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Chapter 7: Misunderstandings

  Yoon Taeha was still catching his breath when Kang Jeonhyun walked toward him.

  The Second Lieutenant’s shadow fell over him before his scent did.

  “Come, I’ll give you a ride back.”

  Although his tone was flat, it wasn’t as sharp as usual, but enough to make Yoon Taeha blink. The others noticed, and Park Minjae immediately rushed over.

  “Take me home too!”

  “Ride with Private Choi,” Kang Jeonhyun replied coldly, not even glancing at him. Park Minjae clicked his tongue, shooting Yoon Taeha a betrayed look, as if he’d stolen the last seat on earth. In Park Minjae’s eyes, it probably was that simple. In Yoon Taeha’s, it was anything but.

  He followed the Second Lieutenant with his tail between his legs, feeling bad for Park Minjae, and a little sick under everyone’s stares, as if he had done something wrong. He kept a careful distance behind Kang Jeonhyun, afraid he’d face his usual hostile nature at any moment.

  01.09.2049 Seoul, Gangdong-gu, Somewhere around Seongnae-dong

  He sat in the same expensive car he had been in on the night their pheromones had clashed. Kang Jeonhyun’s scent lingered in the air, and although nothing about the interior had changed, everything felt different.

  It was strangely calming to be there with him. Just moments earlier, Yoon Taeha had panicked at the thought of never seeing this man again, this man who drove him insane, yet whom he wanted to keep close.

  In Yoon Taeha’s mind and heart, there was now no room for hostility. He wanted things to get better. He wanted to prove he wasn’t what Kang Jeonhyun believed he was. Still, he knew it wasn’t entirely up to him, and he wasn’t sure how to make the man see his intentions.

  “This gate was pretty intense,” Yoon Taeha said, attempting to break the silence while watching the city lights slide past the window. “I honestly thought you were a goner.”

  Kang Jeonhyun’s grip tightened on the steering wheel. He didn’t respond.

  He could feel the words pressing against his teeth. If I had died, it would’ve been simpler. At least then I wouldn’t have to see you. But he swallowed them down. If he opened his mouth now, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop.

  “If I had died there, I wonder if anyone would call my family... They’d probably spit on my grave for making them go through that again.” Yoon Taeha laughed nervously. “They’d be mad they had to mourn me twice.” Still nothing.

  Somehow, this silence hurt more than when Kang Jeonhyun was openly hostile. At least hostility gave Yoon Taeha a clear place to stand.

  On the driver’s side, the word family detonated somewhere in the back of Kang Jeonhyun’s mind. His jaw locked. Whenever the topic of family came up, he couldn’t control his anger, not at Yoon Taeha in particular, but it still came. So instead of talking, his grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles whitened.

  “Have we gone back to not talking?” Yoon Taeha sighed quietly. “There’s no getting through to you, no matter how much I try, huh.”

  Kang Jeonhyun wasn’t ignoring him on purpose, not this time. He simply didn’t know how to answer without exploding or saying something he couldn’t take back.

  “You know what?” Yoon Taeha began again, trying to keep his voice light even as it trembled, “I understand.” His gaze lowered to his hands. “I would hate me too.”

  He didn’t dare look at the Second Lieutenant’s face. In Kang Jeonhyun’s eyes, he had become as good as a murderer, someone who had entered the Jujak-gate, saved himself, and let others die. If Yoon Taeha were to tell him what really happened, would he act less coldly? Or worse? He couldn’t risk it, even if it was him. He couldn’t risk being made a weapon, not after all the trauma he had experienced.

  Kang Jeonhyun turned to look at Yoon Taeha briefly, opened his mouth a little as if to speak, then turned his gaze back to the road. The words got stuck somewhere between reason and feelings. He wanted to tell Yoon Taeha he didn’t hate him, or at least that he was trying not to, but saying it meant admitting it to himself.

  “Please stop the car,” Yoon Taeha asked suddenly.

  Kang Jeonhyun slowed down near a pedestrian crossing, frowning. They were still a long ride away from the omega dormitories, but Yoon Taeha already had his hand on the door.

