Elaine

  Elaine didn't wake up to anything in particular. She lay there in the quiet darkness, wondering if it was just the peculiarities of a body her age. But then she heard the soft, pained sounds, more animal than human.

  She hoped it would only be a moment and then would stop, but instead the noise got louder and more frequent.

  She got up, lit a candle, and put on a robe.

  She sighed. Was it worth the money?

  She went down the hall to his room and stood in the doorway for a long moment.

  She watched him toss and turn, trapped in his dream.

  She came closer and looked at his face in the flickering light. He looked so much younger while asleep.

  She was used to thinking of him as calculating and dangerous.

  Instead, he reminded her of a boy she helped keep out of trouble. The boy who once knew all her secrets until they grew out of such foolishness.

  She took a small step forward.

  But no, Alensar was not that boy. He was an outlaw, like the one who killed her husband and servants.

  "Alensar," she said, harshness cracking her voice.

  He whimpered.

  She tried again. "Alensar."

  Nothing changed.

  She sighed again, then whispered, "Tsarek."

  His eyes shot open. They were dilated and seemed almost black in the dim light.

  He shrank away from her, trapped in some kind of nightmare.

  She placed the candle on the bedside table and slowly knelt next to him.

  But she did not touch him.

  "I don't want to die," he whimpered.

  She almost sentenced him to death.

  He closed his eyes again and twitched, as if in pain.

  She couldn't hold back any longer, and she embraced him. "Hush now, you are safe."

  He leaned into her, trembling, and she made soothing noises while she waited for it to subside. It took a long time. Her knees and back were starting to hurt, but she didn't let go until he was calm.

  She took her time standing, easing through the stiffness in her joints. She laid a hand on his forehead, then stroked his hair. He seemed calm and still asleep.

  Marie was standing near the door.

  "I'll make sure Jason starts staying the night again."

  "That would be best," Elaine said and made her way to her room.

  Elaine made sure Marie brought Alensar to have breakfast with her. She needed several cups of tea to make up for the interrupted sleep, but she hadn't started eating until he came.

  He sat down next to her, bleary-eyed from sleep, though he perked up as Marie brought the rice, eggs, and vegetables. Why had he seemed so much older before?

  "You will not be having your lesson with Val Walter today, or your lessons with Professor Tannen," Elaine commented after their polite morning greetings. "It's Sunday, so we will be going to a service today."

  Alensar took a sip from the delicate teacup. His manners sometimes were a bit off, but she couldn't pinpoint why. Not that they were mistakes or sloppy, in fact, they were much better than expected, which led to questions about his history. It was probably better not to ask.

  "A service to Helion, yes?" He asked.

  "That's correct." What other services were there? More things she was better off not knowing.

  Instead, she asked, "Have you been to one before?"

  "I have not," he reached over for one of the pastries on the table, and his sleeve slipped back, the scarring on his wrist visible.

  He must have seen her staring, because he pulled his hand back quickly, breaking the illusion of a young nobleman having his breakfast. He pulled the sleeve to cover it.

  "Sorry, I didn't have a chance to wrap them." His demeanor was transformed, a jittery cautiousness taking over.

  She held back from scolding him for too much emotion, the night still present in her thoughts. "Jason tells me he believes you have battle demons."

  "I won't let it be a problem," Alensar said, too quickly, in a servant's intonation. Had he worked as one? That would explain the manners.

  "Of course, but I think it will be best if Jason starts staying the night," she said without looking at him.

  "I trust your judgment." He settled back into his noble demeanor as if nothing had happened at all. She decided to follow his lead.

  "The service will be a good opportunity for some of the local nobility and merchants to see you without needing to make too much conversation." She took a sip of tea. "We can use your frail health as an excuse to leave early if need be."

  "My health is not frail," Alensar said. His tone was mild, but his eyes were narrow.

  "I was merely saying that would be the excuse." She then transitioned into an explanation of the service and how he should behave and how he should greet others. He asked questions when he wasn't sure about something and seemed focused. He was doing everything she could ask for, obedient in a way his father and uncle never were. It made her uneasy.

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  Alensar

  Alensar had been around the priests of Helion and Nekthor all his life, but he never witnessed a ritual in the city before.

