On our walk home after work, I thought about Antun and his 500 years on this planet. Would I live to be 500 someday, too? What all would change in the world from where it is now? Would there be flying cars and contacting alien life by then? What other things have I never imagined would I be able to see now that I was basically immortal? The thought filled me with trepidation and a little excitement. Would Michael be there too, five centuries from now, seeing the same things I saw?

  Why does that matter?

  That’s right, I was still upset at him.

  We crossed the street and I saw a couple about the same age as my parents, getting out of a car. I thought of my parents. My aging parents, who would be gone within the next forty years. What would they think, when they’re all wrinkled and grey and I haven’t aged a day over 28? But worse, what will I do without them? I loved them with my whole heart, and while they were flawed, they were my parents. A near-accident with a splashing puddle reminded me of where I was right then, walking home next to my ex-best friend.

  He noticed me looking at him. “Penny for your thoughts?”

  I gave a wry response. “Please. My thoughts are worth at least a nickel.” He gave me a laugh, and I smiled faintly. He did have a great laugh.

  We walked into our apartment building and I unlocked my door. Husker again ran under the bed. “Oh, buddy,” I intoned, but he merely hissed at me. I swallowed back the lump and took off my jacket, hanging it up and taking off my shoes.

  I went to the kitchen and filled his food bowl with a can of beef with gravy, his favorite. I set it down and went to the living room, watching Husker as he watched me. When I sat down, he zoomed out from under the bed, sliding past his food bowl from the momentum and having to backtrack to eat.

  Michael noticed my attention. “Hey, Syla told you about her cat. I’m sure Husker will come around. Maybe he’ll even like me one day.” I knew he was trying to get me to laugh, but at that moment the depression was winning. At my silence, he tried, “Maybe there’s someone who could take Husker for a bit, while you get adjusted to your new normal?”

  And I broke. I ended up in Michael’s arms again at some point, clenching my fists and sobbing. It wasn’t fair, none of it was fair! When I followed Michael that one night, how was I to know that I’d discover that vampires exist? And ever since then, I had been kidnapped, escaped, and then was kidnapped again, then to top it off, I got killed by a psychopath and came back, undead. Now, I might live nearly forever, and I’ll lose the people I love and likely end up alone.

  Even my beloved cat hated me now. He scurried from the kitchen back under the bed, his eyes wide the entire time. I noticed Husker watching, but I was unsure if that was judgement or fear in those eyes.

  Michael held me until I began to try pulling away. I was still sniffling. He grabbed the whole box of tissues next to the door, holding them out to me. A laugh burst out from me, sounding almost like a sob, and I grabbed a couple, my nose leaking like a sieve.

  “You wanna talk about it?” I knew that whatever I decided would be okay by him, whether that meant I’d spill my soul or say nothing at all or anything in between.

  I walked to the couch, sitting. “It’s just hard, all of it. I mean, learning about vampires in the first place was intense, but getting kidnapped by one, more than once, and after that my cat, who’s practically an emotional support animal without paperwork, ends up hating me because of something that I didn’t get to decide. I already figured I’d outlive my parents, but now I probably won’t ever see them again after they die, in whatever afterlife there is after this.”

  I sniffled, wiping my nose with a new tissue, my head hanging. “Now, we have a vampire god out there doing who knows what, and because I’m one of the few who even knows, it’s my responsibility to do something about it even though I am so very far from equipped to handle anything of that scope.”

  I looked up at him, my eyes red and my nose swollen. “This was never in my ten-year plan.”

  Michael had sat down next to me as I was talking. He chuckled as he clarified, “Are you talking about those things they made us do in school where they ask where you think you’ll be in the next ten years and all that?”

  I gave a small laugh, “Yeah, those dumb things. I mean, up until now life’s been mostly textbook. And then I got swept off my feet into all of this and nothing is as it seems anymore. What else is real that I thought was a fairytale? Werewolves? Witches? Or is it just vampires? Even then, just vampires feels like such a weird thing to say.”

  “I understand what you mean. Life was completely normal until I was turned, until Cara died. It all happened so fast, there was absolutely nothing I could do. We had been talking about where she might end up after she’s done with med school, which hospitals she most wanted to work at.

  “The oncoming lights seemed normal to me until they suddenly crossed into our lane. There was no time to do anything with how quick they swerved. And then she was gone, and I was immortal. The unfairness of it still rankles me, but there is literally nothing I can do about it. Cara is gone, and I am not. And if I do die, will I end up where she is? Who’s to say.”

  He sat up then, looking very seriously at me. “I’m not trying to take away from your experience by sharing mine. I’m trying to show you that I really do understand…”

  I nodded at him. “You don’t have to explain it to me. My dad has ADHD and it’s how he communicates too.” I looked at him. “Do you have ADHD?”

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  “And autism,” he added. “You don’t get this awesome without a little something, you know?” His sarcasm made me laugh. He laughed alongside me, grateful that I understood him and was even talking to him at all.

  “In all seriousness, Drew,” he said after we had gotten a hold of ourselves, “You can always come to me. I can’t necessarily promise that I’ll always understand, but I promise to always try.”

  I looked at his strong jaw and golden brown hair, his evergreen eyes, his full mouth. I nodded, somehow believing him with my whole heart. He seemed to study me, as if not sure what to think of me.

  “What is it?” I asked, feeling a little self-conscious.

  He brushed my hair away from my face. His finger brushed the shell of my ear, then my jaw. My eyes couldn't help but look at his lips as he did so. I looked up to meet his eyes. He looked to my lips, then slowly met my eyes again.

  I leaned forward, I couldn’t help it. It was as if I were being pulled toward him. He matched me and our lips met, gently at first.