  “Thank you for the ride. I’ll get myself home from here.”

  “We’re still several kilometers away,” Kang Jeonhyun said, confused but expressionless. “It’s late.”

  “I know.” Yoon Taeha smiled lightly; the kind of tired smile worn when someone had already given up expecting kindness. “I’m good here. Get home safe.”

  He stepped out and closed the door before Kang Jeonhyun could find the right words.

  For a split second, Kang Jeonhyun wanted to tell him to stay, to order him back into the car, to tell him it was dangerous. But he didn’t. The urge was too strong. If he said it now, he wasn’t sure what else might spill out next. Instead, he watched Yoon Taeha walking farther away in the side mirror.

  He understood very well that it was his behavior that had made the man uncomfortable, but so uncomfortable that he’d rather get out of the car in the middle of nowhere just to avoid being near him? Did Yoon Taeha really hate being around him that much? The thought drove him crazy.

  02.09.2049 Past Midnight, Seoul, Gangnam-gu, Apgujeong-dong, Heritage Court Apartments

  Kang Jeonhyun was already parking in his apartment building. His hand went to turn off the engine, but his mind was replaying the scene of Yoon Taeha telling him to “Get home safe.”

  He had gotten home safe. His apartment was just an elevator ride away. But what about Yoon Taeha, was he safe? A sudden stab of guilt took over, remembering the events of the night at the alley. It shouldn’t have bothered him. But it did.

  He shut off the engine and leaned forward, elbows braced against the steering wheel. His heartbeat was annoyingly loud. Why did he feel like he had abandoned him? He was the one who walked out, the one who left. Kang Jeonhyun hadn’t been the one to tell him to leave. That logic helped nothing.

  If Yoon Taeha accidentally released pheromones on the street, any disgusting alpha passing by could drag him off, and he wouldn’t have the strength to fight again tonight. He knew Yoon Taeha shouldn’t be alone when he was vulnerable.

  A spike of fury shot through him, irrational and burning. Why the hell did the idea of someone else touching him make his blood boil?

  He took his hat off, dropped it onto the passenger seat, and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel.

  “What the fuck am I doing?” The words had barely left his mouth when he was already driving out of the parking lot. He didn’t think. He just drove.

  02.09.2049 Seoul, Gangdong-gu, Somewhere around Seongnae-dong

  He scanned every street and alley on the route he expected Yoon Taeha to walk through. Maybe he had already grabbed a taxi and gone home. But what if he was somewhere unconscious, violated again?

  He stopped at a red light, and then he saw him. A familiar figure sitting outside a convenience store, alone, slouched over a cheap metal table. An empty green bottle was beside him, and a bag of chips ripped open. He looked flushed, his hair messy.

  But there was someone else. Another alpha stood over him, a hand resting on Yoon Taeha’s shoulder. Kang Jeonhyun didn’t remember unbuckling his seatbelt, he was already walking. He could hear them clearly.

  “Did you fall from heaven?” The stranger sounded playful. Yoon Taeha didn’t even look at him properly.

  “No, I crawled from the depths of hell. What do you want?”

  Kang Jeonhyun’s jaw tightened as he heard those words. He had the urge to run to him, to beat the living daylight out of the alpha. But he also wanted to trust Yoon Taeha.

  “It’s not safe for an omega to be alone in a place like this. Come with hyung, I’ll show you a nice safe place to stay for the night.”

  Taeha blinked at him through hazy, unfocused vision created by the bottle on the table.

  “But you look nothing like him. I don’t want to sleep with you. And your pheromones stink. I want nice pheromones… ones that smell like elderflower.”

  Yoon Taeha’s face was resting on folded arms now, head tilted sideways, exposing the back of his neck, and that soft line of skin triggered something hot and violent inside Kang Jeonhyun. If he kept his neck exposed like that, the alpha would bite him.

  The stranger scoffed.

  “If you didn’t want to come with me, you should stop releasing pheromones. Sluts like you like to play hard to get, huh?”

