Chapter 9
In the air tonight.
I pass the gunp model back to Brian and offer him a quick “Gimme a sec, bro.”
I can’t take my eyes off of her. The way she sways idly while she scrolls through her pylist, the way she fidgets with her lip, the way her brow knits together while she so obviously puts too much thought into her song choices.
I need to do something. Why? Shut up, just do something smooth, don’t be an idiot.
I wring out my hands and look around, trying to Sherlock my way into an idea. Knuckles crack with silent pops, rings grind against rings, fingertips search for any imperfection to pick at.
Rings
My eyes follow my hamster brain’s idea and nd on three rings, none are particurly expensive or nice, but they are very much me. I slip off the thickest of the three rings. Shiny steel rune-like inscriptions wrap the band and bck enamel fills in the low spots in a pretty inoffensive way. It slips off my finger without too much persuasion, the crisp air cools the now exposed skin on my finger.
“Casey” I push the words out of me with a firmness I don’t intend “you can keep this in your room if you want.”
I press the ring into her palm, nearly dropping it, and turn back around. The force of cringe that fills me could power the whole state for a month. It physically gnaws at my chest.
That was so damn corny.
I return to Brian’s side at the gunp wall and snack the box back.
“Does she look like she’s cringing?” I ask quietly while pretending to look at the gundam models
“Bro, you made her cry, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“C’mon, I’m being-” The song change cuts my words off
The Bck Eyed Peas - Rock That Body
Brian and I just stare at each other, eye to eye, while this song pys in my ear. Another drumbeat starts kicking in my ears, it’s a pleasant beat, I don’t think I’ve heard this one before.
I think we could do it if we tried
If only to say you’re mine
Sofia, know that you and I
Shouldn’t feel like a crime
A furious blush assaults my cheeks as the song changes again and I dare a passing gnce at Casey. She’s staring directly at me with a pink hue to match her stupidly rge hoodie. I want nothing more than for this blue and white checkered linoleum to swallow me whole. This moment wouldn’t be this unbearable if she weren’t so damn beautiful with the way she looks at me.
“Oh shit, Brooke, all these kits are twenty percent off,” Brian comes in with the clutch distraction
I have never been more thankful for a sale in my life
“No shot!” I shout and turn my head back to the wall of pstic.
The fshy boxes all start to blend together despite my genuine desire to turn my focus to anything besides the way my heart crashes against my chest like it’s trying to escape. Wings turn to scythes and Zaku turns to Char’s Gundam. Nothing lines up in my mind anymore, minutes pass and all I want is to be back home.
“I think I’m good with just this kit. Should we see if Casey wants to stop at any other stores?”
“She’s just gonna drag us to clothing stores. She’s a woman.” He says as he picks out a new set of pstic nippers
I patiently wait for him to catch on to the reason my eyebrow is now raised judgmentally to him. I don’t think he will. I nudge him with my elbow and point to my judgemental face and wait.
“Oh. you’re not like… a woman woman though. You’re like a homie so far.” He says earnestly
“I’m literally a-” I groan “I don’t care. I’m gonna go pay for my capitalism in a box.”
Distracting myself comes easy on the walk to the register, you just don’t step on the blue tiles. At least not until a pink gremlin comes barreling into you at mach-jesus and you stumble into a blue tile.
“Hello there, sugar demon. Have you come to spread the good word of diabetes?” I tease ftly
“No, doofus. I just wanted to stand next to you in line.” Casey says shyly
“Why? Are you from the U.K? Do you enjoy standing in line?”
My eyes catch sight of the bck and silver ring I left in her palm. It has since been pnted loosely on her middle finger, looking far too rge on her finger to not get lost. I don’t make a comment on it.
“Yes.” She says pinly
“What?”
“I am bri’ish maaate” She says in the worst english accent I have ever heard in my life
“Oh my god, that was terrible! You need to be careful, you never know who’s secretly English.”
She pouts and frowns but leans just a hair closer to me as the line shuffles forward. Close enough that I can feel her warmth against my arm. A couple minutes pass and I feel the slightest tug on my sleeve and hear the faintest whisper.
“I can’t hear you down there, pipsqueak. Speak up.”
“Do you…uhm… are…” Her hands tremble almost as much as her voice
“She wants to know if you’re girlfriends now” Brian asks from behind me causing me to jump
“No” The word comes out like a soft hammer, like a blunt knife, like a… like a… fucking mistake
Before I can crify, Casey is gone from my side and I deposit my model kit in Brian’s arms. Patrons blur past me as I catch up to Casey, earbud forgotten in my ear, likely hers too. Please please please please.
Distance grows between us as I get cut off by the growing crowd of shoppers, Casey’s pink hood flips over her head like a shroud. As if by panic I force myself between a family of four like an atom being split, leaving an explosion of swears and anger in my wake. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
Casey
Please
Don’t leave
Mall-goers shuffle and shop, rifle and stop, blocking my fucking way.
My foot skids across a loose boba pearl, almost sending me filing. Casey has slowed and while I can’t see her face I can see her hands swatting at her face. I swear to god if I made her cry.
My arms wrap around her from behind before I can stop myself, before I even know how to fix this. I hold her like she’s going to disappear. My chin nds on the top of her head, my eyes burn with frustration and unshed tears.
A public hug feels wrong. Feels immoral. Feels criminal. Feels right.
“Casey, I didn’t mean it like that,” I whisper “I’m sorry, please don’t leave.”
She doesn’t respond.
Why won’t she respond?
She sniffles and wipes her nose on her sleeve.
Say something, anything.
“Case, I l-” My throat catches on the word, like it’s something spiky, something wrong. “I’m an idiot. A big fucking idiot.”
Unfamiliar eyes gouge into me like a thousand nails. I don’t hug. I don’t chase. My hands drop from around Casey and my own eyes dig into the floor to match my hands digging into my pockets.
“I had fun, Casey… I’ll- I’ll see you at CrunchBucks.” My voice cracks as tears sting at my eyes and flood down my cheeks.
I turn on my heels and the first thing I see is Brian looking like he just pulled the drain on the hoover dam. Fuck you, Brian. A flick of my hood onto my head and a forward lean and I’m on my way out of the mall. Cigarette to my lips before I even hit the food court. One click, one drag, fog is… still there.
