A Few Days Earlier

  Victor

  “...and just when ya though there was gonna be a riot, Jimi Hendrix jumped on stage and started playing the national anthem with his electric guitar.”

  “And that’s what you’d like me to re-create?” Mal stroked his chin. “Yes, I think it can be done. I’ve heard enough of your metal music to get the instrumentation just right, but you’ll need to sing the anthem a few more times so that I can work out the melody.”

  Mal and I were working on our latest project; recall how he mentioned he could duplicate just about any sound with sonic magic? Yeah, previously I’d had him memorize some of the ridiculous sound effects stored in my soundboard app but now we had a practical purpose for that skill.

  “Sweet,” I said. “Now what about the microphone?”

  You see, my car has a really good stereo system and I wanted to use it for the purposes of our plan. We didn’t need to use magic in order for the sound to come through from my smartphone, that’s what the aux cable was for; no, what we needed was a way to project my voice directly - turning my Cadillac into this world’s first karaoke machine.

  Mal closed his eyes and hummed. “All it needs to do, really, is convert sound to electricity which runs up the cord and becomes sound again…pattern, sonic, and lightning: a relatively simple enchantment; a talented artificer should be able to finish it within a day. The name, however, needs work - after all, we’d best call it something in elvish or in the dragon tongue as is customary for scholarly matters.”

  I nodded, “Yeah, like how we use Greek and Latin in my former world. Though it’s considered bad form to mix Greek and Latin roots.”

  Mal chuckled, “Ah, it is also rather rude to mix elf and dragon roots when coming up with new words…” He rolled his eyes and paced about while slouching and waving dismissively. “Yet that fails to stop some people! But moving on - once we get an estimate from a purveyor of magical tools, we should consider purchasing multiple ones.”

  I said, “What if we designed it so that multiple mics could link up remotely with a single magic tool that plugs directly into the aux port?”

  “I don’t see why not; why, we could even hire the guild money changer for that purpose.”

  That’s right, there’s a specific discipline for metal - combined with pattern it can be used to create somewhat intricate things. I learned back in Cara that banks and Adventurers’ Guild halls sometimes keep a mage skilled in metal magic for the purposes of converting coinage into standard tender.

  Meli had made me a home charging dock, and had even used metal magic to replicate the USB-C plug; it was powered by more of them manacite crystals but not nearly as big a chunk as my car needed. The magic was precise enough that it got the amperage just right.

  “Sounds good to me,” I said. “All right - time for singing practice.”

  With me on vocals, and Mal on functional air guitar, we were ready to rock.

  ***

  12th month, 30th day, 967

  The plan worked great - a bunch of important folks were gathered at a table where some good smoked meat was piled high; I’d hunted some of it myself, but the rest was purchased from a local rancher. Of course they were all wary, looking at one another with suspicion even as they tried to maintain a straight face after biting into the sort of superb brisket the likes of which they were unprepared for.

  Illiana and I were both seated on opposing heads of the table; she was wearing the same courtly dress that I had previously only seen on her body double, looking damn good while she was at it. I had Mal and Guy sitting by me, while Sylfie and Rayna bracketed Illiana.

  Maera was at her own table - she was magically bound to the chair, but she also had a generous helping of food; including some of that Andalonian sauce. Yeah judging by her reaction to the offerings there was no way she was running, at least until she was done eating.

  I had to wonder what she usually ate because she was ecstatic even when eating regular pub fare. I’d sure like to give her old man a piece of my mind. Anyway, I wanted her to hear this so I made sure she was facing the main table.

  “I suppose introductions are in order,” I said, “Let’s start with the princes.”

  The clean-shaven man with the fancy armor said, “I am Ramon, first prince of Galin.”

  The man across from him, with the curly hair and full beard, said, “I am Marco, third prince of Galin.”

  Huh? They had a middle brother? I’ll consider askin’ later. Moving on. Our guests introduced themselves in order from lowest station to highest, roughly speaking. On Marco’s side of the table we have Count Bruno, Count Aurelian Halfelven, Baron Dario, Baron Alavaro and Sir Illorio, while on Ramon’s side we had Duke Joaquin, Lord Francisco, Velasco, Sir Roy, and Captain Bernardo.

