Chapter 17Renewed Obligations24 February 2022If Alice had ever been left speechless before, and she has been, each of those moments pale in comparison to the utter hopelessness she feels trying to respond in any way to being administered an estradiol injection in this manner.

  Amy, meanwhile, seems happy in a way she’s never seen her. A control over the emotions she shows that she usually showed has completely fallen away. She’s so giddy after all this. As if she’s won the jackpot, and Alice wouldn’t be sure about why if she didn’t feel so…

  It’s humiliating to be turned on by this. And Amy knows.

  The woman, standing dominant over her, needle still in her hand, just gives both of them a moment to get back down to earth before she will, no doubt, continue whatever she had pnned.

  Amy helps Alice up, refusing to do anything about the handcuffs behind her back, instead sitting the girl down much more comfortably on her bed.

  “So— You liked that, didn’t you?” Amy’s somehow already returning to her commanding, dominant voice.

  “Um.” Alice looks away, unsure if she can admit it, at this point. Amy knows! She should know! She can see Alice, she can see the parts of Alice that are quite obvious under her clothes, giving away the whole game. And yet she wants to make her humiliate herself by admitting all her embarrassing little kinks. It’s so cruel.

  “That’s a yes or no question.” She crosses her arms.

  “Do I have to answer that?” Alice begs, trying to avoid giving Amy an answer that she will leverage to the fullest extent.

  “Yes. Because I want to be entirely sure that you like it before I push this any further. I don’t want to hurt you: I want you to be happy.”

  “F-Further?” Alice makes herself small, stuttering a little. She feels so helpless under Amy’s gaze. She’s so beautiful, so effortlessly feminine, so many things Alice would never be.

  “I won’t give you details unless you answer my question first, my dearest Alice.” She sits down next to Alice and puts one of her hands on her leg, caressing it gently.

  “But how can I say whether I liked it if I don’t know what that means—”

  “What it means, darling, is that you liked me injecting you with estradiol. Nothing more. So, stop avoiding the question and tell me what we both know to be true, darling.”

  Fuck. Amy knows her too well.

  “Maybe I liked it.” Alice admits in her weakest whisper.

  “Maybe?”

  “Yes.” Alice looks down at the floor.

  “Is that a response to it being ‘maybe’ true, or an admission you did like it?”

  Alice hates the fact she enjoys being exposed like this. Why is this fun? What is she doing to her? If it’s fun, maybe she should just lean into it. Lean into being a horny little freak.

  “That I, um, that I liked it.”

  “Good girl! You’re learning how to answer questions.” Amy says with genuine pride in her voice.

  “Hey!” Alice pouts. She hates that she’s pouting, but she feels like she wants to and that she should just do it in that case. “I’m not that bad.”

  “Oh, darling. You are that bad. It took you…” Amy turns around, looks at the clock on her PC, now in standby mode, and then continues talking in an entirely didactic manner. “Twelve minutes to answer a simple yes or no question.”

  “Point, um, taken.” Alice continues to look away from Amy, just for Amy to turn her around to make sure Alice looks at her.

  “It’s cute, and making you squirm over things like this is fun, but if you’d want to be a good girl you’d have to learn how to answer such questions much faster than you’ve done up to now.” She says.

  “I’m not sure that follows—”

  “You want to be a good girl right? And you know what being a good girl around here means? Being a good maid. If Elle tells you to do something, you need to be able to act on that order promptly and properly.”

  “But you don’t listen to her!” Alice protests, just to see Amy smile like she’s fallen straight into a trap.

  “Did I ever say I’m a good girl? I’m good, and I’m a girl, and I’m good at being a girl, but being a good girl is something else. In fact, it means different things to different people. But guess who would be the one deciding what the characteristics of a good girl in your case would be?”

  “Ms Lambert?” Alice offers.

  “No. That would be me. Sure, I would turn you into the kind of girl that I know Elle would adore,” She giggles, probably stuck in some kind of memory. “But she would adore any woman who came to embrace her womanhood and cimed it despite her doubts.”

  Alice really doesn’t think Amy could turn her into any kind of girl that anyone could adore, but arguing that in this case would only make Amy say horribly supportive things, ones she’s not sure she wants to hear right now.

  “Alice, darling, there’s something holding you back from embracing your womanhood, is there not? Something that makes you only act under pressure, rather than out of pleasure. I’ve seen too much of it: I remember everything I had to do just to get you to this pce. I remember hearing how much Eira had to tempt you into coming here. And I’ve seen you do what we tell you, yes, but half-heartedly. Like you were just going through the motions. You’re still not ciming the name that you’ve said you wanted to be yours without being told that you have to! So tell me, what is it that makes you so afraid?”

  Alice wants to get away from Amy, but really isn’t in a position anymore. Maybe exposure isn’t as fun as she thought it was. She doesn’t know the answer anyway! She hoped the people here would be able to help her with this.

  Amy looks at her, frowns, her frown then turning more and more concerned, all her confidence falling away. “Is it that you’re afraid of being an ayy-gee-pee?” She asks.

  “Um.” Alice isn’t quite sure what she means.

  “It’s fine if you are. I had that fear too. It’s something you can overcome.”

  “What is a…” Alice whispers, embarrassed.

  “Oh. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t expose you to concepts like these.” Amy whispers, shaking her head.

