To no one’s real surprise, my fight with Bruiser goes much the same as our first battle, ending after a single minute with the brawler’s defeat.

  “Damn, I’m off my game,” Bruiser grumbles, glaring mistrustfully at Misa-pyon, who cheers us both from the sidelines. “It’s all that creepy chick’s fault.”

  I’m torn. On one hand, I want to give Gramps his fully immersive gameplay experience, and let him enjoy his life roleplaying as a girl inside of TC. On the other hand, I’m starting to feel kind of bad for the Bruiser.

  “Hey, man,” I say, coming up to him so only he can hear. “Don’t worry too much about Misa. See, she’s actually—”

  “Revelator-kuuuuun!” Misa runs up to me, her tig ol’ bitties bouncing and swaying from side to side. She gloms onto my arm and I cringe. “That battle was sugoi-desu! So powerfuru! Fight Misa-pyon, next! And your tomodachi, too, Misa-pyon isn’t afraid to play with both of you at once,” she says, winking at Bruiser, who’s gone white as a sheet.

  “Hey, I just remembered I left cookies in the oven,” says Bruiser. “I should get going.”

  “Cookies?”

  “I didn’t know you baked!” Sherbie says enthusiastically.

  “It’s been real, Big Dog. Ciao!”

  “No, don’t go!” Misa cries, but it’s too late. Bruiser’s already teleported out of the base. I sigh and mess my hair with a frustrated hand.

  “Don’t you think you came on a little too strong, Misa? Now Bruiser won’t ever come back to the Whale Base!”

  “Did Misa-pyon do something wrong?” she asks, touching her cheek and pushing out her lips in a little pout.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong, per se, it’s just, that personality of yours can be a lot if people don’t understand—”

  “Wakarimashita! You’re saying Misa-pyon was too much woman for him to handle!”

  “…Something like that. Anyway, next time, just try and be a little less…this…” I gesture vaguely at her.

  Misa sulks. “Fine. If you don’t like Misa-pyon, Misa-pyon doesn’t like you! Misa-pyon is taking back all of your presents!”

  Wait! Not the dungeon gear!

  “I’m sorry! I was wrong, Misa, I’m sorry!” I chase after her before she can pack away all the gear she got for me.

  “Beg me,” she says, and I go straight to my knees. Misa-pyon towers over me, her pigtails swaying in the breeze, her golden eyes gleaming and her kitty ears twitching with satisfaction.

  “Please! I’m begging you!”

  “Revelator-kun is a sellout, oh ho ho!”

  “Please, I’ll do anything, anything!”

  “Anything? Oh ho ho!”

  Sherbie watches our exchange with wide eyes, but I don’t care. I have no shame.

  “Very well, if you want it that badly—”

  Before she can finish her sentence, one of the sentries on the turret lets out with an unexpected alarm.

  “Enemy spotted! Army incoming at twelve o’clock!”

  I feel my heart thud in my chest as Captain Moon appears out of nowhere.

  “Marksmen, assemble on the northern wall! Halberdiers, swordsmen, get to the walls and prepare to push off any siege ladders!”

  “Yes, Sir!”

  “Rev!” Sherbie scrambles to my side, eyes wide with panic. “We’re under attack?”

  “It would appear so,” Misa-pyon answers when I do not, her face completely transformed from the cutsie kitty girl she was only moments before to the squint of a veteran pvp master of many online games. “Hey, Leader-san, is this the best we can do for base fortifications?”

  Her question snaps me out of my panicked stupor.

  “Hang on, let me see if I can upgrade something.”

  I try and fail to access the menu to improve the base.

  [Cannot make base modifications while base is under attack!]

  “Looks like we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got.”

  One of the guards yells, “The Timberline Beavers Guild! Looks like about 150 of them!”

  Hurk! I’m still reeling at the number when I start to hear the sound of arrows thunking into the walls of our base.

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

  A whole guild attacking? One hundred and fifty members? How in the hell are we supposed to hold against numbers like that?

  “Leader-san!” Once more, Misa’s voice snaps me out of my stupor. “Grab some armor, then get to the bridge.”

  “The bridge?”

  “Stop them from breeching the base. This is your Zhang Fei moment, Leader-san,” she says, looking back at me with a wink, and I gulp. “Healer-san, stay close to my cute grandson, ok?”

  “R-right!”

  “Set your respawn point to the guild base.”

  I jump at the sound of an unassuming voice just off to my left, and turn with surprise to find KassInFlight standing there.

  “This way if we die in the battle, we can respawn in the guild base after five minutes. If it hasn’t already fallen by then.”

  “Thanks for the advice, Homo-chan,” Misa says, flipping her pigtail over her shoulder. “Now, get your gear, Leader-san. Sounds like they’re right outside our walls.”

  After quickly setting my respawn point to the guild base, I run to the pile of gear Misa threw out earlier, cursing myself for not picking from it sooner. For now, I grab a few pieces that look to be from the same set.

  [Light Tree Faire Champion’s Titanium Chestplate level 23, Chestplate crafted for the jousting champion of the Light Tree Faire, only slightly dented.

  Armor: 177

  +6 Strength

  +4 Constitution]

  [Light Tree Faire Champion’s Titanium Fighting Trousers level 23, Fighting Trousers crafted for the jousting champion of the Light Tree Faire, only slightly rank.

