--

  The first path...

  I wake up thinking about my next hit. I mean everything reset, I got nothing to lose, yet it feels like I can't let my body express itself and it feels cramped inside my own body. My chest tightens and I'm not even girl (probably sexist too), my head just says you miss your old life so damn much, but like an addiction I gnaw at my head thinking I got nothing to lose not until I repeat my mistakes and lose again. I feel like I am unable to see anything in front of me for once, I HATE IT, I toss and turn and so I just smoke more nowadays. Turns out making a big decision sucks so you either get through it ... or you fucking find an alternative just as addictive to avoid this feeling of resentment inside your own body .. LIFE IS GREAT MAN YOU JUST LOVE TO SEE IT. I put a cigar in my mouth feel like those action heroes I read about in my childhood smoking a cig while holding a hand grenade, for an edgy kid edgy heroes are a must.

  I smoke a pack a day it seems, another thing I started noticing is my boredom. Life is serene when you notice how nothing ever happens, it SUCKS. I look out my window and ask myself the sky might be red but it gives me the feel of autumn not impending DOOM. After waking up and looking out the window I spend a few seconds to myself thinking in my bed really feeling my body, I am alive, I wiggle my toes and fingers and look up, something is telling me today is a good day.

  When writing this diary I thought to myself, I lost so many pages returning to the past, and somehow I have this gut feeling I lost way more than the world is letting on. The three possibilities are, I lost nothing, I get to discover old friendships all over again, the most haunting one is everybody that died in that vivid dream are still dead and all this is a haunting retelling of punishment where I am truly the only one outside the on the loop and everybody is an actor, a copy of the people I know.

  I then style my eyebrows, dress up like a DIVA, wash the dishes because I realized I either do it now or I wont do it later, I then dress up looking through my various clothing options which consist of gray and black, as well as whites and lastly head out with my head held high. I know it can be so much worse, I so love this past thing. The first thing I did was drink my special made coffee, I wanted to not do the usual instead make it insomnia black I told the waitress, I don't wanna sleep tonight (update: no wink of sleep that night, I just started smoking looking out the window).

  I like positivity like the next guy over, but if I were to talk to myself in third person I would so think of punching my own guts out. I sat there in that one seat thinking of all of my past decisions, knowing now that I am a retired veteran and scared to think about coming across someone with a vandetta against me. I started worrying the second I started thinking again, and so I pulled a cig and felt like the three minutes of dizzy was slowing my pace making me less anxious and more happy again. I had still not gotten my coffee mind you, I wanted nothing to do with bad night terrors, insomnia I would rather want ya for once.

  As I sit there finally getting my coffee as the nice waitress bowed and showed me the no smoking sign, in my head I thought this was the time to flirt say something like I was only thinking about you, it got interrupted by my aggressive shaking even noticing a woman for once outside my goals (turns out I'm a shy guy), and the loud screaming from the distance that grabbed everybodys attention. It smelled like the garbage, but the sacks I used to put dead carcasses of my victims in tied and thrown away.

  I saw the bodies of course, the janitor tries cleaning up all the corpses on the ground laid out like a hump of trash and those mops probably smell more metallic than gold nowadays. People where first scared, then a few gunshots put down the people suffering the virus, what can I say I felt sympathy for once? I looked around, a young girl with her mom wrapped around each others arms and just for a second I caught my hypocritical ass thinking why I ever found joy in killing?

  On the side of buildings there are built in giant axes used to kill the infectants as like a defence, a spinning blade of sorts. It rarly works the way it should, and sometimes just gets jammed, almost like a bad government investment. I mean if you asking me what would I invest in, maybe ... knowing me I'd run away with the money, I don't like responsibility. I looked around and almost like an act of repenting I tried seeing if anybody needed a nice act, even a hug maybe.

  I didn't feel guilty though, I started working as an assassin because I found a way to give the action value, but a part of me was just lost back then, it doesn't justify me I guess but who wants to live in a bad mans skin? I let time pass, as I take a stroll to the center of this town and while I look around and surprise surprise I see my brother out doing groceries. I was super stalking behaviour man, I could see myself hiding behind pebbles thinking if I can't see them they can't see me, in actuality I just hid behind a wall.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  I guess that proves everybody's alive. I walked behind him slowly, knowing me my younger self would never try approaching people, I pulled the arm menouver behind him and asked "brothaa from anothaa mothaa remember me", he acted confused asking who are you. I replied don't I look like Atanus Neova your brother, he shook his head, I wanted to run away but I just replied well I guess I mistook you for someone else.