  The Temple of Helion glowed. Gold and brass adorned every reasonable surface, likely donated by the prestigious congregation. Golden silky banners hung throughout, catching the morning light streaming through faceted glass. Even the alcoves with portraits of the saints had lamps to chase away the darkness.

  Alensar couldn’t find the little shrine that was usually reserved for Nekthor. Despite the opulence, the space felt empty without it.

  He stood next to Laude Elaine with his head bowed. They were at a wooden bench near the front, so he couldn't look at the other people.

  "Love and light to you all," the priest said in a loud voice. She was old, and her face was round. The words conveyed no warmth.

  "Love and light," the entire congregation murmured in unison.

  A different person started singing. Alensar closed his eyes, though he didn't understand the words. Then the priest followed the chant, slightly off-key.

  Suddenly, everyone was standing and chanting. The whole service was a series of sitting, standing, and bowing. At least he was familiar with the bows, since they used servants' bows. After all, they were all servants to Helion.

  There were also a lot of group replies. Only occasionally did the priest say a line that seemed familiar to him.

  The service was long, and he could feel himself tiring. He hadn't slept very well.

  He looked at the faces of the saints staring down at him, his thoughts drifting into nothingness.

  He was grateful when the priest solemnly left the main space, followed by her acolytes, Professor Tannen among them. After the procession had ended, Laude Elaine sat for a long moment with her eyes closed and hands folded. He waited for her, imitating the gesture. Was she religious?

  Then she stood, and he followed, bowing to the front of the temple where the lamps still burned.

  They then stepped outside, where carriages were waiting for the wealthy. A few people stood in groups talking to one another. From their clothing, it looked like it was mostly nobility.

  "Honorable Laude Granthor, a pleasure to see you." A middle-aged man in a dark green dress uniform greeted them. The golden tassels on his shoulders and pins on his breast meant some kind of high rank. But it was the man following a step behind that sent a pain through Alensar's sternum. He tried to take deep, slow breaths.

  The second man was younger and clean-shaven, though he had a short beard when Alensar had last seen him, during the brutal and bloody march to Tragst. During his imprisonment in Tragst.

  Alensar forced his face into a pleasant smile, though it felt like he had halfway stepped out of his body.

  "Ah, Commander Argus, so good to see you," Laude Elaine said. "I'm surprised to see you in town."

  "Ah, yes, I'm on leave, though the missus wants me to retire early after my recent bonus," he said. "So you may see me around more if she gets her way."

  "I can't imagine a man like yourself being content sitting home," Laude Elaine's voice took on a pleasant conversational tone that Alensar was unused to hearing.

  "Ah, well, I'm sure she will be tired of me soon enough." He laughed. "I'm afraid I don't recognize your companion, Laude Granthor."

  "Excuse my manners, this is Val Alensar D'Ami. He is the recently discovered son of Val Gregor D'Ambrosia, and I've been tasked with the pleasure of teaching him. The D'Ambrosia brothers were friends from my school days." Laude Commander Argus bowed an inferior bow at Alensar, who returned with a superior bow.

  The man next to him also gave an inferior bow. "I'm Commander's assistant, Lieutenant Casper Torres."

  "A pleasure to meet those who do such good work for our Realm. I've heard it's quite dangerous too, so a retirement would be well earned, Commander," he said with a genial tilt of his head. He didn't feel like he was convincing anyone of anything, and at any moment, the Lieutenant would call him dirty Karangasz scum and throw him to the ground.

  "Ah, yes, I do have my stories," Commander Argus prompted, clearly ready to launch into one.

  Alensar reached out and grabbed Laude Elaine's sleeve.

  "Val Alensar, are you alright?" She took one look at him and turned to the soldiers. "I do apologize, Commander, Lieutenant. Val Alensar is recovering from a serious illness, and I don't want him to strain himself."

  So much for hiding what he felt.

  Alensar allowed his smile to waver. "But I would love to hear the Commander's stories. I'm sure they are quite exciting."

  The Commander shook his head. "Another time, young Val, trust me on this one, pushing yourself will only slow your recovery."

  "Thank you for your generous understanding commander, and do send your wife my regards," Laude Elaine said and bowed.

