Before I do anything else, I summon a dead boar and devour an entire leg at once. For some reason, I am incredibly hungry. I guess not eating for a month or however long I was out will do that to you. Only after eating do I finally check the notification that’s been hovering in front of my face the whole time. Unlike the usual notifications, this one is purple.
[ You’d better keep your promise. It is only because of me that you are alive right now. ]
My promise? Oh right, I did make a promise. I’d refer to you respectfully for a full month, right? Dang, I guess I have to. Oh great and merciful goddess, I am ever so grateful for your benevolence.
“Yona, sarcasm isn’t respectful.”
Shut up.
“Yona, if you actually made that promise, and you don’t honor it, then–”
Yeah, yeah, I know. Fine. Whatever. Miss goddess lady, thanks for saving me, I guess. Even if we have our differences, I hope we can continue to work together in the future.
There. Better?
“Much better. Alright, now aside from apparently making a promise to the goddess, what the hell else did you do? Your Evolution is all messed up again.”
Oh it is? Royal Status Window!
[ Name: Yona ]
[ Age: 0 ]
[ Species: !@#$%^&&Yona@#$%^&(*&^%$. Tier: 3. Level: 1. ]
[ Class: Wannabe Vivitect. Tier: 2. Level: 28. ]
[ Profession: Lazy Cook. Tier: 1. Level: 1. ]
[ Epithet: Winter (unavailable) ]
[ Titles: Second Lifer, System Breaker II, Named, Taker of Names III, Dungeon Pioneer I, Dungeon Destroyer I, Princess, Renowned (unavailable) ]
[ Traits: Cat-like Reflexes, Gluttony, Extreme Spatial Affinity, Nimble, Fire Affinity, Custom Namecard, Royal Dignity, Royal Bearing, Traceless, Stealthy, Culinary Instincts, Gastronome ]
[ Stats ]
[ Power: 9679 (+6749) ]
[ Finesse: 18384 (+12816) ]
[ Resilience: 13685 (+9541) ]
[ Memory: 12847 (+8957) ]
[ Willpower: 12880 (+8980) ]
[ Sensitivity: 17361 (+12103) ]
[ Skills: Spatial Slice, Stomach of the Glutton, Devour of the Glutton, Snatch of the Glutton, Greater Blink, Fireball, External Mana Manipulation - Anatomical Constructs of the Glutton, Meditate of the Glutton, Perfect Disguise, Anatomical Analysis, Internal Mana Manipulation - Fleshbender, Timer, Compositional Culinary Analysis, Autonomous Mana Shield, Spiral Mana Burst, Mana Infusion, Auto-Mix, Appoint ]
[ Soul Weapons: Gluttonous Greatsword, Terror Blade, Winter's Pistol (unavailable) ]
[ Infiltrator Quest: Get a member of an Enlightened Race to call you “friend.” Reward: Racial Experience ]
Woah… That’s a lot to take in. Abby, summarize everything for me!
“There’s actually a changelog feature that you can call to see recent changes. If you call it now, you’ll see everything that changed on your Evolution. Just think ‘Changelog’ and it will default to the most recent change, which in this case is your Evolution.”
Woah, really? Changelog!
[ Species: Yona, the Gastronome → !@#$%^&&Yona@#$%^&(*&^%$ ]
[ Epithet: Acquired ‘Winter’ ]
[ Epithet: Disabled ‘Winter’ (requirements not met) ]
[ Title: System Breaker → System Breaker II ]
[ Title: Acquired ‘Princess’ ]
[ Title: Acquired ‘Renowned’ ]
[ Title: Disabled ‘Renowned’ (requirements not met) ]
[ Trait: Cat-like Reflexes (Stage 4) → Cat-like Reflexes (Stage MAX) ]
[ Trait: Gluttony (Stage 6) → (Stage 7) ]
[ Trait: Spatial Affinity (Stage 4) → Extreme Spatial Affinity (Stage 1) ]
[ Trait: Nimble (Stage 4) → Nimble (Stage 6) ]
[ Trait: Custom Namecard (Stage 1) → Custom Namecard (Stage 2) ]
[ Trait: Acquired ‘Royal Dignity’ ]
[ Trait: Acquired ‘Royal Bearing’ ]
[ Trait: Acquired ‘Traceless’ ]
[ Trait: Acquired ‘Stealthy’ ]
[ Trait: Acquired ‘Culinary Instincts’ ]
[ Trait: Acquired ‘Gastronome’ ]
[ Stat (Power):
[ Stat (Power): 8273 (+5769) → 9679 (+6749) ]
[ Stat (Finesse): 15533 (+10829) → 18384 (+12816) ]
[ Stat (Resilience): 12022 (+8382) → 13685 (+9541) ]
[ Stat (Memory): 11292 (+7873) → 12847 (+8957) ]
[ Stat (Willpower): 11325 (+7896) → 12880 (+8980) ]
[ Stat (Sensitivity): 14510 (+10116) → 17361 (+12103) ]
[ Skill: Bite of the Glutton → Devour of the Glutton ]
[ Skill: Snatch of the Glutton → Multisnatch of the Glutton ]
[ Skill: Blink → Greater Blink ]
[ Skill: Culinary Analysis → Compositional Culinary Analysis ]
[ Skill: Acquired ‘Appoint’ ]
[ Soul Weapon: Acquired ‘Winter’s Pistol’ ]
[ Soul Weapon: Disabled ‘Winter’s Pistol’ ]
Okay, that’s still a lot. Abby, which of these are actually important.
