Secret diary of the goddess of light: regret

  If you spend millennia hearing constant validation of your actions, echoing through eternity, why would you ever doubt the correctness of your decisions?

  Alone in the quiet, my sobs echoed my inner turmoil, the fear of exposure and the pain of my perceived failings unbearable.

  He came to me, weak and needing my love, my champion, and I killed him; the weight of his death still heavy on my soul.

  Lost page from Secret Diary of Goddess of Light

  Busy… pain the ass to get a trying to get a table. Where are those drinks?

  “HEY, MY DRINK, YOU DUMB BITCH !” he watched as she flipped him off, and he was tempted to get up and slap her, he was tired of her shit… “Jerry, calm down. Guards have warn you–

  “FUCK OFF” “WERE IN THIS SHIT BECAUSE OF HIM!” he watched his partner wilt and a drink slam down in front of him.

  nearly spilling he looked over and stared the server down.

  “You got lucky I want to get drunk more than I want fuck your ugly ass” she walked away in disgust as he stares at her ass.

  “Jerry, do… do you know what happened?” he drank and ignored the question. It helped his mood, but not enough. He hated those lands, it wasn’t supposed to be their job… “Why are you asking me, Tom? you dumb fuck.” He stared the sweating man down.

  “You know what I do…”

  “We are fixing his mistakes. “

  “And I want more men before I go into that land…”

  “Maybe… he came back?” I scoffed, “You optimistic shit”

  “It has been weeks. “

  “He has never been gone more than days.”

  “We have not even heard from the town he was supposed to save…”

  “That means bad shit… and they want” US. IN. THAT. SHIT.”

  There was a calm quiet in the bar after that they ignored his ranting and his threat till now but hearing his words and knowing something was wrong worried them.

  They never had to worry…what did happen to the champion?

  The passage of time solidified the knights' unfortunate outcome, although they did manage to recruit twelve mercenaries; this meager success did little to improve Jerry's spirits.

  The ride was uneventful, and when they approached the town, it was a surprising scene it was an odd mix of paradise and ash.

  tDespite the clean, fertile ground bursting with wildflowers and lush grass, a chilling emptiness permeated the landscape; all that remained of the town were the ashen skeletons of homes, silent testaments to a devastating event.“It makes no fucking sense? How…” Jerry was dumbfounded, as were all the others. They did not think they had come here for a fight, but for a ruined village surrounded by life was weird...

  “It got to be the goddess Crystal you think it’s still here jer?” that annoyed him he shortened his name.

  “Shut up, idiot, use your brain.”

  “If they were that powerful, this land would all be clean…”

  “It absorbs into the ground as scared land, why the champ always had to get more when she blessed another”

  “You really piss me off you know that?

  “Sorry, jer…”

  “Say my name like that again if you want my boot in your ass!”

  “And you dumb fucks stop staring scout the land and report back…”

  An hour crawled by as Jerry waited, the silence heavy with unspoken dread, his sweat a testament to the surreal, unsettling situation.

  Tom hated the condescending stares, the subtle ways people reminded him of his place. He was weak.

  He envied Jerry's unwavering self-assurance, his ability to take charge with a commanding presenc/

  , a stark contrast to his own timid nature, evident in his inability to hold a steady gaze.

  He had been scouting the area for about an hour, and he knew he needed something, or Jerry would get mad and call him a failure for trying.

  He was about to give up; he went to the edge of the meadow formed by the light when he noticed an odd change.

  He noticed a few flowers near the area, their once vibrant colors fading, a subtle sign that piqued his curiosity and warranted a closer look.

  Or maybe an animal had urinated there; the smell of stale urine added to the already overwhelming stench of death. He mused that it made sense; he'd seen dead grass from horse manure before, so this was nothing new.

  He noticed a small area, almost like a puddle, and wondered what that poor creature must eat to make this…

  He sniffed the air, it smelled off but more from these lands than this puddle, and he got closer, it was almost like water…

  He wondered why it did not sink. He drew a knife and stabbed it a few times, it clung to his knife but …

  Nothing beyond that, so he wiped it on his pants, seemed it was a waste of time, and went back to get yelled at for failure.

  As he suspected, Jerry was not happy he even hit him a few times for being stupid.

  He did not trust any of them to report their failure.

  so had them make camp he would come back tomorrow with new orders two days later at the latest.

  he was not going to rush back to deal with our shit when he had his own.

  That night Tom slept he dreamt of the power of a darkness that blessed strength for those willing to fight for it he was scared at first but the more he dreamed of seeing everyone bow the more it felt…. Right.

