Level One

  The secret room was roughly the size of a studio apartment. There was a water fountain in one corner and stone benches along each wall that for some reason made Cooper think of a dentist’s office. Three of the four walls had pictures on them of dark-haired women in white dresses carrying pitchers of water. The fourth had a large portrait of some half-bird, half-cat thing Cooper hoped was make-believe. Cooper took the bench next to the water fountain as his bed. He offered Geek the opposite bench - “Geek” was the nickname Cooper had given to the gladiator - but Geek only sat down whenever Cooper specifically ordered him to. Left to his own devices, he preferred to stand.

  It was still early in the day, so after lying on his bench for an hour or so Cooper decided he was bored and that should do some more exploring. He offered to let Geek stay inside the secret room, Geek seemed restless too, at least as far as anyone could tell. So after stashing the duffel bag under a bench, back out they went into the maze.

  The area right around the secret room was getting pretty well-explored by that point, so Cooper led them off to the west - or at least the direction he was calling west - to a part of the maze he hadn’t entered yet. The last time he’d been by that way, there was either a big lizard or a small alligator blocking that branch of the maze, but it wasn’t there this time, and even if it was Geek had his spear. They moved slowly, since Cooper was carefully checking and marking individual floor tiles to make sure they didn’t spring another booby trap. It was painstaking, repetitive work, but he had Geek with him, so at least the conversation was good.

  After several hours, Cooper was just getting ready to call it a day when he and Geek turned a corner and found themselves looking at a floor tile with a picture of a squat little beehive-looking thing on it. Beyond that was a room almost exactly like the Bakery Room where Cooper almost got choked to death. The only difference was that in this one room it was the flatbread oven that had been smashed to a thousand pieces. The witches cauldron-looking oven, meanwhile, seemed to be okay. The fact that the beehive oven was smashed was obviously terrible news - Cooper could really have gone for some more flatbread right about then. But that cauldron was interesting, too. It was hot to the touch, even though there was no visible source of heat nearby. Once again, Cooper had an idea.

  Catching the fish was easy enough, but cleaning it was a pain in the ass. The Swiss Army knife had a filleting blade, but it was super-blunt, and of course he had to do everything left-handed. The freak-carrots were just as hard at first, but halfway through it suddenly occurred to Cooper to try to teach Geek how to do it, and the soldier spent the next two hours cutting and chopping without complaint. There was a little bit of honey left over on Geek’s shield, so Cooper decided to throw that in too. The water came from the fountain in the secret room. Cooper carried it in the clay pitcher from the alcove just outside the secret room door.

  The cauldron was hot enough to bring the water to a nice rolling boil after a couple minutes. Once that happened Cooper added the carrots, fish and honey. He didn’t have a spoon, so he stirred with the bottom of the snake stick. He didn’t have a cup or a bowl either, so the best he could do was to simply tilt the cauldron over once the cooking was finished, pouring as much of the mixture as possible into the clay pitcher and as little as possible onto the floor. The stew was so hot it burned his tongue. It was also bland since he didn’t have any salt or pepper. But after two days of eating nothing but raw carrots, it still tasted amazing. He burned his tongue a second time because he was so eager to eat it.

  Cooper and Geek carried the pitcher of fish soup back to the secret room together, where it finally cooled down enough for Cooper to eat without injury. Geek didn’t try it, but he seemed more than happy to sit and watch Cooper eat. Cooper also took that opportunity to tell Geek stories about all the stupid shit he got away with in the army, plus some of the stupid shit he’d gotten away with since. Finally, several hours later, and absolutely stuffed with fish, Cooper passed out on his bench. He woke up somewhat stiff the next morning, so on the second day they stole some of the leather couch cushions from the nearby cafe and tried to turn them into pillows. Then on the third day they went out exploring again. Cooper spent most of that time complaining, and being mad that they hadn’t found the exit yet, but later on, when he looked on those three days in the secret room with Geek, they felt like a golden age.

  The thing that ruined it all was a stupid mistake and it should never have fucking happened. Cooper wouldn’t ordinarily do something so stupid, but he had been exploring a new section of maze that day and right before quitting time he discovered a room full of bushes that produced some weird, salty berry that kind of tasted like an olive. And since they had just run out of fish stew that morning, Cooper was in a rush to harvest some to add to the next stew, and meanwhile they were out of freak-carrots.

  It’s worth mentioning that up until then Cooper hadn’t heard a peep from the Kayins in like a week. There had been one occasion on their very first night in the the Bunkhouse - “the Bunkhouse” was the nickname Cooper came up with for the secret room - where the lights suddenly dimmed, and Geek got a little agitated, like a dog who had just smelled a raccoon, but a moment later everything went back to normal. Cooper decided that most likely what had happened was a Kayin patrol had passed through the hallway just outside the Bunkhouse, but he didn’t know that for sure, and again, that was on the first night. By the time Cooper discovered the berry bushes they had been completely alone for two days.

