Kip felt nervous. That was normal. His natural state was that of an open wound. But today was different. His average anxiety was replaced with a much more nuanced, validated nervousness. He stared out at the stands of the council, unable to see their faces as they were shrouded in darkness. The light on him was too harsh. As he spoke, he used his hand to cover it at times, finding the glare to be a touch too much. He stared into the dark as he pleaded his case.

  The Trying Tribunal. It was the check in place of the dark lord. It was a theory he had tested before leaving. He believed his absolute power would need to be in check somehow. Or to put it in his words: Non Reges. He created a diverse pantheon of people he had trusted, whose perspective he might not hear. All the floor lords, of course, as well as the mob bosses that were sapient and could fit inside the tribunal room. Merchants, industry leaders, and champions of war who would have a perspective on the outside world.

  “To close…” Kip made his finishing remarks, “You are all blessed to be here. I am blessed to be here. I make my case for the removal of such a hideous detraction of our resources, that I now effusively admit was a mistake on my part. There is no need for such a thing. It has slowed transportation of necessary outside goods to the lower floors. With that, I call for the repeal of my signature on document 44b to be upheld.. And for the immediate removal of the hot tub.”

  Oftentimes, the first chair was elected speaker. The first chair, Davorin, was still missing. The second chair, Jymba, was acting speaker. This particular tribunal, convened on the matters of the hot tub, was dotted with empty chairs. Davorin was missing, but so too were two other floor lords. Jymba’s voice cut through the shakyness of the dank room. Jymba’s booming voice. A dragon in his human form, a man with green robes, streaks of light green in his whited beard, and piercing colored eyes. His soft smile told a story of pride for his fellow dragonkin as Kip thanked the tribunal for their time. In his booming voice, he proclaimed.

  “Thank you, Dark Lord. The Trying Tribunal appreciates everything you’ve brought to us, and you make a compelling case. The tribunal will now deliberate. You may both wait in the lobby.

  Kip turned to the defendant on the other chair. Baraz, who had worn a suit on that fine day, was accompanied by his crew of miners wearing their least soot-covered clothes.

  Baraz had refused to look at him the entire trial. When they were dismissed, Baraz shook his head and walked out without saying a word. His entourage marched behind them.

  Kip walked outside where Jasssper had been waiting for him.

  “You did a fine job arguing your cassse, Sire.” Said Jasssper, “It’s in the trusted council’s hands now.”

  “Yes.” Said Kip, “What if they still choose no? Then the hot tub would just have to stay, and the food delivery would take that much longer. This has been a rather indelible mark on my shoddy record as a dark lord.”

  “You mussstn’t say that, sire. You are a terrific dark lord. You care for those around you. You are gaining in both skills of strength and diplomacy.”

  “I appreciate the compliments, Jasssper, but I feel as though I have had a more cumbersome rule than expected.”

  “That may be the case but you have done good asss well. Give yourself credit for that, too.”

  Kip looked over to Baraz. The guy who had been at the center of all his problems. Why’d Baraz have to trick him? Why’d that dwarf have to repeal? Kip shook his head. It didn’t matter. This was management.

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  “The tribunal has made its decision!” Jymba spoke with finality.

  Kip stood up and held his hand out. Jasssper’s tail wrapped around the kobold’s scaly hand and they both fit tightly.

  Jymba spoke again, “It is well within the dark lord’s right to revoke this appeal, given that it was under false pretenses, and the hot tub has been found detrimental to the health of Shangra. The tribunal has elected to uphold Kip’s order to demolish the hot tub at once! Good day to all!”

  Kip and Jasssper got up as the tribunal adjourned. The few members that attended poured out into the lobby. Kip got up and thanked each and every one of them, even those who said no.

  Of the floor lords, he thanked Jymba first. The next came out was a Sobek. A beastly crocodilian biped with a hook on one hand and four-inch claws on the other. He wore a captain’s hat and an eye-patch covering his eye. His jacket was blue with a white trim from his time in the Navy.

  “Captain Hookenclaw!” Kip said as he went up to him, “I wanted to thank you for voting in favor.”

  “Of course!” Said Captain Hookenclaw, “I’m forever in your debt, matey. I appreciate ye for how you did one of my subjects. Thank ye.”

  “It was nothing. I was happy to do it.”

  “Either way, I urge ye to shake me hook.”

  Kip reached out and grabbed the hook on Captain Hooknclaw’s arm and let himself be shaken by the beast man’s large frame of movement. He thanked the dark lord profusely and tipped his hat, “I’ll be taking me land ship back up to the second floor if that’ll be all.”

  He got on a boat with wheels the size of a chair, grabbed the oar inside, and peddled it along the road.

  As he left, some of the other members of the tribunal gave a polite nod and hello to the dark lord. Most of them, the nonlords and bosses, were people he had communed with. He smiled at one of the people leaving when a shadow was cast over him. He could feel the cold air that followed him wherever he went. It was the Floor Lord of the Underdark. It was Grundel. He turned around, his guess confirmed.

  He was a fearsome creature, nine feet tall but hunched over. He had tufts of bristly hair that covered his shoulders and torso and went up his neck to his head. His maw was like a lion’s. Sharp fangs that protruded from his mouth. Ears that pointed downward.

  “Grundel!” Said Kip, “Thank you so much for voting against. I know that your subjects in the Underdark were probably hoping you’d be their ace in the hole.”

  Grundel nodded ever slightly and said, “Oh, it’s not a problem. Not a problem at all. It was the right thing to do. Mother insisted. Said the hot tub slowed her shipment of rhubarb from the Fierce Forest. I’m just beat up that the boys couldn’t get their hot tub but, oh well I guess.”

  “Right.” Kip said, “If you see Baraz, I’d like you to give him these.”

  He handed Grundel a coupon, “It’s to show there’s no hard feelings on my part. It’s a coupon for Granny Goblin’s Grand Goblet. Hopefully he can soak in the tubs now instead of being mad at me.”

  Grundel stared at the coupons, “Oh, yeah. Sure. We’ll get this to him right away. I see you gave him two here. Is that because you expect he’ll ask me?”

  “Uhm… he might ask you. I don’t know. He might ask one of the other dwarves though as well.”

  “Yeah, that’s the most likely scenario. I can see it being that definitely. I’m pulling for him to ask me but we haven’t really talked like that.”

  “Well, I hope he chooses you too.”

  “Right… well, maybe I can send that along with him. Like… hey, this is from Kip. Sorry about the hot tub, yada yada. But… Also… he said that if you were to go with anyone, I would be top of the list.”

  “That’s… not exactly what I said. Would you like me to supply you with a coupon? I bought a booklet of ten.”

  “No. I’ve been there many times. Not so much the place as the invite you know? I think these subjects are a little intimidated by my fangs and my ability to kill with a single strike of my claws. I think that even though I’m the floor lord of the underdark… I’m not someone who they feel they could get a beer with. Although mother tells me if I drink beer it goes right to my belly so maybe she’s on to something, ya?”

  “Y-yeah. I think. Good talking to you, Grundel.”

  “Yeah, no problem. Hey, you going to come down and have a talk with some of the new guys soon?”

  “Why would I do that?”

  “Get them prepped, you know. I heard it’s going to be a big one this year.”

  Kip stared confused at Grundel before his mind finally caught up to him. “Of course” Kip thought, “I’ve been so distracted with the trial it completely slipped my mind.”

  “Yes. I’ll be down to talk to them soon. Thank you for the reminder.”

  Grundel waved his hands and said “No problem, Kip. Always good to get ahead of it!”

  Kip smiled nervously as his next problem lay before him. He whispered it to himself:

  “Invader season.”

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