  The next day he noticed more grass dead around camp was it always this bad? I thought it was a nice meadow maybe this always happened and why the champion had kept cleanseing the land poor bastard.

  The day ended with no Jerry or dream which saddened him.

  he longed for that place once more where he had power early next morning he returned even more angry it seemed by the yelling.

  “THANKS TO YOU DUMB FUCKS”

  “WE NOW GOT HUNT FOR THE CHAMPION”

  “HIS STUPID ASS ALLOWED THIS AND WE GOT FIX IT”

  “PAYS DOUBLE TO KEEP GOING”

  “ OR GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE”

  “ YOU WON’T GET ANOTHER DIME “

  “ STARING AT MY ASS IF YOU PLAN TO LEAVE”

  Tom rubbed his eyes jerry was yelling a lot today but at least not hitting him.

  he noticed the land looked worse than yesterday or maybe it was his mood making it that way.

  Jerry did not notice or care it seemed nor did the merc whose money was all that mattered so deeper they went to see what came of the champion.

  The goblin was content, he found peace with his lord in this cave. he felt things slowly changing when his lord spoke in his mind many things were taking place deep in the ground and on the surface.

  What would you have me do? he thought back, he sensed his lord wanted time he needed to grow; he knew this, which is why he got a guard for him.

  I touch others to bring into the fold one willing and a deed will be done, one uncertain, untested.

  Stolen novel; please report.

  The vast area of land was now controlled by the lord the ground went from barren to blooming shadow flowers.

  They were pleasant to smell and the tree! Oh, how they bloom petals that fell like black raindrops upon the land.

  It was all surface level but slowly taking root deep in the earth, a permanent, unchanging thing, and it would grow and expand! He was so happy about that… yet he sensed things had been off.

  He refused to trouble his lord with it, he already knew they came by luck or fluke; either way, they rode their way.

  He trusted the beast but there were many…

  he wanted insurance to be safe the lord was not worth risking regardless of his power.

  so he reached out to the one who touched his lord on their trip here and offered him a choice.

  Assist his lord or die with the light…

  A profound sickness, a bone-deep ache, consumed Tom; he felt utterly wretched. Jerry, meanwhile, clutched the crystal, its radiant light periodically washing over them, but he refused to let go.

  He said the champion was stupid, it was meant to cleanse darkness, not land should always keep it close like him…

  They kept going deeper into the canyon, the echoing silence pressing in on them, as a voice in his head nagged, "Jer, can we rest?"”

  “I already told you little shit not to call me that”

  “By the light, you look like shit.”

  “probably smell like it too what you eat stupid…”

  he studied his friend well, associate he was too stupid to be a friend...

  he did look bad off he wondered if he should let him hold the crystal it might help…

  He sighed pissed and having to piss anyway “WE CAMP HERE “As they settled he let Jerry rest and even gave him the crystal he couldn’t fuck this up…

  That night, as they slept, Jerry, burning with fever, was visited by the lord and given a choice.

  I do not beg, I ask once as a mercy and a gift, do you serve me? Jerry lost in between what was real and just said “Yes.” Words mean nothing to me.

  The goddess of light offered words to me, then death.

  I want more from you…

  still lost in the fever dream, he just nodded the best he could, break the rock of light, even a crack will do, the intent will be enough.

  He wasn’t sure why, but he wanted this all to stop.

  and if all he had to do was break a rock that did nothing for him, what did he care? people did worse to him for less…

  He reached the tent flap, the rough canvas cool against his fingertips, and located the rock nestled in a side pocket of his day's shirt. Stripped of his clothes, he shivered under the weight of the fever that plagued him as he struggled to concentrate.

  He took the rock to his bedroll, got a knife, and hit it with the hilt. It sank into the earth unfazed.

  He carefully placed the heavy object on his helmet, his hand shaking slightly before he brought it down with a forceful impact. It was not a good hit; though he cracked the stone, he smashed his fingers in the process and almost screamed. He fell, clutching his injured hand, the pain momentarily forgotten as a profound sense of calm washed over him.

  You earn your place; rest, and be free, tomorrow they will ride to their death, you will not.

  The delays had Jerry fuming, but the trail of cleaned black splotches spurred him onward, towards these strange mountains. A chilling, shadow-filled plain, transitioning into a suffocatingly dark forest, stretched before him. Each breath was a painful effort, the oppressive air thick with a sense of dread that intensified his anger.

