Jyn sat in his command chair for what felt like an eternity, Adrian’s screams echoing loudly in his mind and unwilling to disappear. He tried his best to calm his shaking hands as he came to terms with such a sickening display of torture.

  There was no doubt in his mind now why the Tribunal had such harsh views on the chemicals.

  The length of the video he’d borne witness to was irrelevant. That any person underwent even one second of exposure to whatever the gru’ul had injected Adrian with was far too much already. Adrian’s video lasting tens of minutes was beyond horrifying.

  By the gods how Jyn pitied Adrian from the bottom of his heart for having endured such misery.

  Seeing a person in such pain shocked Jyn to his very core, and he forced back down the bile that rose in his throat. Sheer willpower stopped him from being sick on the spot. To think that all this time, that was but one of the things the gru’ul did to Adrian.

  How could he have possibly known?

  He’d pushed hard for the information and now that he finally had it, he didn’t even have the capacity to be pleased that he’d at long last had his way. The General’s earlier apology made much more sense to him now that he’d seen the video.

  The possibility of anybody on his team being exposed to such a vile thing chilled him deep in his bones. He realized now that they’d been extremely lucky with their raids on the gru’ul facility if that was where the chemicals were being synthesized. How easy would it have been for the gru’ul to weaponize them had they known ahead of time they were coming?

  Adrian had always hinted that his scars didn’t tell the whole story. Already, they were hideous enough as it was. Suddenly, his refusal to speak about his time at the facility made more sense. Jyn didn’t like it, as he still felt that he needed to know what secrets Adrian was hiding, especially now that he’d seen one of them.

  That said, he wasn’t sure he wanted to learn the rest of them if they were as bad as the one he’d just been shown.

  His thoughts inevitably turned to Reya as he continued to ponder how such atrocious chemicals could be conceived. Nessah had said that the one used on Reya was different but had a similar effect. He didn’t think himself able to handle seeing her in that much pain and was glad her videos would remain sealed.

  Jyn ran a hand over his face. He’d caused Reya to relive such an awful memory and felt horrible that he’d been the one to drive that knife back int her heart. The disturbing descriptions of pain that Rann recorded made more sense. Words would never be enough to describe her experience, no matter how hard she tried. That Reya could even make such parallels spoke volumes to what the experience must have been like.

  Jyn got up, not in the mood for pleasantries. He needed a distraction from what he’d just learned. Wandering through the ship’s halls, he eventually found himself standing in front of the supply room.

  On auto pilot, he opened the door and entered. Crates of supplies were stacked on shelves in the spacious room. He ignored them and went straight for the one he knew would help. He took it out of storage and opened its lid.

  Bottles of alcohol glistening with condensation stared back at him.

  For a brief moment, he reflected on the decision he was about to make. Adrian’s screams resounded in his mind, unrelenting. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and grabbed the strongest bottle of liquor he knew they had.

  Glad nobody would disturb him for the time being, he went back to the bridge and sealed himself inside once more. Along the way, he stopped by the kitchen to grab himself a glass. A harsh smell filled the room as he poured himself a generous amount of alcohol.

  He knocked back the glass in one smooth motion, paying no heed to his coughing fit as he poured himself another glass. This one, he sipped slowly as he waited for the alcohol to kick in. It wasn’t long before his cheeks numbed. Spurred on by his success, he continued his mission.

  An unmistakable ringtone went off some time later and a holoscreen appeared before him. It was the General. Jyn swore loudly as he raced to hide the evidence of his drinking before answering. Making sure he looked proper, he answered.

  “Captain,” Nessah said, taking in his state with a glance, “are you satisfied?” His flushed expression told her all she needed to know about her soldier’s reaction to what he’d just witnessed. She didn’t fault him in the slightest, for she too had had a drink upon first learning about the chemicals. Perhaps not to the same extent, but the sentiment was still there.

  Jyn struggled to find his words as everything he’d been trying to avoid came rushing back to him. “No,” he said dejectedly. “Words will never be enough to describe how sickening that was to watch. I can’t imagine what living through it must have been like.”

  “Do you understand now why information about these chemicals must never come to light?” Nessah said sternly. Jyn could only nod mutely, not trusting himself to speak. “How many others in your entourage have learned about them?”

  “I’m not sure,” Jyn said honestly. “I would assume Tassie, since I remember the day she came back looking from the ship how I feel now. I knew something wasn’t right, but not what. Rann might know, given her close relationship with Reya.”

  “And the others?” Nessah urged.

  “I don’t think so,” Jyn replied.

  “High Command would rather it stay that way,” Nessah explained. “If you become aware of somebody else learning of them, you are to inform me right away. Any knowledge about these chemicals is to remain top secret. Do not go searching for more information about them.”

  “Understood,” Jyn said.

