3rd person POV

  The next Sunday, REAPERAND had another gig.

  This time, the venue was a gritty downtown spot called The Zimmer, a place for the local freaks, punks, metalheads and misfits.

  David, who grudgingly towed the van to the shop, got it fixed so they didn't have to take the bus.

  They pulled into the parking lot.

  “Let’s leave the gear and go see what’s up inside, come back for it later, yeah?” David said.

  Adam and Nickie simply nodded. The trio headed toward the place.

  As they approached the entrance, David’s phone buzzed. Glancing at the screen, he held up a finger.

  “Go on ahead. I’ll catch up,” he said before striding a few steps away to take the call.

  Nickie thought she noticed a little smile as he looked at the screen.

  She glanced at Adam to see if he maybe caught it too, but he was walking obliviously, staring ahead.

  She sighed in her head and kept walking.

  Behind them, someone dragged a chain-link barrier across the pavement.

  The scraping sound was sharp, slow.

  Metal grinding over concrete.

  Adam’s body reacted before he could name the feeling.

  The noise hit something inside him like a switchblade.

  He couldn’t breathe right.

  Couldn’t think right.

  His chest tightened, each breath feeling shallower than the last. A faint chill crept up his spine, prickling his skin with a strange discomfort.

  He slowed his pace, his legs growing weaker with every step until he couldn’t move forward anymore.

  He came to a stop, trembling.

  Sweat. Nausea. Body not cooperating.

  Sinking to the ground.

  Panic wrapped itself around him, squeezing tighter with every second.

  He wanted to scream, to force air into his lungs, but all he could do was gasp, the ache in his chest growing unbearable.

  He closed his eyes, trying to make the spinning stop, but it only made the nausea worse.

  ‘I can’t... I can’t breathe…’

  ***

  Adam’s Flashback (Trigger Warning: Abuse, Violence, Drugs) | Adam’s POV

  Tired.

  So tired.

  I wish I could just sleep.

  Somewhere behind me, metal scraped across pavement: slow, grating, heavy.

  A chain.

  Just a chain.

  But my brain didn’t care.

  It threw up an image: fast, brutal.

  Her hand on the links.

  ***

  FLASHBACK

  I’m on my back.

  Tied down.

  Wrists and ankles restrained.

  The leash around my neck is taut. Unyielding.

  ‘So tired.’

  “WAKE THE FUCK UP. Who said you could sleep?”

  A blow to the stomach. I flinch.

  Another strike. I grit my teeth.

  A slap. I don’t react.

  Then something sharp and fast snaps across my cheek.

  My jaw tightens, but I stay quiet.

  Her voice slithers through the air, mocking.

  “Let’s have a laugh, yeah?”

  Her fingers brush places she shouldn’t.

  My breathing spikes, shallow and fast.

  I try to pull away, but I’m held too tight.

  Then comes the sound that makes my stomach turn: chains.

  The pain that follows is cold, deep, violating.

  I bite down on the inside of my cheek. I don’t want to make a sound.

  But I fail.

  A small, strangled cry slips out.

  “Who said you could make noise?!”

  A blow to the side of my head. Then again.

  I shake, silent now.

  “Open your mouth.”

  I obey.

  She drops a pill onto my tongue.

  “Swallow.”

  I do.

  The world gets blurry. Limbs go heavy.

  I couldn’t move even if I was free.

  I have no control over the sounds I make anymore.

  ‘Why does she keep drugging me like this?’

  A thought cuts through the fog.

  If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  ‘She wants to erase me. And she’s succeeding.’

  She removes the chain slowly.

  Link by link.

  Dragging it out, knowing what it does to me.

  I cry out. I can’t stop myself.

  “Ten moans,” she counts coldly. “Digging our own grave, are we?”

  My body arches. My insides are freezing. I feel every second of it.

  It lasts for an eternity.

  She’s not finished. She never is.

  ***

  NOW

  "ADAM, ADAM! I GOT YOU."

  A familiar voice.

  Warm. Solid. Real.

  "You're here.

  You're with me.

  You're okay.”

  Nickie’s voice.

  “Breathe. You're safe. I got you."

  Nickie’s warmth.

  Her scent… clean, familiar, like paper and smoke and the color yellow.

  Her gentle hands.

  Holding me. Cradling me.

  A radiant light piercing the dark.

  The panic loosens. The flashback lets go.

  I can breathe again.

  The pain is almost gone.