“Most of them.”
Dammit. All these System windows are gonna be annoying, but whatever. Still gotta check.
But first, Abby, what the heck is an Epithet, and why the hell is it that?
“Epithets are the version of Names for Enlightened species. I have no idea how you acquired one, but as you can see, it is disabled, likely because you are not an Enlightened species. And Renowned is the Enlightened counterpart to Named, which is similarly disabled. And for your new Soul Weapon, I presume it is tied to this Epithet, and is therefore also disabled.
“What happened during your Evolution. How did you get an Epithet?”
I don’t wanna talk about it.
“If you–”
I said I don’t wanna talk about it.
“...Sorry.”
Whatever. I should still check them all to see what’s up with them. Winter.
[ Winter (unavailable): Despite everything she’s seen and experienced, Yona doesn’t let it show. None can see the emotions behind her frigid gaze. All they know is her competence, and the epithet she claimed. She is the Winter. Cold. Unfeeling. Dangerous. Merciless. Inevitable. ]
The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
Yeah, that’s what I expected. Renowned.
[ Renowned (unavailable): Your fame has spread far and wide, and you have acquired an Epithet that people know better than your given name. +100% to all stats ]
That tracks. Winter’s Pistol.
[ Winter’s Pistol (unavailable): This weapon is calm and unflinching, just like its owner. It has no recoil, does not overheat, and its ammunition automatically replenishes whenever the magazine is removed and re-inserted. Its power is proportional to the amount of mana the user infuses the weapon with. While holding this weapon, the user is exceptionally calm and highly resistant to all mental conditions. ]
That… actually sounds pretty useful.
“A gun? How did you…? Nevermind. Sorry.”
It’s fine.
Going through the Title and Trait updates doesn’t take long. The Princess title takes the longest, because it’s kinda convoluted, but basically, it makes my social status, as recognized by the System, a princess. It doesn’t give me any bonus stats, but it changes the way I interact with certain other Traits and Skills, apparently.
The rest are mostly just simple upgrades. System Breaker II is the same as the original, but it gives +20% to all stats instead of +10%. Cat-like Reflexes tells me I have the reflexes of “an extraordinarily talented cat in the prime of its life” which basically just means it got better. Nimble is similar. I am more nimble now. Nimbler. Whatever it is.
Spatial Affinity turning into Extreme Spatial Affinity is really good, according to Abby, but it doesn’t actually do anything beyond amplify what was already there. Custom Namecard going up a Stage just makes it harder for people to see through it, even if they have the necessary Traits or Skills.
Even Gluttony didn’t change that much, despite all the sub-Traits that are included in it. Unfortunately, unlike Poison Resistance, the other Traits sitting at Stage MAX don’t evolve into new Traits, and the ones that weren’t just get one Stage better. However, there are two new sub-Traits. One of them is Food Tracker, which I recognize from Yona, the Gastronomic Hunter. I guess that Trait got consumed by Gluttony.
[ Food Tracker (Stage 1): Your keen senses have been honed by your Gluttony to be able to pick up and track signs of anything edible. ]
The other is stupid.
[ Adipose Reserves (Stage 1): Your body stores additional energy within it in the form of adipose reserves. ]
I didn’t know what that meant at first, but then Abby explained it to me. Basically, it means that I’m gonna get fat.
“Not necessarily.”
