Home was about to get a lot busier. I was going to have a full crew for the first time. The ship manifest showed a roster of 82 aiways, myself included. That made me a little nervous. I didn't mind commanding my little group of friends, but 81 aiways?
I stopped short of the dock to catch my breath and shake out my arms.
You got this.
A crowd had formed at the docking station where Oblivion was resting. Official-looking people in uniforms were trying to direct traffic. There were a few from both sides, Burners in green and Darksiders in iron gray. A line had formed for actual crew members to check in.
The others just wanted to get a glimpse of the murder ship.
When I popped into view, with my liquid face and powerful black and red Vanquisher armor, the scene changed dramatically.
There he is.
He's unstable.
Don't get too close. He'll kill you.
So much overreacting.
"What do you call a robot that gives you a bag of chips?" I hollered into the crowd.
I was sure they had heard this one, but they were probably too scared to respond. "A vending machine!"
A few light snickers. Mostly staring. I tried again.
"What do you call a robot with a spray bottle and a bar of soap?"
I spotted Boom by the entrance and waved. It was part of the security detail to make sure the ship was safe.
"A washing machine," I announced.
No one laughed. I say it was because Boom was pressing its way through the crowd to meet me. Aiways who had turned to stare at me were now yelping and jumping in surprise as the doomer approached from behind them to clear a path. If a doomer suddenly walked up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder, I would shit myself.
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Boom: "You are not funny."
kittyboy: "I'm a little funny."
"What do you call this robot?" I yelled to my eager audience, pointing at Boom.
Silence and wide-eyed stares.
"A killing machine!" I yelled.
Boom looked at me. I couldn't tell what the robot was thinking inside that smooth black head.
kittyboy: "How was that?"
Boom: "Better."
I knew I shouldn't, but I took a moment to anthropomorphize Boom, considering life from the perspective of this robot. If Oblivion had taught me anything, it was that I needed to rethink my approach to machines. I wondered if in our obsession for authenticity we lost sight of the humanity in everything around us.
Boom was watching me, an aiways, something society considered superior, an organic being with embedded technology and an AI-assisted mind. Was I so different, other than the organic bits? There were organic computers, an eco-friendly revelation that relied on fungi. So, was I different?
I considered all of this before reminding myself that Boom was programmed a certain way. Its reasoning was artificial. Right?
kittyboy: "I'm sorry, Boom. I shouldn't make machine jokes."
The robot turned its head at me.
kittyboy: "We need a special handshake."
Boom tilted its head.
kittyboy: "Something cool, so that when I see you, we can do an awesome handshake. It'll be fun."
Boom: "I have a suggestion. You shake my hand. I grab your throat."
Um. I pictured that. I could pretend Boom was choking me to death. It would be funny, but it would get old fast. People would get annoyed. It would also remind me of the time Boom choked me to death.
kittyboy: "Good idea. But maybe something more awesome and less traumatic."
Boom: "Can you do this?"
Boom mimicked a high-five, followed by bumping elbows, then whirling a fist in a circle three times, kind of like turning a crank, then bumping fists, followed by the traditional exploding of the fists, and finishing with what looked like a hug. Did Boom want a hug?
kittyboy: "I can do that. You have to laugh at the end, though, like it was super fun. The most fun you've ever had."
Boom: "Show me."
Made sense. I doubted Boom had ever tried to laugh.
I guffawed, a big stupid smile on my face, throwing my head toward the upper floors of the space station.
Boom: "Affirmative."
No time like the present to give it a try.
kittyboy: "Okay, let's do it."
The mass of spectators watched. They were dumbfounded, mouths dropping open, as the deadly robot and the unstable aiways who captained the murder ship slapped hands, bumped elbows, stepped apart to whirl our fists at each other, bashed them together in a fantastic explosion, and then embraced each other laughing.
"Yeah!" I screamed. "It's Boom time!"
It was brilliant. It was inspiring. It was slightly terrifying.
I grabbed Boom by the elbow and let her escort me to the ship.
The crowd gave us an extremely wide berth.

