Patch update 0.03

  Okay, I finally got this thing going.

  This is my third assignment, and if I screw this up, I'm going to get disintegrated into subspace ether. So, note to self, don't screw this up.

  Nathan tilted his head. Who exactly was this?

  Patch Update 0.05

  Yeah, I skipped a number. What are you gonna do about it? Nothing, that's what.

  Because nobody but me will ever read this.

  Anyway, I brought a new monster. Some kind of giant tentacle fish thing. It'll be another 500 years or so before we're ready to bring the meals in, which should give me plenty of time to really refine everything.

  Nathan started flipping through the book, looking for a trace of the writer's identity.

  He stopped at a section about halfway to the end.

  Patch Update 1.0

  The apocalypse has finally begun. Three species have been warped away from their worlds and introduced to the [Tutorial Circle]. Everything seems to be going smoothly. This patch update finalizes some bug fixes.

  The text stopped suddenly.

  Patch Update 1.01

  Some idiot with a fishing pole took advantage of the fishing mechani and glitched a high-level boss out of existence. I won't lie, I'm more than a little bit annoyed. I had to remove the fishing mechanic and switch it to manual mode.

  At the end of the day, I'm not super concerned. He's going to get eliminated pretty soon.

  Nathan squinted his eyes at the text. That sequence of events sounded extremely familiar. Like, he perfectly remembered that happening because it was one of the most traumatizing incidents in his entire life up to that point.

  It must just be a coincidence, he thought. I'm overthinking things.

  Patch Update 1.02

  I don't get it.

  He caught one of those smuggler fish. The odds of him catching that were one in... I could list down the whole number, but I'm pretty sure that the text box would break. His [Luck] stat is like 10 or something.

  Okay, it's a little bit higher than that. But the point is, there's absolutely no way he should have been able to catch that. The odds were virtually zero.

  It has to be bugged—but I'm not sure what I did wrong.

  This guy is starting to become a real headache.

  Nathan felt sweat build up on his forehead.

  Patch Update 1.33

  I've gotten more than a few questions about some of the automatic reports they've been receiving. Thankfully, it was just a secretary and I was able to convince him that he was being delusional. I've since repaired the [Automatic Bug Reporter] to completely ignore Nathan, since everything that this asshole does seems to further damage my immaculately crafted, carefully designed gameplay loop.

  Nathan was a really common name, now that Nathan thought about it. There could be like, a dozen Nathans, all running around with extremely high fishing stats and who were also accidentally damaging the system and causing B32 to get ticked off. And Nathan was pretty sure that it was B32 at this point. That particular kind of uptight smarminess wasn't something that Nathan had ever seen in a human being. Except for his grade school teacher, but that guy was probably dead.

  Patch Update 1.343

  I'm a little bit annoyed that I had to do this, but I've given a [Temporary Ascension Potion] to one of the factions. It's a little bit of a violation of the rules, but this freaking fisherman is going to get me killed if I don't take care of him. The longer he's alive, the more the bug reporter will have to be edited, and the higher the odds the higher-ups notice what I'm doing.

  So, fare thee well, Nathan. Please die and never bother me again.

  Huh.

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  So that's where that guy got that bullshit power-up on the First Circle. Nathan had been wondering about that.

  The next entry was shorter than the last one.

  Patch Update 1.4

  He didn't freaking die.

  Nathan actually felt kind of bad for this guy.

  Patch Update 1.7999

  I've attempted to engage [Distraction Protocols]. I looked into his history, and apparently he has an obscene obsession with side quests. I'm hoping that he'll go screw off to the middle of nowhere and hopefully die of natural causes.

  In order to do this, I had to hack into his UI and redirect him to another location. I had to expend a significant amount of power in order to do this. I'll be out of commission for at least a few days.

  Patch Update 2.123123

  In those few days, Nathan has successfully absorbed the entirety of the [Second Circle] into his [Soulbound Town] and also finished the [Main Quest], mostly seemingly by accident.

  You cannot make this shit up.

  Nathan kept on flipping through the book and noting that it kept on going and going and going. Nathan did this. Nathan did that. Every single action that Nathan had taken was described in painstaking detail along with a litany of curses.

  "As you can see, that's how we were able to know it was you," Charity said. "The Fisherman From Beyond—the legendary hero who's going to save us and bring us to the next circle!"

