The heavy morning dew went unnoticed everywhere but the pads on my hands and feet. Yawning as I manage to lift myself up grabbing my pack as I do so. I stumble a little but I manage to quickly catch myself. Maybe I'll get used to my new legs soon. I’ve been getting better, though just a few days ago I had to practically drag my feet on the ground to get around. Now it’s just a few moments of unsecure footing.
With one final stretch I begin moving in search of a more preferable location to sleep for all of me. That’s one thing that every piece can agree on, this spot wasn’t good, surrounded by trees on every side and no way to easily tell where something is coming from. Unsecure the elk and bear agree and the thought of finding a clearing comes from them again. So I begin walking, making sure to keep track of my surroundings and the direction that I am heading, having learned from my mistakes from yesterday.
As i walk I forage for food, any berry that i pass i eat some while also noticing that some bushes are bare probably eaten by other animals the bear and elk agree catching scents of multiple animals around the bush catching a faint whiff of the other bear that the bear continues to make a point to ignore. There are also pine cones that I pluck off of the trees. My now greater height makes it easy, claws make the task easy enough to ignore the task, mostly keeping a direction just straight ahead as I move.
Every time I have to go around an obstacle I'm quick to correct myself by keeping a hand on a tree to not walk in circles. Most rocks can easily be climbed over if needed, some that I would have difficulty with before now are easy. Atop one of these rocks I spy a possible goal for today, a break in the trees. Slowly making my way off the rock I spot something small and hiding around the base of the rock a rock glider. It was revealed because of the sharp break in the moss next to where it clings onto the base. Its fur is still an almost perfect match to the face of the rock. Given away by its likely inexperience in hiding in the forest.
It’s rare to see them away from the mountain cliffs, but as i’m thinking this more gets added by the bear to strike now while it’s unaware the elk doesn’t care very much besides the what that the glider can add to our stomach if I eat it. On trained motion I slowly try to reach for a knife that would rest against my chest hanging from my neck if I was confident in wearing and possible using it but as my hand finds nothing in its grip, I second guess myself about being able to hunt the glider. Then the bear roars in anger and need to use our claws and teeth to kill and consume the glider. From the intensity of the reaction I act without thought slamming my hands down onto it but it still lives and in my panic once I realized what action I took my hands rap around the body of the glider.
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My hands mostly pin its gliding skin as it thrashes and screams in my locked grip. It tries scratching my hands with its front legs and my fur stops the claws from ever reaching their target. The back legs just hang limply from it. The bear still roars in anger to consume the glider while the firebearer curls up into itself with whispers of this isn’t how we were taught to hunt, that we need to end it faster don’t let it suffer in pain. With those two forces guiding me I do an act alone to me. All I hear is a wet and loud crunch, warmth fills my mouth along with the taste of blood, fur, and raw meat. Beginning to chew my canines, strip the meat from the bones and fur while my molars grind the rest into a paste.
Swallowing with a slow deliberate motion but easy no part needing to force the food down. Slowly unclenching my hands of the now headless and bleeding glider body. I see what the force of my hands did to its body. There is a rib poking through the side, my shock making me unable to feel it or the blood against my left palm, other parts are twisted and caved. The spine feels shattered in places because of its limp back legs. With nothing else to do I eat the rest of the glider. It tastes good as it slides down my throat but I don't focus on it. Just staring at my now blood covered hands, no part of me expected that strength and damage to the glider. Not the bear, the elk, or the firebearer, all of me was shocked at what I had done with no effort. Is this why shifters are exiled there strength and the sudden damage that can be done. The roar of the bear that caused the unexplained action is still fresh in my mind.
Licking the blood off my fur and my pads, I carried on towards my goal before I had discovered the glider. There is nothing that can be done now about what happened. I'm not saddened by the death of the glider. I would have hunted it anyway but the way I had started it, the lack of control is a meaningful but shocking moment. There's nothing I can do now but seek control of me, control from the sudden outburst from any part of me.
Soon I find myself in a small clearing from the trees, there are what looks like roughly cut stones around it but those aren’t my concern or focus right now. I sit at the base of a tree, setting down my pack, taking the filled waterskin and drinking my fill before putting it away and pulling out the instructions on how to commune with all parts of me. Sitting down with a newly found resolve and purpose to become whole in every part of me. The instructions still make the same amount of sense as they did before but the actions come easier with more than just the firebearer having interest in doing so.
I struggle to follow the instructions but I make progress towards the goal, eventually as the position of the sun marks it as late afternoon. I manage to get rid of all thoughts leaving only my instincts. I am no longer sitting at the base of the tree alone but I see two more versions of myself through three sets of eyes, all but one of their versions is unlike anything I have ever known myself to look like but they are all undeniably me. With that realization I snap back to sitting alone in a clearing.
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