  I bit his bottom lip gently and a quiet rumble, like a growl, escaped him as he deepened the kiss. I moaned, the sound escaping me before I could think to stop it. My arms went around his neck, pulling him closer.

  One of his hands went to my lower back as he laid me down on the couch, using his other hand for leverage. Michael broke the kiss, both of us panting for breath. He started to kiss along my jawline, down my neck to my collarbone, leaving small bruises.

  I needed to stop this, but I didn’t want to.

  ? ?? ?

  I hadn’t expected to want it. That was the worst part – I did. My hand slid under his shirt, until something clenched in my chest.

  No. Not yet.

  “Michael,” I finally said, hating to break the spell. “If you keep doing that I won’t be able to show my face at work, you know.”

  “Don’t you remember, you’re a vampire now. Accelerated healing is part of the deal.”

  I pushed him off, meeting a pouting face. “I’m serious, we need to stop.” Michael sat up the rest of the way, his brow furrowed in question. “I still have… so much to sort through, before I can let another person into my life like what I think you’re wanting.”

  Yeah, no kidding I have so much to sort through. What the hell was that?! And the flirting, what is wrong with me? I’m still deciding whether or not I can forgive him and I just go suck on his face hole? Get it together, Drew!

  “And just what is it you think I want?” He asked, slight annoyance in his voice.

  “Well, from me? I think you might be interested in me as more than a friend, and I think you want to maybe… date, me? It’s just, I don’t think I can give myself over to a relationship like that until I’m more used to… well, everything.”

  I sat up straighter, edging away. “I’m not all right in the head yet after everything that has happened. And it wouldn’t be fair to you if I jumped in without being able to fully contribute. And besides that, I still haven’t completely forgiven you.”

  “Contribute? You make it sound like a collaboration instead of dating.” It was as if he didn’t hear that I hadn’t forgiven him yet.

  Wasn’t it, in a way? Two people coming together to decide things as a team?

  I grabbed the throw blanket, it having been disturbed. Michael stood up so I could toss it over the back of the couch, draping it for convenience.

  He must’ve seen my confusion because Michael let out a heavy breath. “Let me rephrase: you’re making dating sound like it’s only a collaboration. Dating’s not just a partnership, you know. It’s also joy, spontaneity. Messy, imperfect stuff.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that. I had such little experience in dating, and the little I did date failed miserably. “Maybe there’s something wrong with me then.”

  I stood, retreating to the kitchen for water. Any positive feelings I had been experiencing were gone.

  “Drew, come on, there’s nothing wrong with you.” He had followed me to the kitchen, pausing in the entry. “Drew. Drew.” He wouldn’t stop until I looked at him. “Dating can be an amazing experience, an experience I want to share with you, but only if you want it too.”

  What did I want? I wasn’t sure if forgiveness was the right word. I didn’t trust him completely – not yet – but maybe I was starting to believe in him again.

  I put the water pitcher away in the fridge, leaning against the counter, my arms crossed. “Michael, you just turned me, like, a day ago. I’m going to need time to get used to things.”

  “Huh, it has been only a day.” He nodded slowly, as if only now realizing how fresh everything still was.

  I needed some space, this kitchen was too damn small. I walked over to the corner between the sink and the cooktop, the furthest point from the kitchen doorway.

  He backed away from the entry, heading back into the living room.

  I took a few minutes to gather myself, feeling more than flustered, before I followed him, pausing in the kitchen entry as he sat back down on the couch.

  He looked up from where he sat on the couch. “Drew, if you’re not ready now, are you saying you might be later?”

  I thought about it. “Maybe?” I sighed. “I don’t know. I’m very used to being alone, no one has ever wanted to hang around me just because. Hell, the reason you were living here in the first place was for my safety, not for anything else.” I looked down at the floor, toeing the line between where the living room carpet stopped and the kitchen linoleum started.

  “I’m still raw. I don’t know who I am like this, and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to pretend I do.” I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. “I don’t want you to start dating me if you’re likely to end up gone. You’re hard to read sometimes. Or maybe I’m just bad at this. I don’t want to ruin our friendship by doing or saying something wrong.”

  Michael stood again, walking to me and stopping just in front of me. I looked at his chest, then to his face. “I highly doubt there is anything you would say that would make our friendship fail.” He held my hand. “You went to the Ren Faire with me when you hate crowds just to help me find Antun. Then you helped me study Davor’s journal and other vampire lore who knows how many times now. You never turned me in to anybody for being a vampire.”

  I shrugged and sniffled, looking at the glass in my hand. “Didn’t want to end up in the mental ward.”

  Michael gave a laugh, loud and strong. “See, you’re funny! You’re smart, you’re empathetic–”

  I gave him a look that said really?

  “Empathetic toward those you care about. You’re self-aware,” I snorted but he continued, “You’re independent and capable.” His hand went to my cheek. “You’re beautiful. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get to know you better?”

  Beautiful? Even when I dated other guys, they never called me beautiful. Maybe pretty, like, one time, but beautiful? I struggled to believe him on the last point, but it did feel nice to have all those things said about me.

  I raised my hand to his, taking it off my cheek and holding it in both of my hands. I looked at them instead of at him. “Michael, would you wait for me?” I lifted my head. “For my brain to try and sort itself out? So I can truly forgive you?”

  Using his free hand, he tilted my chin and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I’m not going anywhere. However long it takes, I’ll wait.”

  Husker waited under the bed, his body tense, still not used to the vampires in his home. I wasn’t sure if I could trust myself yet either. Maybe Husker wasn’t wrong to be wary.

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