My name is… was Lucius Blackwood. You may have heard of me. The man who revolutionised gaming, the sole creator of the VRMMO: Alkareth: A New Beginning. Or I would’ve been if I had enough fucking funding!... Calm down, Lucius… so, I died from… slipping on a banana peel… after a hamster jumped onto my face… don’t ask me how! And, I fell out of a window, onto a pole, which fell onto a truck, and the truck crashed into several cars… killing some, and… the truck… with me still on it! And still alive! Fell into the local river… and I drowned… now, I’m in hell.
“Hello there… Lucius Blackwood, welcome to hell” Said a smoking hot demon chick, as she looked at a clipboard.
“Hi… why am I here?” I asked as politely as I could.
“Let’s see… hmm… worshipping false idols, worshipping our Lord Satan… nice… and just generally being an asshole…” She said, happily.
“Oh come on! That last one is a lie!” I took the clipboard out of her hand and read it… “What the fuck? How is THAT a sin!?” I asked, loudly.
“I don’t know, God’s just a dick I think… fuck, my sentence went up by two hundred years! You fucking asshole!” She said as she flipped off the sky… “Another two hundred years!? Fuck!” She shouted.
“Uh…” I was just confused.
“Right, sorry… you’re here for… two hundred thousand years… and your punishment is… what? Why do you get to go into a VRMMO!? This is total fucking bullshit! You hear that God! BULLSHIT!!!!!” She shouted, once again flipping off the sky.
…
Wait, VRMMO? Why is that a punishment…
“Let me guess… it’s extremely buggy and has a lot of lag spikes…” I said.
This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
“...Nope, it’s in perfect order… it’s called Alkareth: The New Beginning” She said.
“So, I get to play my own fucking game… this will be interesting… wait… let me guess, one life, legendary mode and… I’m a unique race that everyone hates?” I asked.
“Nope, very easy, unlimited lives and… you’re a demon, so everyone here loves you… okay, not loves… but, they tolerate you!... well, the other races aren't as nice to you... but, who gives a shit about them?” She said.
“So, where do I go?” I ask.
“Bye!” She said, as a hole appeared under my feet and I fell into a seemingly endless abyss.
Until I saw a message saying:
“It’s a pleasure to see you too Aya… please let me into the game” I said, ignoring the A.I’s cries.
She asked, and I replied.
“Demon, of course...there’s nothing else...” I said.
And, I started growing horns and a tail… and contrary to popular belief, growing horns and a tail… REALLY HURTS!!!
“GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” I shouted in pain.
“I need help… maybe a bath for the blood and… you’re a screen in my face… how could I have you?...” I said bluntly.
“...Once again, no choice… Valinsamerous…” I said.
“Finally… something I get to choose myself, I choose Mage… who wouldn’t like to go around throwing fireballs everywhere?” I said.
“I choose…”
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