Chapter 26Big-Sistering20 March 2022"Rise and shine, girls!" Amy announces her presence to a room of rather unenthusiastic girls. Somehow, she’s fully dressed up and ready for the day already— Ace, Gwen and Aoife, meanwhile, have barely gotten out of bed. All of them are exhausted after days of hard work preparing three entirely new bedrooms on the ground floor this week. Ace doesn’t want to know what kind of dark magic or stimunts Amy used to be as excited as she is right now.

  Yet, she continues, unphased by the tired, unhappy staring she’s facing down. "It's the big day; we’re going to have guests! Six of them, in fact. They should be here in a few hours. So that means we’ve gotten the easy part — preparation — out of the way and can focus on our important duties as maids! I assume we're all ready to go?"

  "It's 8 in the morning..." Aoife mumbles over a cup of coffee.

  "My back hurts." Gwen compins, not even having left her bed yet this morning. She’d fallen a few days ago whilst she was helping carry some furniture. Clearly, it was a nastier fall than any of them had expected.

  Ace, for her part, just looks down at her half-finished sandwich and hopes they're not being conscripted into whatever Amy had pnned immediately, but rather in, like, thirty minutes.

  "Now, now, don't be so grumpy. Maids aren't supposed to be grumpy.” Amy says, tut-tutting everyone in the room. At least someone’s excited for her role in this. “Especially not when they're going to be serving lovely trans girls going on a much-deserved holiday. And they need it, too— did you know Christine is coming? Our IT dy? She works so hard uploading things to the server for us. The least we can do for her is get her some treats.”

  “We could just upload things ourselves and save her the trouble.” Ace points out.

  “First of all: she did the work already, so we’re going to spoil her in return. Secondly: no, we’re not allowed to anymore. Bme Jenny.”

  Ace doesn’t want to imagine what Jenny did to get all of the manor banned from uploading things to the servers they share with Dorley. Yet, she does, and then she realises the things she’s thinking of probably wouldn’t get the entire manor banned from doing so. Perhaps they do owe Christine all this.

  “Six guests, though…” Aoife joins in again, clearly on the same page as the others, at least when it comes to this.

  “Ten maids; six guests. Easy. Very easy, in fact. I could do six on my own.” Amy says. Ace is pretty sure that’s a bluff — it’s hard to imagine Amy serving anyone most days — but she’s also in no position to debunk it.

  Now that she thinks about it: six people is exactly the number of people who lived at the manor prior to the new intake this year, minus Amy. Fuck. They’re really going to have to do this, aren’t they?

  "All of you could do better though—” Gwen tries to say before getting interrupted.

  "That sounds an awful lot like self-deprecation, Gwendolyn Davies. We're not going to accept any of that today. You girls might feel unprepared, but you’re perfectly capable of doing what we ask of you, so don’t worry about it.”

  "But we’ll fuck it up." Ace says.

  "Maybe, if you're approaching them with that kind of attitude." Amy frowns, now clearly unhappy with what she's seeing. "But you're not going to be doing that. In fact, you three have the easiest job of all! We'll prepare everything the guests need, all you need to do is smile as you bring it to them, do a little curtsey, and perhaps ask if there is anything else they would need. Make some small talk. Get to know them."

  "You never taught us how to curtsey." Gwen points out.

  "Or talk to people." Aoife adds.

  "Or smile." Ace continues.

  "We don't even know how to hold a tray without having it rattle." Gwen finishes.

  Honestly, they’ve learned very little in the time they’ve spent at the manor. Most of their time seems to be spent doing meaningless chores or hanging out in the common rooms. If they’re unprepared for this, it’d be the sponsors fault, but they’d be the ones looking like idiots in the process.

  "I said you shouldn't be self-deprecating, girls. I know it's scary, but our guests are really kind and they wouldn't judge you for a second, even if you do end up making a mistake, which I doubt you will. They might not be maids, but they’ve had to learn many of the same things, so they’ll get it. That means I don't want to hear any of you girls worrying anymore! It’s not like we can stop their arrival, so you'll just have to pull yourselves together and do this." Amy does her best to excite the three of them, she really does, but she’s just not facing the audience for a pep talk, especially not at this time or in this pce.

  "Can we at least have breakfast?" Ace asks, looking down at her sandwiches again.