  Nessah gave him a hard stare. “High Command will continue to discuss which details you are permitted to know about the situation. Do not expect much and be thankful you’re getting anything at all. You are dismissed.”

  The call ended abruptly, and Jyn let loose a long sigh. He eyed the glass stashed out of sight on the floor and picked it back up. He took a long drink and rested his head in his free hand.

  “Fuck.”

  He’d returned from the ship different. Rann pondered this as she eyed Jyn’s pallid complexion as he stood in the living room, interrupting their movie. After ordering them to leave him undisturbed for hours he now smelled of alcohol, which surprised her. It seemed that everybody was coming back from the ship with a new weight on their shoulders these days.

  Jyn quietly pulled Tassie aside for a brief conversation in low, hushed voices and pointedly avoided looking at the rest of them. Tassie frowned but ultimately followed him away from the group. Once safe in another room where they couldn’t be overheard, he revealed to her what he’d come to learn.

  This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

  It wasn’t long before Tassie returned alone and excused herself from the movie, telling everybody not to bother waiting for her to finish it. The deep-seated worry etched into her features did nothing to ease the minds of Rann, Beor and Kell. She quickly made herself scarce, Jyn in tow.

  At such a late hour, the day’s events took their toll on Rann and the others and so they ultimately decided to continue the movie another day, when Tassie could be there to see the end of it. All the lights were turned off and the house soon went quiet. A merciful reprieve from the anguished cries that had filled it earlier that day.

  Come lunch the following day, Rann and Beor were just sitting down to eat when soft steps alerted them to the presence of another. Adrian appeared, haggard, and clearly hadn’t slept well. Not that they could blame him. Worry was etched into his features.

  “How’s Reya?” Rann asked softly, not wanting to risk waking her. Everybody was walking on eggshells, unsure how to act in the wake of yesterday’s breakdown. They all knew their friend needed time to recover but had no idea how long that would be.

  A ghost of a smile graced Adrian’s lips, although there was no joy or humour in it. “You can ask her yourself,” he said. “She’s awake, and I managed to convince her to leave the room. I don’t know how long she’ll want to be around others, but it’s the best I could do.”

  Rann immediately perked up. “She’s doing better? Thank the gods. When will she join us?” Hope filled her that Reya had overcome her breakdown from the previous day. While Rann still didn’t know what exactly caused it to be so bad, she had a feeling it was related to why Reya had been unresponsive for weeks when they’d rescued her.

  “She should be down in just a minute,” Adrian replied. “I’m not sure better is the word I would use to describe Reya right now, but there’s certainly been an improvement.” He knew first hand just what she was trying to repress and how difficult it was to do so. The memory of their experiences with the chemicals were always in the back of their minds, muted but never fully gone.

  Excitement filled Rann when she heard footsteps coming from the stairs. Knowing it was Reya, she desperately wanted to check in on her friend and see how she was doing. Since Adrian said there was an improvement, Rann was certain that although yesterday had been tough, Reya would be somewhat better today. Reya rounded the corner and entered the kitchen.

  Immediately dashing Rann’s hope that her friend was alright.

  Reya’s expression was blank, and her eyes were utterly dead. She took in the occupants of the room indifferently. No joy or happiness could be found. Not even any apprehensiveness after the scene she’d caused yesterday.

  Nothing.

  Reya went by Adrian and made straight for where the spare ration bars were. She woodenly grabbed one and turned back around. Her eyes flashed with the barest hint of surprise, as though she was only just noticing Rann and Beor seated at the table.

  “Reya?” Rann asked tentatively. Her friend’s gaze shifted and focused on her and she had to keep from flinching. “How are you feeling?” At a loss for what to say, she exchanged glances with Beor, who looked equally as worried as she felt. Something was wrong with their friend, and it went beyond having a simple meltdown.

  For a moment, all Reya did was continue to stare at Rann, unsettling her greatly. “Not,” she finally said in a flat, emotionless tone. It was all she had the energy to say. Her attention slid off her friend and towards Adrian, the only one who understood. Without saying another word, she silently left the room and ascended the stairs.

  “What in the hells was that?” Rann asked when she heard the bedroom door click shut. She whirled towards Adrian. “I thought you said she was better!” Reya gave off the same feeling as when she was in the hospital after her rescue. Nothing but an empty shell that wore the skin of her friend. “Reya,” she continued, pointing towards the stairs, “is clearly not fine!”

  “I said there was an improvement,” Adrian said tiredly. “Not that she was better.” After yesterday’s events, he didn’t have it in him to deal with Rann. The emotional toll on him was huge as he had to stay strong for Reya even when his own memories of the purple chemical came flooding back. “And believe me when I say that’s an improvement. It’s a miracle she left the room at all. Count your blessings and take the win.”

  “You think that’s a win?” Rann exploded. She looked between Beor and Adrian. “You all saw her! That wasn’t Reya. That wasn’t my friend.”

