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Entry 36: "Gradient"

  At the top of the evening, Rosanna climbed out of her coffin in her bedroom of our shared hotel suite, wearing a bubblegum pink nightie I’m glad Vance had not seen her in, and entered my bedroom, the door open, and crawled onto the bed and lay down beside me where less than an hour before I had been journaling. Immediately, her face lit up with a playful smile. I asked her what was up but I already knew.

  “This pillow smells like boy. Specifically like Vance. What have you been doing while I was asleep, Orly?”

  “Nothing happened. Not like that at least. We just talked a little and then took a nap together.”

  “Is he still trying to love you?”

  “He says he’s fascinated by me. Is that good?”

  “I guess it’s not bad, but it’s probably not as good as being loved. Actually, what does being fascinated actually mean? Fascinated about what?”

  “He said it’s cuz I’m exceptional, cuz I didn’t die from my cancer, and cuz I avenged Yelena and won the war and stuff.”

  “You sound like his celebrity crush.”

  “Is that any better?”

  “I don’t know. My celebrity crush changes every week.”

  “Who’s this week?”

  “50 Cent.”

  “Yeah. I get that. He looks all hard but then when you see him smile…”

  “Yes! It’s when he smiles! I love you! You totally get it!”

  “Well, I’m glad you love me.”

  “Tonight is just starting! You might fascinate him all the way into falling in love! Wait til you dance together!”

  I was slow, like hours slow, getting ready even though I had selected my gown back in LA and only brought one. It could’ve been because I was drinking, but I wasn’t getting drunk—I was only sipping my scotch. It was something else. I had been so excited in the weeks leading up to this night, but now that I was finally here, I dreaded going downstairs to partake in it because, even though I had dreamed up hopes, I had little hope in them now and no idea what would happen in their place. I guess you could say I was scared.

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  When I was standing before a mirror taller than me and was finally dressed in a one shoulder, floor length, black to white gradient gown that made it look like there was snow at my feet, Rosanna came up behind me dressed in a cerise pink strapless draped gown with her dark hair pulled back in a low bun. I remarked how elegant she appeared and held my tiara over my head like a halo and then dropped it to my side as I asked Rosanna, “Empress or just Orly?”

  “Empress Orly, of course. You look beautiful, Imparateasa. He’s going to melt.”

  Rosanna helped me set my diamond tiara in place. She wrapped a diamond bracelet around my wrist and I dangled more diamonds from my ears. Yelena’s diamond, of course, was already in place.

  There was pounding on our door. “Open up! Time to ball, bitches!”

  “I wonder who that can be?”

  “I’ll let them in,” Rosanna said.

  The Ketsuen entered like they had just come from shooting a magazine cover. Darcy wore black velvet, while Grace wore beaded champagne. Hisato wore an all black three piece suit, obviously tailor made for him. In his tie he wore a small marquise cut ruby tie tack, like a drop of blood. It matched the shade of Corinne’s blood red mermaid gown perfectly, the woman with whom he was hoping to have the honor of her first dance. I guess this was them coordinated.

  “Well?” Hisato asked. “Aren’t you going to say anything”

  “What is there to say? Everyone looks great,” I answered.

  “Yeah, but how about saying something about me specifically?”

  “Well, actually, I was thinking you look so sharp tonight that even as aloof as you always are I can tell you actually care about making this appearance.”

  “Me, care? About MC Messy Hair and his Vampire Bandstand? I’ll show you how much I don’t care!”

  “Oh my god! I was kidding! Don’t be Mr. Fucking Sensitivity tonight!”

  “Now you sound like a condom, Dummy Bear,” Darcy chuckled.

  “Yeah, take that back too!” Hisato demanded. “I’ve never been sensitive a single night of my life! You want me to start tonight? We can test my EQ when I have a little heart-to-heart with Se?or Vance delos Santos about leading you on!”

  “Hisato! Stop! Please! This has gotten way out of hand! I didn’t mean any of it! Please, don’t do anything downstairs! And please don’t say anything to Vance! Or please just be nice to him. Please. I’m begging you.”

  “Okay.”

  “That’s it? ‘Okay’?”

  “Sure.”

  “You mean it?”

  “You’ll see.”

  And that’s how we left for the vampire ball.

  One sec. Bottle’s empty. Need to call room service.

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