  "We have four hours until our guests arrive." Amy notes. "And we still need to get you all prettied up, do your nails, a quick haircut, maybe practice curtsies, prepare lunch..."

  Ace quickly sneaks in another bite. It seems that there just won’t be enough hours in the day to get everything done that Amy wants them to.

  "So, if you girls could be done with your morning routine by nine, we'll take it from there— and we'll all be ready for our guests by lunchtime, okay? Everyone on board?" She looks around a room over a bunch of girls who are definitely not on board with this. "Yes? Great. Keep, uh, conserving your energy for the big event. I'll be in the kitchen, if you need me, having breakfast myself…"

  ***

  Ace was sitting at the vanity in Amy's bedroom, trying to rex as much as she could whilst her best friend worked her magic. It was nice to have actually good make-up applied to her face today, as she could never manage the same feats on her own. It's a strangely normal feeling by now, keeping herself as still as possible whilst brushes go across her face, but it also leaves her feeling particurly vulnerable and trapped, somehow.

  It's probably caused by the combination of Amy hanging over her, focusing on the work at hand; the fact that she relies on Amy to make herself truly pretty; and the fact that it only seems to happen when she's going to be forced to participate in one event or another.

  "You're anxious." Amy, intently watching every part of her face as she is, notices it way too easily. "Don't be. Or at least try not to be. It’s going to be fine, remember?”

  "What?" Ace tries to speak, not allowed to move her mouth much right now. It would not surprise her if that is exactly why Amy confronted her on this point right now. It wasn’t too long ago that Amy confronted her with bad news in the shower, which had much the same effect.

  "Try not to be anxious. It's going to be fine." She repeats, her voice somehow the opposite of soothing. It sounds raw, insecure. Hurt, maybe. "Just trust us, okay?"

  "I do." Ace says, automatically, immediately feeling defensive due to the tone of her friend’s voice.

  Amy leans in and starts doing Ace's mascara. "You don't, though." Her words are definitive, as if she doesn't particurly want Ace to argue with them, and quite uncharacteristic as a result. She's no longer pying the big sister, but talking more like Eira would to her at times.

  "Amy..." She pleads, not wanting to deal with a lecture right now. Not today. There’s already so much they’re going to be put through.

  "If you trusted us, actually trusted us, you wouldn't be so anxious about this all. I know you don't feel ready for this. Sure, Gwen and Aoife don’t feel ready either — and, perhaps, we haven’t given you the very best preparation we could have for this — but you need to understand that we wouldn't be doing this if you didn't have the skills you need for the next two weeks or so. We think you’re ready. Try to show some more confidence. It’d look good on you.”

  "I do trust you." She mumbles to the best of her ability. Of course she does! She might not particurly trust anyone else in this building — other than her roommates — but she trusts Amy. Usually. She lets Amy make the decisions, and they usually end up being fine, and in those cases they aren't Ace would have long protested them. It's always Ace who is the problem, anyway. If she wasn’t such a failure, she wouldn’t have to tell Amy she is just that.

  "So when I tell you that this is all going to be fine, you'll believe me?" Amy asks, not sounding any happier with her answers than she did before.”

  "I don't know." Ace admits. “I want to?”

  "Maybe," Amy leans in further, trying to be extra careful with the mascara as she applies a second yer. "You should, just for once, trust us when you don't know what to feel about something. It’s something I needed to learn too, to trust Eira and Kelynen when they had pns for me— and my life improved so much when I did. When I just let them make me do what is best for me, long-term. And look where I ended up! I get to be really happy with all my friends. Isn’t that what you want too?”

  Ace isn't sure what to feel about that idea. Sure, she wants to trust Amy, she wants to trust the others here, but the question is framed in a way that implies her moral objections should be set aside. She knows that the girls who will be visiting them today are from Dorley Hall. Some of them are active sponsors, whilst others are just random graduates. She doesn't know how to feel about them, nor does she know how to feel about the sponsors here, or Eira, or the fourth-years. They certainly believe they have her best interests at heart, but…

  “I don’t know how this would help.”

  “You get to introduce yourself as a woman to new people,” Amy begins. “You get to make new friends, hopefully. You get to talk to people who aren’t us about all of this. It’s two-weeks of high-intensity girling, rather than just medium-intensity. It’s to help find the Alice we’ve been trying to unshackle from her anxiety all along.”