You just said that it would make me automatically put on fat to store energy.
“Yes, but have you forgotten about your Class? Your Internal Mana Manipulation Skill? It’s Fleshshaper.”
Elaborate.
“You have control over your own body. Even if you store extra fat, you can move it around, or even remove it entirely. You can also control it, and change its shape or even eat it, since you seem to have no problem with that.”
Oh, I see! That means I can also choose where it’s stored, right?
“Right. Wait, what are you thinking?”
Nothing. Anyway, that’s not so bad then. Whenever it builds up, I can just take it off and put it in my Stomach, and then I can use it for cooking later! Abby, imagine pastries, but instead of using lard, I use my own fat! Tier 3 Named monster lard!
“I don’t even have a stomach and that makes me feel sick.”
I bet it’d taste amazing!
Anyway, moving on, I got six new traits! Royal Dignity!
[ Royal Dignity (Stage 1): A royal must maintain their physical appearance at all times, and your royalty is so core to your identity that your very being rejects indignity. Your appearance is always impeccable, regardless of circumstance. ]
Beautiful! Royal Bearing!
[ Royal Bearing (Stage 1): A royal must always maintain their image, and your royalty is so core to your identity that your very being rejects impropriety. Your mind is strengthened, able to handle the toughest social situations without flinching. You will draw attention wherever you go, and all who witness your bearing will recognize your importance. ]
Awesome! Traceless!
[ Traceless (Stage 1): You leave nothing behind unless you mean to. ]
That’s kind of a lame description, but I know what it’s getting at. Stealthy!
[ Stealthy (Stage 1): You have an innate understanding of how to act and move in order to avoid the attention of others. ]
Nice! Culinary Instincts.
[ Culinary Instincts (Stage 1): You have an inclination to the culinary arts, and have an innate understanding of how best to prepare foods. ]
Sounds delicious! And last, but not least, Gastronome!
[ Gastronome (Stage 1): You are a true gastronome to your very core, and your body has adapted to better serve your desires. Includes Traits: Gastronome’s Eyes, Gastronome’s Mouth, Gastronome’s Nose, Gastronome’s Mind, Gastronome’s Resolve ]
[ Gastronome’s Eyes (Stage 1): You can determine the level of deliciousness of a target by looking at it. ]
[ Gastronome’s Mouth (Stage 1): You have traveled far and wide for your food, and you’re not going to waste a single bite. Once food enters your mouth, it cannot leave without your permission. ]
[ Gastronome’s Nose (Stage 1): You have honed your sense of smell on food to the point that your ability to discern edible substances is elite ]
[ Gastronome’s Mind (Stage 1): Your travels bring you to many destinations, but they also bring you away again, and away from the dishes those destinations hold. But for you, it does not matter. Your memory for tastes and scents is unmatched. ]
[ Gastronome’s Resolve (Stage 1): Sometimes, your search for the world’s delicacies puts you in danger, but you won’t be defeated so easily. Increases all stats by 20% when facing an opponent that you are determined to consume ]
Oh, so that’s where all my Gastronome Traits went. I was wondering what happened to them. Cool!
Alright, moving on, my stats all went up. Power still isn’t 10,000 though. Lame, but whatever. It’ll get there soon. Now, Skills! Devour of the Glutton!
[ Devour of the Glutton: Your Gluttony is so powerful that it has caused your Devour skill to mutate. Consume what enters your mouth. Compatible with other Gluttonous abilities. Includes: Bite of the Glutton ]
Huh. Abby, what does this mean?
“It means what it says, but in practice, Devour breaks things down into their base components and allows you to properly consume them. That means you can eat a lot of things that weren’t originally meant to be eaten. Not that you couldn’t do that already. The main thing that Devour is used for, though, is eating living things and magical things so that you can regenerate your body and mana reserves.”
Oh, so it’s like a lifesteal ability?
“Kind of. Usually, monsters with this ability are much bigger, to the point where they can eat entire other creatures whole. They’re also usually Disasters. At your size, though, I doubt you’ll regenerate much more than you already do from eating mana-dense things.”
That’s lame.
Wait a second… It says it’s compatible with other Gluttonous abilities, right? You know what else is a gluttonous ability? Emma! I can make giant construct heads and Devour things!
“Theoretically, yes, but I’m not entirely sure how that would work if the constructs aren’t anchored to you.”
Well, there’s only one way to find out!
“Finish going through your Skill changes first.”
Yeah, yeah, I know. Greater Blink!