  Adrian’s eyes hardened. “It is,” he replied with a voice that could cut through steel. “She’s going to need some time to bury the experience far enough that she can function normally. Hopefully it won’t be too long, but I don’t know.”

  “How are you so certain?” Rann said harshly.

  “Because I’m the only one who understands what she’s trying to overcome,” Adrian replied calmly.

  “How could you possibly understand?” Rann shouted. “You were an experiment! She was tortured for information. That’s not remotely similar.”

  Adrian’s expression darkened. “Pain is something we both understand quite well.” He knew there would be no way of describing just what they were both desperately trying to forget.

  Not that he had any desire to.

  Rann would have to take his word for it this time, even if it wasn’t something she was ready to hear. A gamut of emotions played out on her face before she spoke again. “Seeing her like that reminds me of when we first rescued her,” Rann said in a quiet voice. “Reya’s come so far since then and it kills me to see her revert back to that.” She fought to keep from tearing up.

  Adrian’s look softened. “All she needs is a bit of time. She’ll bounce back, especially with you there to support her.”

  Rann nodded mutely. The front door opened before she could say anything else. Jyn walked in, looking just as haggard as Adrian felt. He noticed the gathering in the kitchen and paused when his gaze turned to Adrian. For moment, he said nothing and simply stared.

  Beor watched on silently, noticing that Adrian’s face had turned into a blank mask that gave nothing away. Frowning at the chagrined expression Jyn wore, he wondered what had happened between the two.

  “How’s Reya?” Jyn asked finally. “Is she doing any better?”

  “Somewhat,” Adrian said succinctly. “I got her to leave the room for a bit, which is a good sign. Do you need something from her?”

  “I have new orders,” Jyn said bitterly. “They come directly from High Command. I couldn’t do anything to overturn them.”

  “What does that have to do with Reya?” Adrian asked, wary. As far as he knew, the Tribunal couldn’t order Reya to do anything as she was a civilian. She was in no condition to do anything at the moment except recover from her ordeal.

  “Reya has to do another interview. She has no choice,” Jyn revealed.

  That the Tribunal would order Reya to do anything, especially when they knew about what state she was in, incensed Adrian. “She most definitely has the choice,” he said harshly.

  “Not in this case,” Jyn said glumly. “I don’t want this any more than you do. For reasons the General refused to explain to me, apparently the Tribunal can, in fact, force Reya to do it.”

  “That makes no sense,” Beor said, speaking up for the first time. “The Tribunal has a lot of power, but they can’t just force their will upon non-military people.”

  “I know,” Jyn said. “But it’s not my place to question them. Already, I toed the line yesterday and I’m in hot water. There’s nothing else I can do.”

  “When is it?” Adrian said through gritted teeth. If the Tribunal was showing signs of not keeping their word, he worried that they would renege on their deals with him. It was something he couldn’t afford.

  “They only said to be prepared to do it soon,” Jyn said.

  Silence dominated as Jyn dropped the bomb on them. As the messenger, he could only watch in despair as everybody’s ugly expressions were aimed at him. He could see the blame in their eyes that he would find a way to hurt Reya again.

  He knew he had no choice.

  If he started refusing orders after his act of defiance las night, he risked being removed from the mission. Or worse. He held back a shudder, dearly hoping that tomorrow would go well. “Will she be able to do it?” Jyn asked.

  “That’s your biggest concern?” Rann said. “Did you even put up a fight or did High Command walk all over you?”

  Jyn flinched. “What else do you want me to do? I can’t defy the Tribunal like Adrian can. I’m in no position to make any deals.”

  “I’ll take that as a no,” Rann said harshly.

  “Babe, calm down,” Beor said placatingly. “You know that Jyn has no way of influencing the Tribunal. Do you think you could do any better than he did? He tried. He can’t be held responsible for this.”

  Rann deflated, her earlier anger rushing out of her. Worry took its place. “What are we going to do?” she asked. “We can’t send Reya off to the wolves like that. That’s not fair to her.”

  “We prepare her the best we can,” Jyn replied. “I don’t know why the Tribunal is so hellbent on this happening now of all times.”

  “Will it be with the same reporter as last time?” Adrian asked.

  “Yes,” Jyn confirmed. “All I was told was that it was vital that Reya do this, but not why. I don’t even know what the interview is going to be about. When should I tell Reya?”

  “You don’t,” Adrian replied. “I’ll tell her myself. It’ll be better that way.” Jyn had already caused enough damage to Reya. She didn’t need more. Adrian hoped that if it came from him she would be more receptive to it. He excused himself to go do just that, not seeing any reason to wait. The sooner she knew, the better.

  Jyn could only watch helplessly as Adrian left, knowing he’d found yet another way to hurt Reya.