The High Mage looked unimpressed as I walked over to him, remembering to judder, but completely aware that sparking erratically was beyond my current level of acting. I don't think it helped that draped over me like a cape the ghost of the Ghost was doing it's insubstantial best to throttle me after my arguments with Persephone to see if we could try to exorcise him met a stubborn veto.

  He doesn't even do anything except annoy the shit out of me. Please just let me kill him again...

  "Beeep Booooop! Intruder Defeated!" I chanced my luck.

  Terendrian's expression slowly changed to look of boredom with mild irritation. I suppose the silently talking to myself maybe helped give me that malfunctioning automaton look, but I began to think that might not be the best path to follow.

  "Yes, I dare say he was. Well that was damned regrettable. Can't say I liked the man, but this hardly seems like a better arrangement!"

  Zinnaella was in heap on the floor, a snotty, gurgling pile of fraying red curls, silk robes and lace. i was beginning to feel bad.

  The High Mage on the other hand had full arsehole mode engaged:

  "Oh do get up cousin! The cad had been trying to kill you for years and it's his own damned fault for trying to solo what is obviously a Dungeon Boss. Still..."

  He floated towards me, the blue energy that surrounded him crackling in my face. He then extended his hand within an inch of my forehead and flicked me in the forehead Oww. That's annoying

  "...his aggression routine seem a bit off. Let's try this..."

  He pinged me in the forehead again, only this time with the force of a thousand suns. I went flying off into the wall leaving a me-shaped dent in the wall.

  Moments later, as I felt myself peeling off the wall like some kind of spider/man hybrid sliding down the the ceramic sides of a bath tub or toilet bowl, I reflected that I'd maybe done something to piss the generally irritatingly jovial High Mage off and that it might be a good idea to know what it was.

  How the hell was I suppose to talk my way out of that fight? He just started attacking me!

  I watched Terendrian's bored face leak a slow drip of water from the corner of his eye and wondered if reporting it to him was an idea that might regarner his favour...

  What's Charisma? I asked Persephone.

  My lady boss did not answer me, but seemed busy doing something that sounded like shuffling through files, scrolls, or some other items made of paper.

  If the golem-me dies, do I die, too? I was starting to get nervous as the High Mage continued to look at me as if weighing something in his mind, and from Persephone's hint, I suspected that it might be whether to end me for good.

  "Beep! Boop! New intruder spotted!" I continued my act, wondering if I could now convince him that I was not a threat. Picking myself up from the floor, I started swinging the Haunted Blade at a blank wall. "Repel-pel-pel intruder!"

  This is not going to work.

  Behind me, Zinnaella suddenly stopped sobbing, but I didn't dare react to the change. Screaming a long string of curses that were too rapid and wordy and contained too many foreign references I didn't understand, she suddenly lunged at me. "... will be exterminated for a crime so grave against a common dungeon decency that states that a Dungeon Boss should not be wandering amok but stay in a clearly-marked chamber that suggests to adventurers in obvious ways-"

  I didn't hear the rest of her reasoning for killing me, as I once again pretended to spin around erratically. "In-tru-tru-tru"

  The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  Yes, I'm trying to 'accidentally' kill her, too, and I have no fucking clue how Charisma, which I don't have, is going to help me right now.

  As soon as Persophone let out her annoyed yell, something happened.

  Sweet! Attribute points! I'm sure there was a point that Persephone was trying to make and I knew that the middle of a fight was probably a bad time to open up a status screen, but... Attribute Points! I was sure it would balance out.

  I grabbed out passed Zinnaella's erratic flailing and my hand enfolded around her face.

  Had I grown when I leveled?

  I'm sure I wasn't this big before... Hmm, something to think about later. For the moment; Lets sort out these Attribute Points!

  I threw the Assassin back, head first. She flew into the wall, though I could have sworn something cushioned her fall.

  No matter, hopefully that would have stunned her long enough to sort myself out. I popped open my Stat Screen:

  I guiltily move the curser toward Intellect instead.

  Following her directions I clicked on the grey button with a downward arrow and the mother of all menus opened up, so big that it bounced off the ground and rolled behind me. It whirred and clicked and I could see the options in tiny writing as the highlighter scrolled through it all; Accountancy, Alcohol Tolerance, Archeomancy, Archery, Attitude, Aura, Bar Fighting, Bee-Keeping, Bolivan Folk Dancing... It was a mess, surely some of these were skills more than they were attributes?

  I'm not 'murderous'! I was defending myself! He kept trying to kill me!

  Zinnaella was stirring on the ground where I had thrown her. I really needed to stomp her face in. I could spend the attribute points later, really I just needed to kill her and get some delicious floating stardust that her corpse would surely extrude.

  The [Charisma] stat glowed gold in front of my eye - Do you wish to select and add points to this stat? Unlocking this path may prevent you from unlocking others - and I just couldn't. I really just fucking couldn't.

  So what... I just have to accept getting beaten up? Just bow my head, just accept orders?!

  I didn't chose this Phenotype so that I could be controlled and forced to fight like an animal with incredibly shitty owners!