Thunk!

  The man on the wall, a lookout, swivelled around, eyeing the arrow that had just impacted the stone wall beside him with barely disguised panic. The tip of the arrow glowed green with what could only either be some highly dangerous sorcerous poison or the more likely option...

  "Mages! We're under attack! Mages!" The man screamed and pulled out his firearm, a somewhat recent development in military technology developed by the alchemists of the royal court. The man's call was heard by another guard, this one in place to ring a massive bell to alert the rest of the guards to danger.

  And true to their harsh and extensive training, the guards responded to the clanging of the alarm bell quickly and efficiently, clambering to their weapons and armour. Those who were already on the wall were immediately alert, muskets and crossbows raised and eyes roving over the landscape for the danger. Night vision potions were downed by those who had them. Potion brewers charged an outrageous sum for brews that they knew were in high demand, and as such, the city couldn't afford to arm the entire watch with them. But the potions' effect on the effectiveness of the watch was undeniable. The potions, as their name would suggest, allowed the guards' eyes to pierce the veil of night and shoot with far greater accuracy.

  A substantial distance away from the wall, a boy crouched in a tree, a white cat perched on the branch next to him.

  "Your aim sucks," The cat spoke up from the boy's shoulder.

  "I'm aware."

  "No, Dan. Really. You just alerted the entire night watch with your awful archery."

  "I know," Dan, the boy, growled back.

  "But I just think we need to drive this point home. Why you decided that archery would be the best delivery of the sleep spell is beyond me. Why you even decided to use a sleep spell instead of slipping past the watch with invisibility or something is baffling, now that I think about it."

  "Alright, well, I didn't hear you suggesting any other ideas when I was planning this thing out."

  "That still doesn't explain why a bow of all things is your chosen weapon. Why do you even still have one of those dusty old things? Those court alchemists have got that fancy exploding powder thing now, right? Why don't you use a gun? Or even a crossbow? Or anything other than that outdated piece of wood?"

  "Because, Fiona, bullets are for the peasants," He scoffed, "And enchanted arrows are for the cultured folk."

  "And crossbows?" Fiona shot back.

  Dan waved his hand dismissively, "The mechanisms are too weird and complicated for me to enchant. Bows are easy, just a bent stick and a string."

  Fiona clicked her tongue, "That's just because you're too lazy to figure them out. They're really not all that complex."

  "Mhm," He made a doubtful hum, "They call me a mage, but really the people who actually understand that new technology crap are the real mages."

  The cat rolled her eyes but didn't offer a further argument.

  The boy tinkered with his belt, pulling out a few vials of glowing something.

  "What's the plan now?" Fiona asked, eyeing the bottles distrustfully.

  Dan grinned, "I drink this one," He pointed to a vial of angry red liquid, "And this one," A bubbling grey concoction, "And just blitz past the guard!"

  "Where'd you get the money to buy potions?"

  "I made them," He grinned wildly.

  "Oh yeah," The cat rolled her eyes, "You spend all of your time experimenting with brews instead of making stuff that's actually profitable like the night vision stuff."

  "Hey! The materials for that one are expensive like hell! I've gotta experiment and work with what I've got!"

  "So it's not that you're just not skilled enough to brew it?"

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  "Nope."

  Fiona rolled her eyes once more, "And the others?"

  "In case things get nasty."

  "As though they haven't already gotten "nasty."

  "Nastier," He amended.

  "And your plan is stupid."

  "Oh, so now you're contributing to the planning."

  The cat ignored the jibe, "There's no stealth or subtlety at all!"

  "Hate to break it to you Fiona, but I kind of blew stealth when I missed that arrow."

  "They still haven't found our position, can't you just cast an invisibility spell and go for it?"

  "Yeah, about that," Dan rubbed that back of his neck, "I kind of, might have used all my magic earlier today. Why do you think I was firing enchanted arrows? I haven't a drop of magic left."

  "What? What'd you use it on?" The cat hissed.

  He grinned and stuck his hand into one of his many pockets, pulling out a wickedly sharp dagger with a wavy-bladed shape and holding it in a reverse grip. A kris. The blade had various runes etched into the metal and it glowed gently, bathing their faces with a soft red light. A visible sign of the numerous enchantments that lined the blade.

  "Eh? Eh? Pretty badass, huh?"

  Fiona gave the dagger an unimpressed look, "I fail to see how this will help substantially against the full might of the city's night guard. An enchanted gun would've served better, or even better, a full magic capacity."

  "Alright, first thing, bullets are for peasants. And concerning the plan, I'm gonna drink the potions, right?" He said, holding up the glowing concoctions once more, "And then I'll be super fast and stuff, and I run up to them and be like, bam! And then I'll pull this out," He waved the dagger around wildly, "And I'll be like pow! And shank 'em! And then they'll be all like, bleh! And dead! Mostly dead. Little bit of 'bleh' though."

  ...

  "Why am I your familiar?"

  "Dunno actually," He shrugged, "My summoning is pants though, so any number of things could've happened."

  "Bad at brewing, bad at summoning, bad at archery, is there any area of magic that you're actually good in?"

  "I'd like to point out that archery isn't an area of magic."

  "Fine. But the point still stands. Is there?"

  "Sure. Enchanting's my speciality, but I'm alright in combat magic. Mostly of the elemental kind. And I am sort of okay at brewing."

  "I would have never guessed."

  "Most people don't. They see all of my unlisted brews and scoff, as though they need to be officially recognised to be effective."

  "No I was-"

  "No worries Fiona. I know you haven't really been with me for too long, but I assure you, I know what I'm doing."

  If the cat had eyebrows, they would be rising into her hairline at this point, "I can't help but point out that that's what you said right before you burned our house down. We wouldn't even have to be here stealing from Alove's city treasury if almost all of our stuff hadn't burnt up in the fire!"

  "Alchemy's an unstable art!"

  "Alchemy's arguably the most stable school of magic! And the point is that empirical evidence would suggest that when you say that you know what you're doing, you really don't."

  "We're straying off topic," Dan said.

  "No, this is relevant to what we're about to do. I'm pointing out your flaws. One of which appears to be your questionable intelligence leading to rather large mishaps-"

  "Back to the plan alright?" Dan raised his voice to cut off Fiona, "Potions. Dagger. Badassery."

  "This is a terrible plan."

  "Don't worry, I got this.