  “Thank you, your highnesses. I am Victor Alexander Kirkland, adventurer. Party leader of Red Lightning.”

  Illiana said. “I am Princess Illiana Verissa tael Anaura - but I am also an adventuress, and in that capacity I am the healer and secondary mage of Red Lightning.”

  The others introduced themselves in a similar fashion and we were ready to begin. First, I had Sylfie instruct Velasco on the usage of Meli’s Matcher - he seemed eager to work with her.

  “First,” Sylfie said, “I would have you test the spell on my sister and I.”

  Sure enough, match - full siblings.

  “Now two people who are obviously not related,” She pointed at that Aurelian Halfelven guy. “Him and Illiana.”

  I said, nervously, “I mean are we really sure y’all aren’t…?”

  Sylfie said, “He’s half woodborn, not half highborn…not every half-elf is my nephew, Victor.”

  I’ll bet a few of ‘em are. Anyway, Velasco cast his spell again: no match. Then he cast the spell on the two randos they brought: Match, father and son. Finally it was time to test it on the men of the hour: match, full siblings. There was much muttering at the table; yeah it was the expected result, but I reckon none of our guests believed it until we showed them.

  Prince Marco fell to his knees, tears in his eyes. “My brother…I’ve wronged you. My men were just following my orders, please, spare them. If you must execute someone, make it only me.”

  “I have no desire to see you dead,” said Ramon, also holding back tears. “But nor can I allow your transgression to go unanswered.”

  I said, “What y’all decide to do with each other can wait, it’s quite frankly none of my business. All I gave a damn about was stopping your civil war from fucking everything up here.”

  That Aurelian guy said, “Hey! Mind how you speak before a prince!”

  I shrugged, “My casual way of talkin’ doesn’t seem to bother Prince Valyrian, the man who will soon be my brother-in-law.”

  That shut him up, and he grinned nervously. Then Prince Ramon said, “Stranger, you seem to know something we don’t. Would you explain why you went to all of this trouble?”

  “Gladly. The thing is, you’ve all been had…”

  I explained everything to them, and I didn’t omit a single detail. I told them about how the Black Order had attempted to start a war between the Cara Kingdom and Anaura by attempting to assassinate Illiana, Illorien, and Queen Arabelle. I explained how they’d been operating like this for centuries, even since the days of the Gaian Empire. I told them about some of the specific things we knew for a fact they’d done; the Spellscourge, for instance.

  Then I delved into the harshest, most alarming facts, the ones we learned from the Mastermind himself, about how their goal is nothing short of the supreme-devil’s resurrection by means of causing despair and other extreme negative emotions in massive quantities.

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  Once I was done the room fell silent; they all seemed like they were processing it, or trying to. Maera seemed surprised too; right, last time we brought it up she had no clue what we were talking about. Yeah everyone was in some state of surprise and consternation. Actually wait…not everyone: there was one among the guests who was reacting differently. Strange, I hadn’t expected anyone to be nervous about it…no way…

  Velasco slammed the table, “Wait, they were responsible for…for the disease that killed many of my friends…some of my favorite teachers…and almost killed me?”

  Sylfie gasped a little, her eyes wide. “You’re a Spellscourge survivor?”

  The mage nodded, “Yes, your highness - I was a child when it happened so you likely don’t recognize me but…” He scratched his cheek. “You called me a sharp lad and I never forgot.”

  Illiana’s jaw dropped, “She wasn’t kidding about boys and compliments!”

  Sylfie said, after thinking for a moment, “Ah, weren’t you the one who kept raising his hand before Master Merlinda had a chance to finish her questions? I believe I also scolded you for interrupting.”

  Velasco turned away. “Yes ma’am.”

  “That said, I’m…really glad you survived. I would hate to have had you die after I treated you so harshly.” Sylfie sighed. “To answer your question, yes - Spellscourge was a sort of weapon created by the Black Order. Tarian was their target, everyone else was collateral damage.”

  “A bonus, Fayd called it,” Mal said, derisively. “Please, don’t even get me started.”

  Velasco said, “Huh, wait, that hair…did you have Professor Ardbert for basic light and shadow magic?”