  As they exchanged a few more niceties, the Lieutenant kept staring at him but said nothing. They did not stay long before getting in the carriage.

  The moment the door closed, Alensar put his palms to his eyes, hunching forward. He felt as if he had swallowed his own heart.

  The carriage jostled as it moved forward.

  Mercifully, Laude Elaine did not speak for several long minutes. He focused on trying to calm down. He kept seeing the small bodies. The long days of the march.

  He imagined darkness, only thinking about his breath, the creak of the carriage, and the soft cushions.

  He sat up and looked at her. But he couldn't read her expression.

  "You did well."

  "The Lieutenant might have recognized me," Alensar said and gave a single historical laugh. "But then again, maybe he didn't look at my face closely when he was grinding it into the dirt with his boot."

  The Lieutenant did so much more than that. Hell was too good for that man.

  Laude Elaine didn't reply immediately; instead studying him.

  "Will you be alright?" The question was said without any warmth, as if she were checking on the progress of a meal being cooked.

  "Of course," he lied. "Though I may need to lie down for a bit when we return. The service was more tiring than I expected."

  Laude Elaine nodded in agreement. "Spend the rest of the day as you wish."

  She didn't need to say he wasn't allowed to leave the grounds of the house. That was a given.

  ***

  Alensar startled awake, reorienting himself in the afternoon sunlight dappled by the tree. He sat up in the grass as Jason placed a tray beside him.

  "I brought you some willow bark tea," Jason said, picking up the paper Alensar had left next to the book of Karangasz fairy tales.

  "Isn't it your day off?" Alensar asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

  "Laude Granthor asked me to stay with you tonight, Val," he said, then handed the paper to Alensar. "You should be more careful with this–you wouldn't want anyone to see it."

  Alensar took it. The paper was covered in messy notes on how the Anglish letters sounded when written in the Karangasz alphabet, and a few notes on words he wasn't sure about. In the corner, he had drawn a small illustration of a flower.

  "Why are you here now? Is it dangerous to go through the city after nightfall?"

  "It's not too dangerous for a servant," Jason said quietly. He tapped the flower. "I didn't realize you could draw."

  "I'm not very good."

  Jason was looking down at his cup of tea. "It's a good skill for a noble. Shows refinement. My previous employer resented having to learn."

  Alensar folded up the paper. He took out the playing cards from his pocket and started shuffling them.

  They stared out into the garden.

  "I brought you a sandwich, in case you were hungry."

  Alensar cut and twisted the cards a few more times before picking the sandwich up. He wasn't hungry, but he started eating it, anyway.

  Jason fidgeted with his cup. "I've been working so much the past few years, I didn't know what to do with myself. I decided to come early."

  Alensar wondered if Jason had friends, where he lived, and what his family was like. Invasive questions probably wouldn't be welcome. He focused on the sandwich, his hunger having been awakened when the food hit his stomach. A bird hopped close to them, so he tossed it a small bit of bread, which it snapped up and flew away.

  Alensar sipped some of the tea. "If you start sleeping here, won't you be working too much?"

  Jason glanced over at him. "It's part of my job. Typically, a personal servant lives with their employer. I'm here on a trial basis, which is why I don't."

  "I'm here on a trial basis, too. What will happen to you if I fail my trial?" Alensar hadn't considered that someone other than him would be affected.

  Jason furrowed his brow. "I would manage something… manual labor and odd jobs."

  "Aren't you educated, though?"

  "I like to read, which isn't the same as being a scholar… and other things pay more." He looked away, as if the subject was somehow painful. "But what would happen to you?"

  "Nothing good, I'm afraid." He didn't extrapolate, and Jason didn't ask more. Neither of them wanted to talk about this uncomfortable future.

  Jason picked up and unfolded one of the pieces of paper. "Can you teach me some Karangasz? I can help you with your reading."

  Alensar wasn't sure if he was offering because Jason genuinely wanted to learn Karangasz or because he felt some obligation. Not that he cared.

  "I'll teach you, but don't you think it might be dangerous to know?" Alensar raised his eyebrows.

  Jason grinned. "Sometimes I like things that are a little dangerous."

  Alensar laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."