How to Date an Android, Chapter 1

  Sometime in March, 2064; Earth;

  First, how it all started…

  The timer started.

  “Hi, nice to meet you. My name’s Jack,” I extended my hand to the girl in front of me. We were all standing on bar style small tables that had bar stool kind of chairs in the fancy hotel restaurant area.

  A fshy smile responded brightly, and she took my hand. “I’m Melody. Hi. Should we get started?” She had the most amazing smile. She seemed to be projecting enthusiasm and a mild hyperactivity.

  “Sure,” I said. I held the chair out for her.

  “Thank you! Wow, not too many gentlemen these days,” she said as I pushed it in behind her. Again, the perfect smile cracked between her shiny red lips.

  She looked sort of like a typical asian girl, and in a pinstripe skirt suit. She had a really slim build and looked excited to be here. She didn’t have the best body, but it was pretty good. She could pass for a volleyball pyer. She didn’t have a bust at all…but her hips and legs would draw a lot of attention with how snug the skirt hugged her. She was pretty enough that I’m surprised she would be between boyfriends or whatever.

  I have no idea why but some girls just have a lot of guys thrown at them. This could potentially be one of those types.

  I cleared my throat. I was in a pretty good mood so far. I took a sip of my water, “So tell me about you. What do you like to do?"

  “I’m 23. I graduated from school st year. Work for Sony Corporation as an assistant manager. And you?”

  “I do contract work, that sort of thing. It’s pretty good so far. Moved here from Las Vegas for school but I grew up around here,” I said.

  “So what do you do when you aren’t at work?” I asked.

  She fshed her smile all over again. She did have nice eyes. “Oh I’m just so busy. Sometimes I like to eat out. Finding new restaurants I guess?” she shrugged.

  “How did you like school?” I asked. She seemed polite so far. Maybe this was going OK.

  To my response, she cut me off. “Actually, I was curious…do you have a job then?” she gave me a flirty smile again. “Sorry, it’s just we have only a few minutes with each person. I wanted to get the most important stuff screened first,” she hurriedly added.

  “Yeah, and you do too. Sounds like you stay pretty busy,” I said noticing she was already noting something in her datapad. Was it something good or bad though?

  “So what’s your family like?” I asked.

  Her smile disappeared. But she wasn’t frowning. Was that a touchy subject?

  “Well, my grandma is sick. I have to buy her medication. Can you help me out?”

  “Oh really? That’s terrible. What kind of health problems is she having?” I asked.

  “Oh she’s got like cancer and her meds are so expensive!” The charming smile was sort of mixed with pleading.

  “It’s so awful. She needs help. So how much did you make st year?” she asked. Wow this situation had changed quickly. I started to sweat it. This…wasn’t what I was expecting. Do people consider this a business now?

  Melody never told me what meds she was trying to buy, but we both knew it was a farce. After seeing her constantly texting on her datapad it wasn’t notes about the speed dating at all. It was actually her just texting her friends, saying she was bored and this was ‘2 e z’.

  So far speed dating isn’t what I thought it would be…

  Date number two was a girl named Lacy. She had a goth look to her, which was a bit different. But then she asked if I would mind if she smoked here. It’s a non-smoking environment. I could see a whole bunch of needle marks on her arms. She had been pretty but she was living a hard life and it wasn’t hard to tell. She hadn’t meant for me to see the heroine tracks on the inside of her elbow, but that slipped because she was wearing pretty revealing clothes. But when someone has been living hard you don’t want them to wear revealing clothes unfortunately. She was already aging a bit prematurely because of her habits.

  I didn’t get very far when she had to answer her datapad’s phone insert. Then she left the table to yell at someone while everyone at the speed dating event was staring at her yell at either her mom or some other guy.

  Yeah that one definitely isn’t going to work out. Even if she hadn’t been talking to someone else during this event, the drug part scared the hell out of me. Overall though, I don’t think the neo-goth image she was doing meant that all neo-goths were drug people, but what do I know really?

  Date number four was named Yvene.

  She already had a girlfriend and was actually looking for someone who already had a partner to do swinging activities with. Yuck. Disgusting…

  I have no idea how she even said that with a straight face, and that weird mysterious smile she had, which was probably also fake. She was probably also one of the untouchables.

  Our society had a high percentage of disease carriers tely. The street term for it, was ‘untouchables’ after the social cast systems from several centuries ago.

  This is turning out to be a bad start. I looked at my watch. I can see some of the other guys are also looking at their watches and sweating things out.

  Where did they get the girls for this event this time?

  I frowned when I see the swapping order will give me a really heavy big girl next. I’m sure she is special and deserves love too, but I’d let her mom fill that role. But I just can’t be attracted to all three hundred…err maybe I should leave out the description. Her face wasn’t something I wanted to wake up to either.