  Mal said, “Why, yes I did; I seem to remember finding his lectures somewhat dry and…”

  While they had their little conversation I sauntered over to Illiana, and planted a kiss on her neck, but while I was there I whispered. “Watch him, bald dude, third seat down.” She nodded, and I cleared my throat.

  “So back to what I was saying…what we’ve been doing is stopping the Black Order’s plans wherever they might crop up. Eventually we figured out where the Mastermind lived and we killed him - dead.”

  I heard Illiana suppress a squeak, boom, got 'em.

  “But that wasn’t the end, because he already had a scheme set in motion for this region: the idea was to trick the two brothers into a war that would cause total chaos out here. Once Galin’s army was crippled, opportunistic lords like the Darklord of Dreadmoor, or whoever in the name of ass runs Harrowind and Ravendale, could then-”

  My quarry squirmed, so I paused, and smiled. “Captain Bernardo, is something the matter? You seem nervous.”

  Everyone at the table looked at Bernardo, a bald pated man with a mustache. “No - I’m not - I’m not nervous! W-why would I be?”

  “Beats me,” I shrugged and walked around a little. The man’s eyes followed me. “Here’s the thing though, I’ve got a pretty sharp eye and so does my fiancee; being an elf she can’t help it but me? I got no excuses.” I laughed. “What I noticed is that when I started talking about the Black Order, you started sweating….which is strange, is it not?”

  Mal understood the assignment, “Ah, an unexpected reaction - something that only a person who knows something might do.”

  I snap-pointed, “Exactly, Mal! Ya see, Captain San Bernardino, what you don’t realize is that the whole time we’ve been talking, the eyes of a ranger were upon you. So once I figured something was up, I had Illiana keep an eye on you as well. Then when I mentioned how we’d ganked the Mastermind, you did something or other that she noticed immediately. Darling, what did you see?”

  Illiana said, “He flinched visibly and swallowed, Sir Victor.”

  I nodded. “But now that you mention it, there was something else that bugs me about Barney over here - he’s Ramon’s tactical guy right? So he’s the one who helps make all of the troop movement decisions?”

  Ramon nodded, silently, so I continued, “You see, the princess and I have been directing you all this whole time, too - Count Halfelven over there was clearly trying to maneuver you into a position where your cav would have trouble…and yet, based on your directionality, your army seemed keen to let him do it. Almost like your tactician was trying to maximize casualties - thankfully, my sweetheart has gotten really damn good at messing around with the ground and has even figured out how to manipulate the weather a bit, hence the clouds, so we were able to move y’all where we wanted you to go.”

  Aurelian said, “Wait, so it wasn’t really Captain Bernardo I was duelling with but instead-”

  Illiana smiled, and imitated my smug finger wave.

  “Yeah, sorry, pal,” I said. “There’s only one reason I can think of for your own tactical officer to wanna screw you over like that…and I reckon you’re smart enough to figure out what that reason is.”

  Ramon was visibly distraught, realizing the implications. “You can’t mean…B-Bernardo, say it isn’t so.”

  “Afraid it is, your highness, I reckon that Captain Bernardo over here-”

  Mal finished for me, “-is an inside man! Takes one to know one, as they say!”

  Bernardo said, “N-no, I’m not, I swear I just…”

  I said, to Mal, “Just what, doing his best Don Knotts impression?”

  Mal said, doing one of his signature pirouettes, “What does he take me for, a fool? Wait, wait, don’t answer that!”

  “Don’t answer that? You ain’t my lawyer,” I said, “You ain’t got the spiky hair and the blue suit for it.”

  Mal turned his clothes blue, “Better?”

  I did a dosey-do around him. “I dunno, try pointing at something.”

  Mal pointed at me, “Ah, look, a cattle driver!”

  I said, “Hey now I may be handy with a lasso, usually wear a duster, and sometimes ride a horse but-”

  Suddenly, Captain Bernardo gave a sharp sound of surprise. Our distracting two-man act had worked, for now Sylfie was right behind him, and had her hand on his shoulder. In her other hand was the bloody hairpin, oh how smugly she grinned. After a quick few words of magic, the results of the spell were displayed for all to see: “Exact Match.”