  He grabbed Yoon Taeha’s wrist by force, lifting him from his seat. He swayed drunkenly back and forth, but then, with one swift movement, the alpha was face down on the ground, his arm bent behind his back, with a gun pointed at his skull. Even Kang Jeonhyun froze mid-step, somehow regretting not having trusted Yoon Taeha to manage on his own. But there was a quiet pride there as well. He hadn’t expected him to move like that.

  Yoon Taeha’s eyes were focused now.

  “Look, man,” Yoon Taeha said, voice dangerously soft, “I’m already in a bad mood because of a certain alpha who’s too dumb to realize anything. I’m going to count to five, and you’re going to apologize. Unless you want to meet your ancestors in hell. One… two…”

  Kang Jeonhyun stepped closer, watching. When the man was forced to his knees, head lowered, someone moved behind him. Before Yoon Taeha realized, Kang Jeonhyun struck the back of the predator’s neck sharply, dropping him unconscious in seconds. Yoon Taeha raised his gun.

  “Are you going to shoot me?” Kang Jeonhyun raised a brow. Yoon Taeha blinked, then smiled, brightly, stupidly brightly.

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  “Hyung!”

  “You’re older than me, Lieutenant.”

  “Yeah, but you’re bigger than me. It suits you.

  Why was it that a bright smile from him was enough to soften Kang Jeonhyun’s anger? He didn’t understand. He shouldn’t have enjoyed it.

  Kang Jeonhyun removed his jacket and put it over Yoon Taeha’s shoulders. It was too big for him, but it would keep him warm, he told himself. But it was September, and the nights were still warm.

  The part-timer at the convenience store stormed out, saw the unconscious man, and started dialing police. Kang Jeonhyun showed the man his hunter badge to not scare the teenager, then turned to Yoon Taeha and reached for his wrist.

  “Let’s go,” Kang Jeonhyun said. But Yoon Taeha jerked his hand back.

  “Nope. I want to drink.”

  “Last time you got drunk from one beer. This time you had a full bottle of soju. You’re going to pass out.”

  “That’s because beer is weak. Soju is a noble drink. And I had chips. I’m fine.”

  Kang Jeonhyun clicked his tongue and covered his face with his palm. He should have dragged him away, angry, and lectured him. They should have left. But none of those things happened.

  Before he realized, they were both sitting in an orange tent, with more green bottles on the tables, and Yoon Taeha slurping noodles as if he was on death row and it was his last meal. Kang Jeonhyun strangely admired the view while holding his tiny glass of soju. Yoon Taeha beamed at him like the world was perfect. He wondered why he was there, and why he let this continue.

  Yoon Taeha took the small plate from in front of Kang Jeonhyun and filled it with noodles and pieces of pork; his smile had yet to fade. He didn’t remember the last time he had dinner with someone, and he had never expected eating and drinking alone with Yoon Taeha.

  “You need to eat well in order to get strong,” Yoon Taeha mumbled.

  “I’m plenty strong,” Kang Jeonhyun answered stiffly.

  “If you don’t get strong… how will you protect me from predators, huh?”

  “It didn’t look like you needed my help,” Kang Jeonhyun said, while pushing the side dishes closer to Yoon Taeha. His voice came out harsher than intended, but his actions prevented the misunderstanding. Yoon Taeha reached for the side dishes with his chopsticks.

  “True. The chief allowed me a gun, so I think I’ll be fine from now on. You really don’t need to protect me anymore, huh.” Yoon Taeha let out a nervous laugh.

  “Then stop making me worry, damn it,” Kang Jeonhyun said, staring at his glass, barely audible. He wanted to tell him that he never said he didn’t want to protect him. Yoon Taeha wasn’t sure if he had heard right, so he didn’t react. He was barely keeping himself upright at this point, and it wasn’t a surprise, looking at the three green bottles on the table.