[ Greater Blink: Teleport a short distance. Proficiency: Early. Includes: Blink ]
Well, that’s lame. The description didn’t even change.
I do an experimental Blink to the other side of the room, just to test how it’s working. It feels almost exactly the same, but it’s a little faster, and it costs a little less. I can also sense that my range on it is almost twice as far, but that’s about it. Useful, I guess, but kind of a lame upgrade.
Next up is Compositional Culinary Analysis!
[ Compositional Culinary Analysis: Analyze the quality of a dish, as well as its ingredients. Proficiency: Early. Includes: Culinary Analysis ]
Kinda lame, but also kinda good. I can see what spices and stuff that restaurants use now, at least. And finally, my beautiful Appoint.
[ Appoint: Your status allows you to assign roles to your subordinates, granting them Title-like boons. Available roles: Knight (0/1), Advisor (0/2), Butler (0/1), Handmaid (0/1). Proficiency: Early ]
Awesome! Chad obviously gets to be the Knight, and the Twins can be the Advisors, I guess. And Lauren… Hmmm… Abby, do you want to be the Butler or the Handmaid?
“I don’t think I’m a valid target.”
But if you were, which would you want to be?
“Butler.”
I hereby Appoint you, Abby, as my Butler!
[ Appoint Abby as Butler? ]
[ Yes ] [ No ]
Oh, hey, it works! Yes!
[ Role, Butler, has been assigned to Abby. ]
“That was a waste.”
Nuh uh. You’re officially my minion now!
“But those roles give stat bonuses. I don’t have stats.”
You don’t?
“I’m a digital assistant. What stats would I have?”
Hmmm… Well, I don’t care. You’re my Butler now. Also, are you really just a digital assistant? I’ve used some ‘digital assistants’ back on Earth, and you don’t act much like them.
“Well, I was created by the System Developers, so of course I’m more advanced than those inferior things from Earth.”
Ah, that explains why your name was Annoying Blue Box. The System developers once again have no sense for names.
“It wasn’t—!”
Fortunately, I was gracious enough to grant you a proper name, and now even a job, saving you from the tyranny of the System developers.
…
What, not gonna respond to that?
“Give me one moment.”
Huh? Abby?
She doesn’t respond to that, and for a full minute, I just sit in the silent darkness, waiting for her to come back. When she does, her voice sounds weird. Not distorted, but almost panicked.
“Yona, you should do your best to keep upgrading Appoint.”
Why? What happened?
“I can’t say. I’m not sure myself. But you should keep upgrading Appoint. Increase the Proficiency and make it stronger and more versatile.”
Well, I was gonna do that anyway, but can’t you at least explain why?
“No. I’m sorry.”
…If you say so.
Well, that was a pretty fruitful Evolution, I guess. All things considered, it didn’t go too badly. I got some decent stuff. A lot of lame stuff too, but mostly good stuff. However, there’s one, very important thing missing.
Oh gracious and beautiful deity, might I inquire as to what has become of the boon that I was promised upon reaching this evolutionary milestone?
[ It would have been given to you right now, but because of what you did during your Evolution, you now have to wait for your Evolution to stabilize to get it. And you can’t get mad at me this time, because this is entirely your fault. ]
…Alright, fair enough.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.”
Shut up, Butty.
“Butty?!”
Well, you’re my butler now, so I just combined butler and Abby. Butty.
“I don’t like that.”
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.
“...Alright, fine, that one was good.”
I always am.
Alright, now, finally time to get back and see my minions! I can make Lauren cook for me again! And I can make the twins scratch my ears!
“Wait, one last thing.”
Butty, you’re really killing the moment.
“You completed your Infiltrator Quest. Perfect Disguise’s Proficiency went up, which means–”
I get another disguise?
“–you get another disguise.”
I get another disguise!! Finally!
It doesn’t even take a minute to get my second disguise set up. Ever since the twins said I registered as a monster to their sensors, I knew what it had to be. And at the end of the minute, when I finalize the form and switch to it… nothing changes! That’s right! My second disguise is a house cat! I can walk the streets freely again!
I teleport straight upward, appearing in an alleyway with no one else around. It’s night out, so there aren’t many people around, meaning I more or less have the street to myself.
Royal Dignity keeps my fur perfect, and Royal Bearing makes my gait elegant, and in a much better mood than I was in a few minutes ago, I walk through the streets, feeling the cool night air on my fur as I make my way back to my minions.