  The guy next to me didn’t have to be rude though. He gave her his brother’s pstic surgery card; big mistake. Her fist coming down spilled their drinks on both of them. She was still angry and was already headed to my table.

  Date number five was named Miria. She’s a Latin girl and has a smoking hot body. I’m wondering if her boobs are fake or real while we talk. She was also texting right up until the timer started for our ten minute intervals. She was actually nice, I was impressed. She asked about my family, which I told her about. I asked about hers. She has six sisters, and a brother, all from Brasil-Salvador.

  I was able to practice my Spanish with her for a bit, which was fun. I think I made a good impression.

  She works as a salesperson for autocraft, which are the new sor cars that drive themselves. I’m impressed, when she told me how easy it was. Of course she is a bit loose, with boundaries. She’s wearing a short skirt, and showing off a heavy amount of cleavage.

  But then every question right after that was about my tax return. It’s like that with most of the girls following after. I went through another ten girls after that which all asked only tax return questions. It makes me wonder if this is a fake speed dating event, and not a reputable one.

  Every single one of them asks about your tax return and nothing about what kind of person you are. One after another it keeps going this way. It makes me nervous. Most of them didn’t even ask what I liked to do, or my family, but just straight tax return questions.

  Should I leave early? I ended up staying till the end because I want to have the feeling of having gave it my all.

  Only one girl looked datable. It was a Hindi girl that called herself Sally. But then she floors me when she disclosed she’s underage.

  What?!

  I sweat bullets, waiting for the time to pass. It takes me a few seconds to decide what to do since I’d been tempted. It’s a shame really. The only girl that was really interested was jailbait? How unfair life is!

  I was feeling pretty low and almost didn’t hear her going off on…what was it again? I think about her dog Sparky.

  “Look Sally, I’m sure you are a nice girl but I don’t want to do anything against the w. Sorry, you understand don’t you?”

  She smiles and we go separate ways. She was girl number I forget which…somewhere between fifteen and twenty?

  Eventually the event ends and I meet up with Matt, who came with me. We’re both roommates and he rents a room in my house. He’s the one that told me about this but I wonder how it went wrong. We grew up together, and ended up renting the same pce after college ended to cut down on expenses so we can save money.

  “Hey that was fun!” he said, spping me on the back. This was something we were both a little bit curious about. Lately this was really how people met up since it wasn’t possible to know in normal social circles if someone was already seeing someone or not. My sister also confirmed that, but she lives up in Wisconsin.

  “It was?” I responded like he’s nuts.

  I don’t think either of us is bad looking. But Matt doesn’t work out. I do, but I’m not built like muscle warrior either. Matt unfortunately has a little pouch in front that sticks out from gaming too much, and not enough walking.

  We’re headed out the door when suddenly we hear this “Freeze!” At first I was scared but then I see the police aren’t looking for me. I’m also far enough away from him to not get caught up in things.

  “Ahh crap!” Matt is sweating hard while police surround him. They are all pointing ser pistols at him, and stun rays.

  “Cuff him,” one of the dy officers says with contempt. She looks like the one in charge.

  “Ahhh man! Please! I didn’t know!” he pleaded.

  The police cuff him anyway. In fact the one that cuffed him was Sally. Wait…she’s a cop? I’m so gd I resisted evil today.

  I look again to be sure. Somehow she’s changed her hair or pulled off her wig. Yep, sure enough, Matt is getting busted for asking out the underage girl. I feel sorry for him. The penalty for which, now days is pretty awful. I probably won’t see him again for another two months of jail.

  I was lucky, but my heart beat is racing like crazy and I think I just aged a whole year in my mind because of stress.

  Sally pointed out I wasn’t with him, so the cops leave me alone. It’s good she’s honest.

  The other officers did verify it with drone camera footage though. It turns out that in this whole event, they were probably the only ones that got anything good except for the two or three pretty girls that already had boy toys lined up before they even got here. There was another girl who was also posing as a teenage girl too, with brown hair. We’d run out of time and so I hadn’t met her yet, and we never found out if she was part of the sting that got Matt either. I’m so gd I didn’t just follow his choices.

  But is that really necessary to go after people that aren’t into that sort of thing? Also what would happen if the girl was scheduled to turn 18 the next day? Either way I wasn’t interested in anything risky like that.

  The next day I received the results from the speed dating interviews.

  Two girls asked me again in follow questions how much money I made.

  The fat…I mean girl with child bearing hips asked me out. That’s not good.

  Miria’s comments were; “sorry but I have a dinner buddy today. I’m actually dating three boy toys but I didn’t have anyone to take me to dinner next Thursday and wanted to find someone to fill the slot. Better luck next time.”

  The other girls all seemed to fit in the tax return digger category in one way or another with some variation in comments.

  It can’t be this bad could it? Is this real dating?