  Yoon Taeha kept babbling, unimportant things, nothing that really mattered. Still, Kang Jeonhyun listened and didn’t turn away from him. In a matter of minutes, Yoon Taeha was leaning on his arms against the table. Kang Jeonhyun exhaled slowly, downed his last glass of soju, paid the bill, and lifted the man in his arms. He sat Yoon Taeha in the car and fastened his seatbelt. There was a knock on the window.

  “You ordered a designated driver,” a man said.

  “Come in,” he said shortly, handing over the keys.

  The driver sat behind the wheel, while Yoon Taeha, on the other hand, had slid back into Kang Jeonhyun’s arms. His ears burned red as he tried to keep Yoon Taeha in his grip, holding him steady. The designated drivers were always betas, so he didn’t have to worry about Yoon Taeha’s pheromones filling the car. He couldn’t control them in his state, while Kang Jeonhyun did his best to control himself.

  The drive wasn’t long, but it felt like an eternity. Nothing felt real or in his control, especially not the unconscious body leaning on him. He wondered how he had gotten to that point, that he was now taking care of this man who just a month ago he was sure he hated. Or wanted to hate. Hatred gave him something to hold on to, whereas now he was holding on to something much more fragile, something he shouldn’t want.

  He wondered whether this was the way he could make the man open up to him, by taking care of him, but it felt wrong. His jaw tightened again. When had he become so selfish and manipulative? He looked down at Taeha’s face against his sleeve. Was this what he wanted? This unknown closeness?

  For a moment he wanted to jump out of the car and run away as far as his feet took him. Yet he didn’t tell the driver to stop. He didn’t dare let go of the man in his arms.

  02.09.2049 Seoul, Gangnam-gu, Apgujeong-dong, Heritage Court Apartments

  Kang Jeonhyun paid and thanked the driver. He lifted Yoon Taeha back into his arms, his head falling on his shoulder like dead weight. He moved through the lobby quickly, aware of how intimate this looked. He carried the man like some princess-rescuing prince, like he weighed nothing at all, and it was ridiculous. But Yoon Taeha would never care, he was someone who did everything shamelessly. Kang Jeonhyun laughed lightly at the thought.

  The elevator doors closed. The ride up felt like forever. He cursed in silence. What had he been thinking, drinking alone in a dark neighborhood at night? He was asking for trouble. And worse, Kang Jeonhyun was asking for trouble by being the one to bring him here.

  Before he reached his door, an elderly neighbor opened theirs. The woman gazed at the lieutenant carrying a smaller omega in his arms with a judgmental expression. Kang Jeonhyun bowed politely, internally dying from embarrassment. The neighbor coughed and walked away, and the lieutenant walked into his apartment, breathing out a long breath of mortification.

  Inside, he laid Yoon Taeha on the bed. He looked at the man, still in his uniform. He stared too long before he snapped himself back to reality and went to retrieve clothes from his closet, a T-shirt, loose shorts. What was appropriate? He debated for some time whether he should help him change his clothes but then tried to wake him up. The man wouldn’t move, just mumble in his sleep.

  “Lieutenant.”

  “Mmm.”

  “You need to change your clothes. You’ll catch a cold.”

  “Mmm…”

  “Do you want me to help you?” Kang Jeonhyun asked, feeling as if he was doing something wrong. He hoped Taeha would refuse. He didn’t.

  “…yeah. Sure…”

  Kang Jeonhyun swallowed hard and began removing Yoon Taeha’s clothes and tried his best not to look at the sleeping man. It proved more difficult than he had anticipated, but he managed. He looked at the man peacefully sleeping, red hair spread on the pillow, drooling. Although he’d normally be disgusted by the sight, something in him found it cute. He shook his head as he realized he was blushing.

  A cold shower. He needed one.

  He hopped in the shower, the water dripping on his body. He placed his hands against the cold wall and closed his eyes, remembering Yoon Taeha’s face as he was smiling at the sight of him at the convenience store. Suddenly he felt a strange sensation and looked down at his crotch.

  “Fucking hell.” He cursed at the sight. Even his body had betrayed him, and he couldn’t brush it off just as a physiological sign anymore. He hated the desire he felt.

