She was a new player, one who had watched from the sidelines as the party Sw33t Viktr33 bent the rules to save a dying world. She wasn't one of the veterans who had donated her armor; she arrived in the aftermath, drawn by rumors that the world AI, now unshackled by corporate admins and devs, was letting players help shape the future. That was exactly what she wanted.
Her name was HnyThsl, and she was a Celf. Currently, she had no class and was sitting at Level 0. What is a Celf? It’s a cow beastkin and elf hybrid. Cow plus Elf equals Celf. How do you become a Celf? Usually, you don't, you just select a standard race, but she had pestered the world AI for an hour until he finally agreed to the custom race. What he wouldn't let her do was annoy him into making "Druid" a playable class.
His exact words had been:
"Prove to me you are a druid first. Then, I will create the class."
It was a challenge, but a fair one. So, she spent her days in the forest. She hummed and sang softly to the trees, despite her lack of musical talent:
“Tum tum tudelly tum,
You’re a tree and I’m a Celf,
Individually we are ourselves...”
It was bad, but she pretended the clunky lyrics were part of her natural charm. A raccoon scampered up to her and offered a pastry, a jelly-filled green donut with a dusting of sour powder and a sugars preserved flower on top.
Sour Flower Donut, Lv. 42
While eating, you find yourself questioning your choices in life. When finished, your overall dopamine response is increased by 20% for six hours due to the sudden appreciation that you are no longer eating this sour donut.
Warning: This effect does not stack. There is no reason to eat two of these.
Seeing the warning, HnyThsl was certain players regularly ate two just to see if it glitched the system’s chemical responses.
"Thank you," she said, taking the gift. "Where do you even get these?"
The raccoon pointed toward the town and flashed the shiny coins he was taking home as wages. HnyThsl smiled; she bet it was Noobkitty’s doing. She hadn't visited the famous snack shop or the members of Sw33t Viktr33 yet, despite being a massive fan of Fizzypop.
She took a bite. The raccoon had a classic berry tart, but HnyThsl’s donut lived up to its name. She began to wonder if she should even be playing a game at all. Maybe she’d have more fun as a normal Cleric? Nature could be a god, right? She could just wear green. She took another bite and considered if being a plain Elf would be better. This whole Celf thing, furry skin, long ears, flat nose, silly little horns, and a herbivore-coded stomach, meant she’d never be able to try Grizzlebeard’s famous steak stew.
She swallowed the last bite and laughed as she felt the "Dopamine Boost" kick in, realizing the world’s trick.
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"Nice try, but I’m still going to unlock Druid," she told the sky.
The world didn't speak, but it did something new. A progress bar appeared where her XP bar would normally be, decorated with a tiny, growing vine.
[Druid Progress: 10%]
She nudged the raccoon. "The world is a big softy." The raccoon nodded, finished his tart, and left to store his shiny coins.
HnyThsl stretched, her thin tail swishing behind her. "Welp, time to find more druid things to do."
----
In the forest sanctuary requested by the AI yak, GYOAT, many players rested to enjoy the peace. Even the "wild" zones of the forest weren't truly dangerous anymore; the real threats had migrated to the desert and the mountain ranges.
HnyThsl decided to grind her progress bar here. She started singing again to a patch of wildflowers:
“Hum bum tra la tee,
Hello rock, hello tree,
Hello flower, hello bee,
I’m not you and you’re not me,
But I’m happy that you’re a bee!”
The bees buzzed up from the petals, seemingly pleased. They began to lead her toward their hive. She smiled, not just at the bees, but because her progress bar ticked up another percentage point. She’d have that class in no time.
The bees flew into the hive and returned with a small leaf glistening with a glaze of honey.
"Thank you so much," she said, accepting the offering. She chewed the honey-covered leaf, enjoying the sweetness. A notification appeared:
Blessing of the Bees
For the next 48 hours, bees are classified as allies and you can understand the basics of the Bee Language.
She watched the swarm. Their "talk" was a series of dances and vibrations:
“Hey, this cool flower has pollen.”
“Bro, I prefer red flowers. Keep your mid-tier yellow ones.”
“Dude, why be like that? Yellow flowers are fire.”
“Do we need to take this to the Queen?”
“Nah man, she’s cray. She’d be like, 'Those peasant flowers? Go find lilac.'”
“Facts, man. How about we split the field? You take yellow, I take red, and the honey gets made.”
“Cool, cool. For the hive.”
“For the hive, bro.”
HnyThsl giggled. Then, she saw him, an adorable little armadillo wearing a shiny silver hat. She knelt down. "Hello, little guy."
The armadillo, Paulo, spooked easily. He rolled into a ball and tumbled away, leaving his "hat" behind in the grass.
HnyThsl laughed; she’d seen the message boards about this recurring quest. She wondered what would happen if she got quest XP while still at Level 0. She reached down and picked up the hat.
In her hand, the shiny metallic amulet grew white-hot. A server-wide notice flashed across the sky in blood-red text:
WORLD NOTICE:
The Amulet of Damnation’s Rising has been touched by 666 souls. The portal to Hell will now open. Prepare: the demons are coming.
"Ow!" HnyThsl dropped the amulet. On the ground, black and violet flames erupted, instantly engulfing the clearing. The fire began to lick at the trees and the nearby beehive.
Acting on instinct, HnyThsl jumped forward and grabbed the hive, cradling it in her arms. Bees swarmed her, but she felt no stings, whether it was the sanctuary’s protection or her ally status, she didn't know. She ran until the heat on her back faded, then turned to look.
A flaming portal had torn through the fabric of the forest. Beyond it lay a realm of screaming souls and jagged obsidian.
The first demon stepped through. She was a woman with a figure that made HnyThsl feel a twinge of envy, bat-like wings, black lingerie over crimson skin, a long pointed tail, and short horns. It was undeniably a Succubus. In her hand was a wicked whip. She cracked it, and a horde of monstrous, corrupted shapes followed her out, dragging heavy axes and swords.
But as the demons stepped into the Forest Sanctuary, into GYOAT’s protected orchard, the malice vanished from their faces. They stopped. They blinked. They became... unresponsive.
The Succubus cracked her whip again, screaming orders to destroy, but the demons just stared at the trees with glazed eyes. She growled, pinched the bridge of her nose, and scanned the area. Her eyes landed on HnyThsl. She flew over, hovering just inches away.
"Cow with beehive," the demoness hissed. "Where are we?"
HnyThsl swallowed hard, clutching the hive. "We... we are in GYOAT’s Orchard and Forest Sanctuary."
"Forest Sanctuary?" the demoness repeated flatly. "And is there something special about this place?"
"Well..." HnyThsl whispered. "It’s a non-combat zone."
The demon’s eyes widened at the statement, her skin turned a deeper shade of red. She became engulfed in a fire of pure rage that, thanks to the zone's rules, didn't actually burn anything.
"GODS DAMN IT!" she shrieked.