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  So it never entered Cooper’s mind that there could be any harm in sending Geek to go dig up a couple freak-carrots alone. The path between the Bunkhouse and the Carrot Room was fully marked, so there was no danger of stepping on a booby trap. Also, Geek had his spear with him, since he would need that for digging. It shouldn’t have taken more than like fifteen minutes, tops. And it couldn’t have been any more than thirty minutes before Cooper realized Geek had been gone a while. He immediately dropped what he was doing and followed the charcoal arrows leading the way back to the Carrot Room to check on Geek’s progress. When he arrived at the Carrot Room, Cooper found a dead Kayin lying face-down in dirt between the rows of freak-carrots with Geek’s spear sticking out of his back. A few feet away was a sandal that might have been Geek’s, and a helmet that was definitely Geek’s. In addition, there was a trail of blood and grape jelly leading out of the Carrot Room and down the hallway to the ‘east’.

  Luckily, Cooper had been smart enough to bring the naked chick ring with him that day. He immediately slid it on his finger, following the jelly trail through the maze. He didn’t run. Running feet are loud. But he did walk as fast as he could, and it didn’t take that long to catch up to them. There were five Kayins in the squad, not counting the dead guy. Of course there could have been more, but there were five he could actually see. Two were carrying Geek by the arms, two more had him by the legs, and the fifth was at the head, where he had a length of piano wire wrapped around Geek’s throat. All five of them were bloodied and jellied up pretty good. Whatever happened, there had been a fight.

  Even though he was unconscious, Geek’s circle was only down around 40 percent, so he didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger of dying at least. For some reason, the color of his circle was deep blue instead of green. Cooper had no idea what that meant, but it was probably important. He decided to risk giving Geek a very subtle blast from the snake stick. If the Kayins noticed he could always turn and run. And it worked mostly. There was a slight shimmer in the air, and a very gentle rushing sound, but at the beginning at least the Kayins were too busy dragging Geek through the maze and barking at one another in their weird-ass language to notice.

  Cooper followed the Kayin procession through the maze for a few hallways, slowly and steadily filling Geek’s circle. Once it hit 50% or so, its color suddenly changed from blue to green. As soon as that happened, Geek began to stir. If Cooper had had his gun, or a baseball bat, or maybe like a teargas canister or something, maybe he could have rescued Geek right then. But he didn’t, so there was nothing he could do but watch the Kayin holding the piano wire around Geek’s throat tighten it until he fell limp again.

  Cooper tried again once the asshole finally let go, but the same thing happened again. Anytime Geek managed to wake up, the lead Kayin would just tighten the wire until Geek fell unconscious again. In order to actually get anywhere, Cooper would have to find a way to separate Geek from the Kayins, preferably without getting himself killed. And if he’d had a bit more time maybe he could actually have come up with something. But the whole time this was happening, the Kayins had been carrying Geek steadily east, back in the general direction of the First Bakery where Cooper had shot those two assholes. The Cyclops had raved and ranted about the location of some secret Kayin base, and if such a thing existed, Cooper figured that must be where they were taking Geek. And unfortunately, he was right.

  At one point the procession turned south, then immediately back east, at which point Cooper found the hallway before them was partially blocked by a pile of leather couches, three of them, one stacked on top of the other. Behind that was another pile of couches on the other side of the hallway. Both piles had a Kayin soldier standing just behind.

  It took Cooper a moment to realize that what he was looking at was a security checkpoint. He only figured that out after the squad of soldiers stopped at the first barricade and began answering questions posed by the two guards. Meanwhile, another Kayin suddenly popped into existence right next to Cooper, having just taken off his naked chick ring. Realizing how close he had been to bumping into the man, Cooper took a careful step back, putting his ass against the wall.

  The conversation between the two Kayins only lasted a second. Then the guard gave a signal and the patrol picked Geek up again, making ready to carry him through the checkpoint. Meanwhile, the second guard took a step backward and put his finger on some spot on the wall of the hallway. As he did, a door appeared in the wall, just like the door that led into the Bible Camper base. Cooper tried to see in through the doorway, but all he could make out was blackness.

  Suddenly, Cooper had a crazy idea. If he jumped the first barricade, there would be nothing between him and that doorway. He probably wouldn’t get through undetected, especially if he knocked over the pile of leather coaches, which he very likely would, but he was confident he could make it through that door before they reacted. The plan was almost perfect. The only drawback was that he would almost certainly be committing suicide.

  Maybe if he’d acted immediately it would have worked. But he didn’t. He hesitated. And the next thing he knew that stone door had slammed shut, and Geek and the squad of Kayins were gone.

  * * * * *

  Name: Cooper of Vancouver

  Gender: Male

  Affiliation: None

  Age at Entry: 29

  Current Level: The Labyrinth (1)

  Jing: 10/10

  Qi: 13/14

  Shen: 0

  Status: Cursed (3)

  here.