  Nothing came out of it, he left home and as I went home defeated, I looked at a building that gave me a vibe of home, back when I didn't have money since I was a kid and all I could do was look inside a glass window peeking at what is being sold imagining what I would have done with it, well I'm an adult now why not buy the art set. For a guy wanting to do stand up comedy buying an art set seems dumb almost, but I never grew out of drawing in my free time, I'm a retired old hag now man. I came home that day like a giddy kid, I didn't even think of smoking and I started drawing whatever I could. I drew circles for the bushes and the clouds, I drew blocks for tree stumps, and as I kept drawing I liked it but I got bored fast. Today was an ass day.

  "I don't mind being an assassin man, my life sucks".

  --

  The second path...

  As both Neova and Hyena brush their teeth in the morning getting ready to head to work, their glance passes the window both thinking it's sunny out. Neova brushes his teeth structured, hes used to this life, 20 seconds on each tooth front, back and top, as he picks up the news paper he drops his food having read the first word together with the rest of the headline.

  The heading read (The one good thing about today) as he skimmed through he saw someone had given up his vaccine to save the people and how the cultist (the nations king) was willing to meet with this hero. How the vaccine was already circulating the through the rich neighborhoods but now even the poor have a chance at life. Neova was planning on cashing in on the hype of the vaccine but as the music in his head got louder like anxiety, so loud like the drumming was hitting his ears he could not hear jack, Neova pulled back and left the vaccine hidden in his cubboard as he met up with Hyena.

  Today the victim was a snitch, the mafia ordered a hitman because the police were soon after them if he were to give them all the info he knew. Hyena was less energetic about todays mission, Neova looked at him and told him the foods on me pal. Hyena looked at Neova, turns out he didn't get a wink of sleep, insomnia been hurting him poorly, he closes his eyes and all he sees is his black eyelids and hours upon hours of restless turning and no dreams.

  "You remind me of the insomnia my brother had you know that lad", said Neova looking at the ceiling stroking his nonexistant beard.

  "You're gonna tell me about that stuff, dude I'm like 3 years younger than you", said Hyena.

  "Should have asked your christian god to be 3 years older am I right or am I right (as he waved up his arm in anticipation for a double high five)", said Neova looking disappointed.

  "Man you got no bitches, no wonder with that personality", exclaimed Neova eyeing up Hyena.

  "What The Fuck man", said Hyena confused, unable to open his eyes.

  They both did a stake out, Hyena wanted to bring his comically large cardboard bush into the equation but Neova slapped him and told him stalking is always the answer but there are right ways of doing it and wrong ways of doing it. "Be out of peripheral view, not suspicious enough that he investigates a cardboard bush because it seems out of place", said Neova as he threw the cardboard into the side. As night hit, both were drinking coffee too not fall asleep, Hyena on the other hand managed to cure his insomnia by drinking his ass off, as he was sleeping the coffee slowly covered and stained his white shirt, while Neova was looking out with his binoculars. Hyena was sleeping thinking about how he managed to kill the snitch, as if he never fell asleep, Neova shook him violently reminding him to stay awake.

  Hyena woke up to disappointment as he noticed his only white shirt got stained and his money is running empty so he doesn't have time to buy another shirt. "Do you think this is noticable (Neova shook his head in agreement)", they spotted someone suspicious, it turned out to be the snitch. He was going home to his family, "Should I blast his guts out in front of his family", said Neova as he chuckled looking at Hyena. "Seriously dude, don't be so heartless", said Hyena as he prepared to load his gun to kill him before the man entered the house. Time passed they both completed the mission and as Neova and Hyena were going home there was a tension in the air.

  Neova tried easing Hyena by giving half assed reasons as to why he joked but he didn't mean it, Hyena still valued human life at the end of the day he didn't like the inhumanity Neova always seemed to love revelling in.

  "Do you blame others for making you be here", asked Hyena as he didn't even glance Neova.

  "??? what", said Neova looking confused.

  "You mean if I became a killer because of a justified reason, I mean I did it as a way to tell the universe you ruined me by making me well me", said Neova.

  "Who is the universe, what is so fun about being bad to this degree, this psycopathy leads you to treating death like a joke, but who are you blaming it for if you enjoy it deep inside", said Hyena.

  "I don't know", said Neova as he quieted down and went home.

  "Who is to blame if you like so damn much that you treat it like an afternoon hobby, I do it for a job, I do it because I feel trapped in this body as if I can never redeem myself but I don't want that one bit of me to start enjoying this", said Hyena as he left for home.

  "In the end I blame me, because I only ever did it for me, DAMMIT", said Neova kicking a rock as he started slouching looking down. Fin.