  Embarrassed, after relieving himself, he went to check once more on Yoon Taeha. He was still exactly where he had left him. Without thinking, he stroked his hair a couple of times instinctively, as if there had never been hate between them. He got up slowly, trying not to wake the man, even if it seemed impossible. It was as if he had fallen into a coma again. Then suddenly he felt a tug on his sleeve and turned around. Yoon Taeha’s eyes were half-open.

  “Don’t go,” he muttered.

  “I—” He almost refused. Almost walked out to sleep on the couch. Kang Jeonhyun gritted his teeth, trying to think of a way out of the situation, but it felt as if he was only making excuses to himself at this point.

  He lifted the blanket and laid down next to him. He lay there, stiff, turning his head slightly to look at the peaceful expression the man next to him had, but he maintained a safe distance.

  As he turned back, he felt an arm and a leg flying on top of him, pinning him in place. Yoon Taeha had unconsciously wrapped himself around the stiff man. Kang Jeonhyun sighed and turned.

  “I can’t go,” Yoon Taeha muttered in his sleep. “If you stay, you’ll die…”

  Kang Jeonhyun startled as he saw the tears running down Yoon Taeha’s cheeks. He wiped them gently and took the man in his arms. He felt how Yoon Taeha’s grip around him tightened too, pressing his face in Kang Jeonhyun’s chest. He knew he’d regret this later, but he felt like he had very few choices at that moment.

  Closing his eyes, he released gentle pheromones. So gentle that Yoon Taeha’s nightmare shifted to sweeter dreams, his breathing and heartbeat syncing with his, as their pheromones tangled. The feeling of relief drifted Kang Jeonhyun to restful sleep, with his last thought being, If someone had held me like this when I was falling apart, would I have turned into something better?

  Yoon Taeha’s eyes opened slowly, seeing the sun peak from the unfamiliar curtains, in an unfamiliar room, and an unfamiliar bed. He got up slowly, remembering how he’d been drinking, but to his surprise, he didn’t feel lightheaded. There was no pain ringing in his head, and no nausea like he would have expected. He felt light, rested, as if he had the best sleep of his life. He looked around the room, realizing that he had no idea where he was.

  He looked under the blanket and let out a scream, his body jerking so that he fell off the bed. Last night was coming back slowly to him. Holding down an unknown figure, pointing a gun at him, then a taller figure taking him for drinks, but he couldn’t distinguish the face. Still, as he smelled the familiar scent in the room, he knew exactly who the man had been.

  He looked at the clothes that hung too big on him. A shirt he had not worn yesterday. Shorts knotted at the waist with tightened drawstrings. He was relieved his underwear were still his own, although feeling the blush on his cheeks imagining Kang Jeonhyun changing his clothes for him. The shirt he was wearing smelled like him, somehow easing Yoon Taeha’s embarrassment.

  He walked out to a large living room with marble floors. Yoon Taeha chuckled as he saw how well the apartment fitted Kang Jeonhyun’s personality. He wanted to pry a bit further and see if he could find any information, but there was nothing there. No photos on the counters, no paintings on the walls, nothing that made the place feel like home. The previous chuckle shifted to a feeling of loneliness, but not Yoon Taeha’s. It was as if he felt it for Kang Jeonhyun himself. The apartment felt more like a hotel room than a home.

  His thoughts were interrupted as the door beeped, Kang Jeonhyun stepping in. He was holding a paper bag with a logo of a place that was unfamiliar to Yoon Taeha. It had English letters on it, that he could read, but didn’t understand.

  Kang Jeonhyun looked at the embarrassed Yoon Taeha, but he didn’t have his usual cold expression. It was a strangely calm one, even if he wasn’t smiling. He didn’t feel any kind of hostility attacking him.

  “I brought porridge.” Kang Jeonhyun placed the paper bag on the counter. Yoon Taeha wanted to thank him, but the words wouldn’t come out. He walked to the table, clutching the hem of the T-shirt he was wearing, staring at his feet.