  Amy presses a finger down on Ace’s chest with her free hand as she says Alice. “But I’m not ready to—”

  “Nope. We’re not doing that.” She says, immediately shutting her down in the most firm voice she’s heard her use yet. It’s odd, coming from Amy. Uncomfortable. Wrong. Yet Ace also doesn’t know from whom else she could take it at this moment.

  "Really, I should have guessed this was going to be an issue." Amy continues, using the fact that Ace isn't really in a position to talk back to monologue. Again, it feels like an Eira tactic. It’s almost impossible to not feel that way now she knows how close Amy and her are. "You always do this. Try to find excuses for why you can’t, for why you don’t know, to dither and dey. It’s not something any of us should accept too easily anymore. We know it’s hard. We know it’s scary. We had to do the same things you do, and we didn’t have the luxury of saying no— something we have been trying to offer you three where possible. Maybe we were wrong in doing that. I don’t know. But we definitely need to be pushing a bit more now, or else you’ll never find the bravery to do what needs to be done.”

  “This was an issue before we brought you here too, you know. Whenever I suggested that you DIY, you tried to shut down the conversation. It could be dangerous, you didn't understand crypto, you didn't want to use crypto, and what if you couldn't inject properly? What if you hurt yourself? You didn't have the money anyway, you said, despite making enough money from your job to afford it if you wanted to. It was simir when we were trying to get you to wear any women's clothes, even in private, just to see if you felt better that way. It proved impossible. Every option we gave you, you shot down. Every time. Until Eira, somehow, through sheer… Eira-ness, broke through that barrier. You decided to trust us, and then something went wrong, you revoked it again, and never wanted to grant it back. Everything since has just been you trying to run from that original decision to finally try to change something about your life.”

  Ace just stared at Amy. She didn't know what to say to that. It didn't seem incorrect.

  "That is why we went ahead with this now, by the way. We knew that there was never going to be a moment that you three would be fully confident to do this. But we felt that this would be the time when all three of you would benefit most from meeting new people. That's why we're not going to be giving you many tasks, which is what you three seem to be worrying about. You don't have to worry about that— the seven of us can handle it." She smiles and looks at Ace, seemingly done with her make-up for now.

  "All you need to do this week is to trust us. To remember that it'll be fine, even if you're anxious. To realise that we chose our guests carefully, with the full knowledge that they have something to teach you, and that they're happy to help do so. To recognise that we know it's hard for you to do this, but that we pnned it well to ensure that you could make it if you try. And, before you say anything— we have some difficult goals for Aoife and Gwen too. They're not getting off any easier. Nor are the three of us. We are in the programme too, remember? We’re still learning too. We need to practice big-sistering. Because you need us to be just that, sometimes, rather than always the fun and cuddly ones."

  Ace choked on her words a little, needing a moment to catch up on everything Amy just said. She spoke so fast, her voice seemed to go into a different register, and it was all so disorienting. Yet, one thing really stood out to her, amongst all the words that were said. "I don't have a choice, do I?"

  "You can always withdraw to your little hidey-hole when everything is getting to you." Amy takes her hand, gently running her fingers across Ace’s palm. "But you are expected to try to show up every day, yes. We’ll help you be pretty, be prepared, be around to help you through these conversations— but you’re going to have to put the effort in. And I promise you that you won’t regret it."

  "I'll try." She says, knowing full well that her attempts are likely to be doomed from the very start. She already feels like she needs to hide away in her room. It’d mean avoiding all of this, at least— but part of her realises that would just really disappoint Amy, and that’s the st thing she wants to do right now. Not after Amy went through all this effort today, having gone out of her way to bring her to Vivienne for a nice new haircut, polished her nails, having spent almost thirty minutes doing her makeup today…

  "You'll try your best?" Amy pushes her a little.

  "Yes?" Ace tries, unsure whether there really is a difference in meaning there. There probably is to Amy, so chances are she just promised to do something as a result that she can't follow up on.

  "Good." Amy says. "Now, if you would just look in the mirror, there's a pretty girl waiting to meet some new friends in the next couple of days..."

  She looks. She can barely withhold her gasp as she does so. Sure, she knows that Amy can work some magic, that the HRT has helped her a bit, that the haircut would be nice— but actually seeing it is different.

  “Like I said, Alice,” Amy grins, very proud of herself. “You should let yourself trust us a bit more. Nice things will happen when you do.”