  Tom appeared looking much better and staring at him… odd

  “You good fuckface? “

  “Tired, your lazy ass cuasing delays, “Tom looked at him with indifference, chilling him a bit, and for the first time he did not know what to say. But Tom did.

  “ I’m going wait here you go” That boldness dam near made him shit himself where the hell did he get these balls??? He wanted to smack him, but sweat poured from his head, things felt off… he wanted the light…

  ' Were my crystal… tom.” Tom tilted his head slightly, then smiled

  The movement was quick, almost a blur; his hand rose, and Jerry flinched instinctively, fearing a punch.

  The fist stopped inches from his face, transforming into an open palm holding a crystal—its light was beautiful, but a dark crack split its surface.

  He wanted to ask what happened, but took it instead.

  “UH YEA.”

  “I TOLD YOU TO STAY”

  “WE'RE GOING RIDE AHEAD,” he was still a commander and couldn’t let the fools think he was weak; he dealt with Tom later.

  As they left right to the nearest cave, trying to avoid all the strange-looking plants, was it always like this?

  He told the men to move forward, but stayed where he was, a cold sweat prickling his skin as he felt the weight of his decision.

  As the men were getting closer to the cave, he almost busted out, laughing no… HE DID. It was a little goblin casually facing twelve armed men who killed for money.

  “It’s not to late kneel and offer you thanks for his mercy, he shall grant it.”

  “He loves all who embrace him.” Everyone froze at the goblin’s perfect human speech, then laughed at his claim.

  “THE DUMB FUCK THINKS SINCE HE CAN TALK LIKE A HUMAN HE NOW KING “

  “WHERE YOUR CROWN, O KING OF SHIT “

  the goblin smiling before now frowned " I’m no king I serve a lord, and you mock his mercy " the men feeling emboldened at the scene chim in

  “Think it fatter than him??”

  “It got to be, maybe it's less ugly, so they name it king!”

  “If that’s all it takes you to be king !” the goblin looked sad as if about to cry. “Lost lambs you may be, but even lambs must be led to the slaughter“

  “The only lesson any must know that our lord teaches. “

  “Is he has little mercy for those who do not listen…”

  “So if he offers it?”

  “listen.”

  His arms lifted, the jeers died down as a colossal creature ambled past the goblin. Its immense size was breathtaking - its belly far above the goblin's head.

  The monstrous thing was pure black, with six legs, countless red eyes, teeth like swords, and an indeterminate number of tentacles, maybe two, maybe four. No more?! A swirling mass of tails and tentacles obscures the creature, making an accurate count impossible; the sight is both mesmerizing and slightly nauseating.

  Jerry knew death when he saw it and also knew a ploy the stupid would follow “WE GOT ONE CHANCE, YOU FUCKS”

  “ RUSH AS ONE KILL IT!”

  Stupidly, they swarmed the beast, a chaotic flurry of swinging blades hacking at its legs, two attackers to each limb; a desperate, clumsy attempt to fell it while the goblin remained hidden beneath. The air filled with the clang of steel on tough hide and the grunts of exertion.

  Driven by a frenzied bloodlust, one figured to try to strike the vulnerable goblin, but discovered with a jolt of surprise that its hand was missing, leaving the goblin unscathed.

  The once frantic movement of the tentacles had ceased; now they moved with deliberate, terrifying speed, snatching bits of the men before any could register the pain or even scream.

  The second strike came as they opened their mouths to scream, killing them instantly and silently, each death a mystery, a cruel indifference shrouding their final, interrupted thought.

  As Jerry watched, a split second before taking flight, he grasped more of the situation than anyone else.

  yet the knowledge was fleeting, replaced by the urgency of escape as his horse galloped away, his cries for attack swallowed by the distance.

  As he went to camp he gather the gold no point wasting it with all those dumb fucks and was tempted to leave Tom but he couldn’t risk a different story being told so he rushed to tell him to move his ass we got to go!

  After finally settling down, a subtle feeling of something being wrong crept into his thoughts at the camp. And a deep, resonant voice spoke from behind him, sending shivers down his spine.

  “You were given a choice,” he turned to look, and a strong hand clamped around his throat, lifting him off his feet; Tom wasn't taller, yet he was hoisted impossibly high, the pressure cutting off his breath. He felt himself lift three feet; a strange, fleshy arm extended, holding him effortlessly aloft.

  “Words are wasted on you.”

  “ but not the flame of your soul “

  “that my lord will use well. “As the darkness slowly embedded and consumed him to nothing, he never got a chance to scream or beg.

  An eerie quiet fell over the camp as Tom looked back to the city, he needed to spread the lord’s will…