a bot already?

  The remaining survivors decided to grab some food and wait. Some double-checked the barricades, some browsed Dandy's, some just sat there and stressed out. We made an attempt to clean the blood, then left in search of the item shop Val told us about.

  I glanced at Lex as we ascended the travelator to Level Three. She'd been nervous for most of the tutorial, but now she was downright sullen.

  "You alright?" I asked.

  Lex shook her head. "Not really. The guy who saved my life thinks I killed his niece, and he's rolling with player-killers."

  "We'll deal with it," I said. "We've got way more people on our side."

  "They don't tell stories about the power of friendship for nothing," Chaz said encouragingly.

  "And we're friends by now, right?" Kara asked. "I mean, we killed a hundred intelligent beings together."

  Lex smiled. "...I'd like that."

  Kara patted her back. "Then welcome to the club! It's pretty exclusive. We've got two First Blood achievers and one of Sydney's top card game players."

  Chaz gave us a thumbs-up. "If a Lair ever challenges us to a game of Astral Burst, these shoplins are in trouble."

  Lex cheered up, and we continued onward to the central plaza. We looted a few shops on the way—most of the mall was clothing stores, and I doubted that any item shop merchants had a craving for jeans, but I'd had to exchange bloody clothes for fresh ones twice already.

  We stopped to loot Roxxor Your Soxxors, the sneaker store for millennials. Lex was a bit of a sneakerhead, and cleaning out the shelves seemed to relax her.

  "So how do youse know each other, anyway?" she asked as we hunted for shoes in our size.

  "I went to school with Chaz," I said.

  "Yep," Chaz nodded. "Bros for life."

  "I met these dorks as coworkers," Kara said. "But I know they've always been like this."

  I nodded. "Yeah, we've had mutual friends from way back."

  "Plus Will got drunk and slept with Kara's older sister at a graduation after-party," Chaz added helpfully.

  I almost dropped my shoe boxes. "We made a pact not to talk about that!"

  Kara and her smile were suddenly much closer. "Oh, that was you?"

  "Uh..."

  Even closer. "Do you know why she went to the doctor a week later?"

  "No! Quit messing with me!"

  I tried to change the subject. Asking Lex about her friends seemed like a terrible idea, since she came here alone, but as long as we were opening up...

  "You said you were a bartender, right?"

  "Yeah, at this little pub not far from here," Lex said. "Well, not here... you know what I mean. I didn't plan to do it for long..."

  "What was the plan?"

  "Not sure," she admitted. "Maybe something to do with fitness or swimming. When I was young I wanted to join the Coast Guard."

  "Why didn't you?" Kara asked.

  Lex shrugged. "My uncle got way too excited about me fighting 'boat people' and I lost interest."

  Chaz fed the last of the shoes to Snakpak. "I didn't know what I wanted to do. Now I'm gonna be an isekai hero, obviously."

  "Same for me," I said, as we headed out again. "I was thinking of teaching, but I've had enough of that."

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  Lex followed. "Yeah?"

  "My parents worked all the time, so I helped raise my little bro and my sisters," I continued. "Didn't get much time to myself until partway through high school."

  "When he became Boney Hawk in more ways than one," Kara added.

  I started to complain, but Lex was finally smiling.

  "Yeah, well, I've been the responsible one most of my life," I said instead. "Maybe I'm owed some me time."

  We made it to the central plaza concourse. Level Three had basically the same layout as Level Two—a northern corridor with metal plates blocking the way outside, east-west corridors linking the other plazas—only this time, the space behind the stores between the north and west corridors was filled by a huge food court. Openings sat at the far ends of each corridor, barricaded by tables and security barriers. Damaged Expired littered the floor. The advertising screen hanging down the middle of the concourse was cycling between Zettamall adverts now.

  [ This tutorial is sponsored by: WARCRIMES

  Tip: Lairs left unattended will grow and warp the space around them over time. ]

  [ Need a challenge? Try this one!

  Are You Out Of Your Goddamn Mind?

  Anger a shopkeeper by stealing from their item shop.

  Reward: +1 ZETTAMALL? Platinum Plunder Crate ]

  Above us, a glass-walled rooftop enclosure covered both the concourse and the missing escalators in a big boxy teardrop. Shoplins had covered the outside in graffiti tags, so we couldn't see what was happening on the roof. We moved on to the food court for now.