  Sylfie said, “This is no man - this is the monster that killed King Antonio.”

  Everyone seemed shocked and surprised, Rayna and Guy included actually - oh, this was their first time seeing me do something like this wasn’t it? At this point Mal and I snuck a quick high five - I am so glad I taught him that - and of course Illiana blew me a kiss.

  ‘Nardo, however, was crashing out. “M-monster? You think me monster? N-nonsense, BRAWK!”

  He covered his mouth, huh, did his voice get real high pitched?

  Mal smiled, stroking his chin curiously. His eyes were aglow: I’d seen this enough times to recognize magic detection.

  “My, my. Well you know the fun thing about illusions? Once you’ve learned how to weave them…” He raised his right hand high towards the ceiling, snapped his fingers, and waved dismissively. “...You develop a knack for breaking them, too.”

  There, right before my eyes, was an anthropomorphic raven. He had two arms, two legs, a man-like torso covered in a layer of downy feathers, the head of a raven, and black wings on his back. Absurdly, his raven’s beak somehow had a desperado mustache sticking out of it; magical creatures, go figure.

  “...Holy Edgar Allen Poe, Batman!”

  Velasco cried, “A Cuervo Diablo!”

  The raven man gave a craw and, faster than anyone could react, bolted for the tent entrance. Quickly, I gave chase but he had already taken wing by the time I got outside. Illiana had already used wind magic to disperse the clouds after our presentation was done, so I could see him clearly. Realizing I had time for only one shot, I grabbed my rifle from the trunk, took aim, and fired. The raven man was sent plummeting to the ground - I’d got him.

  I excused myself once more, and took the Cadillac out to confirm the kill: sure enough, the creature was dead; I tied it to the hood of the car and brought it back. Just like the Mastermind, I think it was more the fall than the shot that had done him in since he didn’t exactly glide gracefully to the ground. All the same I cut his throat with my bowie knife just in case.

  “Sorry,” I said, sitting down. “That last bit was kind of off the cuff; I didn’t expect the real killer to be among you, not until Sylfie used her spell. But that monster will trouble us nevermore.”

  “It was a hunch on my part,” said Sylfie. “I, too, wasn’t certain until the exact moment.”

  Distraught, Ramon hanged his head low, “I - I can’t believe it…has my friend been a monster this whole time?”

  Sylfie dipped her head thoughtfully, “I wonder about that.” She concentrated on a little ball of magic and said “Urgent: I need you to check the home of Captain Bernardo, use the scroll I gave you when you complete your investigation. Be quick.” After a moment she blinked and put a hand to her ear, and nodded. “I’ve contacted detective Eloyd…he says he’ll do what he can to find answers.”

  Good thinking; Sylfie’s always really handy with that transmission spell of hers.

  “In the meantime,” I said, “I reckon we should get back to business.” I interlaced my fingers. “First, we believe that the Black Order told your neighbors about your impending civil war long before the first call to arms that way they’d be ready.”

  Prince Ramon considered a moment. “If the leaders of the other kingdoms are under the impression that they can get away with breaking our treaty then we must needs disabuse them of that notion.”

  I said, “If you draft the decrees, Red Lightning can deliver them.”

  The prince nodded, “I would be amenable to that. While you were searching for the monster’s body, your party members explained the…Ca-dil-lac.”

  Prince Marco said, “But what of the men? They’re tense, eager for battle.”

  I smiled, “I reckon we’ve got that covered, too. I propose we turn this battlefield into a festival ground - let the men from both sides mingle and drink together.”

  Rayna said, “I’ve a portable hole stuffed with barrels of liquor, plus another batch we offloaded earlier and various other provisions. We can set up a makeshift tavern, right here in this tent, and have everyone meet in the center of the field.”

  The commanders seemed to like the idea. Marco and Ramon began to issue orders to the counts and barons present.

  “Hold,” Illiana said before anyone could move. “Before you give your men the order to break open the casks…there is one additional matter I would discuss with you lords, as a representative of Anaura.”

  Oh dear - I know that look in her eyes very well. These poor souls were about to meet the most terrifying creature imaginable: Illiana when she’s negotiating a trade deal.