Some time after I’d started actually doing my training in Durrilan, things in my head got much harder again. By that point, I knew every system, every spell, every menu like the back of my own hand. But despite this, Xandra still said they didn't feel I was ready to take on a Player.

  "What do you mean? I probably know this whole thing as good as Meph does now, maybe better!"

  "And yet, you're still not happy about it," Xandra replied, tone clipped, but not severe.

  "Bloody hell, I have to be happy about having my eternal soul held captive for a silly game now too, do I?"

  Xandra raised an eyebrow. "Not especially, no. But it's a big responsibility, being a Guide. We need to know you won't...take heed to certain instincts first."

  I stood there in the glow of the Pleroma, trying to not let the fury show on my face, and probably failing. I felt fit to burst. Because what she was alluding to was accurate. I felt myself shaking, wanting to yell at her for the invasion in privacy, but I also kind of understood too, which just made it worse.

  The void in my head was louder again. It felt like the air was rushing out of me into its depths, threatening to take me with it, spiralling away.

  "Maybe if I had something to do, instead of just pottering around with the theory of being useful. Of being anything more than a...a..."

  "An NPC? But, Russell, that is all you are here. The sooner you realise your position, the better for everyone."

  Xandra was cold and distant, speaking to me like I was just a tool that wasn't working.

  "But I suppose I can see where you're coming from. We'll work on it."

  With that, I found myself back in my room, with no idea what she meant by that.

  It was about three nights later that I heard the crash outside my window in the middle of the night.

  I'd been sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of my thoughts, made worse with the knowledge that I didn't have any way out anymore. This was it for me, for eternity. The void continued to pull at me, to suck out all the air inside me, but with nowhere to actually go, I just felt increasingly cold, inside and out.

  I had started having trouble sleeping about a week prior, the noise of emptiness in my head being overwhelming. So, I was wide awake and lurched up from my pillow as soon as I heard the crash. Like the sound of pots shattering on the ground.

  I looked outside the window into the night. Nothing moved, that I could see. Not that I expected anything, the town only populated any true NPCs as we needed them. But then I thought I saw two pinpoints of greenish-yellow fire in the night, that vanished as quick as they came, looking like they were going right under my window. I couldn't follow it from my vantage point.

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  I ran down the stairs, and out the door, not stopping to grab a jacket. Hell, I didn't even have trousers on, I rushed out so fast. Just a loose nightshirt hanging down to just above my knees.

  My feet slapped on the cobbles as I turned the corner, towards the source of the disturbance.

  On the stones, a flowerpot was indeed smashed, clumps of soil littered between the shards. A bunch of bright blue flowers (I still don't know what kind of flower it was; I really should get to learning them some day) lay strewn about.

  I looked around, trying to figure out what had caused it to fall from the planters on the wall, when I caught a flash of those lights in the night, low to the ground underneath my window, which was still illuminated where I'd left my light on in my room.

  I startled, but before I could fall back on my ass, I steadied myself and realised what I was looking at.

  Between another planter on the ground and some wooden practice swords Meph and I had left out from the morning, the tiny figure of a cat watched me, back arched, fur on end, tiny mouth open to show me his teeth as a low hissing growl escaped its lips.

  As my vision resolved further in the darkness, I realised it wasn't a cat, but smaller, a kitten; and more than that, what I had taken for fur sticking up on end were actually downy-looking feathers. The small creature was a mix of fur and feathers, in a grey and white-mottled colouring, a touch of black around its eyes that never left me.

  "Oh, hello there, little fella," I said, in the softest voice I could manage. I put out my hand, trying to entice it over.

  Its eyes flashed down to my palm before returning to my own eyes and letting out a bigger hiss. Where it forced the sound out, it sent it higher, actually making the little thing seem even more adorable.

  "Okay, wait right here," I said, slowly standing to my feet. I waited a second to make sure it didn't run off, and to my thankful surprise, it stayed there just watching me. I quietly stepped away and out of sight, and then ran back inside to the kitchen.

  The great thing about the cupboards and larder in the Guild Hall is it always was well-stocked with any food and supplies. So it didn't take long to find some slices of ham that I proceeded to shred up into smaller chunks.

  I returned to the broken pot, and slowly lowered myself to my knees, and then made a pspsps noise. It seemed like it would be right, given how much it looked like a cat, even if it wasn't one.

  Amazingly, it was still there, although it had moved behind the planter. But as it inched its nose out from behind, twitching as it sniffed the air, I could see the promise of ham was too enticing for it.

  The little ball of fluff came out from behind the planter, glanced at me, and arched its back again, but continued to inch closer and closer to me, a grumbly rumble emanating from its tiny chest. I kept the shredded meat in my open palm, held low to the ground for it.

  The little thing was hesitant, and shaking, but it looked so small and I could see its ribs through the fur on its underside. I knew it needed food and soon, probably what it'd been looking for in the middle of the night.

  Eventually, it reached a couple centimetres away from my hand, and quickly stretched its neck out and snatched a strip of ham from my hand, the low growl in its voice getting higher for a split-second. But then it was quiet as it wolfed the meat down.

  It kept up like this for another few minutes, before the desire for the food got too much, and it leaned its head into my palm, snacking away at the shredded ham, the low growl turning into a comical 'nom, nom, nom' sound as it ate.

  When it'd finished, it didn't rush off from me. Instead, it leaned its little head into my hand and rubbed its cheek repeatedly against my open palm, purring loudly. With great care and hesitancy, I slowly scooped the little critter up in my hands, and brought it to my chest. To my surprise, after initially being stiff in my hands and not taking his eyes off me (I quickly established he was a he, and that all worked the same way as with a normal cat), he sank against my chest, a little ball of warmth, purring away, looking up at me as his heavy lids kept falling and opening, until they finally shut and all that was left was the sensation of his purr rumbling against my chest.

  I looked up into the night sky.

  "Thank you," I whispered into the night.