  The top-level food court dwarfed the one downstairs. It was a wide sprawl of white tables and plastic chairs, surrounded by food outlets offering everything from fast food to sushi to Portuguese burgers. Less than a third of them were still operating. Zettachat had reported well over a hundred survivors here; most were out getting OddBotz, but empty plates, loose jackets, charging cables, and other signs of their presence were scattered everywhere.

  A lot of the remaining survivors were filling garbage bags with trash and throwing them into the back of a seafood joint. An OddBot that looked like a toy robot with a sleek Bluetooth speaker for a head danced on a table nearby, blasting hip-hop for their enjoyment; it looked at us with its LED-rimmed loudspeaker eyes and gave a little wave as we stepped in.

  Vaughn's cargo shorts crew were still here, helping to clean up. The man himself approached us as we stepped in.

  "Welcome!" he said, giving us the Firm Handshake. "Glad to see you're doing okay." He focused on Kara's jacket. "Oh, hey. You got a new pocket? Is that loot?"

  "Sure is," Kara said.

  "That's incredible," Vaughn said sincerely. "Congratulations."

  "So, uh, everyone alright?" I asked.

  "Well, the food court's been under siege since this whole thing started," Vaughn said. "Expired everywhere, and whenever they look away the bodies disappear. They think a necromancer's screwing with them. Whatever it is, it's stopped for now."

  "Maybe they're on lunch break," Chaz said.

  "They're probably coming from the car park," Lex said. "There must be hundreds of bodies in there..."

  I winced. If I was reading the tip in the concourse right, we couldn't avoid it forever.

  "Well, nothing's coming right now, so don't worry too much," Vaughn said. "Anyway, my crew needs to head back to secure the plaza. Sounds like we've got some bandits after us, right?"

  "Something like that," I said. I was a little distracted counting the shorts. There were definitely more than before.

  "Val said there was an item shop here," Kara asked. "Have you seen it?"

  Vaughn pointed towards the northwest corner. "Over there, through the staff doors. You can buy food that gives you buffs. There should be plenty to go around."

  "Thanks!" Kara nudged me. "I spent most of my money on that crate, so you're buying."

  "Oh, yeah." Vaughn seemed to remember something. "You've been trying to put as much stuff as possible in your Bak Sak, right?"

  Lex paused. "...Yeah?"

  "Want us to gather some stuff for you?" Vaughn asked. "We'll be scavenging supplies for the next half-hour anyway, and we have to stop by the west plaza. Those folks we rescued are picking their OddBotz, but the store they were in won't be safe when they come back."

  Lex looked at us for confirmation. We nodded.

  "I'd like that," she said.

  "Great!" Vaughn clapped. "I'll stack as much as we can outside Gateway, nice and neat. Probably best to pack it up before the hour ends. Well, good luck!"

  He whistled, and the cargo shorts crew started following him out. We waved as they left, and then I turned away towards the item shop.

  Vaughn couldn't see my face, but the others could. I quietly opened our group chat.

  Shirokage428 Today at 12:15 PM

  Alright, what's up?

  WillT Today at 12:15 PM

  His crew almost doubled in size, that's what. And I still don't see any other OddBotz with them.

  Lex reached into Snakpak and produced the cargo shorts Vaughn had given us earlier.

  [ A pair of Hieropant's Cargolytes! Bonuses scale with Vaughn Klerk's level.

  Current bonuses: +4 Adaptation, +4 Dodge, +6 Zeal.

  Bonus power: [Shield of Faith].

  Additional features currently locked.

  You have an OddBot equipped. You will not receive the full bonus of these Cargolytes. ]

  SkullGirl33 Today at 12:16 PM

  Wait, are they passing on OddBotz?

  WillT Today at 12:16 PM

  Did they all not have enough for selection, or...

  Lexy Today at 12:16 PM

  There's something else bugging me. Vaughn knows about Bak Sak.

  Shirokage428 Today at 12:16 PM

  Will told him last time.

  Lexy Today at 12:16 PM

  We told him about Snakpak's storage power, but we didn't tell him it's called Bak Sak. Nobody calls it that and I didn't share it.

  The four of us shared a look.

  Shirokage428 Today at 12:17 PM

  Okay, he's sus for sure.

  WillT Today at 12:17 PM

  I dunno. He could just be paranoid about telling people what his bot does.

  SkullGirl33 Today at 12:17 PM

  I guess we'll find out!

  We made it to the northwest corner. A set of plastic flap doors here led to a staff-only area, and the Zettamall was usually sealing those. This one was open though. There was a hand-painted wooden sign over the door, which showed me a tooltip when I studied it.