  Nathan looked at Charity, then at the book. He flipped another page and noted that B32 had apparently written down his bathroom habits.

  "What was wrong with this guy?" Nathan muttered.

  Nathan brushed over B32 having his System Essence absorbed by Lily. He read up to the point where Nathan forced the Kraken into subservience. Then he got to the point where B32 hatched his plan to possess Gabriel Creed.

  Patch Update ???.358219#$!

  This is it.

  It's either him or me. If I don't kill him, I'm dead anyway, so it doesn't really matter. If he kills me... then I guess that's the end of it.

  I really hope no one ever reads this. Upon reaching the end of my life, I've begun to consider everything that led up to this moment. It's one of those reflective times—like the system equivalent of a mid-life crisis.

  I have promptly realized that I sound like an obsessive lover instead of a multiversal being beyond compare.

  I believe the technical term is "yandere".

  Anyway, off to go get killed. I better set this to wipe itself.

  Wait, it's been broadcasting this whole time—?

  Shit!

  And then the patch updates stopped. Nathan stared at the ending with an unreadable expression. He didn't know how to feel about this. Was he supposed to be flattered? Disturbed? Confused?

  Charity pushed down the book, revealing her face behind it. Her eyes were wide and a smile stretched from ear to ear.

  "So you see? You're the Fisher King! The holy texts say so!"

  Nathan's brain whirred at the speed of light to attempt to come up with some sort of reasonable explanation, or perhaps decide if he should actually just confess the truth.

  "My name is Nathaniel," he said. "I have no relation to the person described in this book."

  Charity blinked. "But you have a fishing pole! And you're really strong!"

  "Lots of people have fishing poles. You didn't know? Like, the fishing pole is one of the most favored weapons of my species. Everybody wants to be like Nathan Lee.

  Honestly, given how out of control Nathan Lee's reputation was at this point, he might not even be wrong. There probably were a bunch of 12-year-olds running around with fishing poles trying to mimic Nathan's moves.

  You know, if there were still 12-year-olds alive...

  Wow, what a wonderful line of thought.

  Before Charity could say anything, Nathan rested his hands on her shoulder.

  "I promise you, if I come across Nathan Lee, I'll redirect him to you."

  Her eyes lit up. "You will? Thank you!"

  She jumped forward and wrapped her arms around him. Nathan stared down at her in confusion.

  "If you get the chance, tell him that he needs to activate the five Celestial Laserbeam generators to weaken the Dark Lord, then he can go to the castle and—"

  "Right," Nathan said. "Yeah, uh, cool. So I'll... get going. Or something."

  Nathan pried her arms off of him, then speed-walked into the forest.

  Nathan walked for a good thirty minutes before he came to a stop and decided that he was probably far enough away that she wouldn't be able to find him.

  He stared around himself and realized he'd crested near the top of a hill.

  Not a bad spot, he thought. I'll be able to get a lay of the land.

  He made the trek upwards and when he reached the top, he blinked.

  Directly ahead of him, a castle in the center of a field rested on the horizon. It was a pale blue from the distance, but Nathan knew up close it was probably a dark gray. A cloud of black and red flew in and out of the window and the door, giving the whole thing an eerie feel.

  The main quest had mentioned something about a dark lord. Based off the castle, Nathan assumed that he was in some sort of standard fantasy setting.

  In the far distance, Nathan could see a volcano to his left. To the right, the ocean sparkled in the distance. He turned around behind himself and noticed what looked to be a burgeoning town. A cluster of buildings, probably one or two days walk... not that he was planning to do that.

  The wind swept through the grass and raced along the hill until it reached him. His clothes ruffled and he breathed in the fresh scent of spring.

  You know, aside from the whole dark lord thing, this is a pretty nice gig. There are actually people. It's quiet. I could travel.

  Yeah, Nathan could just... get a break.

  After everything that had happened, wasn't he entitled to at least that much?

  I still need to select my class, he thought. But I have time. I'll probably do it in a bit.

  He looked back and focused his eyes on the town.

  And if I want to interact with other human beings, I'm going to need a disguise. Maybe a wig or something?

  The wig tactic had been extremely effective in past circles, where he'd managed to sneak by security guards and police who were trying to take his head off. Somehow, increasing his hair length was basically equivalent to a plastic surgery to some people.

  He nodded to himself and faced and started walking toward the town.

  "Long overdue vacation," he said. "Here I come."