  “Do you want coffee?” Kang Jeonhyun asked as he was digging through the pantry. “I think I only have instant…”

  “Instant is fine,” Yoon Taeha muttered. An awkward silence lingered in the room before he dared to speak again. “About last night…” his voice was cracking, “I was a bit of a trouble, huh?”

  Kang Jeonhyun didn’t say anything, but a slight smile tugged his lips. But Yoon Taeha didn’t see it, as Kang Jeonhyun was facing the kitchen. Something snapped at Yoon Taeha at that instant.

  He had always been serious, because that’s what the North taught him. To be serious, never to question authority, loyalty to the party, sacrificing oneself to their country. Yoon Taeha had thought that coming to Seoul, then getting a second chance at life, would be good enough of a reason to get rid of that mentality. It had been difficult, so much that he was still forcing himself sometimes to lighten his personality. To act carefree, like a clown at times, but under there was still a soldier. One beaten enough to understand where he stood.

  “Are we going back to this again…” He pressed his hands against his face. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

  Something in Kang Jeonhyun snapped. Not angrily, but somehow frightened. He wasn’t a very self-aware person, but he had thought that last night, and this morning, he had done better. Expressed himself better, but Yoon Taeha didn’t see it that way. Maybe it was that he’d been used to Kang Jeonhyun’s cold behavior, that he didn’t want to expect something else from him. Kang Jeonhyun’s stomach dropped at the sight.

  Yoon Taeha got up from his chair quickly, his expression was betraying him, and he didn’t want the man to see it. He felt the heat rising on the back of his neck, and he was at the verge of tears. He, the one who was supposed to be a trained soldier. He needed to get out quick. Kang Jeonhyun reached to him quicker, grabbed his arm and ever so carefully yanked him towards himself, finally exposing Yoon Taeha’s expression.

  He looked directly into Kang Jeonhyun’s eyes, his own eyes reddened. He held back as well as he could, but there was no stopping it now. Maybe the coma had broken his hard shell. It was as if his restraint had been washed away like stone by waves. Kang Jeonhyun didn’t let go of his wrist, but he didn’t know how to react. He was paralyzed by this almost innocent face staring at him.

  “Please, stay.” The words barely left his mouth. He wanted to tell Yoon Taeha that he wanted him to stay, not that he needed to. That he didn’t know when the hate had shifted to this awkward feeling, as if he was possessed. What came out was: “You need to eat.”

  Yoon Taeha bit his lip, unsure whether he should listen. He turned his head slightly away from him.

  “But you hate me. I thought you hated me.”

  “Yeah,” he admitted, “I thought so too.” It was the most honest thing Kang Jeonhyun had said, with a strange calmness in his voice. Yoon Taeha wanted to smile, but would exposing his feelings do any good at this point?

  “How am I supposed to believe you?”

  Kang Jeonhyun pulled him closer and pressed his forehead against Yoon Taeha’s.

  “Do you sense any hostile intention from me?”

  That’s when Yoon Taeha realized it. For a while now, his telepathic quality had not alerted him of any hostility from the man. Rather it was only his own insecurity protecting him from getting too close.

  Kang Jeonhyun, unaware, released pheromones. Calm ones, ones that had drifted Yoon Taeha to restful sleep.

  “Elderflower,” Yoon Taeha whispered. Kang Jeonhyun was taken aback, realizing no one had ever named his scent, but his expression didn’t change. Yoon Taeha, however, felt his warmth and the safety of his pheromones. Afraid of what would happen next, or rather, what he would do next, he moved back awkwardly.

  “Okay, let’s eat.”

  Kang Jeonhyun turned to prepare breakfast, but words he wanted to say were still stuck in his throat. Because what he really wanted to say was: Stay after breakfast, too. And tomorrow. And until I figure out what the hell is happening to me.

  The silence was bittersweet.

  In the following days, they barely crossed paths. When they did, their interactions were stiff, polite, transactional. Yoon Taeha’s spirits were crushed down to earth again as he assumed Kang Jeonhyun was drawing a line between them again, and Jeonhyun assumed Taeha was avoiding him. It was mutual avoidance, rooted in cowardice.

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