  Armor: 148

  +6 Constitution]

  [Light Tree Faire Champion’s Jousting Helmet level 23, Helmet crafted for the jousting champion of the Light Tree Faire. It has a pretty nice sized feather. Four, five inches. Five and a quarter, even. Really, not bad at all.

  Armor: 127

  +2 Strength

  +4 Constitution]

  After equipping all three items, I get a set bonus.

  [Light Tree Faire Champion’s set bonus 3/6:

  +120 Armor

  +2 Strength

  +2 Constitution]

  Cool. Now I’m ready for anything. I hope.

  Running to the bridge with Sherbie, I see Kass standing there, watching the wave of attackers advance.

  “Good to see you, Kass, but how did you know to come here?” I ask.

  “Got the notification the guild was under attack, so I came to help.”

  “You can help us? What about your player restrictions?” I ask, eying the orange sash on his arm, denoting his status as an AI player.

  “I can’t do pvp against human players. But I can help defend my home base,” he says, and a cold smile spreads across his face. I shiver. Why do I get the feeling he’s looking forward to this?

  Then I get a guild chat notification.

  Bruiser9000: big dog! It says guild under attack but my teleports on cooldown! I cant come back for 30 mins!

  Revelator (Guild Leader): no worries g we’ll do our best to hold without you.

  Bruiser9000: hell yeah brother! don’t go losing our base now!

  Revelator (Guild Leader): leave it to us

  Now for the first time I’m able to get a look at our attackers. As the guard says it looks to be an entire guild, the Timberline Beavers. Seems like a weird name, but I’m the leader of The Whales, so who am I to judge? Anyway, they’re very patriotic; every single one of them seems to be wearing their guild tabard, teal with the gold silhouette of a beaver.

  To my eyes, it looks as though they’re organized by rank of some kind, oddly uniform. Over there, a bunch of muscly dudes coming in a big wave, I could almost imagine them as football players. And to their left, some really tall, speedy looking guys, they could seriously pass for a basketball team. And behind them, the bards, marching in perfect rows, touting brass instruments and playing ‘Eye of the Tiger’—a marching band? What the heck? It almost seems like a—

  Suddenly a girl in a cheerleading uniform jumps to the top of a rock with a bullhorn and shouts at the top of her lungs, “We are?!”

  “BEA-VERS!” the army shouts back in unison.

  “What colors?”

  “TEAL AND GOLD!”

  “Stand up!”

  “HEAR US ROAR!”

  “Timberline Beavers!”

  “SCORE SCORE! YEAAAAAAHHHH!”

  Beside me, Kass blinks once. On the other side, I see Sherbie with a sweat drop on his temple.

  “A high school?” he says uncertainly.

  “A high school.”

  Our guild is under attack—from a whole freaking high school?!

  Calm down. The guard said there were only 150 of them. Still!

  “Quiz Team!” yells the head cheerleader on the rock, a cute little thing with a high ponytail and tiny boobs. “Fire!”

  Mages in the back, the Quiz Team nerds with high Intelligence scores volley elemental attacks against the walls.

  “They’re burning!” Sherbie cries. “The walls are burning!”

  “Steady,” I say, eyes forward, anticipating my role in this battle. “Just focus on keeping me alive.”

  “Gulp!”

  Beside me, Kass pulls out his sword.

  “Well. Be seeing you,” he says, and without a word of explanation, he dives into the moat.

  “Where the heck is he going?!” Sherbie squeaks.

  “Let him cook,” I say, having no idea what he’s planning, but willing to put my faith in my faithful AI butler. “Let’s just focus on our job. Defending the bridge.”

  This is it. This is where my character build will truly be put to the test.

  I’ll be relying heavily on the Essence Drain aura to drain their health. Once it was just a simple Shroomlet Aura, but thanks to a ton of patience and Mad Wim’s Potion of Eternal Life, it finally evolved into this beast of a skill.

  [Essence Drain level 15: You have become the antithesis of life and creation. You are fueled by the animating essence of all creatures.

  25 ft radius

  -1.66% HP/second

  10% Life Leech

  Stops enemy regeneration]

  My achievement skills will also come in handy, Flourishing Physiognomy, which I was awarded for being the first player to drink 10,000 potions in the entire game, and Interceptor, which I got for 500 perfect boss blocks in a row.

  [Flourishing Physiognomy: Your body is in a heightened regenerative state due to the excess of potions consumed. The very blood within you is now considered a magical healing elixir.

  +2% HP/second Regeneration

  (This regeneration is not affected by combat status.)]

  [Interceptor, you are a once-in-a-generation shield master.

  When defending with your shield, 70% of damage taken is transfered to your shield]

  With this, I’ll heal like crazy, and negate a huge portion of physical damage dealt to me. I’m just praying it will be enough.

  So many Beavers… The entire forest seems to have turned to a sea of teal and gold.

  Beside the rock and the cheerleader with a bullhorn, I see the rest of the cheer squad with their teal and gold pompoms and flouncy uniforms.

  A dark elf, a light elf, another cute human girl, a half elf and—an orc? At the end of the line with vibrant green skin, freckles and dark purple pigtails, her voice is at least an octave lower than the other cheerleaders as she does her high kicks.

  “Offense!” Clap clap clap! “Offense!”

  “Football team! Man the ladders!” the head cheerleader cries. “Basketball, Baseball, storm the bridge!”

  Gripping my shield firmly, I plant my feet and brace for the attack.

  Hooo boy. Here we go.