  “What if I want to know?” Alice asks.

  “You really don’t. It’s a nasty concept by an even more disgusting man.”

  “But if you thought it might be something that applies to me…” Alice begs. She doesn’t want to be treated like she’s too vulnerable to learn a concept.

  “I— Fuck. Okay. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.” She shakes her head. “Autogynephilia. The fucked-up idea that most transgender women transition out of some fetishistic desire to be a woman. There’s all this scientific mumbo-jumbo and utter bollocks surrounding it made up by an eccentric creep of a ‘scientist’.”

  “Is that reted to the, um, to the injection…” Alice asks, unsure if she should, her doubts increasing as Amy’s posture is reduced to something much less proud, something small and afraid.

  “No. I mean, yes, kinda, if you want it to be, if you want me to call you those nasty things because some people do like the idea in a kink setting, but I would really prefer not doing so because it’s just such a painful idea right? Personally too. I believed that fucking nonsense. When I saw some girl, I’d hold them to the fucking AGP-HSTS dichotomy, decide if they’re a passoid or a hon, the whole fucking deal. I fucking hate it. It’s not good for the girls being judged, or for yourself, and I’m rambling aren’t I?”

  “A bit.” Alice nods.

  “You can be into forcefem without believing you’re an AGP.” Alice says after taking a moment to breathe. “It’s fine to be into forcefem. A lot of us are. And then not the sissification shit, that miserable garbage, but the good stuff, right? The kind where womanhood is an actual goal to achieve.”

  “There’s bad stuff?” Alice asks, feeling even more embarrassed.

  “God. You’re really not aware? I would have expected at least some familiarity.”

  “I tried to avoid all that trans stuff online.” She blushes.

  “Good! Smart girl.” Amy smiles and pats Alice on the head. “I forgot what the whole point of all this was. Sorry.”

  Alice wants to lie to her and not tell her she knows the conversation was about what restrains Alice in her own transition. Because it’s an awkward question, a painful one, one she doesn’t know the answer to other than that she has zero trust in herself to actually become something worthwhile.

  And as much as she hates it, being a boy is easy. Becoming a woman is work.

  With Amy still looking at her, she decides to be truthful. “About why I’ve struggled to transition.”

  “Oh! I knew you’d remember.” Amy kisses her on the cheek. “Gd you didn’t lie to me, sweetie.”

  Alice readjusts herself a little, Amy’s gaze feeling more relevant than ever. “I wouldn’t dare.”

  “That’s good. So. The point of this is: I think you would benefit from a bit more… encouragement. In the sexual sense, I mean. So you’d want to make more progress.”

  Alice blushes and looks away. “So… forcefem?”

  “If this pce makes you the girl you want to be, I’ll make you a good girl. I’ll make you enjoy the process in every way you can. Give you your injections, tell you what to do, push you to keep doing more and more. I’ll reward you if you do well or do more than I asked of you. If you’d like, I could also punish you for acting like a boy. Regardless, I’ll give you all the support you need. Because I love you, Alice, because I want to see you do well, and also, because, um, I’m into it too. Taking a little boymoder and making her pretty sounds amazing.”

  “What got you into this kinda thing?” Alice asks out of genuine curiosity. Maybe she can find the same stories that Amy seems to enjoy so much.

  “That’s a secret.” She says, quickly.

  “Please?”

  “It’s not my secret to tell.” Amy insists.

  “It’s your, um, kink, though.”

  “Someone helped me get into it, and I’m not going to betray her by telling you about it. Sorry. I would if I could.” Amy sounds much more serious than earlier.

  Alice decides to let Amy have her little secret. “Okay. Understood.”

  “So? You said you wanted my help to become a good girl. And that means you follow my orders. No question, no doubts. Do you accept that?”

  “Um.” Alice fidgets with her fingers.

  “No doubts, darling.” Amy smiles broad enough to make Alice realise that it’s just her teasing a little.

  “Yes.” Alice whispers.

  “Would you accept those orders, even if they are sexual?” Amy continues.

  “Yes.” Alice says, immediately.

  “You don’t have to immediately stop doubting when answering these questions, silly.” Amy boops her nose.

  “I, um, I want it.” Alice admits. “I’ve kind of been desperate for that.”

  “I know. I’m happy you finally admit that. Now, for my final question, and this is the most important one, so feel free to think about it: would you be fine if this included the other sisters at the manor as well?”

  “Like everyone can order me around?”

  “Yes. Other than Gwen and Aoife.” She nods.

  “Would Gwen and Aoife also, um, get the same offer?” Alice whispers.

  “You may very well think so.” Amy sticks her tongue out. “Only one of them knows it yet, though.”

  “Gwen?”

  Amy nods.

  “Of course.” Alice blushes. “Checks out.”

  “So? What do you say?”

  “Yes. Sounds, um, sounds fun.”

  Alice can’t believe she’s agreeing to this. She barely realised she’s into this mere minutes ago and is already signing up to some weird sexual thing.

  It’s hot, though. She’s excited for it. She wants to see where this leads, and whether it does lead her to maybe, someday, being a real woman rather than pretending to be one.

  “Good girl.” Amy says, pushing Alice down against the bed and sneaking a hand under Alice’s bra. “Now, to celebrate, I need your highest-pitched, most girly moans. I’m going to make sure your voice is trained.”