  I’m crying, and I can’t stop.

  I reach for her hands and pull her closer, clutching her like she’s the last real thing in the world.

  And maybe she is.

  ‘Don’t go. Please, not now.

  If you let go, I’ll drown.’

  "I'm here, Adam. I'm not going anywhere. I got you..."

  She lets me hold her, and keeps talking, steady as gravity.

  "I'm here. You're safe. You're not alone."

  And in that moment, just those words, just her breath against mine… I realize something I’ve been carrying quietly for a while:

  ‘I love you.

  I love you so much.

  I love you, Nickie.’

  ***

  Eyes that are too warm | Nickie’s POV

  I know it’s a panic attack.

  Just like that time at school, Adam looks like he’s about to shatter into a million pieces.

  His face is pale, eyes wide and unfocused: darting like he’s searching for a way out of his own mind.

  Only now, it’s worse.

  Much worse.

  He looks in so much pain.

  He’s holding his throat, struggling to breathe.

  I don’t even think. My body moves on its own.

  I kneel in front of him and hold him gently, afraid to make it worse.

  “Adam. Adam! I got you.”

  His whole body trembles with choked sobs.

  Some people nearby glance over: curious, confused.

  A few just keep walking.

  No one comes closer. Just that uncomfortable distance strangers give when something real happens in public.

  I don’t know what triggered it… Where his mind went to, what he was seeing… but I want him to feel safe. And loved.

  I know it can help. Even just a little.

  “You’re safe. You’re with me. Breathe… You’re okay… I got you…”

  I keep repeating myself, not sure what else to say.

  Then he suddenly grabs my hands and pulls me in.

  I freeze.

  ‘He’s been keeping his distance for weeks...

  And now he’s holding me like he’ll never let go.’

  As if he's afraid I’ll disappear.

  ‘I won’t. Ever.’

  “It’s okay… You’re okay...”

  His embrace is strong and warm. His body is still trembling with silent crying.

  ‘What could break someone down like this?’

  That’s when David rushes over.

  He takes one look and knows.

  He crouches beside us, speaking calmly, voice low and steady.

  “Adam… baby bro… You’re okay. You’re safe. We got you. We’re here. Do you know where we are?”

  Adam is still crying, but he nods slightly.

  “I… I think so…” he whispers, voice trembling.

  “We’re just outside the Zimmer, on the sidewalk. You wanna know the time?”

  “Yes, please…”

  “It’s seven forty-two.”

  Adam exhales, slow and shaky.

  “Are you hearing me okay?”

  “Yeah… I’m good now…”

  His voice steadies.

  But he doesn’t let go of me.

  I gently press my hands around his.

  His fingers lock around mine instantly.

  He’s still shaking, just a little.

  But his crying slows.

  I let him hold on as long as he needs.

  David gives him a long look.

  “Do you want some water?”

  “No… I think I’m okay now...”

  “Do you wanna go home?” David asks, carefully.

  “What? No! Let’s go play the gig!”

  He presses his fingers tighter into mine, and I press back.

  “Adam, listen.” David’s voice softens even more.

  “Don’t push yourself. We can cancel. Your health comes first, little brother.”

  “I’m fine. I want to perform. I’m sure. I swear.” Adam’s voice comes out firm, stronger than before.

  He needs this.

  David looks at him, then at me.

  A long pause.

  “Nickie, you good?”

  “I’m good if Adam’s good,” I say without hesitation.

  He looks at both of us again, sharp gaze scanning everything behind our words.

  Finally:

  “Okay. If you say so. Let’s get the gear and go in.”

  Adam slowly releases me, then helps me up.

  I turn to go, but he catches my hand.

  “Nickie...”

  I turn back.

  He looks at me.

  For real.

  No flinching. No walls.

  His eyes are warm. Open. Grateful.

  Something more.

  “Thank you.”

  And in that gaze, I feel something softer than anything I’d ever known.

  So powerful it makes me dizzy.

  I look away fast.

  “S’all good…” I mumble, my face suddenly on fire.

  I don’t even know what this feeling is…

  But it’s good.

  Really, really good.

  “A little help here, guys!”

  David’s voice breaks through, practical as always.

  We both jump, like we were just caught in the middle of… something that absolutely WAS NOT A MOMENT, OKAY?

  I freeze for a beat, hands still warm, trying to breathe.

  Then I walk after Adam toward the parking lot, pretending my heart isn’t hammering like a snare roll.