  [ Asseveration Through Sustenance — Food Shop

  Shopkeeper: Suffusion of Yellow (Level 55 Plenipotentiary of the League of the Eternal Sea)

  Nourishment Finds Its Way To You From Distant Oceans. ]

  Inside, we found a fish and chip shop.

  The blue walls were hand-painted with spirals and vaguely-neolithic octopus iconography. Colourful hand-carved wooden furniture sat on a white-tiled floor. Soft music played from speakers inside prehistoric fish skulls set into the corners. It felt warm and cozy, in a "new-age coffee house from the 90s" way. A few groups were seated here already: Cosmo was eating with his crew, and Val and Joe waved at us as they chatted with some kids I didn't know.

  There was an L-shaped counter against the far wall, and a huge aquarium filled the space behind it. Inside swam the shopkeeper: a torso-sized, octopus-like alien, with a tiger-striped blue body and three round black eyes arranged in a triangle shape. As we entered, the smallest of its three pairs of tentacles touched some kind of holographic control panel on the glass.

  A pleasant voice issued from the speakers above the counter like a light-hearted sermon.

  "Welcome to my shop. I am Suffusion Of Yellow. I hope my meals bring survival and succor. If you have specific dietary requirements, I will do my best to accommodate."

  "Hi," I said as we stared. The menu was a floating hologram on the glass, but there was another hand-carved wooden sign beside it. It read:

  [ Dine At Your Leisure. Dash At Your Peril. ]

  "I like this place," Chaz said. "Very global-village. Do chippies look like this where you're from?"

  If Chaz's question was rude, Suffusion of Yellow didn't say anything. "I was brought here by the cosmic currents, guided by the ebb and flow of the universe itself. The store's look is a paid cosmetic."

  I scanned the menus. Like Vaughn had said, nearly everything here gave you a buff. The menu was divided into three-hour buffs ($100), rest-of-day buffs ($500), and sides and drinks, which offered only minor benefits. Chips that did nothing came free with every meal.

  I scanned the rest-of-day ones first. They were pretty good, but...

  [ Battered Kraken — +Health

  CodBatz — +1 OddBotz offering (SOLD OUT)

  Grilled Dunkleosteus — +Armor

  Holy Mackerel — +Expired Damage (SOLD OUT)

  Ikana Clam Bake — +Shoplin Damage (SOLD OUT) ]

  It went on like that for a while. Most of them were gone.

  "Guess the food court got to these first," I said. "I guess it is their store..."

  "I will restock at eight AM," Suffusion of Yellow said. "However, your Healthy Guts buff is already a rest-of-day buff. You would have to cancel it to receive any benefit from my meals. You may still eat them for fun, of course."

  I moved on to the three-hour ones. Most were still available, even the ones that seemed like they'd be popular like Heal Herring (+Health Recovery) and Swordfish Skewers (+Damage). Absolutely nothing on the menu helped with Death Discount.

  Kara went for the sides first. "Excuse me, Mister Suffusion of Yellow... um, is that what we call you?"

  Suffusion of Yellow did a shrugging gesture. "Indeed. However, the food court has taken to calling me 'Sussy'."

  "Oh, great! So, Sussy, it says Flying Scallops eliminate fatigue?"

  "Indeed," Sussy said again. "You will feel refreshed. It is $34 per serving of scallops. For an extra $6 you may receive dollops of flavour on top and a can of Grogulox."

  Kara looked at us. "It's been a scallops day for all of us, right?"

  Cosmo leaned over from his table. "We've tried the scallops. You want the scallops. Trust me."

  "Alright, I'm in," I agreed.

  We ordered four sets of scallops meals. Moments after we paid, a hatch opened at the end of the counter and four trays of steaming potato scallops slid out on a conveyor belt. Each came with sauce, chips, a weirdly blue lemon, and spherical soda cans with a moon design. I didn't realise how hungry we felt until we looked at them.

  "Enjoy," Sussy said.

  We thanked him, sat down, and tucked in. My standards for takeaway food were incredibly low—was it hot? Did I not get food poisoning? End of questions—but these were pretty great, actually.

  Even better, I could feel my fatigue melting away with every bite. By the time I was done, I felt like I'd just woken up after a long rest. After everything that had happened this morning alone, I was rejuvenated.

  "Holy crap," I breathed.

  "This is so good," Kara gushed. Chaz was too busy wolfing his down to talk, and Lex was tearing up.

  "Indeed," Sussy said proudly.

  "You should try the Large Trout, dude," a voice said from the doorway. "That shit'll really slap your taste buds around."

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